Author Note: I have had such a busy few weeks, mostly notably, going to the Netherlands for work. It was a fantastic week and I really enjoyed myself. Now that work is settling down a little, for the time being, hopefully I can get a bit more writing done. It's probably going to be up and down still, though. Thanks to everyone who is still here, still reading, and enjoying my story. I hope you continue to enjoy it.
"Not what either of us wanted to see, hey Toby?" said Angela with an apologetic smile as she closed the door again.
"Not what either of us wanted you to see," Jane said, slipping on a robe as she followed her mother out of the room. She hovered by the doorway and turned back to Maura briefly. "I still wanna marry you."
When she reached the living area, Angela was already sat on the couch, waiting for her. Her face gave nothing away.
"You shouldn't just walk into someone's bedroom, Ma," Jane said.
"I tried Maura's room but she wasn't there, I figured you'd still be at BPD."
"Why did you need to try any room? You were babysitting, not given the keys to the kingdom."
"I couldn't find Toby's giraffe."
Jane tilted her head to one side. "It's in his toy box, and he likes the tortoise now."
"Well, I couldn't see it. He was grizzly. I think he missed his Mama. I didn't realise you'd be doing that. I didn't even know it was an option. I mean, I knew it was an option, but I didn't think you knew."
Jane shook her head and perched on the coffee table in front of her. "You knew it was an option?"
"I know you, Janie." Angela placed Toby down on the couch beside her. "You've never been happy. Not since you grew boobs and got your period."
"Jeez, thanks, Ma," Jane said, reaching her hands out to Toby as he stared up at her.
"I'm only saying this because I love you. No one you've ever been with before has made you happy. Not like Maura has. I didn't think you'd ever realise how much she means."
She lifted Toby up and onto her lap. "Why would you?"
"You think I don't see you? I see who you are. I've always known you." Angela reached out and gripped her fingers. Jane smiled. "Maybe I should have told you, but I figured eventually you'd get there."
"I don't think I want to discuss this," Jane said.
Everything was happening wrong. She was supposed to sit her mother down and prepare her for big news. Extra big news if Maura agreed to marry her. She certainly didn't expect to be caught in the act. The only solace was the fact she and Maura weren't doing something much more x-rated. She reclaimed her fingers and wrapped them around Toby.
Angela sighed and a brief silence followed. "You think I hate you for giving Ashley away." The change of subject felt even less comfortable. Jane moved to the couch beside her mother. "I don't hate you, Jane. I could never hate you. I hated myself. For a long time. I let you down. You were a child but you were old enough to know what was best for your daughter and I should have respected that."
"Ma," she said, tilting her head. She cupped Angela's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "It's not your fault."
"When your dad left I could see how much it broke you. You didn't need to tell me for me to know. It was the same heartbreak I saw when you gave away your little girl. Deep down I knew how much you were hurting but I didn't do much about it. He was your rock after Ashley, and I felt jealous. For a long time I couldn't forgive either of you for how close you got. It was never about your baby. I lost you because I was too busy thinking about how I felt that I forgot you." She hunched forwards, her eyes glistened. "I will never be able to take back those years. I would do anything."
"Ma, come on, don't cry," Jane said, squeezing her hand again. "You didn't lose me. I thought I lost you. Then one day we moved on and I'm so glad we did."
"I love you, Janie. Whatever you choose for your life, I know that you make the right decisions in the end. That's how I know I raised you right. You don't settle, and you don't take a route because it's easy."
Jane allowed the expressions to coat her face, for her lips to curve at the edges. She and Maura had been in their own little bubble for so long that she felt exhausted at the idea of keeping it from anyone any longer. She placed her hands around Toby's stomach and kissed his head, staring up into Angela's eyes. "I love her, Ma. I love them both. They mean everything."
"I know they do," Angela said, running a hand across the side of Jane's head. "When she went to live with Jack I thought you'd never recover.'
"I wasn't that bad," Jane said, but she knew it was a lie. Any longer and she might have followed Maura to New Mexico.
"No," Angela said, reaching for Jane's hand once more. "But I knew it was only a matter of time before you couldn't handle it anymore."
"Doesn't matter now." Jane leant back against the couch cushions. "None of it matters now."
They sat in silence, side by side, for a few minutes. A comfortable silence settled between them. Jane clung to Toby. The boy who was as much a part of her as anyone else in her life. She glanced back at the doorway to the bedroom.
"Don't think this lets you off for walking in here without knocking," she said, half joking.
"How was I supposed to know you two were hooking up?" Angela asked.
"You don't live in the guest house anymore, Ma, I do." Jane shook her head. "Don't say hooking up again, please."
"You live in the guest house?" Angela asked, her eyebrow raised.
"For now," Jane said, knowing that her residency in Maura's guesthouse was merely a formality and it would only be a matter of time before things changed permanently.
"Would you like me to take Toby back into the house so you two can finish hooking up?" Angela asked, winking at Jane.
"Don't do the winking thing, and stop saying hooking up," Jane said, kissing Toby's head and handing him back to Angela.
Angela face lit up into the brightest smile. "I'm so glad, tell Maura how glad I am."
"She can probably hear you, Ma."
"Tell her anyway."
"Fine," Jane said, then raised her voice. "Maura, Ma's glad we're together."
"I'm glad too, Angela," Maura shouted back.
"Now please leave," Jane said, stalking across the room and holding open the front door. As Angela walked up to her, Jane leant down and kissed Toby on the cheek. "I love you, be a good boy."
Once the door had closed, Jane turned back to the bedroom. She froze, her eyes trailed down Maura's body, as she stood in the doorway wearing little more than a bed sheet. The guest house was not big enough that Jane had full privacy. Maura had heard every word. The more she heard Jane talk about her, the more she wanted to pull her back into her arms.
"I was h-hoping your mother would leave…soon."
"Oh God," Jane whispered, marching towards Maura. She stood firm in the doorway, looking up into Jane's eyes. "I love Toby, but I am so glad he's not here right now."
"Me too," Maura said, opening her eyes and closing them several times. When Jane's arm wrapped around her waist, she allowed herself to be pulled backwards as she stumbled across the room towards the bed. A couple of steps away, her foot caught in the sheet and she tumbled backwards, Jane landed on top of her.
"When I said I fell for you, I didn't mean literally," Jane said, trailing her lips along Maura's collarbone.
Maura wrapped her hands around Jane's cheeks and pulled her face against her own. "I'll take literally."
x
Jane tossed the file on the desk in front of Ashley. She'd waited a week. She couldn't wait any longer and if talking about Ashley's adoptive mother would help open up the lines of communication, then she was going to do it. Ashley stared at her. Folding her hands across her chest, Jane waited for her to open the file.
"I wish there were more answers," she said, leaning on the edge of the desk. "I didn't want to show you until I could tell you something useful."
"Where did you get this?" Ashley asked.
"I have a friend in the medical examiners officer," Jane said, with a half smile. "I spoke to the ME who dealt with your mother's case. There were no suspicious circumstances, she didn't suffer a heart attack or a stroke. She just died."
"People don't just die," Ashley said, closing the file. She averted her gaze, but Jane had already seen the tears strolling down her cheek.
"Ashley," she said, placing a hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"Yeah. Thanks."
"If I could do anything more to find the answers, I would. I've exhausted all avenues."
"Did they do a tox screen?" Ashley asked, flicking back a couple of pages through the folder.
"I dunno, I assume so," Jane said, glancing across at the page Ashley was looking at. "All I recall was a larger than average consumption of alcohol."
"Did you talk to my brother?"
"No."
"Then you didn't do everything you could." Ashley slammed the file down on the desk and closed her eyes. "You need to talk to Sean. You need to ask him if he hid anything from the officers who spoke to him after she died."
"Why would I need to speak to Sean?" Jane asked, leaning against the edge of the desk.
Ashley paused, the thought ticked through her mind before she allowed herself to say it. "Because he might have moved the bottle of pills."
Jane stood up straight. "You think she tried to end her own life?"
"She tried before." Ashley's voice was barely audible. Jane leant back against the desk. "I thought she might try again. Sean didn't want to believe it. His wife's Born Again. They don't accept that she was hurting."
"Oh God, Ashley, I had no idea."
"You wouldn't." Ashley shrugged her shoulders. "I don't exactly tell people that my mom was depressed for her entire adult life."
"Did anything happen that might have pushed her to suicide?"
"I don't know. Sean might, he never told me. He wouldn't talk about it. She went to stay with him after her last attempt. We all decided that a change of environment might help. It did the opposite."
"I'll do what I can," Jane said, picking up the file. "But it's not my place to be investigating.
Despite being there mostly to talk business, Jane couldn't move. She held the case file against her chest and watched as Ashley stared into space. She sighed. Their relationship might have been non-existent, and whatever sliver of a relationship they did have was fractured, Jane still felt an insurmountable amount of sadness. She reached out and gave Ashley's shoulder a squeeze.
"Thank you," she said, pulled from her reverie. "For trying to help."
"It's no trouble." Jane knew she was pushing her luck, but she had to try. They were making progress, no matter how small, and she wasn't willing to let that go so easily. "Maybe we could get a drink after work"
"I don't think so," Ashley replied.
Jane's shoulder's sunk. She didn't know why she expected more, she should have known when Ashley didn't contact her, that she needed more time.
"But," she began, then allowed her voice to trail off.
"I appreciate your help," Ashley said, forging a smile. "I just need time."
"Okay." She took a step back, ready to leave her be. For a week she'd been trying to find a way to explain her relationship with Maura to her colleagues. Every time she opened her mouth to speak, all she could think about was Ashley finding out along the BPD grapevine. "Hey, Ashley."
"Yeah?"
"When you're ready to talk, I've got something I need to tell you. It's important."
"Okay."
Jane took another step back. She seemed in no rush to find out what she needed to say and Jane wasn't going to push it. She'd already pushed too hard. "See you around."
"Jane," Ashley said, before she reached the door. She turned, her eyes wide with expectation. "If you want to tell me, now, that would be okay."
She gritted her teeth. "I'd rather it be somewhere more private."
"I really need to finish this," Ashley said, holding up another file she'd been working on. Jane stared at the ground, her expectations once again shattered. "Just give me a couple of days."
Jane nodded. "Alright."
Author Note: So if you didn't figure it out from the chapter, Angela doesn't live at Maura's house anymore. Jane lives in Maura's guest house and has done since Maura and Toby came back from New Mexico. I don't know where Angela lives, she probably has her own apartment somewhere. Or maybe she lives with Frankie.
Thanks for reading! Hoping to get another chapter written and up soon. Though tomorrow I have a Pride event in my local town that I'm volunteering at for a helpline I'm involved in. Enjoy your weekend folks!
