He'd agreed to friendship, but couldn't help wonder if it had been a mistake. Things had certainly been more pleasant. They ate meals together over polite conversation, but it wasn't what he wanted, not really. He wanted her to be his. How could he tell her that though? He had nothing to offer. She had no reason to want him. Better to take what he could get than ruin it all. Always the coward, he thought bitterly.
His thoughts were interrupted then by a soft knock at his door. Hermione poked her head in then. "Are you awake Draco? Your lawyer's here to see you."
He sat up then, nodding ever so slightly in acknowledgement. He'd been expecting him to stop in and see how things were going, so as soon as Hermione closed the door behind her he got out of bed. Moments later he was following her down the stairs.
"I thought I'd let you two talk alone," she offered, "I have some errands to run anyway."
"You don't want to be here for this?" Draco questioned.
"You can tell me about it later."
Then with a knowing look, she took her leave.
It worried Draco sometimes, how well she seemed to know what he was thinking. He couldn't help but worry she knew how he felt, but she never let on if she did. Probably just trying to keep things from being awkward he reasoned with himself. He'd have to worry about that later though, he had a guest.
"So how are things Draco? I hear they got off to a bit of a bumpy start."
"How did you know…?"
"How do you think Draco? I'm pretty sure that girl sent owls to everyone you know trying to figure out what was wrong, and how to make it better."
"She's been a good friend, I don't deserve it."
"Don't do this to yourself Draco."
"Do what?"
"Well frankly, you're wallowing. She's giving you the closest thing to a fresh start you're ever going to get, stop focusing on how you don't deserve it and be grateful for it."
"I am grateful; it's just… well it doesn't really matter."
"You still haven't learned have you?"
"Learned what? I really am trying to be a better person."
"Haven't you noticed, everything you think doesn't matter, seems to in the end? Did you ever figure out what your feelings are for this girl?"
"It doesn't… I'm doing it again. How can it matter though? It won't change anything. Certainly not for the better."
"How do you know?"
"How could it?"
"How many times does she need to surprise you before you accept that she cares about you too?"
"Sure she's nostalgic for a friendship we had years ago, that's not the same."
"What do you feel for her Draco? Say it out loud."
"No."
"Don't wait too long; you'll lose your chance."
"I don't have a chance."
"In your second year at Hogwarts you wished her dead, was there a chance you'd be friends in your third year? Then you ruined that friendship and tormented her for years joining extremists out to eliminate her kind, was there a chance she'd ever consider anything but the harshest of testimony? You spit on her when she considered trying to help you further, was there a chance she still would? You refused to speak to her for weeks accusing her of plotting against you, was there a chance she'd offer you a fresh start at a friendship? Damn it Draco, she'll do anything for you, and you've made her. I think the least she deserves is a little honesty on your part."
"What if it's too much?"
"Then you'll still be in a better spot then you are now, you'll know."
"Any other sage advice you feel the need to force on me?" Draco responded mockingly in a desperate attempt to change the subject.
"Fix your friendships. Take the new ones being offered. You're right, you're in a shit place and there's no good reason to be your friend; that means you have some real ones."
"I don't know how to be their friend anymore."
"Because you feel betrayed? Trust me Draco you're friendships, they're worth it."
"I mean, I do, but that's not it. I just, I don't fit into their world anymore."
"They've become friends with Granger too, I'm not sure they expect you to be the same selfish prat you used to be."
"No, I mean I'm okay with Hermione, she does loads of things the muggle way, but how can I be around other wizards without… without…? I can't even take care of myself. I'm pathetic."
"They'll understand."
"I don't want them to change their minds."
"They won't."
"I wish I believed that."
"Me too."
Draco wasn't sure what was left to say at this point, so he showed the man to the door and they exchanged goodbyes with Draco promising to try harder to take chances on people.
The door had barely been closed for five minutes when there was a knock. He assumed it was his lawyer with some forgotten piece of unwanted advice, but he couldn't very well pretend he wasn't there so he opened the door. To say he was surprised when he saw not his lawyer, but Theodore Nott standing there was an understatement.
"We need to talk."
"I guess you'd better come in then," Draco retorted realizing he'd have to start giving people the benefit of the doubt already. Well at least it was good practice, maybe it would help him get up the nerve for the conversation he needed to have with Hermione.
"He broke up with her."
"What? Theo you're not making any sense."
"Blaise, he broke up with Pansy because she came to see you. He told her you weren't worth the risk, but she came anyway. Was it worth it?"
"Was what worth it? I didn't ask her to come see me."
"Why not?"
"What do you mean?"
"You're our best friend Draco, are we not yours?"
"You are."
"Just me?"
"No."
"Then why didn't you ask. Before the trial, after, whichever. Instead you seclude yourself from everyone. Why was it all on us?"
"I didn't know how to say it. I've never been one to ask for help."
"That's why we came when Granger asked for you."
"Not because you're her friend now too?"
"We are, but no, that's not why.
"He really broke up with her?"
"I think he still thinks there's something between the two of you."
"There never was."
"I know."
"Is she okay?"
"I don't think she was in love with him if that's what you mean, but I think she thought he was her one chance at it."
"She shouldn't sell herself short."
"Maybe you should tell her that yourself."
"Maybe I should."
After a bit of awkward silence Theo spoke again, "So we're friends again right?"
"Yes?" Draco answered, but it sounded more like a question.
"What are we going to do about this sponsorship nonsense?"
"You read it all?"
"Yeah Granger owled me a copy after we were here last so I could finish it. You do no she'd never send to back right?"
"I think I'm beginning to."
"It's some serious stuff."
"I think they intend to turn me into a muggle, I mean I don't even know what half of these things mean. What is a computer? Why can't telling me what it is be enough, why do I have to learn to use one?"
"I think it's the medical stuff I'd be worried about. I mean, can you imagine, being ill and having to rely on their advances? Terrifying."
"I think she said something about her parents being teeth healers, why would my teeth need healed?"
"I don't know mate, but I think your life's about to get pretty crazy."
"You'll stick by me through it?"
"Maybe it won't be so bad?"
"Theo?"
"I'm not going anywhere. Not letting one of those muggle doctors touch me, but I'll be right there holding your hand if you want."
"Thank you."
"Well, I guess I'll let you get back to your day then."
"It's scary Theo. It's a whole world I know nothing about and I've just been thrown into it."
"I guess now we know what it's like to be muggleborn. Luckily your guide to this new world is a lot better than we ever were."
Draco couldn't help but accept the truth behind that statement and he felt ashamed of his previous actions once again. "Thanks for coming by. Maybe ask Pansy to stop over sometime soon? I owe her something like fifty apologies."
"More than that I reckon, but I'll let her know.
Disclaimer: Will never own HP.
Author's Note: Maybe just expect a long time between updates and then it'll be a nice surprise if I update sooner?
Also, should I name the lawyer? I didn't intend on keeping him around this long originally, but at this point I feel like Hermione would use his name. Naming is my downfall.
