Serena was waiting for it. Although what 'it' was she wasn't quite sure. The blonde had gone quiet on her. Not withdrawn and distant, but quiet. She didn't make her usual awful jokes, and her flirting had all but ceased, instead replaced by smaller, gentler gestures.

It only took a few moments of looking at the younger woman's face across the office they shared for the brunette to know what she was mulling something over. Trying to prepare for how whatever she had to say would be taken.

It was something the older woman had taken time to discover; that the bull headed blonde didn't always simply blurt things out. Most of the time, yes, but sometimes, with certain things, she took her time. She thought. And overthought. Always keeping whatever turmoil she was going on firmly inside her head until she had selected what she thought were just the right words.

For her part, Serena doesn't push. It kills her, going against her usually forthright manner, but she remains patient. She keeps any conversation light and playful, and when the blonde suggests lunch in the peace garden, she offers to buy the coffee and sandwiches.

Settled close together on the bench, Bernie slipped the hand not holding her coffee into Serena's. "I was unpacking the rest of the boxes Cameron brought round to the flat last night. I found some pictures." She turned to face the brunette. "Pictures of Alex and I. I had almost forgotten I had them." She squeezed the hand in hers. "I've arranged to meet her."

"Oh," breathed Serena, her heart hammering in her chest.

"I need to do this, Serena," said Bernie. "I need to see her face to face. I owe her that much, at least. And before we go any further, I want to be able to say to you that it's over between Alex and I. Completely over and that she knows that." She put her coffee on the bench next to her, bringing her hand up to cup the older woman's cheek. "It's been over for me for a long time now, and I need to tell her that. She needs to know it can never be her…" It was too much, too soon to say 'because it will always be you.'

In that moment, Serena couldn't have cared if the whole hospital was watching and filming her. Her own coffee cup falling to the floor forgotten, she brought their lips together in a fierce kiss. When the blonde had mentioned her former lover, the brunette hated to admit that, for a moment at least, she had been terrified of what might spill from her lips. With her kiss, she tried to let the younger woman know that she understood precisely what she wasn't saying, and that the feeling was mutual.

When they finally parted, Bernie had a rather serious expression on her face as she leant her forehead against Serena's. "You understand why I have to do this?"

The brunette nodded. "Yes. It's not fair to do something like this over the phone, and I'll hit you if you tell me you thought about sending a text." The blush that bloomed on the blonde's cheeks earner her a firm smack on the arm. "You're better than that."

"I'm meeting her tonight. Seven at The Cornerstone. It's a bar. She suggested it. And I'll call you when I leave," explained Bernie, trying to make sure the older woman knew exactly why this had to be done, and that the medic was only doing it to bring closure, not because she wanted to spend time with her former lover.

Serna smiled. "You don't have to tell me where and when, Bernie. I trust you."

The blonde nodded in response. When she spoke, her voice was low. "I know. I just…Edward cheated, and given my past history, I don't want you to think that I would ever do that to you."

"I know you won't do that to me," said Serena seriously. "I trust you. And for what it's worth, I think you're doing the right thing. What you had with her, it meant something to both of you, and deserves to be brought to an end properly." Seeing Bernie was out of words, she simply wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her to her in a loose embrace.

Letting herself lean into the older woman's side, the blonde furiously wiped away the tears which escaped her eyes. "You're too good to me."

"No, sometimes you're just too hard on yourself."


Bernie knew she shouldn't be nervous. She had made it clear in her messages to Alex in arranging their meeting that this wasn't going to be some great reunion where they would skip off into the sunset. Still, that didn't stop her having to take a few deep breaths before entering the bar. She hadn't been sure how she would react to the sight of the younger woman after so long, and was more than a little unsure as to how the brunette would react to her.

Pushing open the door, she barely made it two steps before Alex stood and waved her over. She hadn't changed. Not one bit. Somehow, that reassured Bernie. Alex may not have changed, but she certainly had.

"Civilian life looks good on you," came the brunette's gravelly tone as she approached.

Ignoring the flirtatious comment, Bernie set about removing her coat before slipping into the seat opposite, her gaze firmly on her own hands, clasped on the table between them. She barely even looked up when the younger woman pushed an already bought drink in front of her.

"You know, I wasn't sure you'd show," admitted Alex. "You seem to have gotten good at avoiding me."

The blonde sighed, finally looking up to meet the younger woman's gaze. "I've not been avoiding you."

The brunette let out a snort. "Really, what would you call it, Bern? Ignoring me? You haven't replied to any of my messages, my e-mails. You didn't even tell me you'd moved!"

Bernie couldn't deny any of it. "I'm sorry," she finally breathed. "I just…it was too much." She blinked, trying to clear the tears from her eyes. "I couldn't. You left, then there was the divorce papers being served, the kids…"

Alex reached a hand over the table, covering the blonde's. "You could have talked to me."

Shaking her head, the Major pulled her hands away. "No. I couldn't. You would have tried to tell me the divorce was all for the best, that it wasn't my fault. But it was Alex. The divorce and all the, the shit, that has come with it…I brought it on myself. And it's for me to take responsibility for."

"Bernie, you can't help who you love."

The blonde let out a rueful chuckle. "I know. I really do."

"What are you saying to me here, Bern?" asked Alex, taking a mouthful of her own drink as she sat back in her chair.

"I'm saying goodbye. What we had…I will never forget, but it's over Alex. I'm not the same person I was out there. You let me go to let me find my feet here, and I have."

The brunette let out the breath she had been holding. "And what, I don't get a say in this?"

The blonde felt anger flare in the pit of her stomach. "You left me, Alex. When I left that post when the IED hit, it wasn't by choice, it was the only way I was going to live! When you left me at Holby, it was very much a choice. Your choice. You have no idea what I've gone through since then! And I don't know, maybe if you had stayed, things might be different…" She trailed off, her mind drifting to Serena. Even if Alex had stayed, how could she not have fallen in love with her?

"I might have an idea if you'd actually answered any of the messages I sent you!" shouted Alex, letting out a frustrated sight before taking a deep breath and lowering her voice. "You told me nothing! The only reason I even know about the divorce-"

"Is because you went to my house," cut in Bernie, her anger flaring once more. Anger at how Alex had acted, at herself, at the whole situation. "Cameron was admitted to AAU. He told me."

"I didn't mean to make a scene," admitted Alex. "You weren't answering me, and I was passing, and I stopped. It was stupid, but before I knew what was happening, Marcus was there, shouting at me."

"Cameron said you gave as good as you got."

Alex shrugged. "What was I meant to do? Stand there like some meek little thing, letting him yell at me? Blame me?"

The blonde sighed, shaking her head. "I shouldn't have ignored your messages. And I'm sorry," she finally said, guilt tempering her anger. She held Alex's challenging gaze. "I truly am sorry, Alex. I wasn't ready to speak to you then, to see you."

"Then what makes you ready now?" asked Alex, a slight tremble in her voice. She watched as Bernie averted her gaze. She drained the rest of her drink before asking her next question. "Is there someone else?" The expression on the blonde's face was answer enough. "Who is it?"

"That doesn't matter, Alex," said Bernie. "That's not why it's over for me. I mean it when I say I will always treasure what we had, but I'm not that person anymore. I'm not the person you fell in love with out there."

"I don't get to decide that?" snapped Alex.

"Alex, I don't want to fight," sighed the blonde. "I came here tonight to tell you it's time to move on. For both of us. What we had, some days out there it was all I had, all that kept me together and I can never thank you enough for that but…"

The younger woman nodded. "It's over. Yeah, you might have mentioned that once or twice tonight already." She let out a long, slow breath. "I should never have left."

Leaning forward, Bernie held the brunette's gaze. "It wouldn't have mattered, Alex. We were never built to last, and deep down, I know you know that." She paused. "I'm home now. I'm not Major Wolfe, anymore, but you're still every inch the army medic you always were. You're not ready to settle, and neither of us deserves just to settle…"

Sniffling, the brunette wiped away tears. "You really have changed, haven't you," she managed with a watery chuckle. "What happened to the shy, stammering soldier I stole all those moments with?"

Bernie managed a smile in return. "She changed. She found a place she could be herself, and belong."

"Urgh!" growled Alex. "I swore I wouldn't cry." She wiped her eyes once more, taking a few deep breaths. "I guess this is it, then?"

"I guess," nodded the blonde.

Pushing herself to her feet, the younger woman paused. "I won't push my luck and ask for kiss goodbye when there's someone new, but can I at least get a hug?"

Standing, Bernie opened her arms, surprised by just how fiercely the brunette's arms wrapped around her. Finally pulling back, they found they both had tears to wipe away.

"I'll miss you, Major," breathed Alex.

"Stay safe," replied Bernie, knowing without a doubt that the brunette would be leaving for the next available post.

"I'll try. We're not all as clumsy as you," smirked the brunette. She stood, taking one last long look at the older woman before grabbing her coat from the back of her chair and disappearing from the bar.

Sitting heavily in her chair, Bernie finally reached for the drink Alex had bought for her, downing it in one. Grabbing her own coat, she made for the exit, in need of some space and some air. Outside, she allowed herself a few moments to simply breathe. She had known their meeting would be difficult, but hadn't quite expected it to churn up so many feelings.

Having taken a taxi, not wanting to deal with the hassle of parking and being late, she decided to walk home, hoping it would give her the chance to clear her head. She felt stupid. She had known for months it was over with Alex, and yet her she was tears still in her eyes as memories of the younger woman her came unbidden to her mind. Memories f happier times...of watching her walk away. She recalled the feeling of intense shame at how the whole charade had played out. The guilt at how much damage she had done.

Before she even realised what she was doing, she had her phone at her ear, eyes closed as she waited to hear a familiar voice. "Serena?" She sniffled.

"Are you okay?"

She winced at her state being so obvious over the line. "I'm fine," she breathed.

"No you're not," came Serena's voice, her tone stern. She hadn't missed the hitch in the blonde's voice, and knew that if there weren't already tears, they were imminent. "Where are you? I'm coming to get you."

Bernie watched as Serena pulled up to the kerb, pulling her coat tightly around her as she darted for the car, letting herself in the passenger side. No sooner had she pulled the door closed behind her, she pulled the brunette into a tight hug. "Thank you."

Serena smiled, sliding her arms around the blonde, and resting her head on top of messy blonde curls. "Are you okay?"

"Better now," came Bernie's mumble.

"Good," said the older woman, extracting herself from the hug. "Now, no arguments, you're coming back to mine where you're going to borrow a pair of fluffy pyjama's and are going to be snuggled whether you like it or not."

Not for the first time, and certainly not for the last, Bernie wondered how she had gotten quite so lucky.


With the blonde wrapped safely in her arms, Serena placed a kiss to the top of her head. She said nothing about the tears that made their way down pale cheeks, merely brushing them gently away with the pads of her thumbs. Her 'macho' medic would never admit it, but she knew that today had been difficult for her, however long ago she may have known in her head it was over between she and Alex. Letting go was never easy. That much she knew. Feeling the younger woman's breathing even out, Serena smiled. The blonde was braver than she would ever know.

It may not be how she had imagined she would first share a bed with the younger woman, but feeling her warm breaths against her neck, she knew she wouldn't change it for the world. Tonight wasn't about lust. Tonight was about her soldier coming home to her.