(Author's note: Partial writing credit of this story belongs to Animation Adventures)
Don: Last time on the Ridonculous Race, we struck gold in Dubai. Some people got served, others were wiped out, Carrie seemingly gave up on the game of love and Kelly finally put Taylor in her place and all it cost them was the race, but hey a healthy relationship with your daughter is worth more than $1 million, (laughs) yeah right! Last but not least, a new alliance formed between the Sisters and Reality TV Pros. Is it more than an alliance? We'll find out here today on THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles into the camera causing a glare)
(Intro plays)
(We're back at the Chill Zone in Dubai. They are still in the golden store. Don stands in front with a Don Box next to him)
Don: Alright! It's time to say bye-bye to Dubai. (Motions to Emma and Kitty) Sisters, you're up first!
(They run to the Don Box and grab the tip)
Emma: (reads the tip) Find your next tip at the world-famous Bird's Nest Stadium. Huh?
Kitty: (shrugs) Never heard of it.
Don: (stands in a slideshow shown of Beijing) Well, it's right here in Beijing, China. Home to ancient Chinese history, Olympic-level stadiums, and twenty-five million people. Oddly enough, we won't be seeing any of them today. (Smiles)
(Emma/Kitty, Owen/Noah, Josee/Jacques, Jordan/Fabian, May/Sam, Leo/Annie, Gabriella/Nekota, Ryan/Stephanie and MacArthur/Sanders are seen grabbing the first 9 tips and grabbing taxis. They are all on flight number one that heads for Beijing. Geoff/Brody, Chet/Lorenzo, Dani/Syd, Aaryn/Yves, Tom/Jen, Crimson/Ennui, Mary/Ellody, June/Quince, Carrie/Devin, & Dwayne/Junior are seen on flight number two which leaves an hour later)
Don: (voice) The first 9 teams receive their travel tips and grab taxis for the airport. They are on flight number one that has already left for Beijing. The stragglers on flight number two have an extra hour to talk strategy.
(The teams are seen spread out on flight number two. Carrie watches as Devin sleeps next to her)
Devin: (he's sleeping and leaning against the window as Carrie watches him)
Carrie: I just love watching Devin sleep. He sometimes sleep talks the cutest things.
Devin: (talks in his sleep)... Rainbow zebras took my wallet... (Snores)... Put the gun down ZZ ward (snores)… careful with that hammer. (Snores)
Carrie: I did say sometimes.
Aaryn: (walks up to where Carrie and Devin. Devin has peanuts near him. He bends down to talk to Carrie) Hey Carrie. Since Devin's sleeping I gotta know if you're going to make a move on that.
Carrie: Huh? Well, me and Devin are friends.
Aaryn: I know but this opportunity isn't going to last forever. (Reaches for the peanuts)
Carrie: (gasps and grabs Aaryn's hand before he can grab the peanuts) That's what I keep thinking! The whole reason I wanted to do this race is to show that we have a connection. Something special. (Smiles) I'm going to tell him how I feel.
(Confessional)
- Aaryn: (is seen eating peanuts) Hey I just wanted the legumes but now I know about her crush. I mean, Carrie wants to date Devin? I just got into a new relationship and I still don't know what to do about that. Hope they work it out.
Devin: (wakes up) Oh good! You're still here! I had this dream where you and I lived in a treehouse together and it caught on fire and - (cut off)
Carrie: (smiles) Just you and me? Living together?
Devin: Yeah well I was a three headed tiger and you were a tuxedo wearing monkey but it was you. Weird dream, huh? (Falls back asleep)
Carrie: (blushes) We lived together! WOOOHOOOOO! (The plane shakes from Carrie's excitement)
Syd: (to his mother) Mom we need to have a serious talk about our game.
Dani: Ok, spill.
Syd: Well we've never really been in the top, just lazing around in the middle and I fear we may be going home soon.
Dani: Well I don't want to cast judgement but I think those Chet and Lorenzo fellows might be the next ones to go. (Lorenzo and Chet are seen fighting for a seat on the plane.)
Syd: Maybe, but their dumb luck did keep them from getting eliminated 1st, and they've stuck around ever since. We need to ramp up our performances. Can you do that?
Dani: I'll do my best but remember neither of us are Olympians like Jacques and Josee.
Dwayne: (Junior plays video games next to him) We could have been on the first flight but someone had to go to the bathroom at the airport. (Glares at Junior) And this someone hasn't been eating his vegetables so he had trouble "letting it all out".
Junior: (glares) Don't blame this on me. It was him! (Goes back to playing his game)
Dwayne: (smiles nervously) Hehe...
Tom: (Leaning over his seat to talk to Devin and Carrie) So, have you figured out if you want to work with us?
Carrie: Yeah I think we have a deal.
(Elsewhere)
Mary: Why is it that in spite of our intelligence we keep on regularly flying on the second plane?
Ellody: We may be smart but let's face the facts. Some of these teams are just quicker and more athletic.
Mary: Well we need to start strategizing to get us up on top.
Ellody: (has paper and pencils ready) I was hoping you'd say that. Let's start planning! (They start writing stuff down)
(Flight number one is seen landing in Beijing's Airport. A shuttle bus is seen taking the teams to their next destination.)
Don: (voice) The first 9 teams have reached Beijing and are being shuttled to their next destination.
(On the bus, teams talk to each other)
Kitty: (to Owen and Noah) Thanks again for letting us take the win yesterday.
Owen: (laughs) No problem.
Emma: (glares) Just don't expect us to return the favor. We're in an alliance but we're still in a competition.
Noah: (stares lovingly)
(Confessional)
- Noah: (smiles) She's awesome. Everything I like in a girl: sarcastic, attractive, and smart. It's perfect!
- Owen: (laughs) Noah and Emma sitting in a tree! (Noah smacks him in the stomach) OWW!
(Confessional)
- Kitty: You have to admit you have some feelings for him?
- Emma: (crosses her arms) I'm not admitting it. This is a competition. No relationships.
- Kitty: (smirks) We'll see.
Josee: (she and Jacques are furious)
(Confessional)
- Josee: I can't believe we're losing this race! Fourth place! Twice in a row! (Groans)
- Jacques: Maybe your good luck charm is defunct?
- Josee: (Gasps) NONSENSE! (Rubs it on herself and Jacques furiously) This rock will help us return to our proper position as the goddesses we are! (Ponders for a moment) Did that sound egotistical?
(The bus carrying the first nine teams arrives in front of a stadium located in Beijing. The bus driver stops too late and crashes it into the Don Box sending it flying. MacArthur and Sanders exit the bus first)
MacArthur: (writes up a ticket for the bus driver) I'm writing you a ticket for stopping way too late, crashing into an object, and for being just plain ugly. (Places the ticket on the drivers face. He looks confused as hell)
Sanders: (She finds the Don Box which is busted and spitting out tips everywhere and grabs one) It's an All-In. Fly over the Bird's Nest Stadium and tandem jump through the doughnut hole to receive your next tip.
Owen: (hears doughnut) DOUGHNUTS! WOOHOO!
(The teams are being flown over the stadium on a small plane. They are strapped to each other with parachutes. Noah is attached to Owen, Emma is attached to Kitty, Sanders is attached to MacArthur, Stephanie is attached to Ryan, Josee is attached to Jacques, Fabian is attached to Jordan, May is attached to Sam, Nekota is attached to Gabriella, and Annie is attached to Leo. Owen looks out to the open stadium disappointed)
Owen: That's the doughnut? Aww man...
(Confessional)
- Owen: When are we going to have another eating challenge? I'm so hungry that I could eat a house made of doughnuts, and trees filled with lollipops, and gingerbread people, and a white chocolate pretzel fence! (Drools a bit)
Noah: (to Emma) So, I guess they have our backs? (Cringes on how bad that was)
Emma: Yeah, that was horrible.
(Confessional)
- Emma: Okay, that wasn't completely. Kinda adorable.
(The hanger door opens with the eight teams standing in front ready to jump)
Kitty: Jump time! You guys ready?
Noah: Hey, how hard can it be?
(Noah/Owen and Emma/Kitty jump out first but the wind catches their parachutes sending them away from the stadium. Owen/Noah crash on a rickshaw cart while Emma/Kitty hit a gong. MacArthur/Sanders, Josee/Jacques, Ryan/Stephanie, Jordan/Fabian, May/Sam, Gabriella/Nekota, Leo/Annie jump off the plane and pull their cords. They begin to descend into the stadium. The wind picks up and carries Josee/Jacques away. Jordan is the first to successfully land and detaches herself from a very much shaken Fabian who just collapses out of fear. Leo and Annie land successfully until they look up and see MacArthur/Sanders land on them and then Ryan/Stephanie land on the cadets as their parachute covers all 3 teams)
Gabriella/Nekota: Woo hoo! (They land successfully)
Gabriella: (detaches Nekota) Man I don't think that could've gone any better!
Nekota: I'll say. I kind of want to do it again.
Sam: Dudes, look out below! Pussy riot!
Gabriella: What? (She and Nekota look up to see May and Sam coming in too quickly. They try to run but Sam and May land on them. Interestingly Nekota's face is up in Sam's crotch while Gabriella's face is up in May's crotch)
May: Sorry guys but we can't control the wind. (Gabriella seems very angry)
(Confessional)
- Nekota: You okay?
- Gabriella: (plays with stress ball with tranquil fury) I'm fine! (Tears it in half)
- Nekota: How do you tear rubber in half?
Josee: (yells) OVER THERE! OVER THERE!
Jacques: I know Josee! (They crash into a billboard where Jacques' head comes out of the ass of an ass) AUGHHHHH!
(Confessional)
- Josee: (Jacques still has part of the billboard around his head) That's Jacques for you always trailing behind, but still he's an important asset to the team.
Emma: (she talks to Kitty as Noah and Owen follow after them) Okay, next time less screaming and more steering.
Kitty: I'll see what I can do but no promises.
(After the TV Pros, Sisters, and Ice Dancers load the plane, a shuttle bus arrives carrying the teams from the second flight. They run off and head for the tips.)
Carrie: Come on!
Dwayne: Hurry!
June: Let's go!
Don: (voice) As the teams from the second plane and the teams who didn't make the first tandem jump start going in the air, the six teams that did land in the stadium head for the Don Box.
(Fabian/Jordan, Ryan/Stephanie, Leo/Annie, Gabriella/Nekota, May/Sam, and MacArthur/Sanders reach the Don Box inside the stadium and grab their tips)
Annie: (reads) It's another All-In!
(Don now stands outside of the stadium near a food stand. There are many different types of crates there. An elderly Chinese woman is standing at the stand.)
Don: An All-In with a twist! To receive their next tip from this local vendor (she smiles and waves), one team member must assemble and deep fry a skewer of Beijing street-food and their partner has to eat it. (Vendor holds up a fried skewer. The animals still move even after they were deep fried.) Oh god!
(The first six teams run up to the vendor as the each receive sticks. They all look skeptically at each other.)
Sam: (To the vendor) So are the crickets fresh? (She holds up a few crickets which chirp) I was only joking.
May: Well I've heard entomophagy has its benefits.
Jordan: (to Fabian) Remember what you promised back in Morocco? (Fabian nods yes) Good, then I prep, you eat!
(Confessional)
- Fabian: It's a fair partnership, no matter how gross it is. Good thing I didn't eat anything on the flight over here.
Sam: You want me to scarf it or do you?
May: I'm eating this.
(The first six teams get busy. Meanwhile back at the Bird's Nest Stadium, the remaining teams drop down. Lorenzo/Chet, Crimson/Ennui, & Dwayne/Junior land on the ground safely and head to the Don Box.)
(Mary and Ellody land quickly)
Mary: Good thinking relying on that incoming trade wind.
Ellody: Thanks. (They detach and run)
(June and Quince land and June quickly detaches herself from Quince)
June: (runs) Come on we've got to catch up to Leo.
Quince: Leo?
June: (stops and ponders for a moment) Uh, yeah we need to catch up to him so we can pass him and I can mock him in front of his face.
Quince: Sure. (They run)
Dani: (She and Syd land safely) Well that went well don't you think so?
Syd: (Detaches himself in a hurry) No time to talk just move! (Runs off without his mother)
Yves: (she and Aaryn land) He seems to be in overdrive mode doesn't he?
Aaryn: Maybe we should talk with him.
Yves: Well he's your boyfriend, so you do it.
Jacques: (he and Josee land but he lands wrong and twists his ankles) AUGHHH! MY ANKLE!
(Confessional)
- Josee: (Jacques is seen holding his foot in pain in the background) Why is Jacques so clumsy today? (To the camera) Don't give him sympathy, it'll only encourage him.
Josee: (glares as Jacques cries and jumps on one foot to the Don Box) Snap out of it! This is a competition! Our fans our watching! (Flames surround her as she glares) EAT THROUGH THE PAIN! (She smiles to the camera) And smile. (Walks off)
Jacques: O-okay! (Smiles and waves nervously)
Carrie: (she and Devin land) That was incredible! WOOO! (Detaches and Devin falls to the ground)
(They both hear screaming and look up to see Tom and Jen approaching the ground with their eyes closed, not stopping till they land face first.)
(Confessional)
- Devin: As you already know, I'm horrible with heights. I'm glad I did this with Carrie and not Shelly. (Carrie smiles) She would have totally bailed on me.
- Carrie: (points to an opposite direction) Hey! What's that?
- Devin: (turns) What's what? (Carrie starts cheering silently as Devin doesn't look.) I don't see anything. (Turns back when Carrie finishes)
- Carrie: (shrugs) Oh, I guess it was nothing.
Noah: (he and Owen fall at the same time as Emma and Kitty) So do you like movies or - (is cut off when Owen lands on him. Emma and Kitty look confused.)
(Confessional)
- Owen: (Noah glares at him) I so wasn't trying to interrupt you, really. I just landed on you by accident.
- Noah: Well thanks, now I don't know if she likes movies or not.
- Owen: Who doesn't like movies?
- Noah: Look, I'm just trying to get to know her better so I can ask her out.
- Owen: What can I do to help?
- Noah: Let me think... Oh yeah! (Glares) Nothing!
Aaryn: I've got no taste buds so just give it to me.
Yves: Okay man. (Heads off)
Brody: The human trashcan is ready.
Geoff: Nice to know dude. (Runs off)
Don: (voice) With every team now at the street vendor, the competition begins to heat up!
(A montage shows some of the teams in the challenge. Lorenzo raises up a box and a snake wraps itself around his face. Chet smiles and laughs. Ryan and Stephanie have trouble with sea creatures and Stephanie is taking great joy in Ryan's suffering. Yves is preparing the food while Aaryn looks on confident. Jordan is preparing the food while Fabian looks on nervous. Geoff puts a stick in the deep fryer but accidentally lets go and it sinks in. Geoff face palms. Crimson and Ennui release a crate holding bats. The bats chase Dwayne and Junior)
(Confessional)
- Crimson: (bats fly around the confessional) Bats are the best creatures in the world. We couldn't leave them trapped.
June: (reading the tip) I seriously don't want to eat it but I promised I'd be fairer to you so I'm going to leave the decision up to you. Do you want to eat it or prepare it?
Quince: (grabbing skewer) Prepare to taste Chinese afro-Caribbean fusion.
(Confessional)
- June: I did at one restaurant and it actually was pretty good. And for the record I'm the better cook, I so could've handled this. But I've probably had this coming for a while.
Mary: What's our strategy here?
Ellody: Feed me the more edible ingredients.
Mary: Noted. (Heads off)
Dani: Now Syd let's approach this carefully and... (Syd hands her the skewer)
Syd: Mom it's okay, just start skewering I can take it. I love your cooking. Now come on, chop, chop, chop.
Dani: Okay, if you insist. (She goes off to start skewering.)
Aaryn: (sitting next to Syd) You seem a bit more pushy this time around.
Syd: This is a competition.
Aaryn: Well yeah but don't you think you should put more faith in your mom?
Syd: I appreciate your concern but she's my mom, I know her better than you.
Aaryn: Actually she knows you the best. Remember she existed before you but you've never existed without her.
Syd: Wow, never thought of it like that before.
Aaryn: Yeah, I can be deep.
Carrie: I don't know if I can do this...
Devin: Hey, don't worry. I'll eat. You just need to skewer up some worms and-(She runs off screen and hurls) Uh oh...
(Confessional)
- Devin: (Carrie looks pale as she holds up a bucket. He covers her ears.) When we were six, her sister dared her to eat worms and she did, then she threw up for three damn days. (Takes his hands off her ears)
- Carrie: Were you talking about worms?
- Devin: No? (She hurls again) What are you a barfing lie detector now?
Dwayne: (tries poking a scorpion with a stick but fails to do so) Come on! Stay still! (Tries to skewer one again but one scorpion crawls up the stick and onto his hand where it stings him multiple times) OWWW! (Junior looks worried. The vendor smirks. Dwayne starts shaking it off and it lands on Jacques face)
Jacques: AUGHHH! Josee! Get it off! (Josee smirks)
Josee: Hold still! (Punches Jacques in the face. The scorpion doesn't come off)
Jacques: OWW! (Hit again) Is it off?! (Hit again) Josee! (Hit again) Please stop! (Gets hit again and again and begins crying)
Leo: (Preparing to skewer) You sure you feel good about eating this?
Annie: Totally. We do everything in equal parts, you ate the stew in Morocco so I eat this.
Leo: Ok. (Rummages through until he bumps heads with Quince) Oh there you are.
Quince: Hey man. You skewering too?
Leo: Yeah, at Annie's insistence.
Quince: That's a good team mate. Prepared to do anything for you.
Leo: Yeah, she did want to eat the stew in Morocco but I wasn't totally confident in her spice choices so I did. Turns out she got them all right. Maybe I should put more trust in her.
Quince: Why don't you?
Leo: She's kind of spacey.
Quince: Yeah I've noticed. Seems like my type of girl though, always having a spring in her step, a smile on her face and song in her heart.
Leo: Well if you like musicals she's got them all committed to memory, like me.
Quince: Seriously?
Leo: Yeah, we've got all the classics and the hits on cd and we subscribed to that new Netflix for Broadway.
Quince: Really. Name the only Broadway playwright born on Broadway.
Leo: Eugene O'Neill.
Quince: Impressive.
Leo: Name 5 people who need only their Tony to get into the EGOT club.
Quince: Alan and Marilyn Bergman, Cher, Kate Winslet, and this one surprises most people, Julie Andrews.
Leo: Nice man. Wait are you asking to date my sister?
Quince: Well is she available?
Leo: (Looks at him sternly for a few moments before laughing) Yeah man of course she is. I should warn you though she's never dated before.
Quince: Well that's one thing we already have in common. (They continue searching) By the way, June's also on the market.
Leo: (sarcastically) Thank you for the info.
(Confessional)
- Leo: Yes!
(Confessional)
- Quince: I think June and Leo would be great couple, they're already pushy to their partners, they love to be the best and show off to everyone else and they're into dance.
Tom: Now Jen I know this goes against your diet plans but if we want to stay in the race we've got to do this.
Jen: Fine! Just make it quick!
Ryan: (Carries skewer over to deep fryer then drops it in. Stephanie watches angrily)
(Confessional)
- Ryan: Cooking something disgusting for someone you love is so hard. But for someone you despise, it's so easy.
Junior: (Dwayne's hand is majorly swollen) You sure you're okay dad?
Dwayne: (he has a crazy look in his eyes) Of course Mr. President! Did you? (Passes out)
(Confessional)
- Junior: (Dwayne laughs creepily behind him) The medic said the effects are only temporary but we can't just wait around or else we'll get eliminated. (Dwayne wanders off) Looks like I'm in charge. Again. (Turns and gasps) Oh no! Come back here! (Runs after him)
(Geoff and MacArthur present their skewers to their teammates)
Brody: Bottoms up man. (Starts eating)
Sanders: Seriously? I already ate the stew in morocco, you do this. (MacArthur looks at her intensely) Fine. (Starts eating)
Josee: Jacques, are you alright?
Jacques: (he sits on the ground beaten up and tired) I can't feel my face.
Josee: Good! Now hold! (She holds a skewer and his face in place)
Jacques: AUGHHHHHHHH! (She stuffs his face and forces him to chew)
Josee: WOOO! Done! (Jacques gets up and gags. He throws up) Oh suck it up! (She receives her next tip) It's a Botch-or-Watch. Whoever didn't dive for peals in Hawaii… (Cut off)
(Don is now sitting in a rickshaw near the vendor where all the contestants are)
Don: Must pull their teammate by rickshaw all the way to The Great Wall of China (he now stands in the Great Wall of China holding a map) using only this map. (He now stands on the Chill Zone. There are two Bonsai trees next to it) Last team to arrive at today's Chill Zone hidden somewhere along the wall, may be going home.
Jacques: (Josee pulls him in the rickshaw) Goodbye losers! (He laughs as they ride out)
MacArthur: (Sanders pulls her) Hustle Sanders! Use your glutes!
Sanders: I AM! (Surfers follow after them)
Devin: (looks) Carrie, three teams have already finished and we still haven't skewered anything. (Carrie goes to vomit) This isn't going good.
(The fashion bloggers stop to see what's happening and are cringing at the sound of Carrie hurling)
Emma: (already prepped Kitty's skewer) I'm gonna fry this.
Noah: (to Owen) Hurry up! We need to go! (Owen skewers)
(Confessional)
- Noah: I figured if I act like Emma, then she'd see we would be a perfect couple.
- Owen: (smiles) What can go wrong?
Emma: (glares at Noah) Wow… could you be any meaner to your partner? (Walks off leaving Noah confused)
(Confessional)
- Noah: Why is this so hard?!
- Owen: Now do you want my advice?
- Noah: How can you possibly help? You've only had one girlfriend and that was Izzy.
- Owen: True, but my experience with the ladies has taught me to remember one little important thing: Be subtle.
Owen: (he and Emma are deep frying their food) Psst. Noah likes you.
Emma: (seems shocked) You wanna hear a secret? (Owen smiles and nods) I don't care. (She walks off)
(Confessional)
- Kitty: WHY?!
- Emma: What? I'm not just gonna fall head over heels for Noah. (Crosses her arms)
(Stephanie is done with her kebab and flicks it at Ryan)
(Confessional)
- Stephanie: Your gross cooking couldn't slow me down.
- Ryan: Man, cockroach breath! Oddly enough you make it work.
(The daters receive their next tip)
Carrie: Devin. Look. (A snake is seen making a heart shape) It must be a sign. (The snake attacks Devin and he screams and she hurls again)
(Jordan and Sam are presenting their skewers to their teammates. Fabian takes his and hesitantly tastes it and then starts chowing down enthusiastically.)
(Confessional)
- Jordan: (while Fabian eats in the background) I put sriracha on the kebab. He loves it. That's how you make a team work, utilize your strengths and weaknesses.
Mary: Here you go. (Gives her skewer to Ellody) It's mostly insects so you'll at least get a good serving of protein.
Ellody: For the scientific community. (Starts eating then notices May) What are you doing?
May: (eating while Sam covers her eyes) Visual disassociation. If I can't see it I'm less grossed out. (Continues to eat)
Ellody: Smart. Follow suit. (Mary covers her eyes as she continues to eat)
Gabriella: (Eats hers with confidence while Nekota looks on worried)
(Confessional)
- Nekota: I just couldn't stand the thought of feeding someone I love something so vile. It's not like me at all.
- Gabriella: Dude remember I voluntarily choose to eat it. I mean this show was going to humiliate us sooner or later, might as well get it done with now. (Kisses him to calm him down) Better?
- Nekota: Actually yes. Brush your teeth though.
Jacques: (he and Josee run) There's the Wall!
Josee: Nothing can stop us now! (She trips on a banana peel sending Jacques flying)
Jacques: (flying) AUGHHHHHHHHHHH! (Crashes into the Great Wall of China) My other ankle!
(Confessional)
- MacArthur/Sanders: (they laugh at the Ice Dancers misfortune)
(Confessional)
- Geoff/Brody: (they laugh at the Ice Dancers misfortune)
(Confessional)
- Gabriella/Nekota: (they laugh at the Ice Dancers misfortune)
(Confessional)
- June/Quince: (they laugh at the Ice Dancers misfortune)
(Confessional)
- Ryan/Stephanie: (they laugh at the Ice Dancers misfortune)
(Confessional)
- Don: (laughs at the Ice Dancers misfortune) What? Don't act like that wasn't funny!
Noah: (He sees Kitty scarfing down the food and decides to eat it all at once) Oww! Hot! (He still has food in his mouth and spits it out as he speaks)
Emma: (glares) I know this a race but you don't have to be a slob about it.
Noah: Sorry. (Spits food in her face accidentally) I'm so sorry. (He spits out more food. Emma runs and hurls.)
Kitty: (walks over to Noah) I know you like her and you're awkward but dude you're so bad at this. (Noah frowns)
(Crimson is seen eating her skewer and tries hard not to vomit. Lorenzo eats his and makes sure to vomit on Chet's shirt)
(Quince and Leo have their skewers ready and are presenting them to their partners.)
June: (takes hers with hesitation) Come on fulfill your promise Oberst. (Starts eating only to find out she actually likes it and eats faster while Quince looks on delighted)
(Confessional)
- Quince: I decided to make the skewer tasty so June would eat it even though she's a vegetarian. I used Chinese 5 spice, oregano, some brown butter and soy. I was actually amazed by what was available at the market.
Annie: (Takes hers and eats it with confidence) Good job Leo! This actually doesn't taste as bad as I thought it would.
Leo: I will take that as a compliment.
(Confessional)
- Leo: Really it all goes to Quince, he gave me the cooking advice. Maybe Annie would enjoy dating him, he does seem like a good choice.
(Yves and Dani have their skewers ready)
Aaryn: I'll take that! (Takes his and eats it like its chocolate in seconds) Let's go. (To mother/son) good luck. (The models leave along with the gym rats, the Julliard students and the siblings)
Syd: (takes his) Here goes everything. (Takes one taste and is mortified but he pushes through and starts eating hesitantly while Dani looks on concerned)
(Confessional)
- Dani: Syd may be smart as an arrow but he sometimes over estimates his abilities. Like what he thinks he can and can't eat. As long as he doesn't vomit I think we'll be good.
(Meanwhile Ryan is seen pulling the rickshaw while Stephanie sits inside along a bumpy, rocky path)
Stephanie: I know you're hitting every bump on purpose! (Ryan smirks)
(Confessional)
- Ryan: What? I choose the path that best represents our relationship as it currently stands. (Stephanie vomits in the background)
(MacArthur/Sanders and Geoff/Brody arrive at the Great Wall of China but there are two ways to go)
Sanders: Which way do we go?
Geoff: Should we split up?
Brody: (puts his arm over MacArthur) Great! I'll go with MacArthur!
Geoff: Dude, I meant one team goes right and the other team goes left.
Brody: Oh, right.
(They all run to the right.)
(Confessional)
- MacArthur: I'm not surprised that Brody's into me. (Flexes her arms) Doctors say my pheromones are stronger than a jet plane filled with grizzly bears.
- Sanders: What? That doesn't even make sense.
- MacArthur: (laughs) Right cause you're a "bear expert". (Sanders gives a deadpan expression)
(Jacques and Josee are seen on the great wall wondering where to go)
Josee: Which way?
Jacques: (holds up map) This map is useless!
Josee: (takes the map then rubs her rock on it) I'll let luck deiced! (Throws it to the wind where it blows right and they follow it until it blows left then follow that way)
(Meanwhile Lorenzo/Chet, Owen/Noah, Emma/Kitty, Crimson/Ennui, Mary/Ellody, Dwayne/Junior, May/Sam, Tom/Jen and Jordan/Fabian get their tips and start racing on rickshaws.)
Don (voice): As more teams get their tips our last two teams are skewered up.
Tom: (to the best friends) See you at the chill zone, good luck! (Leaves pulling the rickshaw)
Jen: (moaning) God that was the worst crap I've ever eaten! (Carrie returns from vomiting)
Devin: Step aside barfy I'm cooking. (Starts skewering)
Carrie: But I can't eat it.
Devin: Have faith.
Confessional)
- Carrie: But it's not chicken.
- Devin: Doesn't matter, make your mind believe its chicken.
- Carrie: Okay, its chicken. It's chicken. It's chicken. It's chicken.
Carrie: (gets the skewer) It's chicken! It's chicken! (Starts eating)
Devin: Yeah! Eat that chicken!
Syd: (just finished his food) Let's go!
Dani: Maybe we should wait for you to digest.
Syd: (Reading the tip) No time, gotta go, gotta pull. (Dani is sitting in the seat while Syd struggles to pull it)
Kitty: (to Emma and she pulls the cart) I know you don't want to be in a relationship but you don't have to be so mean to Noah.
Emma: I have to or else I'll get too close to him and I refuse to be close to someone like that ever again. Relationships just ruin things.
Kitty: Or they make them better.
Emma: Well you never know and I'm here to win. (Kitty looks at her) I mean we are! (They hit a bump and they lose a wheel and it shatters) Oh no! Our wheel! Now we'll never win.
Owen: (he and Noah pull up next to them) Hi guys! Need a hand?
Noah: (goes up to Emma) Hey Emma. Act normal. (Goes wide eyed) Sorry that part wasn't supposed to be out loud. I was talking to myself. (Sighs) How can this get any worse? (Face palms) Also to myself.
Emma: (cringes) Please stop.
Noah: Okay.
Kitty: How are we gonna fix this?
Noah: (ponders) I've got an idea!
(Elsewhere Stephanie and Ryan are seen wondering which way to go)
Stephanie: Let's go left.
Ryan: Oh, hell no.
(Confessional)
- Ryan: Stephanie's always wrong so we should do the opposite of what she says.
- Stephanie: Well how about we let you live? Huh?!
Ryan: We're going right!
Stephanie: You don't tell me what to- (Gets picked up by Ryan and he starts running) Whoa!
(Jordan is pulling Fabian while Sam is pulling May. The siblings race alongside each other)
Fabian: You holding up there May?
May: Yeah, in fact look what I did. (Reveals that she's been drawing the Chinese countryside in a sketchbook) And that's not all. (Reveals she made a flipbook of the landscape as she rode and starts flipping the pages, you can see the landscape move)
Fabian: Man that's so awesome!
Jordan: (to her brother) You know you're doing pretty well for someone with the body of a 90's supermodel.
Sam: Well that's part of my appeal, I'm always full of surprises. (Winks and passes her)
Jordan: Hey! (Runs faster)
(Meanwhile, the Cadets and Surfers continue running)
Brody: Dudes we've been running forever!
Sanders: This has to be wrong. We should turn around!
Geoff: 180! Let's do it! (They run back)
Jacques: (sees the teams running back) Uh oh! If they're running towards us then that means we've been running the wrong way!
Josee: Turn back! Now! (The Ice Dancers turn back and are ahead of the other two teams.)
(On the path, Owen and Emma pull the cart as Noah holds both carts together as Kitty sits)
Emma: Is this too fast for you Noah?
Noah: No, it's good!
Kitty: Doesn't that hurt?
Noah: Yes, I am in an extreme amount of pain but Emma's really pretty so I'm holding it in. (Realizes) That was out loud again wasn't it? (Emma blushes as bit)
Emma: (lovingly) Yeah.
Dwayne: (he's pulling Junior with his swollen hand) I FEEL LIKE AN ICE PRINCESS! LET'S PLAY STRATEGO!
Junior: You sure you're doing okay dad?
(Meanwhile Gabriella is rocketing past the competition while carrying Nekota)
Nekota: Dude you're killing it!
Gabriella: Yeah, I think that gross food actually gave me energy, weird ain't it?
(Elsewhere Leo and June race alongside respectively carrying Annie and Quince)
Leo: You're stronger than you look.
June: You too.
Leo: I told you that's the dance training.
Annie: We take tap dancing classes and the teachers just love us, saying we always put so much feeling into our routines. (To Quince) You a dancer?
Quince: Not normally, I have danced a little in the background, but my focus is to be in the orchestra. I also want to score movies and bring mambo, rumba, cha-cha, jazz, and other music of the Caribbean to the top of the billboard 100.
Annie: I love rumba!
June: So you're teacher likes you for your spirit? Mine just say I'm always so technically on point.
Leo: Well, cut lose and express yourself!
June: I don't think I can. In my mind I've always got to do exactly what the steps show otherwise it's not perfect.
Leo: Well in my experience it's only perfect if you feel it's perfect.
June: Thanks, I'll really put that into consideration. (Sees the Great Wall) See ya! (Runs ahead of Leo so he runs faster to compensate)
(Meanwhile with Chet and Lorenzo)
Lorenzo: Hey what do you know? Your football practice is actually good for something deadweight.
Chet: Shut it! (Goes down a bumpy path purposefully)
(Crimson pulls Ennui without any emotion. Behind them are the fashion bloggers)
Jen: I feel so gross (almost vomits) are we there yet?
Tom: Yeah I think so, I think I can see it up ahead.
(At the Chill Zone, Ryan/Stephanie arrive at the Chill Zone first)
Don: I hope this doesn't affect your relationship but you're in first! Congratulations! (Ryan drops Stephanie as they cheer) For prizes you both get authentic Ming dynasty vases, two replicas of the terra cotta army, and copies of the guardian lions of the Forbidden City.
Stephanie: I call the vases.
Ryan: Since when do you call who gets what?
(Elsewhere we see Mary and Ellody using a sextant)
Mary: It looks like the chillzone is located to the west.
Ellody: Then westward we head. (They run)
(Confessional)
- Ellody: We brought all manner of scientific equipment with us, just in case we needed it. After all, you never know when you might need to find your way in the middle of night using only the stars.
- Mary: And you can use it to find the shortest distance between any two locations.
(Elsewhere the models look for the chill zone)
Yves: We've been looking for a while, do you see anything remotely like the chill zone?
Aaryn: No, still I'm worried for Syd and Dani. I don't think he enjoyed that food.
Yves: Aside from you I doubt anyone did.
Aaryn: Yeah but aside from that I overheard him saying to his mom they need to step up their game. Which is just a nicer way of saying "I'm gonna take the lead, you do what I say"
Yves: That's not how you make a partnership work. You and I gel so well together because we each do a little at a time.
Aaryn: I tried to tell him that but then you two came with the food and he started eating.
Yves: Well if they make it to the chill zone I say we all have a group meeting and discuss fairness.
(Emma and Noah talk as Owen and Kitty walk ahead of them)
Emma: How's the hand? (He holds up a swollen hand) Oh my God, that looks horrible.
Noah: Yeah, it's pretty painful. (Laughs nervously)
Emma: Here. (She starts rubbing his swollen hand) What you did for us was really nice. Does this feel better?
Noah: Actually, it's kinda painful. (Emma looks worried) But don't stop. (They smile at each other)
Kitty: (points ahead) There's the Chill Zone! (They run to the Chill Zone. Noah allows them to go first but Emma stops her) Huh?
Emma: We should let Owen and Noah go before us. They are the reason we even made it here before everyone else.
Owen: (smiles) Thanks.
Noah: (smiles goofily) You're awesome.
Emma: (smiles) Just go you doofus. (Owen and Noah step on the Chill Zone before Emma and Kitty)
Don: The TV Pros are in 2nd and Sisters in 3rd.
(Back on the road Devin pulls Carrie)
Carrie: Oh, that wasn't chicken... (Moans)
(Elsewhere Mother/son have now just reached the wall. Syd looks kind of bloated, exhausted and uneasy)
(Confessional)
- Syd: It took us while to make it to the wall cause I had some trouble pulling the rickshaw but once I got it moving I was able to build some substantial speed, still that freaky food did a number on me
- Dani: I told you to sit and digest that meal or you could've let me eat it.
Syd: (starts running) Okay, we just need to find (collapses out of exhaustion and indigestion) Oh god I'm so f*****g exhausted, but I've got to- (His mother grabs him and stops him)
Dani: Syd you need to rest. That's final.
Syd: But the chill zone…
Dani: Syd honey why has this game suddenly become so important to you? You weren't like this in the beginning.
Syd: Fine I'll tell you! I wanted to do this race to prove to myself and to you that I could do something great and could be someone else beyond the guy people need to help with their math homework, electrical problems, appliances, smart devices and computer stuff. I just wanted to be seen as someone cool and not just tech support. As someone worth being friends with.
Dani: Syd you don't need to do this race just for the sake of keeping up appearances. I know you're a great son and a good person, you don't need a vast faceless sea of viewers to do that for you. I've heard from Yves that Aaryn wants to date you not because you're into him for his looks but because you make him feel special, he really enjoys your presence and company, and he's ecstatic that he can talk with you about so many of his favorite things. That's already good signs for a great relationship. Don't squander what you already have for hollow fame.
Syd: (genuinely touched) Thanks mom. That was really special. Now let me go so we can still be in this race. I'll rest when we're at the chill zone.
Dani: Fine. (Releases her son and they run off)
(Elsewhere we see the animaniacs and the anime nerds looking around for the chill zone)
Jordan: I don't see anything.
Fabian: (looks at map) And this map is useless. (Tosses it into the wind)
Sam: You got any luck May? (Notices May is sitting on the ground, meditating) What are you doing?
May: I'm listening to see if the spirits of the dead builders can help me find the chill zone, if I completely empty my mind I can listen to the dead.
Jordan: Okay now I'm concerned on a number of levels.
May: Shh! (Raises hand) Listen. (It's completely quiet) The spirits say… go to the left! (Runs off to the left and Sam follows her)
Fabian: Let's just follow her, we're not making progress any other way.
Jordan: Good point. (They follow Sam and May)
(June is looking through binoculars to find the chill zone but doesn't see anything)
June: You find anything? (Camera pans down to reveal she's been standing on Quince's head this whole time, just like in Hawaii)
Quince: (looks at map) No. (June looks through her binoculars again and sees a bunch of hoopoes fly right past her, she also sees Annie and Leo following them)
June: What are you doing?
Annie: The birds said they'd show us to the chill zone.
June: You can't be serious.
Leo: It sounds crazy but following animals has helped us before in the past.
Quince: Wanna follow them?
June: Not like we're making progress any ways. (Hops down from his head and they follow the siblings)
Josee: (she and Jacques arrive) Fourth again?!
Don: Yes, the numbers are sequential.
Josee: AAAHH! (Both she and Jacques get run over by the gym rats)
Don: Gym rats take 5th. (They high five)
(Confessional)
- Jacques: (Josee is seen having a tantrum off-screen and throwing objects. Jacques gives a fake smile and a thumbs up)
Don: (MacArthur/ Sanders arrive) Sixth! (Geoff/ Brody arrive) Seventh! (Aaryn/Yves arrive) Eighth! (Mary/Ellody arrive) Ninth! (Lorenzo/Chet arrive) Tenth! (Leo/Annie arrive) Eleventh! (June/Quince arrive) Twelfth! (May/Sam arrive) Thirteenth! (Jordan/Fabian arrive) Fourteenth! (Tom/Jen arrive) Fifteenth! (Crimson/Ennui arrive) Sixteenth! With only two spots left and three teams fighting for it, it's gonna be tense!
Junior: There's the Chill Zone! (He and Dwayne run with Devin/Carrie and Syd/Dani following behind. Carrie looks a little better.)
(The competition intensifies as the three teams race. Junior runs frantically while Dwayne still looks crazy. Devin and Carrie run determined to not finish last. Syd runs with all his might while Dani struggles to keep up. Eventually, Dwayne/Junior and Devin/Carrie cross the Chill Zone before Dani and Syd do)
Don: Father and Son take 17th and the Best Friends take 18th! (Syd falls onto the carpet of completion. Goes over to a disappointed Syd and a downtrodden Dani) Dani, Syd, I'm sorry to say but you're the last team here.
Aaryn: Oh no!
Syd: (Hugs his mom to cool down) Mom, I'm really sorry we didn't win.
Dani: Don't worry honey, I still had a lot of fun. No amount of money could buy or replace that.
Don: I know that you guys are having an emotional moment but I have to reveal a surprise. (Clears his throat) Today is a non-elimination round! You are still in the game!
Dani: (shocked) Really? (Smiles) Yes! We're still in!
Syd: I know!
Don: In 19th place.
Syd: We'll take it our victories as they come.
Don: Not really a victory but okay. (Aaryn and Yves walk up)
Yves: Hey Syd, I think the four of us should have a little talk about team dynamic.
Syd: Well can we do it later I'm exhausted.
Yves: Eh, sure. (Syd collapses in defeat and starts sleeping on the carpet)
Don: Can we move him? (Security personnel move him onto a stretcher) Which team will be eliminated next? (Points to mother and son) Probably them.
Dani: Hey!
Don: And what crazy adventures will we have next time? Find out when we return to THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles to the camera)
(END OF EPISODE)
This episode also doesn't differ to much from canon but there are a few small subtle changes, for instance Dwayne got stung by accident rather than brought it upon himself. Since the rockers are out that mad dash to 1st had to be taken by someone so i thought why not Syd and Dani? As Syd admitted he really, really wants to win this because he thinks it will make all his former classmates see him as cool, he wasn't exactly noticed in high school. And while Noah and Emma's romance is still going on I've also hinted at the developing romances between not 2 but now 4 of my oc's. I'm really excited because up next are not only my 3 favorite chapters I've written but also my 3 best chapters. Favorite joke this episode: that sexually suggestive positioning Sam & May got caught up in.
