Sry about the long wait XD
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It had been a month since the hospital, since Alex had awoken, since Alex had lost her memory. With hard-work, Marissa had managed to regain Alex's memory up to when they last started dating, but she had left out the bit about shooting Ryan. She was frightened to face the risk of Alex's reaction. What if Alex relapsed back into her habit of cutting herself? What if she took it the same way she did the last time? She could make herself face the risk. Sure, she had tried. She tried every time she could. She just couldn't bring herself to do it.
Sighing, Marissa dragged a piece of hair away from Alex's face, being careful not to wake her girlfriend. It was 3 AM. She should be asleep. But lately, these few nights that is, she had been waking up around this time. She couldn't really explain it. She just couldn't get a full night's rest. There was always too much on her mind. She could never settle her thoughts. Her mind was always awake… thinking about Alex. Rolling over so her back was turned to the sleeping blonde, Marissa slid out of bed, only managing to land on the ground. Great… so now I'm clumsy without alcohol too?
She rubbed her head as she lifted herself off the ground, a small bruise beginning to form in the middle of her eyebrows. She grumbled a few words. Every night this happened. Whether she was getting up for the bathroom or for a glass of water, she always ended up with a mouthful of carpet. It was like she was drunk 24/7. She hated that feeling. It was like she didn't have control. The way she couldn't control where her body went...the way she didn't have control of her life. She just hated it.
Marissa pulled on her sweats and a shirt, the strong need to run pulsing through her body. It was only a matter of seconds until she had made out the door, a few more bruises scattered across her body. The icy wind bit at her skin its teeth occasionally catching her skin. She didn't mind. In fact, Marissa adored the feeling. She loved the icy- pain. It made her realize why Alex had cut. The pain took everything away. With the pain, she didn't have the constant memories of Ryan flying at her. The memories were blocked for that instant. It almost made her want to start cutting, but she knew she shouldn't. The icy wind was enough.
Smirking, Marissa broke into a sprint, the cool air's teeth growing sharper now invading her lungs. It didn't slow her down. Rather, it drove her to run faster. She wanted the pain to grow. The only way was to run faster. The air would cut deeper into her lungs the faster she ran. She grinned as the pain grew stronger, her pace speeding up with every second. The park was only a few blocks away. She had to make this run count. The more pain she caused the more it counted. The longer the memories stayed away. She only had the run there and back to forget them; then, they all came back.
She hated those memories. Every night they haunted her. She had to fight to keep them away during the day. This wasn't how she pictured life with Alex. She pictured love, care, and happiness. But this? This was the opposite. This was pain and suffering. This was everything she didn't want. This was death at its worst too her.
"How did my life take this path?" she growled, throwing herself onto the grassy field of the local park. The fresh dew cleaned the wind's fresh beating stinging as if soap. Her grin grew wider with the new pain. Ryan… That's how… She answered in her mind. She swore that she'd never say his name aloud again since bad things tended to happen when she did. The last time she did a shelf in the house Alex and she shared broke. And there were a ton of other misfortunes that had happened once his horrid name had been uttered. So many, in fact, she couldn't remember them all. The only thing she knew was that Ryan's name had been mentioned.
Groaning, Marissa wiped her hands over her face, dragging last night's make-up across her cheeks. She closed her eyes, picturing last night. It had been one of the better nights, starting with drinks, ending with sex. There hadn't been the normal fight with Jodie about what Alex should be told or whether or not she and Alex were really dating (Alex still wasn't sure on some nights.) But last night had been different. Alex was quite content with their relationship, and for some unknown reason, Jodie hadn't bugged her about the parts she had left out in Alex's memory. It had been a perfect night. Something she had missed in the past months or so. Normal, non-nerve-breaking outings.
"Thought I'd find you here…" an all too familiar voice rang into her ear. She cringed. Today was starting less than perfect. She already knew it. "Thinking about what to do?"
"I told you Jodie, when the time's right I'll tell her. When I'm ready to take the consequences," Marissa growled, rolling onto her stomach. She knew where this one was going. It would start out pleasant like all the rest but end in a disaster. There were no ways in confronting Jodie without starting a fight. She had learnt that in the past month. "I don't want to hear it Jodie. I came here to be with myself," she raked her fingers through her hair. If only that would shut Jodie up.
"It would be so much easier if you'd just tell her. You'd get everything off your mind!" Jodie attempted to convince Marissa but was failing miserably. She rambled on for a bit, but the taller girl just drowned it out. She didn't have the patience to listen to it this time. She couldn't. She heard it practically everyday. It made her want to scream.
"I've heard you a thousand time Jodie!" she screamed, jumping to her feet. "I'll do it in my own time, now leave! I can't take this…" she screamed, stumbling backwards. "Leave…" She didn't take time for Jodie's reaction. Instead, Marissa bolted off in the opposite direction, hoping the comfort of seeing Alex could calm her shaking form.
