Chapter 12

Over the summer, Santana's tried to call me hundreds of time to apologize. I've always let it go to voicemail, and I listen to her cry over me on the answering machine. A small part of me always wants to pick up the receiver and tell her I love her too, but I'm just too damn tired of her shit.

Over the summer, I met a cute guy at the Hot Topic in the Lima Mall. His name is Peter, and he's a tall, dark, hot piece of ass. We've been seeing each other since the middle of August, and he's a pretty great guy. He's a junior as well, and he wants to be an artist when he grows up. I've been spending a lot of time with him, and I only think about Santana once a day now.

Over the summer, I haven't gotten over Santana, but I'm going to try…

OCTOBER

It's the first week of October, and everything's pretty good so far. I got into all the classes I wanted, and I even have a class with Peter. I haven't seen her at all, and I'm hoping it will stay that way. The final bell rings and I make my way out of the classroom to get to my locker. I turn down the hallway and get to my locker, fumbling with the combination to get it open. I finally crack the code and get the necessary items from the metal box and shut it, ready to find Peter. I shut my locker and gasp involuntarily when I see Santana leaning against the lockers, looking at me.

"Hi. I've been trying to find you—" I don't even wait for her to finish before I turn and walk away. I hear her run to catch up with me, which makes me walk faster. She grabs my shoulder and turns me around, and I'm tired of avoiding her. I notice that she's got her old cheerleading uniform on, but I don't mention it.

"What the f-f-fuck do you want?" I ask angrily, wanting to leave.

"How are you?" she asks politely, her warm brown eyes making me feel guilty.

"Why do you care?" I spit angrily. I whirl around when I feel someone touch my shoulder, but smile when I realize it's Peter.

"Hey babe. Who's this?" he asks innocently, leaning down to give me a quick kiss. I can see Santana's face contort with disgust, so I slide my tongue into his mouth and then release him. He smiles at me and I wink, taking his hand in mine.

"Nobody. Let's go," I lie, trying to get him away from Santana.

"Tina, wait," she calls, but I'm deaf to her pleas. I pull Peter along with me, dragging him to the parking lot. He stops me and walks in front of me, holding my shoulders.

"Tina, that wasn't nobody," he infers, and I shrug. "Who was she to you?"

"She's my ex. We got into a fight… I haven't spoken to her in months," I reveal with a frown, and without wanting to a tear runs down my cheek. With a smile, Peter wipes it away with a gentle hand and leans down to kiss me. His big hands feel good on my skin, and I grab at his chest before realizing that he's not… her. I link my hands around his back and let his tongue explore my mouth.

"Was it that bad of a split? She seemed really upset… and like she wanted to talk to you," he says, looking into my eyes with a piercing green gaze. "Are you ok?"

"Pete, I don't want to t-t-talk about this," I tell him, and he presses his lips together and nods. "It hurts too much." I walk him to his car and give him a kiss goodbye. I wave until he leaves, and then I walk over to the bike rack to get my trusty old Raleigh mountain climber. When I bend down to unlock the bike I see a note stuck to the spokes of the wheel. I see my name written in bubbly handwriting, and I don't even read it because I know whom it's from. I get my bike from the rack and head home, throwing the note in the woods before I break down and read it.

DECEMBER

I wake up to my phone ringing with a ringtone that Pete recorded so I know it's him calling. It's him telling me to pick up the phone, so I comply with his request and answer the call.

"Hey handsome," I say, smiling ear to ear.

"Hey beautiful. Would you be interested in going out for breakfast with my parents?" I worry my bottom lip for a moment before nodding.

"Sure. What time?" I ask, throwing the covers off my legs and going to the closet to pick out my outfit. Since I started junior year, I've ditched the gothic look and gone for a girlier look. I hold a nice blue dress with big white polka dots up to my body, trying to see if I want to wear it.

"Twelve. Make sure you look pretty," he jokes, and I snort.

"I'll try. I mean, you w-w-woke me up at the retched hour of 8 am…" I hear him laugh on the other end.

"So I'll see you then? The town diner," he says, and I assure him that I won't stand him up. He hangs up and I call to my mothers downstairs.

"Mom, Mommy, I'm going out with Pete at twelve!"

"Ok," they call back in unison. I shut the door and take off my pajamas and turn on the shower. I wait for the hot water, then step in and let the warm water run over my body. I lather the vanilla scented shampoo in my hair, reveling in the smell. It's the one pleasure I allow myself, the one thing to remember her by. I still have dreams about her from time to time. She's stopped calling now; I haven't seen her since October. Sometimes I think about apologizing, I think about going into the woods and finding that note I never read.

I step out of the shower and dry myself off, and I walk over to my closet and take the blue dress off the hanger. I quickly get dressed and brush my teeth, dry my hair, and put on make up. When I'm done, it's just about time to meet Peter. I grab my purse and throw in some tubes of lip-gloss and my phone, slide into a coat, and then I go downstairs and say goodbye to my mothers. I take the keys to the 4 Runner and step out into the cold morning air. It's almost Christmas, and the world is covered in a thin layer of white. The fresh snow crunches beneath my feet as I walk to the car. I start the engine with a bit of difficulty, but I manage to get to the diner without the car dying on me.

I step out and see Peter waiting for me outside. I smile and stand on my toes to give him a quick, familiar peck on the lips. He's wearing the scarf I bought him for Christmas as well as a pair of 180's.

"Hey, let's go inside. It's freezing out here," he says, making a "burr" sound for my amusement. He holds the door open for me and I step inside the small diner. I see his parents sitting at a table and wave. Pete's parents love me; I get good grades and Pete's never home later than curfew.

"Hi Mrs. Samson, Mr. Samson," I greet them, giving his father a firm handshake.

"Hello Tina. How are you, dear?" his father asks me, and I smile.

"Just fine, sir," I assure him, and Pete takes off my coat and sets it on my chair. The breakfast lasts for about an hour, and then they have to go, since it's Christmas Eve. Peter kisses me goodbye and I'm left to my own devices. I walk around downtown Lima for a while until I get bored and head back to my car. When I get home, there aren't any cars in the driveway. Seeing this as the perfect opportunity to play video games all day, I shut off the car and run up the steps. I stop when I see a carefully wrapped present on the welcome mat. Curious, I take it in my hands and shake it. Even more curious, I get inside and throw my coat on the couch. I set the present down on the kitchen table and stare at it.

Is it from Peter, or is it from her? I can't decide what to do. In the end, I find myself ripping the wrapping paper off the box and opening it up. Inside, there is a pair of mittens and a hat with cat ears sewed on the top. Under the gifts is an envelope addressed to me, and I'm hesitant to open it. Now I definitely know it's from her, but it is Christmas…

Dear Tina,

I'm so lost without you. I think about you every day, and every night I dream about you. I regret what I said every day, and every time I see you in the halls my heart breaks because I know I hurt you. No matter how angry I was, I should have never said the things I did. I quit glee club because I couldn't bear to be in the same room with you and not want to hold you and apologize. I fell in love with you the moment I laid eyes on you. I love you, Tina Lucy Cohen-Chang. I love you so much it hurts.

Merry Christmas,

Santana

I walk myself up into my room and collapse on my bed, and I cry until I have no tears left to shed. I fall asleep with her note clenched in my hand, and I wish life wasn't so hard.

JANUARY

I kiss Peter when the clock strikes midnight, but I find myself wanting him to be her.

FEBRUARY

Peter takes me out for Valentine's Day, and I accept his chocolates and flowers with a genuine smile. I consider sliding a valentine into her locker, but I don't.

MARCH

Peter and I are sitting in a movie theater, watching Wrath of the Titans. Pete's obsessed with Greek mythology, so we've seen this movie about five times. He's not interested in the movie this time, though. He's paying close attention to my neck, and my breasts, and he's got a frantic way of kissing me tonight. As he plants kisses down my neck, he whispers in my ear.

"Do you want to go home?" he asks, and I frown.

"Why w-w-would I want to go home?" I say, completely oblivious. He raises an eyebrow and leans it.

"So we can… you know," he says softly, his face getting a bit red. "I mean, only if you want…"

I want to have sex with him, but I feel like something is holding me back. But his lips feel so good against the tops of my breasts, so I nod and whisper into his ear.

"Hurry up," I tell him, and he nods and we run out of the theater and into his car. In a matter of minutes (he lives very close to the theater) we're up in his bedroom, and he tells me his parents are away for the weekend. He closes his bedroom door and takes off his shirt, and I run my hands down his muscular chest. His lips crush against mine and he begins to take off my shirt, his hands shaking a bit. I help him and then unbuckle his belt, pulling his pants down. He grins and holds the back of my head, kissing me passionately. My tongue slides into his mouth, and I feel his hips buck against mine. I take off my jeans and nod for him to go on. My lips lock with his and he thrust into me, and I moan with pleasure. Within a few minutes, he and I are falling off the edge together, and as my orgasm hits me I scream out what I think is his name. My thoughts are too blurry to concentrate, and I kiss him again, but he pushes me off him. Frowning, I see him get off the bed and put his pants back on. I sit up and cover my chest with his sheets, suddenly embarrassed by being naked in front of him.

"What's w-w-wrong?" I ask him, and he scowls at me.

"Who's Santana?" he asks, and my mouth drops.

"W-W-W-What are you talking about, Pete?" I say in disbelief. How did he know about Santana?

"You screamed that instead of my name," he says with a frown. My brow furrows in frustration and embarrassment.

"Pete, I d-d-didn't mean—"

"Tina, I think it's time for you to go," Pete says politely, and I put my clothes back on and walk outside. Before I start to head home, he calls after me.

"Do you need a ride home?"

I shake my head. "No, thank you. See you around, Pete." He shuts the door, leaving me to feel horrible.

APRIL

It's been three weeks since the incident. Pete and I have fought over it a lot, and he eventually broke up with me. I was sad for a while, but for some reason I'm relieved. It's also prom tonight, and since I already bought a ticket and a dress, I feel obligated to go. My mommy curled my hair and put it into a messy bun, a few black tendrils hanging down the sides of my face. My mom gave me a pair of earrings she wore to her prom to compliment my satin blue dress. The material reaches just above my knees, which my mom said would get me a new boyfriend. I shrugged off that comment, and I know that my mothers exchanged wary looks.

I walk into the McKinley cafeteria-turned-prehistoric-nightmare with hopes that I will see some of my friends there. Unfortunately, I can't seem to find Puck anywhere, and they make me take a picture alone at the beginning at the night. As if it can't get any worse, I'm forced to talk to Quinn Fabray, queen bitch. When she sees me, her hazel eyes light up and she walks over to me with purpose.

"Tina, I need to tell you something," she says, and I raise an eyebrow.

"W-W-W-What do you want, Quinn?" I ask with a hostile tone.

"It's about Santana… she's going to make up with you."

"What? I can't hear you—" I say, trying to hear what she said. Before she can answer, a voice gets onto the microphone and the whole place gets quiet.

"Hello McKinley," she says, and I turn to see Santana standing on the stage in a beautiful red dress, the microphone held close to her mouth. "I want to dedicate this song to a very special person in my life… if you're here, this is for you, Tina."

It's been said and done

Every beautiful thought's been already sung

And I guess right now here's another one

So your melody will play on and on, with the best of 'em

You are beautiful, like a dream come alive, incredible

A sinful, miracle, lyrical

You've saved my life again

And I want you to know baby

I can see her eyes scanning the crowd, looking for me. When her eyes find mine, I give her a small wave. She smiles.

I, I love you like a love song, baby

I, I love you like a love song, baby

I, I love you like a love song, baby

And I keep hitting re-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat

I, I love you like a love song, baby

I, I love you like a love song, baby

I, I love you like a love song, baby

And I keep hitting re-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat

Constantly, girl you played through my mind like a symphony

There's no way to describe what you do to me

You just do to me, what you do

And it feels like I've been rescued

I've been set free

I am hypnotized by your destiny

You are magical, lyrical, beautiful

You are... And I want you to know baby

I, I love you like a love song, baby

I, I love you like a love song, baby

I, I love you like a love song, baby

And I keep hitting re-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat

I, I love you like a (love song baby) love song, baby

I, I love you like a (love song baby) love song, baby

I, I love you (I love you, I love you) like a love song, baby

And I keep hitting re-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat (like a love song)

No one compares

You stand alone, to every record I own

Music to my heart that's what you are

A song that goes on and on

I, I love you like a love song, baby

I, I love you like a love song, baby

I, I love you like a love song, baby

And I keep hitting re-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat

I, I love you like a love song, baby

I, I love you like a love song, baby

I, I love you like a love song, baby

I love you...like a love song...

The crowd cheers and I'm pushing through the throngs of students as I try to get to her. Before she can get off the stage, I run up the stairs and jump into her arms. I can hear everyone cheering, and I feel her return the embrace.

"I told you I would never let you go," I whisper in her ear, and she kisses me before taking my hand and leading me off the stage.