(Warning contains terminal illness references, references to depression, abuse, sickness, and suicide, self-harm and graphic scenes)

September 4 weeks later

"Daryl, are you doing okay?" Carol called.

Daryl scoffed to himself as he inhaled the smoke from his cigarette dryly, he narrowed his eyes over to her slowly. She was leaning up against their truck, a good distance away from his cigarette with her arms crossed over her chest like a marked 'x'. Her face was soft, but had a hard concerned expression across it. It was all a damn waste of time asking all of these questions, which they both already knew the answer to. He had only been out of the hospital for a week and yet, here he was again about to have a bunch of shitty drugs pumped into his system. According to Carol, Maggie and Hershel it was supposed to help him but all he saw was another bunch of bullshit being fed to him. Sometimes he hated being so fucking bitter, sometimes he wanted to have the same amount of hope the rest of them shared, but the more people told him he'd be okay and that he'd live to a good age, the more it pissed him off. He wished people would just tell him the fucking truth that he'd be dead within 6 months.

Daryl curved his head around and glanced over his shoulder. He could see Carol's stomach poking through her navy blue shirt and he turned away again in anger. After spending so long in that hospital, it gave him some time to reflect and in the end, it finally occurred to him that he'd be dead before his little one could even take her first breath. Daryl exhaled the bitter smoke from in-between his lips and rested his head against the concrete wall of the hospital, letting his cigarette dangle slightly. He didn't want to imagine Carol like that. He couldn't think of Carol being in pain, alone and afraid, without him being there to save her. It wasn't something she fucking deserved, and he'd done that to her. That was her sentence from him. He twirled his cigarette in his hands for a second, while stealing another glance at her. Her hands were resting comfortably over her small bump. Sometimes when he watched it grow he wasn't sure if he even wanted it to grow any further. The more it grew, the less ready he became and the angrier he felt. Not with Carol, of course or the baby…but with himself. If he could go back, he would be throwing condoms at his knees. It was all so reckless and damn stupid, and in the end she was gonna end up alone and in pain again because of him, all he did was hurt her over and over again no matter how hard he tried to make it right.

Daryl tossed the white stick to the ground.

Maybe he never should have let her in that night.

He sluggishly strolled his way back up to the truck, to find Carol standing there with two raised eyebrows.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked calmly.

Daryl didn't respond. Instead he gave a tiny grunt as he slid his hands around her waist and pulled her against him. He leaned in closer without saying a word, her vanilla scent causing his heart to thud. She always managed to smell like home. He slowly bent his head forward and she bent hers back, allowing him to graze his lips over hers softly. Daryl slyly opened his eyes to stare at her. She looked so fucking beautiful and he didn't want to let her go. He watched quietly as the sun reflected off of her silver hair, making her look like an angel. His thumb gently rubbed over her soft cheeks and she opened her eyes pulling away from the kiss. Instead, she propped her head into his chest as he wrapped his arms around her.

"You didn't answer my question" she muttered against his shirt.

"I think you know" he muttered back.

Her arms got tighter around his middle,

"I know you're afraid…" her voice was croaky "But you've got to do this, to get better. With those results-"

"I know. I just hate it" he sighed softly.

Carol peeked up, with that same bright smile and held his face in her shaky hands. The dampness near her eyes glimmering in the light, he moved a finger attempting to wipe them clean but she shook her head.

"Don't you worry about me" she sniffed "It'll be fine when this is all over. We'll have our baby and maybe the four of us could go somewhere for a while, just to get away for a bit" she grinned. Daryl nodded silently, although he couldn't help but smile back at her, Carol was always like this. At times she could be the most hopeful person in room while at the same time be the same woman with a damn war going on in her head. She was like a battery, both positive and negative.

He pressed his lips against her forehead gently,

"I still think you should be a speaker or somethin'" he muttered.

She wrinkled her nose playfully,

"After years of being kept silent in Ed's presence, I had a habit of making little speeches in my head"

He dug his face into the crook of her neck and kissed it softly,

"Got quite a mouth on ya" he chuckled "Puttin' my damn brother-"he paused and pulled his face away, rubbing it tiredly. Even thinking of Merle made him exhausted.

Carol stroked his shoulder gently,

"He's meeting you after your session…" she hissed cynically.

"mhmm" he nodded.

According to Carol, while he had been in his deep sleep Merle had come running with broken apologies and fake tears. They weren't exactly her words, but Daryl knew that's exactly what they were. He had done so much damage already, a few tears weren't gonna make up for Carol's close call with death and the bruises he gave her. He only wanted a clear conscience. Carol brushed his hair back with her palm.

"Are you okay?"

Daryl shrugged,

"I aint exactly thrilled to see him… I still don't fuckin' understand why you want me to see him…after what he did to you" he growled.

"He may hate me and I may hate him but he clearly loves you more than anything"

Daryl scoffed, "That's why he got my wife-His sister-in-law almost murdered? Cause he fuckin' loves me?" he snapped.

Carol folded her arms, "You know him more than me. You know he isn't rational-"she sighed shaking her head "I sound like I'm defending him. My point is, he loves you and he wants to make things right between you two. And I think you should, so if this is the last time you're seeing each other, it shouldn't end with hatred. Eventually it eats you up"

"If it was Ed, would ya be able to do it?"

"See him again?"

Daryl nodded and suddenly Carol's mouth pouted and curved into a proud smirk.

"Before I came looking for you, I went to the prison where he's being held" his eyebrows lowered in disbelief and she continued "He didn't have a hint of remorse on his face. He was proud of what he did to me" she stroked his face "But your brother…he looked nothing like Ed. He isn't proud of what he did to you, if you have a chance of reconciliation take it. No matter how he feels about me or I feel about him. It's about you two not me"

Daryl nodded again, silently.

He slipped his fingers into the shorts of her hair and brought it in for one final kiss, before turning to walk towards the hospital.

"I'll see ya later-"

Carol's gentle hands grabbed his shirt and he spun around.

"Our doctor appointment is at 5pm…so don't be late mister" she smiled.

Daryl nodded nervously without saying a word.

It was becoming more and more real.

"I love ya" he said simply before waving her off one last time and turning to the hospital.

Daryl almost stumbled into the brightly lit hospital, his feet dragged slowly across the glossy floor with his eyes tiredly staring at the rushing doctors and nurses. Every time he was in this damn place, he felt dead already. He became the walking dead. He gazed ahead of him at the receptionist sitting at the pearly white desk, Aaron was working instead of Olivia. He shuffled quickly attempting to avoid being spotted, but from the corner of his eye, he could see the little fucker smiling at him.

Fuck! He thought frustrated before strolling towards him gradually.

The curly haired man, flashed a bright smile and began looking down at his notepad before scribbling something and staring up again.

"How are you today, Daryl?"

"How d'you think?" he asked moodily.

"Pissed off" he said with a smile.

Daryl grunted approvingly,

"How's Eric doin'?"

Aaron laughed, "Recovering from a little running accident. Should be on his feet again soon" he grinned "What about your wife, Carol? And your step-daughter?"

Daryl shrugged, "Doin' okay" he responded hesitantly.

"And the baby?"

Daryl shut his eyes for a second and sighed, he was intentionally avoiding bringing that up. He hated talking about the kid these days.

"Got a scan later. But aint no problems yet" he finally breathed out. "Are they ready for me or not?"

"Yes" he said with a smile "It's room 202. Maggie will get you ready"

Daryl nodded, he tapped the desk before giving him a small smile and made his way to the elevator at the end of the room. After a few seconds of awkward waiting, the elevator came to a jolted stop and he was greeted by a brightly grinning Maggie. She didn't say anything, all she did was put one hand out and Daryl reluctantly took it. Carol must have mentioned his fear of hospitals to her since he was pretty sure doctors and nurses only did this to damn kids. What was she gonna pull out next? A cherry lollypop and a hug?

"How are you doing?" she asked lightly.

Daryl let out a groan. "That's all people fuckin' ask me these days"

Maggie raised an eyebrow, "You're not the most open guy, Daryl. We all do care about you"

He scoffed muttering the words quietly,

"Maybe you shouldn't"

Maggie paused in front of the door, she let his arm drop weakly to his side and glared at him with her large emerald eyes as her eyebrows narrowed.

"What's going on with you?" she asked softly. "You're more pissed off than usual"

Daryl slammed his fist against the wall.

"I don't wanna fuckin' be here!" he yelled gruffly "This place is bullshit"

Maggie folded her arms, she tilted her head upwards slightly and gazed at him, as if she were studying him. He turned his eyes to stare at the ground furiously, he hated people analysing and judging him. He didn't need people trying to get into his head and understand him. The only person, he trusted to do that was Carol. She'd been through the same shit and she knew him more than any other person on his planet and yet, he still continued to hurt her. Fuck, he wished she was here.

Daryl glanced up slightly, she was still watching him coldly like she was waiting for him to scream something else. He took a slow step forward,

"What?" he growled.

Maggie brushed an out of place hair behind her ear and took another step closer, so that her and Daryl's shoes touched.

"You said we shouldn't care about you. Why?"

Daryl stared at her, "It don't matter"

He threw one arm in front of him, attempting to push the doors open. When Maggie suddenly hit her arm in the way of the door and stepped in front of it.

"It does matter. Don't shut us out, please"

He gave her a long look. What was the point of letting people in anymore? In the end everything ended up being fucked. Either someone else he loved would be killed or hurt because of him, or he would die leaving all of these pointless conversations in vain. Sometimes he wondered if they knew they were lying about his chances of survival or if they were so delusional they couldn't tell the truth from the lies anymore. Daryl scoffed,

"C'mon I aint got all day to get drugged up"

Maggie nodded silently and disappointedly before leading him through. The room ended up not being what Daryl had expected at all. The room was painted an ugly yet bright shade of orange, which was lit up by several unflattering lights. Beneath them he could see dark leather chairs against the walls going around the room, occupied by pale people who just sat there as the IV ran into their arms. His hands slowly shook, the room was so fucking normal it scared the shit out of him. All he wanted to do was run off out of the room and never come back. He stared at Maggie, she was already watching him this time with softer eyes. She knew he was afraid, no matter how hard he tried to hide it.

"It'll be okay" Maggie reassured, this time offering her hand to him which he shakily took.

Lies

Maggie led him over to a leather seat sitting in the corner of the room. The hairs on his arm instinctively stood up as he felt Maggie carefully rolling up his shirt sleeves and all he could do was stare up at the tiny crack in the ceiling. Fuck, he needed Carol here right now. He didn't want to be alone doing this, he was shitty when it came to dealing with stuff like this. When his Mom died, he shut down for a long time. Hell, when he got beaten by his father he barely felt a damn thing, the day he watched Merle get arrested for the fiftieth time and he was sick of being alone he burned himself with a cigarette. He remembered Carol asking him about the burns going up his arm, he ended up lying and saying it was his father which wasn't completely untrue, half of them were the work of Daryl. The other half were results of his Dad's drunken temper and his lessons on how to "be a man". He took a deep and shaky breath, he never wanted to become like him. He'd die before he went down the same path.

Daryl winced slightly when he felt Maggie stick it in. He didn't know why, he'd had IVs put in him a million times already.

"Sorry" she hissed quietly.

"Whatever, aint your fault. How long am I stuck here?" he asked jaded.

Maggie stood up, "About an hour. I'm sorry"

"Fine" Daryl shrugged. With his other arm, he slowly reached his hand into his pocket and retrieved his lighter and cigarettes. Maggie threw him a stern look.

"Come on Daryl, you know you can't do that here"

Daryl rested the cigarettes on his lap and lifted his hands in the air, in defeat. Maggie smirked.

"I'll be around if you need anything" she smiled before exiting the room and shutting the door behind her. Daryl slipped his hand into his pocket again, this time pulling out his new cell phone. Carol had bought it for him along with a new one for herself so they could always keep tabs on each other. He always thought these things were stupid, but if it meant he could be closer to Carol he'd accept it. He went straight into the pictures and began scrolling through all of them, a small grin planting on his face. Carol had scanned the Savannah photos onto his phone along with a bunch of others she'd taken of herself and Sophia. He scrolled to another picture of her, this time sleeping on the hospital bed next to him. he remembered waking up so fucking early that morning and seeing the oranges mixed with blues behind her head in the sky, making her look more angelic than usual. She had a tiny smile on her face as she slept while her arm gripped onto his. As soon as he had taken it, her once sweet smile turned into an unimpressed frown as he hadn't figured out how to take the flash off yet.

He stared down, his fingers stroking across the glass gently as if he were touching her cheeks. He knew he needed to keep this picture, because whether she and everyone else wanted to believe it or not, he knew he would end up here again and again until he faded away. He knew there were gonna be times where she'd be too pregnant to make it all the way to the hospital and back and he'd have to spend nights alone pretending he wasn't and just hoping she'd be okay.

He glanced over at his hooked up arm.

Maybe he should've taken a picture of himself before he got fucked up.

Daryl swiped his finger across the screen to the next picture, this time a more recent one of Carol and her stomach poking out a lot through her t-shirt. He quickly flipped the phone over and shut his eyes tightly. He didn't need to suddenly get all emotional. He carefully lay himself back tiredly, he might as well catch up on some sleep. Felt like forever, since his last decent night. Most nights he just lay there with Carol, staring up at the ceiling and worrying until the sun came up. He'd always pretend to wake up as he could feel her stirring, just so she wouldn't worry. Worrying was the last thing she needed to do. He opened his eyes again and stared up at the orange bag hanging above his head.

Fuck, this was gonna be a long hour.

….

August 1985

Daryl's father let out another powerful lash of his belt, sending Daryl to the ground in tears. He wasn't sure if his back were bleeding or not, all he knew was that he was in unbearable pain. He could still see his shadow overpowering him, like a monster.

"Look up at me! I wanna see ya face!" he screamed in a booming voice.

Daryl stayed flat on the ground, sobbing as the rug soaked up his tears.

"Look up!" he screamed again. He watched his shadow slowly begin to move closer, so he immediately turned around with tears and snot streaming down his face. His father's fingers gripped his chin sharply as he brought him closer, he could see his father grinning through his dirty stubble as his belt swung from his hand. He laughed cruelly at Daryl's snivelling face.

"Jus' wanted to take a look at ya!" his grip got tighter "Look at ya pathetic lil' face. You aint a Dixon, Dixon's take their beatin's like a man" he suddenly let go of Daryl letting his face hit the floor sharply. Daryl watched as his father lifted up his shirt sleeves, exposing many faded belt marks on each of his arms. "You see these marks? My Daddy gave 'em to me. I didn't cry!"

Daryl leaned up, "He was an asshole too!" Daryl exclaimed.

"My father was a man! Maybe one day you'll be like me an' your good for nothin' brother" he smirked. Before Daryl knew it, his belt was already soaring in the air and colliding with Daryl's face sending him to the floor again. He had a black eye for sure.

A pair of dainty feet suddenly appeared stumbling across the carpet.

"What are you doin'?" she asked sluggishly.

"Never mind what I'm doin'. Why don't ya go back to bed and drink?" he snapped.

He suddenly heard a shrill scream, and only guessed his mother had noticed his beaten back spread out across the floor. He watched weakly as her feet scrambled to the floor, and watched her chestnut blonde hair fall as she inspected his wet face.

"He has a black eye" she cried weakly. Her hands gently trailed along his back as she lifted up his shirt and he felt a burning surge of pain go through him, causing him to cry out. She stood up abruptly. "His back is bleedin' you bastard! How could ya do that to ya own child?" she screamed tearfully.

Daryl opened his swollen eye in surprise, what the hell was she doing? She wasn't supposed to yell like this, he was gonna get even madder and take it out on both of them!

Her shaky hands cupped his body delicately,

"I'm takin' him to the hospital to get patched up"

"The hell you are!" he boomed.

She dropped his body carefully, "Merle aint here to patch him!" she screamed back "He'll fuckin' bleed to death!"

His father scoffed, "Let him, never wanted him in the first place"

Daryl dug his face deeper into the ground, he wanted to cover his ears and hide away, but he knew he would just get slapped if he even tried.

"Then maybe you shouldn't have!-"she paused her demeanour getting softer "N-never mind"

"Nah! Say it woman, if you so big today!" he challenged.

The floor shook with a stomp of her foot and he watched her delicate feet race across the ground, he didn't dare to look up but he could only guess she was getting in his face. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, she must've been drinking.

"Then maybe you should have left me for one of your whores!" she bellowed.

Smack!

Her long hair was on the dirty carpet and the weeping had already begun. He wanted to reach out so badly to help her, but the second he slid a pinkie out his father's strong grimy hands were already gripping her flowing hair and dragging her face upwards. She sealed her eyes shut while her head curved to sit on her shoulder as if she were waiting for the next blow.

"You jus' remember who the fuck ya talkin' to!" His foul fingers suddenly lost their grip and he let her head fall and hit against the counter with a thud. She let out a small cry and curled up in a ball, rubbing her head. He was gonna murder that asshole one day.

His father slipped his belt back into his buckle and he marched over to the door.

"I'm goin' out to play poker with Kenny. The house better be clean when I get back! Ya hear me, Rose?"

"Okay Will…" she hissed weakly.

The door suddenly slammed and Daryl scrambled to his feet, he grabbed onto his mother's hand and carefully helped her up. She lifted her head up weakly and looked at him with dead eyes. There was a long crimson trail of blood, dripping from the left corner of her head. Daryl slowly moved his finger to touch it but she shook her head shooing his hands away.

"Are you okay? Mom?" he asked frantically.

"I'm fine" she smiled "You don't need to worry"

He stared at her, the blood wasn't the only thing dripping from her face.

"You're cryin'" he pointed out and she didn't respond. Daryl carefully took his thumb and wiped them over the damp circles beneath her eyes, before kissing her cheek. Her arms immediately trapped his body in her grip and he winced in pain.

"I'm sorry sweetheart. C'mon I'll get ya cleaned up" she reassured.

They went into the kitchen with Daryl's hand still latched onto his mother's and she sat him carefully on to the counter, he watched as she soaked a cloth in warm water before spreading it over his back. He cried quietly.

"It's okay, he's gone for now" she reassured.

"It aint just that" he sniffed.

"What is it?"

Daryl looked up at her hopelessly,

"Dad said I'd be like him…An' I don't wanna. I don't wanna hurt people" he whispered croakily.

His mother dropped the bloody cloth into the sink and cupped his face softly with a smile.

"You're better than him, better than all of them" she breathed silkily "You're kind, You're smart and you'll never be anythin' like him" her eyes suddenly began welling up and her fingers grew tense as she shook his face with her words: "Don't you ever, let them take that from you"

"I-I won't mom"

She flashed a white smile, "Good"

Daryl grabbed the cloth gently, his hand wiped across the blood on her forehead slowly.

"Mom?"

"Yes?"

"I'll always have ya and you'll always have me, right?"

She was hesitant for a moment, her eyes looking nervously down at her arms until she let out a breathy laugh and kissed his forehead,

"Y-Yes sweetie. Always" she grinned through her tears "Anyway, you know how long his games usually are. C'mon let's have some fun today!"

"Okay" he whispered with a smile.

"Dude! Duuude! Wake up!"

Daryl was suddenly pulled out of his sleep, he groggily opened his eyes to see a woman in a black hoodie, with dark brown hair waving at him wildly. She was bending forward steeply, her seat only a few centre meters away from his.

"What?" he groaned moodily.

The woman raised two sharp eyebrows,

"Well, when you were having some kind of erotic dream your phone fell on the ground. I thought I'd let you know, before you lost it"

"Thanks" he muttered and his eyes searched around. Below him, he could see the phone right in-between the spaces between their seats. He rolled his eyes, hopefully the damn IV wouldn't get pulled out. He moved an arm, attempting to grab it when the woman suddenly thrust her palm out stopping him.

"I've got it" she reassured. She carefully slid her feet over and passed in front of her seat, before lifting up in-between her shoes, dropping it into her hand and tossing it into Daryl's lap. He nodded, impressed.

"Thanks"

She smiled, "I'm Tara by the way."

"Daryl" he grunted.

"Is this your first time?" she asked relaxing into her seat.

Daryl nodded, his fingers poked alongside his pack of cigarettes. He could really use a smoke.

"I could tell, you look nervous but you'll get used to it…Eventually" She glanced up at the bag hooked up to her arm "This is my fourth time" she sighed with a smile.

Daryl raised his eyebrows, "Kind of happy for someone who's been drugged up four times"

Tara shrugged, "If I'm running out of time I'm not gonna waste time being miserable. I don't want people to know I died miserable"

"I usually fake it" He sniffed his cigarette quietly, the smell was beginning to get to him "Or I jus' don't care enough to pretend" Daryl tossed the cigarette back into his pocket and rubbed his face tiredly, he never was honest in front of Carol or Sophia. He knew after what had happened last time, the lies needed to stop. Daryl stared down at one of the bruises darkening his wrist, he just wasn't sure how long he could continue to pretend before shit got worse. Sure Carol knew he wasn't happy with this situation but she didn't know what was going on inside of his head or some of the medical bullshit he'd hidden away from her. She didn't know it still was hard to breathe when he walked up stairs, how easily he bruised after having her stroke his tender skin or the dizziness he felt after making the smallest effort. No matter what the test results said and no matter how hard they wanted to believe, he was slowly dying and he wanted to hide that for as long as he could. Carol had lost so many fucking people in her life, he didn't want to cause her anymore pain.

Daryl suddenly felt a warmth, he looked down to see Tara's fingers gently touching the gold of his wedding ring. He pulled away quickly.

"Sorry" she apologised as she moved backwards "You've got someone?"

Daryl nodded, "Yeah, my wife"

"What's her name?"

He stared for a moment.

"What's it to you?"

She rolled her eyes, "Just tell me"

"Carol…" he stroked his ring delicately as he spoke.

She nodded with a smile, "You got kids?"

He swallowed dryly and hesitantly.

"Got a step-daughter…Sophia and…" he bit the inside of his lip "Carol's pregnant, about three months now".

Tara grinned, "Congrats, you know if it's a boy or a girl?"

He shrugged, "Guess I'm findin' out later"

Tara nodded with satisfaction, she slipped her own hand into her dark hoodie and pulled out her phone, decorated with a dragon. After a few seconds of tapping and swiping, she finally thrust the screen into his face. In brightly lit screen, there was a photo. In it, he could see a woman with mousey hair and glasses posing as Tara kissed her cheek.

"Her name's Denise and she's my girlfriend" She turned the screen off. "Do you keep any photos of your family?"

"What's with all the questions?" he sighed.

Tara lifted her shoulders casually and pulled out a small green Yo-yo from her pocket, letting it dangle up and downwards.

"Every day, you keep saying their names to yourself, remind yourself of who they are and why you need to keep fighting."

Daryl stared confused, "What?"

Tara stopped twirling the Yo-yo.

"My girlfriend's name is Denise. I'm not quitting, for her and for me. You don't stop fighting for your wife or your kids"

"Why the fuck are you tellin' me this? We just fuckin' met" he snapped bitterly.

Tara lifted her hand in defeat, "I guess I'm just tired of seeing people giving up around here"

"Sometimes, you gotta" he rasped.

She shook her head.

"No, you do that when it's the end. But you're still here and so am I. I don't know how many more times I'll see you in here but when I do I wanna see you being okay" she breathed.

Daryl nodded, he exhaled deeply and finally muttered,

"Okay"

Tara suddenly moved her non-hooked up hand and rolled it into a fist before thrusting it out to Daryl. He stared between her fist and her face, she nodded encouragingly with a smile and he softly hit it with his fist.

"We take care of our own here" she grinned.

Daryl smiled back faintly,

"Good code to have around here, considerin' we're all miserable" he chuckled.

Tara stared up at the ceiling hopelessly, her arm dangled off of the chair and she turned to him,

"You really need to lighten up"

Daryl scoffed, he pointed up at his hooked up arm.

"My liver is fucked and I'm probably gonna die in six months…" Daryl paused for a moment, his fingers stroked down his hair. He opened his mouth for one second and then quickly closed it again. He sealed his eyes shut softly and threw his head back. Letting out a tiny laugh, he hissed "Doesn't matter. Don't give a shit anyway."

Tara reached her leg over and kicked his tenderly, forcing his eyes open. He turned his head,

"What?"

Tara gave him a long look and sighed,

"Aren't you afraid?"

Daryl smirked at her, he threw one arm behind his head and stared across the room, shaking his head.

"I aint afraid of nothin'" He said with a proud shut of his eyes.

Daryl listened for a second, just waiting for a response. And he got nothing. He opened one eye slyly to see Tara's feet now curled up by her arms, she stared at the ash coloured ground as if she were thinking of something or remembering someone. He always recognized that look from Carol, especially on days where the really awful memories of Ed fled back to her. He removed his arm from behind his head slowly and snapped his fingers in front of her face, she looked up at him dully and muttered.

"I'm afraid to die" she cuddled in closer to her dark hoodie, "Not because I'll be gone…I'm afraid of leaving Denise, my sister…my little niece Meghan. I-I don't want her to worry and be hurt" she let out a breathy laugh "Being afraid really sucks."

Daryl sunk back into his seat and grunted. Tara tapped him again with her foot,

"Aren't you afraid of what will happen to your wife? Or your kids?" she asked gently.

This struck a nerve. Even though he couldn't see himself, he knew his face was getting paler and paler the longer he went without speaking. He shut his eyes again, but this time they felt like they were getting tighter, like someone was tying a rubber band around them. He wasn't sure if it was because, he was avoiding looking Tara in the eyes or if it was a way of stopping the tears from escaping. Either way, there was no fucking way he was gonna open them.

He chuckled lightly,

"I already told ya, I aint afraid of nothin'"

His chest became a balloon, quickly moving up and down as if he were being blown up. His fingers played with each other nervously, they could break at any second from the amount of squeezing he was doing. He glanced at Tara quickly and turned his head again, she was still staring at him and studying him, silently. As if she could see exactly what was going on in his head. Almost in the same way as Maggie. He exhaled shakily, he didn't need people analysing him and trying to figure him out, he was fine dealing with things on his own, that's the way it had always been even after he'd met Carol. She didn't need to try to deal with his problems, she didn't need that kind of grief inside of her. He slid his eyes open on the other side of the room, ahead of him he could see a woman with thinning brown hair, sitting in one of the chairs with the machine hooked up to her arm. She looked a hell of a lot weaker than the two of them. In her stick-like hands, he could only just about make out a child's drawing in her hands as she cried. He glanced up at the window, through it there was a tall man, playing with a toddler as if everything was normal. The kid probably had no idea of what was going on.

A blob of water escaped from his eye, he quickly and aggressively wiped it away with the back of his hooked hand, which tugged on the machine as he tried to move. He stared up at the bag, all he wanted to do was take a knife and tear it to pieces and watch as the drugs spilled and splattered all over the ground! He wanted to beat the machine's head in until the lights stopped shining and the numbers disappeared! He wanted to murder the cancer! He wanted to-

Daryl smacked his fist sharply against the machine and buried his head into his shaking arm.

Fuck

Every fucking day, he woke up and he just stared at Carol. He stared at the beautiful freckles lining up and down her pale back and shoulders. He stared at the beauty that was the silver of her hair which gleamed in the morning sunlight. He admired the gentle smile which greeted most of their mornings, the pair of sapphire stones following them which always told him she loved him with a single blink. And finally he'd stare at that tiny bump sticking out of her vest and that's all he did. Some mornings he was tempted to touch it, until he scared himself back into thinking he'd do some kind of damage if he even dared and his heart would tremble a little. He remembered how happy and hopeful she looked when he promised to love it and be there, when he touched to it to make sure it was safe. Time was beginning to slip away from him and all it did was terrify him. All he wanted to do was love the kid and be a real father, but he couldn't even get that right.

He was afraid to die, because even in death he would continue to let her down and everyone else down again and again. His mother lived without a husband and he lived without a father, he didn't want it to be the same again. He didn't need the Dixon curse to be passed on, they didn't deserve it. None of them did.

In his bent down state, he slid the phone screen again to look at the photos. The first thing to stare back at him, was Carol's kind smile and her hands over the bump sticking out of her shirt. The tears dripped like wax onto the phone screen. He wiped the first few tears off of the screen, and stared his stomach twisting and turning like a dancer.

I'm sorry I'm a fuck up he thought to himself quietly as he stared at her I'm sorry I'm gonna poison your lives all over again.

He stroked his thumb along the bump softly,

"I'm fuckin'sorry" He whispered gingerly.

Without any warning his veins suddenly felt weak, they felt as if there was a flame bursting to get through. His phone slipped through his shaky fingers and he bent down to reach it, for a second it was like he was frozen. His body just continued to arch, while his fingers dangled and hovered over the ground. His tears continued to rain down on his phone, it was all over for him and them.

A warm hand airily brushed across his back, he stared up to see Tara standing over him with the drip still hooked up to her arm (although barely), she leaned down carefully and picked up the phone for him. He continued to stare, angry and helpless. This wasn't the kind of shit he needed dealing with.

"It's okay, I get it. It's not easy for anyone"

Daryl nodded silently and watched as she slipped the phone back into his hand, closing his fingers over it for him.

"Maybe you should just get some sleep. And when you wake up, it'll just all be over" she reassured. "You'll be able to go home to your wife…" she lingered waiting for her name.

"Carol" he said gruffly.

Tara nodded, "And your kids…"

"Sophia…and the baby"

Tara pat his back with a smile, "Just sleep big guy, it'll be okay soon"

She sleepily sunk back into her chair and he watched as she slipped a pair of earphones in and shut her eyes. Daryl nodded to himself, wiping the tears away. He took one last look at the photo of Carol and simply muttered the word,

"Yeah"

Before drifting back off to sleep.

1985

Daryl let out an exhausted breath as he watched his mother running through the woods ahead of him. Even though he could see her smiling, the tears still couldn't stop falling from her eyes like a broken fountain. He'd seen this happen many times before, but not like this. She was acting as if this were the first time he'd ever hit her or him. He stared at the dark bruising on her arms, he wondered if she wished that Merle was here to help them, instead of being in prison for the third time. He used to get hit a lot too, until he was too big for Dad to try and hurt him. They mostly just argued and threw punches at each other now, the belt never came out in those fights. He stared at his own reflection in the puddle, at his darkening eye. Merle wouldn't ever stop Dad from hitting them, but sometimes he'd patch them up afterwards. He loved his big brother, but he never wanted him around when he got hurt. He didn't help like he used to. He used to read him stories and help with the wounds, now all he did was pretend it wasn't happening and whenever Daryl brought it up, he simply said to "Man up and get used to it". Maybe that was all he needed to do, to be tough like the other Dixons.

Sometimes he just wanted his brother back.

He couldn't take the running anymore, Daryl slowly began to run out of breath.

"Slow down Mom!"

She turned around, her light hair flipping along with the pleats on her floral dress. She smiled a bright smile,

"Why baby? Aren't we havin' fun?" she asked.

"Where are you takin' me? Aint Dad gonna be home soon?"

His mother shrugged,

"It's just about you and me today, baby. He can't hurt us out here" she grinned toothily.

Daryl frowned at her, why was she acting like this? They were gonna get hurt out here, there had to be wild animals somewhere.

Daryl nodded and his mother latched onto his hand, leading him into the woods. The deeper they went in, the more his stomach hurt. There were gonna be monsters if they went any deeper. He winced as the many branches and twigs snapped and slapped across his arms and legs, while the swaying grass soothed them. Despite, this she continued to run with a big smile on her face and he surprisingly smiled back. Even though, he was being dragged into a scary place he was still happy to see his mom happy. It was so rare to see her smiling for real, she usually faked it for Daryl's sake.

"What are you showin' me?" he called.

"Somethin' amazin'!" she sang back.

They continued to run through the haunting forest until his mother came to an abrupt stop, almost tripping Daryl over. He looked up, she was staring ahead of her with a wide smile on her face as more tears streamed down her cheeks. He moved in front of her quickly and gripped her waist hugging her close,

"Are you okay?"

She stroked his hair back, "Daryl…"

"It's okay Mom, let's just go home a-and clean before Dad gets back"

She shook her head and kneeled down in the mud, dirtying her dress but she didn't seem to mind. She pointed ahead of her,

"Aint it beautiful?" she asked silkily. He turned around slowly and stared. A few meters away, there was a large jade coloured bush, covered in something small and white which the light seemed to be reflecting off of, almost illuminating it. He hesitantly took a step forward, trying to get a better look.

"Go ahead sweetheart. I'm here"

He steadily walked forward to see the jade coloured bush, covered in little flowers. Tiny snow coloured flowers with a centre that looks like gold. He gently cupped one of the flowers.

"Flowers?" he said turning to his mother.

"It's called a Cherokee Rose" she smiled.

He continued to stare and take in their beauty. He'd never seen a flower as pretty as this, it had a strange element of purity to it.

"C'mon pick some an' come sit with me"

Daryl picked four flowers from the bush and put three of them into his back pocket, his mother stroked one tenderly while staring down at it.

"I'll tell you a story" she began with a smile "When American soldiers were movin' Indians off of their land, the trail of tears. The Cherokee mothers were grievin' and cryin' so much cause they were losin' their little ones…their babies along the way from starvation and sickness… A lot just disappeared. So the elders said a little prayer asked for a sign to uplift their spirits, to give them strength and hope" she twirled her thumb around the stem, "The next day, the flowers started bloomin' where their tears fell"

She tucked the flower into his tattered shirt,

"This is for you to be strong and to keep hope. When things seem like they're gettin' worse and there's no way out, just look at it and remember. You're strong, you can fight anything that comes your way baby" she adjusted the flower in his pocket carefully "Maybe someday you meet someone else who needs a little hope…or needs a little love and you give this to them" her voice cracked slightly and suddenly she began crying, but not in the joyful way she was before. This time she looked like she was about to lose someone.

Her knees sunk deeper into the mud and he held her close,

"Mom…are you goin' away?"

She gazed up shakily, the corners of her mouth curved into a deceitful smile.

"I'm never leavin' you"

Daryl nodded, he slipped his hand into his back pocket and pulled out another Cherokee rose before slipping it into her hair. She touched it gingerly with the tips of her fingers and sniffed quietly,

"Thank you sweetheart" she whispered croakily. Daryl carefully helped her out of the mud, her feet and her dress were covered in mud.

"You're dirty"

She shrugged, "Doesn't matter sweetheart…" she hesitated "Um, when we get back why don't you go and play in the neighbourhood? I'll cook" she smiled.

Daryl nodded and turned to find a way out, when he suddenly felt her hand grip his shoulder again.

"Daryl? Do you still have the ring?"

Daryl pulled the sapphire ring out of his pants pocket. Ever since she had given it to him, he hadn't let it out of his sight.

She nodded approvingly,

"Good. You keep that safe for me, okay baby?"

"I promise…"

.

"C'mon baby brother. Wake up" The gravelly voice slowly awakened Daryl and he immediately knew who it was. He kept his eyes shut, just hoping for a few more moments of peace. Maybe if he kept them closed long enough, he'd get up and leave.

Without any warning he suddenly felt a numbing pain in his leg as Merle kicked it roughly.

"Hey dude, piss off!" he could hear Tara yelling.

Daryl let his head fall dully to the side, he just needed him to piss off.

"Hey little girl, why don't ya mind ya own fuckin' business?" he heard Merle argue back. Why the fuck did he have to come meet him? Why the fuck did he even listen to Carol? He could be at home now holding her and watching a stupid movie, before their damn appointment. But instead he was stuck with this asshole for a few hours. If Merle wasn't so erratic and didn't carry a lot of their dad's traits maybe things could be better. Sometimes he wished he tried harder to not be such an asshole.

Footsteps emerged quickly across the carpet and he suddenly heard Maggie whispering angrily,

"Wait in the corridor!"

"Why should I? He's gotta wake up, we got plans!"

She sighed, "Merle I don't want to fight with you but you're making trouble for the other patients. I'll call security if you don't go wait outside" she warned.

Merle laughed, "Is that so?"

That's my cue he thought miserably before slowly opening his eyes.

"Wait in the fuckin' corridor man" he groaned sleepily.

"How long you been awake, baby brother?" he chuckled.

Daryl sat up, "Long enough to hear your bullshit. Wait in the fuckin' corridor"

Merle laughed again and strolled out of the room smoothly. Sometimes it pissed Daryl off, how little he cared about anything. He sighed holding his head, he was tired as shit.

"Nice brother you got there" Tara said unimpressed.

Daryl shrugged, "Had thirty-eight years to get used to it"

Maggie stared at the fluid, she leaned in closely to Daryl and began to un-hook him carefully.

"You're finished" she smiled encouragingly "You did well for your first time"

Daryl smiled a faint smile, he slowly pushed himself out of his seat only to stumble and fall backwards again with a groan. How was he so fucking tired and weak? He'd been sleeping for an hour!

"You'll be tired for a while, this stuff really drains you" Tara reassured.

"Will you be okay?" Maggie asked.

Daryl glanced up at the window, through it he could see Merle dirtily checking out a redheaded nurse as she walked by. Merle licked his lips, his tongue rolling all the way out of his mouth and winked up at Daryl, causing him to cringe. Daryl stumbled out of his seat,

"Guess we'll see" He stumbled over to Tara, only narrowly dodging the medical equipment, and patted her on the shoulder. "I'll see ya in a few weeks"

Tara hit her fist against his, "Take care of yourself"

Daryl nodded at her one last time before Maggie's hand latched onto his and she helped steady him across the room, her hand felt so tight it was as if she were afraid he'd fall without her there.

"Are you sure, you want to go with him?"

"I'm doin' it for Carol" he muttered.

"After what he did to her?"

"She don't forgive him, but she cares about us ending this fuckin' fight. Since I'm a few months away from dy-"

"You're not. Stop saying that" she snapped.

He scoffed, "I aint gettin' better"

Maggie walked up to Merle,

"Not yet" she mumbled and she let Merle wrap his arm over Daryl, supporting him. "Make sure he has a lot of fluids and eats, and don't keep him on his feet. Okay Merle?"

Merle chuckled, "Trust me woman, I'll make sure he gets what he needs"

Fuck Daryl thought to himself miserably. He stared at Maggie helplessly as he could feel his brother's heavy weight, weighing down on him and all she could do was smile a sympathetic smile. Her arms were crossed over her chest and he could see her shaking her head before making her way back into the chemotherapy room. Maybe being back in that room would have been the better option. He winced slightly, beneath Merle's arms the strong stench of vodka was too intoxicating for him to ignore. If he had even an ounce of strength he would use it in this moment to shove Merle off of him and drive back home, he didn't want to be here with him. All he wanted was a little bit of shelter not someone who was gonna raise his blood pressure up by 10. Or if he could, he'd sneak off and find a way up to Rick and Lori's. Their visit was too short to his liking, but he understood why.

Daryl glanced down at his phone, as soon as he got into the truck he needed to call Carol. He wondered, what Merle thought about Carol being pregnant or if he even knew about it? She never mentioned if she had told him or not. Either way, he wasn't sure if he wanted his kids to get near to their "uncle Merle", he'd spent almost his whole life growing up with Merle and it was long enough to know how dangerous his views and actions were. He didn't want his girl to grow up getting beaten by Men like Merle and thinking it was okay or for his boy to think what he was doing was fine. If he could, he'd make sure they'd stay far away from him as possible.

He smirked to himself for a second, Carol was as tough as nails he knew she'd put up a good fight against him. He stared down at his wedding ring, hopefully she'd be tough enough to survive without him. Hopefully they all would be.

Daryl glared at Merle's busted up old truck sitting outside of the hospital. He rolled his eyes as best he could. He parked right in front so the ambulances were blocked from stopping. Of course this was the kind of shit he was gonna pull.

"Don't look like that, I aint been here that long" he said suddenly.

"People die and get hurt every minute dumbass" he snapped gruffly.

Merle chuckled, he gripped open the door allowing Daryl to weakly jump in. As soon as the door shut, he shakily lay his head onto the window and pulled out his phone searching for Carol's number. Her icon suddenly appeared as Merle slammed his door shut and he carefully tapped it. It rang irritatingly for a few minutes, until he finally heard Carol's voice say:

"I'm probably busy, leave a message"

Daryl shut his eyes sadly, he really needed to talk to her to survive these next few shitty hours.

"Chemo shit is done, call me back." He muttered gruffly as Merle backed up the truck "I love ya"

Merle scoffed loudly as Daryl clicked the phone shut and rested his head on the window.

"Shut up" he sighed miserably.

"You know what ya problem is Derlena? You let women rule ya fuckin' life"

"Shut the fuck up"

"Nah" Merle continued "You let mom dyin' make you weak an' you let Carol make ya weak. You gotta take fuckin' control like me" he smirked proudly. Daryl glared up at his proud smirk, if he had the energy he'd knock his teeth in right now. He had no fucking right talking about their Mom or Carol, he hurt them both in ways not that fucking different. He punched him on the arm, softer than he had intended.

"Those girls you "see" leave with bruises half the time. Fuck yourself" he snapped huskily.

"An' look how fuckin' strong I am"

Daryl sighed and flipped back onto his side, "I'm goin' to sleep. Can't listen to your bullshit anymore" he cuddled up against the window "Jus' leave me alone until we get there"

"Fine, baby brother" he grinned.

Just as Daryl let his eyes flutter shut, he heard the crack of a can and the stench of beer filled up the truck. His eyes flickered open and he covered his nose with his arm, if he could just maintain that for a few hours maybe he'd be able to sleep. He shut his eyes again and suddenly the sound of "Chop Suey" screamed right into Daryl's ears and he covered them immediately as his teeth began to grit together. He couldn't tell if Merle was trying to be an asshole or if this was just his natural state, it had been a long fucking time since he'd spent time around him. He glanced down at his phone again, he hoped Carol was okay. She was only meant to be resting back at the house today until the appointment. Fuck, what if something bad had happened to her? What if she had slipped on the stairs or there was a problem with the baby? After all of the shit that went down the last time she hadn't picked up, he couldn't take the chance.

He needed to protect her.

"Take me back, I aint doin' this shit today!" Daryl yelled over the music.

Merle switched the song off,

"What? Why the fuck not?"

"I feel tired as shit and Carol aint pickin' up the phone. I wanna know she's okay"

"Nah, I've waited for ya to get out of that hospital for weeks, this is our day. Forget the bitch" he snapped back.

"Fuckin' let me out!" Daryl roared, his hand moved to open the door and suddenly he heard a tiny

Click!

And the door wouldn't budge. He glared up at Merle, if looks could kill he would already be driving himself home with his brother's body in the back seat.

"It's just you and me little brother" Merle smirked as he pressed the can of beer to his lips.

He bashed his fist against the glass,

"She's fuckin' pregnant!" he screamed furiously.

Merle was silent for a second. His fingers tapped along the driver's wheel, while his eyes stared out at the open road, flickering between his phone every now and then.

"I know" he finally sighed.

"You know? Then let me the fuck out" Daryl snapped.

Merle was silent again for a moment, until suddenly Daryl was jerked backwards in his seat as he quickly stopped the truck.

"I'll take ya back, if ya let me know where you live. I aint havin' you hide from me anymore"

Daryl stomped his foot, "Fine! Fuck! Just go!"

They spent the next few minutes speeding up and down streets with Daryl frantically yelling directions, while bouncing around in his seat. His stomach was killing him and he couldn't stop sweating. Something had to have been wrong, it was gonna be his fucking fault. He wasn't ready for this or anything else that was gonna come storming his way, he couldn't deal with Merle, he couldn't deal with his illness and he couldn't fucking deal with the kid. He wished it would all just go away, so maybe they could go back to the way they were before everything went to shit. He didn't deserve much of a life but she did. He watched carefully as other drivers cursed Merle's driving out, he wondered why Merle was suddenly on their side. It wasn't until he mentioned her being knocked up, that he even started to care. Daryl continued to watch slyly, he needed to know his endgame before he decided to trust him.

The tires screeched loudly across the ground as Merle pulled up in front of the house. Daryl forced the door open and jumped out, almost falling flat on his face but he couldn't stop. He stumbled and raced towards the door, barely able to breathe and thrust his fist against the door.

"Carol! Sophia!" he yelled hoarsely.

No response.

Fuck it Daryl thought to himself. His body felt like it could give out at any second but he had to do this. He quickly began banging his body against the door, attempting to break it down when it suddenly opened gently. His body hit the floor with a thud and above him he could see Carol staring down at him, dressed in her creamy robe with her stomach sticking outwards. She bent down to help him up, her face screwed up with confusion.

"Everythin' okay?" he asked groggily.

Carol held his face up, "Why wouldn't it be?"

"You didn't pick up the damn phone!" he yelled frantically "I t-thought-" he rubbed his sweaty face suddenly feeling like a moron "After last time when you didn't answer I thought somethin' bad had happened" he sighed breathily.

Carol's eyes softened into something sadder and she wiped his face clean with her sleeve,

"I'm so sorry I didn't pick up. It must've gotten away from me. I was taking a shower" She sighed regrettably.

Daryl nodded, "Fuck" he hissed "I'm sorry I just- After everythin' that's happened and with the kid…I can't lose you too. Not after everythin'"

Carol pressed her head against his gently, her fingers soothingly brushed through his hair calming him down slightly. He didn't know how she managed to do this, one soft touch from her and every little war going on in his head turned to ash. She was a comforting fire, burning away all he wanted to forget.

"I understand. The last few months-"she let out a short laugh and shook her head "Years have felt like we've been playing chess with death. We could get knocked down and taken before we even know it"

Daryl chuckled, holding onto her shoulders for support as he buried his head into her with embarrassment.

"I lost my shit over one missed call"

Carol patted the back of his head, "I would've lost my shit too. You're not stupid for coming back, you're being protective" she stroked down his hair, "Everything is just so fragile." She paused for a second and brightened a smile down at him "I can't believe you raced all the way here, how long ago did you call?"

"…Three minutes ago…" he laughed.

Carol shook her head with a laugh and kissed him softly, "Daryl Dixon, you're amazing"

He smiled against her rosy lips, "I'll always race back for my girl"

Carol glanced down and gasped quietly, "Daryl, your hands…"

Daryl looked down to see his hands already beginning to darken from her soft touch, he casually hid them over her shoulders.

"Don't worry about that. I aint been as careful as I should be" He wrapped his arms around her, hugging her close and rested his head into the nape of her neck taking in her gentle scent. It smelled fresh and sweet, like a newly bloomed flower. He almost couldn't pull himself away from her, he could stand there for a thousand years just holding her if it were possible. He kissed down the back of her neck and alongside her jaw gently, "I wish I could just stay here" he muttered in-between kisses.

Carol glanced over his shoulder to see him glaring at the two of them,

"I wish you could too, but you've got to fix this. You can't push everyone away"

"Pretty sure I aint gonna change my mind after today, he's still the same asshole"

Carol pulled away, and pushed one loose hair back behind Daryl's ear.

"It's your call, not mine"

Daryl glanced back at Merle and sighed,

"He brought me back when I asked him to. I wanna know his angle"

"Okay just be back in time for our appointment and try not to kill him" she gracefully got up on her tip toes and kissed his nose "Today's the day!" she song sang playfully.

Daryl kissed her forehead, "Stay safe" he muttered before stumbling back into the truck. As Merle eagerly sped away, he watched her silently in the rear-view mirror, with her hand resting protectively over her bump. He rubbed his face sleepily, there wasn't a damn chance he'd be able to do this.

The big red sign of Martinez's bar was the first thing to hit Daryl's eyes and he let out an exhausted groan. Out of all places he could have taken him he decided to drag him to a damn bar. It had been months since had touched his last drink, and even now he still found it hard to not take a giant gulp and let the booze drunken his mind. He remembered how long and hard the fucking detox was, just having to lie there shaking, vomiting, sweating and with a shit ton of hallucinations. The pain and suffering wasn't even the worst part, it was the fact that Carol had to watch him go through that and take care of him, every time she came with a new bucket or a new cloth the broken look on her face always killed him. Sometimes as he lay there watching her wipe the sweat off of his forehead, he wondered if she blamed herself. There would be times when he was in and out of being awake, he could've sworn he heard her crying and apologising. But he could never be sure, the hallucinations always fucked with his head. As soon as he had recovered, he made sure he never ever touched another drop. He couldn't go through that again and neither could she.

Daryl shook his head as he stared at the bar, that asshole Axel enjoyed every second of his suffering.

Merle opened the door on his side and carefully pulled him out of the truck. His legs felt they had cinder blocks weighing him down, while his head drooped like toothpaste hanging off of the brush. There wasn't a chance in hell, he'd make it through the day without collapsing. Merle held him closer,

"Don't worry little D, I've got ya" he reassured.

Daryl shut his eyes slowly and before he knew it Merle's dirty hand was slapping him across the face sharply, forcing his eyes awake.

"Stay awake damn it!" he snapped.

Daryl grimaced beneath him, the hospital bed was beginning to look better and better. The two of them burst through the doors and to Daryl's surprise there were actually people sitting in there, he barely had time to take it in, his eyes were already beginning to shut and the last thing he managed to see was Martinez jumping over the bar and racing towards them. His body suddenly fell with a thump into one of the booths and all he could do was lie there.

"What's going on?" he heard Martinez ask.

"He just got back from bein' drugged up by those damn doctors" he heard Merle spit on the ground "I don't know why the bitch let them do that shit to my brother"

If I still had my old fuckin' crossbow… Daryl thought to himself.

"Chemo?" Martinez asked

"Heh, I aint so sure it's just the chemo doin' that to him"

"I'll get him some water and something to eat. Fuck…" he stated breathily and Daryl heard footsteps speeding away. Merle suddenly hopped in next to him and he felt another sharp slap to the face, he opened his eyes sleepily.

"I think we need to be fuckin' honest don't ya think baby brother?"

Daryl sat up slowly, "What?"

"You look like shit" Merle said crossing his arms.

Daryl shrugged, "Had drugs goin' through me for an hour. I'm fuckin' fine"

Merle stuck a dirty finger into his chest,

"You can lie to ya wife and to the doctors but I know you aint okay. I've only touched ya a little and you're bruised like a fuckin' peach, you're weak, you're sweatin'"

Daryl pushed back, "So what? Fine I aint okay! Why the fuck do you care?"

Merle slammed his fist aggressively on the table, stunning some of the people in the bar into silence.

"You don't get it do ya? I'm your big brother, I fuckin' care about ya an' I…" he hesitated "An' I don't wanna lose ya"

Daryl chuckled mockingly, his head tilted back so he could stare back at the window.

"You care huh? T-That's why you beat my wife, almost got her killed and let me "rot" in jail. If I had even a little strength, I'd walk on out of here alone" he said huskily with a flip of his middle finger. The table jiggled slightly as Martinez set down two drinks. Daryl shakily reached out for the glass of water and gulped it down with few hesitation. He turned to Merle again,

"Why the fuck do you care about me gettin' back to Carol? After all the shit you put her through"

Merle sighed, he pressed his beer to his lips and set it on the table. He quickly caught Daryl eyeing it sitting on the table and slid it over to the other side. They both knew the temptation was still there especially when everything around them was going wrong.

"I'm guessin' you didn't hear what I said back at the hospital"

Daryl folded his arms, "Jus' tears and lies. That's all I know"

Merle's eyes darkened, "Is that what the bit-"he sighed "Is that what Carol told ya?"

Daryl shook his head, "Nah, but it's what I believe"

Merle leaned in closely, the strong scent of his beer, causing Daryl's heart to thump and his veins to burn.

"I never wanted to lose ya. All I wanted to do was protect ya, raise ya right. Then she came along an' I saw you were doin' somethin' stupid, Ed was gonna kill ya. I didn't care about her, she aint my family you are, an' that's all I care about protectin'."

Daryl scoffed, "You fucked things up. And she is your family now, she's my fuckin' wife. An' if you don't give two shits about her, why the fuck did ya drive me back huh?"

Merle's fist tightened, "Cause, that's my nephew in her belly he's my family an' I want him safe"

Daryl raised an eyebrow and shook his head, what the fuck?

"What?" he hissed

"There's a lot of evil in this world Derlena an' right now I think it could use a little hope. We're all fucked up, I am, you are, your wife and that little girl are. Someone in this damn family deserves a chance to not be like us. He needs a chance"

Daryl forced himself upright, "Fine" he said croakily "But if you wanna protect your 'nephew' you protect Carol, cause she is your family as much as he is. You don't disrespect her, ya understand me brother?"

Merle nodded scornfully and took another giant gulp of his beer before staring at the passing cars. Daryl gazed at him, despite living with him for almost forty years, he still confused the hell out of him. It made him feel guilty hearing Merle saying all of that loving stuff about the kid he couldn't bear to think of without feeling a wave of fear, anger and guilt. Maybe it was a sign, that he was slowly becoming more of a monster than his own father and his own brother combined. Daryl stared at the glistening beer sitting on the table and slowly reached for it. He knew he shouldn't drink it, he knew what he had promised Carol and Maggie, but the world around him felt like glass with a large crack spreading right through it. Sooner or later it was gonna shatter.

Fuck it.

Daryl pressed the beer up against his lips and took a large gulp. Before he could take another, the bottle was suddenly knocked out of his hand and straight to the ground.

"What the fuck is the matter with ya? Do you wanna get worse?" Screamed Merle at the top of his lungs.

Daryl shook, "I can't fuckin' do this!" he roared back.

"Do what?"

Daryl shoved both hands out in front of him and managed to push Merle out of the way with the little strength he had. He moved quickly across the room, bursting through the doors and stared at the emerald forest welcoming him from behind the bar. He needed to be alone for just two fucking seconds. He needed to disappear and just pretend nothing existed, like he wasn't months away from dying and pretend his kid wasn't gonna grow up to hate him. He decided to run for it.

"Daryl!" he heard Merle yell and he continued to run through the murky forest, despite all of the branches and trees scratching and beating him. As he ran he felt his pants get soaked with mud but he didn't care, he needed to fucking get away. Before he even had a chance to react, his foot slammed into a heavy looking rock and his body flew over the edge of a steep hillside. The last thing he felt before everything turned to darkness, was the aching pain in the back of his head as it crashed into the ground.

1985

Daryl walked into the kitchen to find his mother bent over in her floral dress, over the oven. She seemed to playing with something or adjusting it and suddenly he watched as the gas came on with a hiss.

"What's for dinner?" he asked and she jumped, startled.

She forced another one of her fake smiles and took a few steps closer to him,

"Somethin' good darlin', don't worry" She hesitated for a moment "While I'm cookin' you should go out to the neighbourhood with your bike. Maybe play with some of the boys"

Daryl nodded, "When should I get back?" he asked.

"B-Be back in an hour. But don't worry about rushin' back okay?"

Daryl nodded again and headed towards the door when he was suddenly stopped by a gentle, "Wait" He turned back to see his mother rushing towards him with her arms spread out wide, as soon as she got a hold of him she hugged him close like there wasn't gonna be a tomorrow. Her eyes leaked heavy tears onto his shirt and she kissed his forehead softly, her hands stroking his hair back. She held his face in her hands as she got down to his level.

"You're my brave boy, aren't you?"

Daryl nodded

"Good" she said with a smile "You're so good Daryl, you're my sweet boy. Better than the rest of them. Don't let them take your kindness, you understand me? No matter how hard life gets, don't let it make you bitter, don't let it ruin and spoil you." She pushed his hair back gently "I know it hurts now, but one day you're gonna be so happy. You're gonna meet someone, you're gonna love someone and they will love you with all their heart. You'll live a long and happy life and you'll be a good daddy, never like him "she smiled tearfully "Sweetie, I can't lie. There will be dark days, but you'll be strong and you will fight until the end"

Daryl opened his mouth helplessly, she was scaring him. His Mother stroked his cheek, "I'll always love you" she whispered, her voice cracking.

"M-Mom. What's going on?" he asked shakily.

She breathed in deeply, "Nothin' baby, nothin'" She smiled tearfully and pressed her lips against his forehead one last time. "I just wanted you to know that I'm proud of you. Now go play and don't look back"

"Okay" Daryl said. He got on his tiptoes and leaned upwards to kiss his Mom's cheek before running out of the door and racing away on his bike.

Daryl was suddenly awoken by Merle's hands gripping his body upwards from the creek, he quickly shoved Merle off of him, sending him to the ground again. Merle glared at him, outraged.

"What the fuck are ya doin'?" he yelled.

Daryl shook his head and curled up by the water. "Nothin'"

Merle nodded silently, he sat down carefully in the dirt and nudged Daryl softly.

"C'mon, what the fuck is goin' on Derlena?"

Daryl shrugged him off, "Why don't ya piss off back to Dad's house and leave me the fuck alone huh?" he snapped.

"I aint gonna leave ya out here. Now fuckin' tell me what's goin' on before I gotta force it out of ya"

Daryl rested his throbbing head onto the ground and stared up at the greying sky, rain was gonna be coming soon.

"I aint gonna be able to do this. I'm a fuck up too" he breathed gruffly.

"What?"

"I aint cut out to be a dad. After the shit Dad did to us, I-I'm afraid I'm gonna fuck up the same way, my kid will fuckin' hate me. Or I'll be gone before it shows up and still fuck shit up. You know about what I did to Ed, how I couldn't stop fuckin' beatin' him because I was so angry what if I do that to my own kid? I just couldn't stop." He hesitated "The things I saw out there on the street, the fuckin' awful shit I wanted to do to Phillip after Beth. I aint a good man" his voice shook "I-I aint good enough to be there for them. They need somethin' better"

Merle stared at him for a few seconds, his cold eyes piercing through him, before he carefully pat Daryl's leg. He pulled out two cigarettes from his pocket and offered it to him, which he gladly took and lit.

Merle exhaled smoke, "You wanna hear somethin'?"

Daryl shrugged and Merle opened his mouth to speak,

"When I was twelve I went out tryin' to score some cigarettes from one of the dumbasses on our street. When I got back, I found Mom on the floor in pain with blood already tricklin' down her leg and she was cryin'. Dad didn't want to take her to the hospital. She begged him and begged him but he wouldn't hear of it, he went out to get some booze. I called the ambulance, I didn't have a choice and left after they came an' took her. A few days later, she came back with you all snuggled up in a tiny blue blanket. Minute she walked in, he grabbed her and started layin' into her. You fell an he didn't bat an eye, you cried an' I took ya and read Peter Pan to ya."

Daryl inhaled smoke from his cigarette, "Why you tellin' me this?" he asked sitting up.

"Would ya do that to Carol?"

"Nah, course not"

Merle suddenly slapped him around the back of the head, causing his cigarette to fall into the water.

"Congrats dumbass! You aint like Dad, protect my fuckin' nephew"

Daryl shoved Merle backwards and rubbed his throbbing head,

"What if I can't? I could barely walk out of that hospital…expect me to hold a baby without passing out or bleedin'?" he said dryly.

Merle sat up, "You'll figure it out. I'm a fuckin' mess an' I raised ya as much I could and I was on drugs half the time" he chuckled. Daryl stared at him for a moment and nodded before attempting to shakily stand up. Merle quickly stood up and put a hand out to him.

"C'mon. I'll get ya home"

Daryl shook his head, "Nah I've got one more place I gotta be"

They ended up driving for almost twenty minutes until they pulled up in front of the tall ebony gates of the graveyard. Daryl and Merle exchanged silent looks and the two of them slowly got out of the truck and strolled into the graveyard.

"I aint been here in years" Merle said weakly.

"It's time we pay a damn visit"

Daryl walked past many cracked graves but he didn't need to look at any of them. Despite not being here for years, he still knew exactly where the grave was. Where her grave was. He raced and stumbled across the overgrown green grass and finally kneeled as he found it.

Rose Dixon

Born February 20th 1947

Died August 15th 1985

She was a loving mother, who died young and kind.

"Aunt Julie, put that on her grave" he let out a short laugh "Dad was never gonna put a nice thing on there" Daryl hesitated and turned to his brother "You weren't there so he blamed me and that's when the beatings got worse"

"I-I'm sorry I didn't know-"

"Fuckin' save it. You did know, he did the same thing to you whenever things went to shit." He sighed "He was probably mad at himself and couldn't face up to the truth that he killed her"

Merle stared with a tilted head.

"It happened thirty years ago and I still remember everythin' that happened that day. At first I thought it was a stupid accident but the more I thought about it…" he hesitated, he'd never said the words out loud not even to Carol. "She fuckin' killed herself, lettin' the house just catch fire…she couldn't take the beatings anymore. Before it happened, she said goodbye to me. I just didn't realise it."

Merle folded his arms, "Fuckin' selfish leavin' us with that asshole"

Daryl shook his head, "Nah, leavin' me with that asshole. You were already gone and nobody was gonna help her, she didn't have much choice I guess. I hate that she did it but…fuck. I get it" He pulled one of the Cherokee roses he had collected, from his pocket and lay it on her grave.

"Merle, one day I'm gonna die. And when I'm gone, I want ya to keep an eye on Carol and the kids, but leave her alone. I don't want her to end up like this. She's strong, stronger than most people I've met in my life but she's human" He watched Merle stubbornly fold his arms without answering "I'll haunt your ass"

Merle rolled his eyes, "Fine" He knew he was gonna be an asshole about it but he knew he was still gonna do it. He was shitty, but he had his code. Especially if he cared about the damn kid. Daryl stayed crouching as he continued to stare at the grave,

"I'll meet ya back in the truck. I need a minute"

"Fine baby brother, jus' hurry your ass up"

Once Merle was far away enough, he sat down in front of the grave and played with the rose delicately. Not long after his mom had died, he'd come here every month to lay down a Cherokee rose for her. He'd go out into the woods no matter how much his bruises and belt marks burned, no matter how much rain fell he'd go out and leave at least one by her grave. As the years went by and things began to get more and more complicated, he eventually stopped going out to find them and completely forgot. Until one day, he was on his way to win back some money and found it blooming by the side of the road in a bush, if it had been any other time of the year he would've barely noticed it. He couldn't understand why it had bloomed so early in the year. It wasn't until he'd been saved by an incredible woman that he realised why it had bloomed on that hopeless stormy day.

"I'm sorry I stopped leavin' these for ya. Shit just started happenin'" he paused while his fingers played nervously with the grass "Still got ya ring safe…my uh…my wife has it. Carol" he stared down at his wedding ring "you would've liked her both strong women, kind…" he sighed "You deserved better mom and I'm gonna do right by ya. I'm gonna be a dad and I swear I'll do everythin' you wanted me to, I won't be like him. I'll do it for you and for her"

Daryl slowly got to his feet and stroked his hand across the cracking grave,

"I'll do it" he muttered before slowly making his way back to the truck.

They stopped in front of the hospital after a long four hour drive of them silently listening to music and Daryl attempting not to knock his brother out every time he took a shot while driving. He didn't need Merle speeding up his death any further. While sitting in the truck he couldn't help but fidget nervously, his stomach wouldn't stop twisting while his chest was losing air by the minute, he was only a drive away from his kid becoming a reality. In only a few minutes, he'd be seeing them on the screen. He was still tired as hell, but hopefully that would give him the spark to stop him from collapsing.

"Thanks" Daryl breathed and he opened the truck door. Just as he was about to walk away. The almost deafening sound of Merle's horn screamed behind him, he spun around.

"We're good. Aint we little D?" he asked, almost nervously.

Daryl nodded, "As long as you don't fuck with my family"

Merle nodded, "Your girl's strong, aint like before" he lit a cigarette "I'll stay away"

"Nah, she was always tough you an' Ed jus' took it from her" he shook his head "And you better"

Merle smirked and started up the engine, as he drove away he screamed at the top of his lungs

"An' take care of my nephew! Call me when he's comin'!"

Daryl threw up one hand and walked carefully into the brightly lit hospital. Carol said she'd meet him on the second floor for the scan. He moved past the front desk to see Aaron sleepily sitting there, as he scribbled something else onto his notepad. He smiled up, when he noticed Daryl approaching him.

"You feeling any better? Your eyes look a little lighter"

Daryl nodded with a smile, "Drugs must be kickin' in"

Aaron raised an eyebrow with a matching smirk,

"Of course they are. Carol's in room 227 and right now she's being prepped"

"Okay" Daryl said dryly and suddenly he felt Aaron's hand touch his.

"You'll be fine. You're not as bad as you think"

Daryl nodded approvingly, "Thanks" he grunted "Tell Eric I said hi"

"I will" Aaron smiled as he took another call while Daryl stepped into the elevator.

The elevator stopped with a ding and Daryl strolled out. The corridor felt longer than before, but he continued to walk as steadily as he could. He needed to pull himself together for once, he couldn't be afraid anymore. He glanced into the chemotherapy room and to his relief, Tara wasn't sitting in there anymore. She was another person that deserved something better than this. He finally reached 227 only to find Maggie standing outside with a secret grin to herself.

"Are you doin' the-"

Maggie shook her head, "Not really my area. But I'll be there for the big push"

Daryl smirked, "Why are ya smilin' like that?" he asked.

Maggie brushed her hair behind her ear, "I just finished talking to Glenn. I guess all of this baby talk has got us thinking" she beamed.

Daryl pat her on the shoulder softly and she squeezed his hand, "Go on in, she's waiting. Don't worry, it'll be okay" She reassured "Denise will be in there in a minute"

Daryl turned to her surprised, "Denise?" he called but she was already half-dancing-half-walking down the corridor. He shook his head and tenderly pushed the door open to see Carol sitting halfway up, with her bump exposed beneath her rolled up shirt. She greeted him with a warm smile which he returned immediately. Was that right? Had it really grown that much in three months?

He instantly slipped his hand into hers and gripped it tightly before pressing his lips against hers.

"How did it go with your brother?" she asked gently.

"I aint bleedin' or covered in his blood" he joked. "He aint gonna bother us anymore, so good" he tickled her palm "How are you doin'?"

"Nervous"

Daryl's eyes widened surprised,

"Really? After Sophia-"

Carol shook her head, "Not about me" she stroked his fingers slowly and he knew who she was referring to "I've seen the way you've been acting in the last few weeks, and it's okay. I remember how scared I was the first time with Sophia."

He bowed his head, ashamed. "Yeah…this shit with my health…" he sighed.

"It didn't spread and you're being treated…" she sighed "All we can do is hope" A single tear rolled down her cheek and he wiped it away.

"I've got somethin' for ya"

Carol blinked softly as she watched Daryl pull a small Cherokee rose from his pocket. She grinned at it,

"Our first date. How sentimental Pookie" she laughed.

Daryl held her close, "I found a bunch of them bloomed. I aint fool enough to believe they're bloomin' for me, but maybe…maybe they're bloomin' for our little one." He nervously rested his hand on her bump "Maybe she could be our lil piece of hope"

Carol smiled through her now leaking eyes, "Yeah. Maybe she can"

The door slowly opened and Daryl immediately recognized the mousey haired woman from Tara's phone.

"How are you guys doing today?" she asked with a smile.

"Good" Carol answered cheerfully.

"Good" Denise said before she walked over to the closet and grabbed a small gel. She spread it over Carol's bump, causing her to shiver slightly so he stroked her fingers again. He watched intently as Denise switched the screen on and began hovering a little scanner over her bump. And suddenly…

His heart stopped. Inside the screen was almost completely black apart from, this small area of light shining down. Inside, he could just about make out a tiny head, a little body lying on its back and what might be a pair of petite legs. Along with the sound of a fast heartbeat. His grip on Carol's hand slowly but gradually got tighter as he felt tears dripping from his eyes.

"Holy shit" he managed to hiss out.

"It's looking all good and healthy" Denise smiled.

Daryl stared up tearfully, "All good?"

"It's all good" she said with a thumbs up "Would you like to know the sex of the baby?"

Daryl and Carol exchanged knowing looks and she nodded tearfully.

"Sure" he grunted.

Denise looked down at her chart, "It's a girl"

Daryl chuckled, Merle's gonna be pissed he thought to himself amused.

"Fuck" he said breathily "A girl…" Carol cried softly, her arms moving to wrap around Daryl as he continued to stare at the screen.

"I'll leave you two alone for a moment" Denise smiled before exiting the room. He stared down at Carol's bump and in one moment, he knew he couldn't wait to see his little girl for the first time, to hear her first cry and to hold her close.

In one moment he knew that he was ready.

On the drive home, he couldn't stop staring at the little sonogram. It was weird to think he hated the thought of having her, all he could feel right now was love for her and un undying need to protect her from the world. His cheeks still hurt from watching the look on Sophia's face when she saw the first real scan of her baby sister. Their daughter. Despite being tired as hell, he spent the evening cooking and staying up late with them watching a dumb Disney movie. When the clock ticked twelve the three of them ended up going upstairs, Carol kissed Sophia's cheek while Daryl wrapped her up in his arms before him and Carol locked themselves in their bedroom.

He rested the sonogram on the dressing table with the little rose sitting next to it. There she was, their hope. Daryl carefully helped Carol out of her shirt, as she tenderly undid his. He watched silently in his boxers and top, while she slipped herself into a vest and pants. The bed squeaked softly as she cuddled up next to him and he held her in his strong arms protectively. He took in her scent, his lips kissing down her neck.

"I wanna talk to ya about somethin'" he muttered

Carol rolled over to face him and he felt her bump press into him, making him smirk a little bit. His hands cupped her face gently, while his fingers stroked her silver hair backwards with care.

"I was thinkin' about names…for her"

Carol grinned brightly, "What do you have in mind?"

He licked his lips softly, "We visited our Mom's grave…me and Merle…spent a lot of the day thinkin' of her. She would've liked ya and Sophia, would've been excited to see this little one." He said rubbing his hand over her bump. He kissed her lips delicately, "I wanna call her Rose, after my mom. Thought maybe this Rose could have a chance…What do ya think?"

Before Carol could answer, she gasped slightly and Daryl quickly sprung to action, his hands clung to her.

"Somethin' wrong?"

Carol breathily laughed, "No" she carefully took Daryl's tense hands and rested them against her stomach. He waited for a second, half confused and then to his surprise he felt a tiny kick against his palm. Daryl stared up at her with surprised eyes and Carol laughed, tackling Daryl backwards onto the bed. She pressed her lips roughly against his and muttered lightly;

I think she likes it