Chapter 12

Logan left her alone the rest of the week. Veronica seemed grateful that he was taking things slow. Slow to him was an understatement. He thought that they were moving at all, but he didn't want to jinx their new status by pushing her too hard. In an effort to show he turned over a new leaf, he didn't follow her but he watched out for her. She was always alone with the few exceptions of when she met Weevil. Jealousy was not a good emotion for Logan and he worked hard to control it. By the end of the week, Logan would almost have had the DTs.

Logan thought that he and Veronica were a matched pair this week. All of his friends complained about his moping around. Subsequently, Logan spent most of his time away from everyone walking on the beach or listening to emo music. He really was turning into a girl. He even caught himself sighing wistfully when catching sight of Veronica. He only heard her voice once though when Weevil and Veronica were talking a slight distance from him. She sounded sad and was telling Weevil what a hard week this was for her. Logan couldn't help but feel ashamed for the part he played in causing her sadness.

After hours of listening to whiny music, Logan decided to end his crap of a week with a walk on the beach. The atmosphere of the beach was strangely calm and soothing to his spirit.

Veronica made her trek down to the beach. It was here that she felt closest to Duncan. Duncan loved the water and everything associated with it. Scuba, diving, surfing, kayaking, sailing, you name it, he did it. Veronica sat on the blanket and looked at the waves. If Duncan had been there, they would have taken the day off and spent the whole time at the beach enjoying each others' company.

Taking a package of Hostess cupcakes out of the bag, she stuck a candle in one and lit it carrying on a tradition that began when they were six years old. She remembered that day clearly. A huge party with lots of presents, Duncan in a suit, her in a pink frilly dress and both of them miserable as they had to act proper for their guests. It was only later in the evening when Duncan brought cupcakes to her and lit the candles that they were both happy. Since that time, they celebrated heir birthday the same way. Cupcakes at night by themselves. Nothing would change, she had made him a promise that wherever she was they would meet and celebrate the day the same. A myriad of memories of their previous birthdays flashed through her mind: riding horses at eight, a skating party at ten, their first official boy-girl party at twelve, a movie marathon party at thirteen, and their blow-out sweet sixteen party.

The candle was almost melted when she saw him standing a few feet from her. "Aren't you going to make a wish?" Logan questioned walking to the blanket and sitting down beside her.

"Nothing that I'd wish for would come true. Besides that's not mine, it's Duncan's." Veronica explained trying to hold back the tears that threatened.

"It's Duncan's birthday today?"

Veronica smiled, "Today is my birthday."

"You have the same birthday as your boyfriend?" he said still not getting it.

Veronica laughed, "No, I have the same birthday as my brother."

"Duncan was your brother," he said as if he finally solved a puzzle.

"Now you're getting it. I didn't take you for someone slow on the uptake," Veronica teased him while watching the waves.

"I'm usually not. I guess you threw me for too many loops." he said watching her face.

Some silence lapsed between them before Veronica said quietly, "Duncan was…Duncan is my twin."

Logan let the news digest. One part of him, he had to admit, was ecstatic. Veronica was not flooded with grief for a boyfriend. Another part of him was sad for her. Now that he knew Duncan had died, he didn't know what to say. He didn't love anyone remotely close to the way Veronica loved Duncan and he had never really lost anyone. Not sure of what to say, he asked, "Do you want to talk about him?"

Veronica was surprised that she actually did and even more shocked that she wanted, perhaps needed, to tell Logan about Duncan. "Duncan. He was more than my brother. I don't think anyone other than a twin could understand it. People talk about their spouse being their other half but Duncan and I were each other's other half. We always preferred each other's company to anyone else's and for the most part we enjoyed the same things. We were a bit isolated actually. It didn't help that our parents were hardly ever home and even when they were they were too in love with each other to see anything else. Not that we didn't love our parents, we did. I don't know if you or anyone could understand."

"Maybe its not important that I understand, maybe its only important that you tell it."

Veronica considered his words. She had not talked about Duncan or what happened with anyone. Why was she even thinking of talking to him? After a long pause she began. "Growing up we traveled a lot, so again without the time time to make friends, we stuck close to each other. In the eighth grade that all changed. We stayed in the same school for the next three years and had a chance to get to know other people. Everyone loved Duncan. I honestly can't think of one person who had a problem with him. He was kind, thoughtful, loyal, compassionate, funny, smart..so smart. He was the better half."

Logan looked solemnly at Veronica. "I don't think that's true. I mean I know Duncan was great but you've got those qualities as well."

"Maybe, I don't know if you've noticed but sometimes I have a tendency to be a little rough with people," she said tongue-in-cheek.

"You? I would never believe it." he laughed.

"Yeah, well Duncan was always the mediator, arbiter, whatever. He always saw reason and truth. He was my best friend, brother, twin, and soul mate."

"What happened?" Logan asked not sure if he was ready to hear the answer or if she was ready to tell him.

Veronica stared at the waves, her eyes brimming over with tears. "At the end of the academic year, my parents were going to take us somewhere. I can't even remember where or why it was so important. I balked at going with them because of this big dance the school was having that weekend. Those things were important to me then. I was on the court and practically in charge of the whole thing. I whined, begged, and pleaded for them to let me stay and meet them later. I even corralled Duncan into taking my side. My parents finally relented and I got my wish. That was the last time I will ever wish for anything. There was an accident and all three of them died." Logan took her in his arms as she continued. "I should have been there. It was my place. Everything would be okay if I was just with them. Duncan and I should have never been separated." Veronica was torn between taking comfort form him or pushing him away.

Logan let her cry for awhile before responding. "Maybe Duncan got his wish that you weren't there. If Duncan was all you say he was then it's my guess that he would never want anything bad to happen to you."

"No but he would never choose to be separated from me either."

"Not even if it meant saving your life? I know the accident wasn't a him or you thing. If you would have went maybe things would have been different but maybe not. Fate is tricky that way. But don't you know that by cutting yourself off from everyone and everything you effectively ended your life in another way? Life if about making connections with others, Veronica."

Veronica stiffened. Why was he always attacking her? Pushing, pushing. Always making her feel bad for the choices she made. She was pushing back. "Connections with others? What would you know about that?" she said defensively shrinking away from the warmth he provided. "You sit there and pontificate to me as if I was some naive twit who didn't know how to run her own life. Where do you get off lecturing me? Making connections...humph. I had connections. Three of the best and do you know where that got me? By myself."

Logan looked crushed at her tirade. For once in his miserable life, he was actually trying to help someone out of genuine concern. Well, okay maybe his motives weren't entirely altruistic but whose were? He was trying to help but apparently she didn't want any of his tainted offering. Of it's own accord, his temper, which he had carefully tried to keep in check, rose. His mouth opened ready to defend himself but Veronica cut him off.

"Take a good look at yourself before you preach to anyone else. Where are your connections? Let's see...parents. Well, you practically voice your opinion on them for everyone to hear at school, so I think I could safely say no connection. Friends? You people stab each other in the back more than any killer in a slasher movie. Girlfriends, please. This one's too easy. Does it ever involve more than a lay for you? Girls are just a body or a quest to you and you know it. So tell me about your connections and why I should bother, oh omniscient one."

Logan's eyes burned with fury and sadness. He didn't know it was possible to feel such huge amounts of both emotions at the same. Turning to face Veronica and struggling to hold back the wave of emotions that threatened, he said raspingly, "I just wanted to thank you for pointing out my many faults and how unworthy I am, especially to someone like you. So, thank you Veronica. Thank you for making me see that you are no different from those bitches at school. In fact, you are quite like Lilly. You tear down everybody. Did it ever occur to you that I thought you were different and was willing to put myself out there for some hope of a connection with you? Did you ever think that I wanted to change with you? This apathy that you have for almost everything. Yeah, that works real well at protecting yourself but tell me do you think that Duncan could love this new Veronica? Change is sometimes negative and hurtful. You know that. You experienced that. Why do you persist? You said that you are by yourself. That was your choice. Plenty of people would be there for you if you let them in."

Floored by his speech, Veronica was silent but couldn't take her eyes off of Logan.

"By your silence, I guess I'm right. Don't worry, I won't bother you again. I'll take my unworthy existence away from the fair Veronica." Logan stood up from the blanket and started to leave the beach. He paused and turned, "I just want you to know that I am truly sorry for everything that's happened to you and for the part that I played in making it worse. I hope that someday you can find happiness again." With that he turned back and left.

Veronica watched his figure as it was enveloped by darkness before collapsing in tears. The truth of his words hit her hard. What had she become? Was she really as abhorrent as Lilly? The shamefulness of her words to him cut her deep. It was true that he never would hurt her. Sure, he pissed her off, but hurt her? No, she knew Logan would never. What was the point in saying all of those hurtful things to him? He took everything and then wished her happiness. Both her mind and her heart were confused. She just wanted to be numb for awhile. Grabbing her stuff, she left the beach and headed for the comfort of her room.

After Veronica closed the door to her room, she got a glass of water and swallowed some pills that the doctor had prescribed after the accident. She laid down on the bed, grasped her pillow, and allowed the tears to flow until she was asleep.

She hoped he would come tonight and he did. After all, it was their birthday. Duncan sat on the bed next to her looking down in disapproval. Veronica felt fresh tears come as she launched herself up to hug Duncan. "I knew you would come."