Author's Note: If any of you hate me a little after this chapter (and the two to follow) that's totally fine. I only ask that you trust me to make it worth it in the end. You have my word that I will, but I want to make this something more than your average hearts-are-broken/all-is-forgiven/they-live-happil y-ever-after story, and that is what I'm trying to do. If I'm failing at that, then I will definitely try harder; but if what I'm failing at is rushing the happy ending, then I'm sorry but I'm not even near done with this story yet. ;) there's a lot of twists and turns to come and I'm excited to write every one of them. I just hope that you're all excited to read them!
Chapter Twelve:
The surprisingly strong hand that grabbed her arm suddenly and pulled her down a darkened corridor almost caused her to drop the two coffees that she was balancing precariously in her hands, along with a lemon-poppyseed muffin that she was hoping may finally reward her with more than a blank stare from Emily today; the circus act that she had to carry out to keep that from happening as she shuffled helplessly along with her sudden captor ensuring that she missed the implications in the urgency of the gesture itself. "Ouch, Garcia. What the hell? That hurt."
"Not as much as this is going to." Garcia spoke plainly as she locked the door to her lair and immediately began tapping at her keyboard. "Your coffees and notes and.." She looked to the contents of the blonde's hands. "Delicious muffins, are not going to fix this one."
But she didn't miss the implications in that. "Garcia, just spit it out." She snapped in frustration; her heart was now pounding in her chest for reasons that she still hadn't been permitted in her friends cryptic behaviour, but something told her that whatever this was was about change the course of everything considerably.
"Okay, look." Garcia spun back around in her chair and pulled up a still from that morning's CCTV footage; zoomed in as far as it would go and spoke so quickly that the words almost run together. "It was sat on her desk all morning and it took me a little while to see it but by the time that I did it was already too late because now.. well, now it's gone."
JJ shook her head in confusion. "What's gone?"
"The letter of resignation." Garcia faced JJ, her words the calm before the storm that she knew was fast approaching. "I almost signed one once when Rossi caught Kevin and I, and I was sure that I-"
"Garcia.. who's desk is that?" JJ's heart stopped and her steady voice belied the panic rising in her chest.
"Sweetie.. It's Emily's." She spoke with sad eyes; immediately turning back to pull up several other windows until she found Emily in the maze of rooms that was this building. But the moment that the brunette adorned her screen, JJ was already impatiently rattling at the handle of the locked door to get out. "JJ. JJ, look at me.."
"Garcia, I don't have time. Will you please let me out of here so that I can go find Emily before.." Her heart felt like it was going to rupture in her chest for how fast it was beating and every inch of her skin both pulsed and burned with a longing that she had never felt before – even in recent weeks. It wasn't heartbreak, it wasn't fear; it was an epic combination of every possible emotion that could ever be attached to unwanted finality, and she was trapped some place between sobbing and shaking. "Please.."
The typically bubbly woman had never seen JJ this way, with nothing but pure panic etched across her face in ways that was almost painful to watch. Honestly, she looked like a drug addict who had finally been called on their ways and was currently begging for their last hit before they quit – and all that told her was that she absolutely was not going to let JJ out of this room until she was certain that her motives were pure. Until she was certain that what she felt for Emily was genuine love, rather than a need to cling to something safe in what was essentially the most difficult period of her life.
She had watched the young woman closely over the past almost thirteen weeks, and what she had seen certainly carried itself as love - but she knew what it was like to fall for someone so deeply that you're blind to every warning sign, and just how difficult it was to break free from that spell; and so she had to be sure that it was more than nothing before she threw the unsuspecting brunette back into JJ's hands.
"Even if she does come running back to you, JJ.. What happens when Hotch finds out about this? Because he will. All it takes is one agent not from our team to see and you're toast." Garcia shot her first question unapologetically, and then the second, third, fourth, fifth, and sixth before JJ could even respond. "What happens when Henry asks why Emily is always at your house and why his daddy isn't anymore? What happens when this fairytale doesn't live up to its expectations? When the danger of keeping it out your work life is gone? When the forbidden fruit of being with a woman gets old? When the excitement of the chase is over?"
As her tirade progressed and completed, the atmosphere in the room almost visibly shifted; the tears in JJ's eyes seemed to suck back inside her eyes like a vacuum until all that remained in those eyes were rings of darker than dark blue with a distinct lick of flames that held both anger and defense. However, it wasn't that reaction that Garcia was partially shocked to see – it was the fact that JJ wasn't defending herself, or fighting for herself, or angry for the implicit accusations that had just been tossed her way.. it was all for Emily. For Henry. For this whole change that she had made in recent months for the betterment of those she loved. Something that was reinforced by each perfectly enunciated word that marched out of a strong jaw like soldiers, fearless and ready.
"I have spent every day of my life denying who I am, and for over a year now, I have forced Emily to do the same. Emily who, with every ounce of her being, loved me beyond the lies that I told myself every day, beyond the lies that she still doesn't know I told myself every day, and she won't ever know. Not because I relish lying to her - because I absolutely hate that part – but because she deserves to live in a world where she doesn't have to question my love for her just like you are doing right now. She deserves to feel safe just like she has always made me feel, and whether it takes months or years – whether she leaves right now or whether she doesn't – I am going to prove to her that I am capable of that job. I don't know what the future holds and I won't pretend to, but even with regard to Henry, I can't live a lie anymore. How will that possibly benefit him, Garcia? What if he grows up to be gay, or something deemed unworthy in today's society, and I'm the reason that he spends his life the way that I have?"
Garcia had no words; though, she wasn't even sure that what JJ had offered even constituted as real questions that expected real answers. So she remained silent and gave JJ the opportunity to continue with what she was becoming certain were the most honest words that she had spoken in her entire life.
"I don't enjoy this chase, I don't want the danger - I get enough of that with this job - but I will endure every second of it to show her, to show myself, to show Henry and Will, that I am capable of honesty. And if that means that I lose my job then so be it. Because I love what I do.. but quite simply, I love her more, love them more. And if that also means that I have to spend every day of the rest of my life chasing her – or regretting not chasing her soon enough should she ever tell me that she quite simply just doesn't love me anymore – then I'll take that too. I am tired of living in regrets, Garcia, and I absolutely refuse to allow that woman, that damn incredible woman, to be another regret. So you need to unlock this door right now because if I'm willing to do all of that for her, I am certainly willing to kick down a damn door for her."
"I.." Garcia blinked. "Well, alrighty then. How could I possibly argue with that.." She relinquished her sweaty grip on the key and tossed it to JJ, who eagerly shoved it into the lock and was already half way out of the door by the time that she spoke her next words. "Go get your girl!"
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She snatched the paper from Emily hands and pulled the protesting brunette into a nearby supply closet as soon as she found her turning a corner towards Hotch's office.
"What the hell are you doing?" Emily exclaimed with her arms out wide and a confused but expectant look on her face as the blonde flicked on a light and blocked the door with a broom.
The voice was almost strange to hear; foreign and familiar. Familiar in the sense that she had heard it every day for the past three months given that they worked together and had no choice but to pretend that they were very capable of doing that job; but foreign in that it was, for the first time in those long months, directed at her. And she took a moment to savour it before she turned to face Emily and spoke solidly. "I'm stopping you from making a mistake."
Emily laughed incredulously, a mocking tone returning to her voice that she hated herself for and that, unbeknownst to her, the blonde had already hardened herself to. "Oh sweetie, how could it ever be a mistake when it means that I don't have to endure your stalkerish tendencies each damn day?"
JJ saw the very subtle, very well hidden flash of apology and sadness in Emily's eyes and she bravely took a step forward, her voice calm. "Don't do that.." She whispered softly. "I know I deserve it, I know I hurt you, I know any amount of trust that you have ever had in me is gone but.. don't play that card, Emily. You're not that cruel."
"You don't know anything about me, JJ." I don't even know anything about myself anymore.. Emily looked briefly to the ceiling, her discomfort visible when her eyes returned.
"I know more about you than you'll ever admit to yourself.. And I will spend every day proving to you that that knowledge is safe with me. Just, please.." She held up Emily's resignation letter. "Please don't do this."
Tears glossed at Emily's eyes before she looked away again to repair the resolve that she was very aware was crumbling. "I don't have a choice, JJ. I've already put it off for three months. I can't keep them waiting any longer."
Three months.. JJ mused as her heart constricted. That means.. "You were already planning to leave as soon as you got back.."
JJ voice was soft and broken and all Emily could manage was apologetic eyes that really made no difference to the pain in the younger woman's – something that a part of her enjoyed. However much she hated herself for that, she was only human and it truly did feel wonderful to have the upper hand for once and she willingly gave the elaboration that JJ hadn't asked for nor seemed to want. "Clyde called me right before we met at the courthouse offering me a position to run the London Interpol office with him.. But I.. I couldn't leave after I'd finally gotten you back in my life. So I took Strauss' offer. And then we.." Emily shook her head as she remembered how badly things had worked out from that point. "That's why I came over to your house that night." She sighed. "I needed to know if I had reason to stay. I needed to know if you wanted me to stay. I really wasn't sure if you'd even missed me when I was gone or if your life was just a whole lot easier.. I tried to ask but that just-"
JJ's head snapped around. "That's why you wanted to know if I'd thought about you while you were gone?"
Emily nodded. "And that's why I.. That's why I asked you that night if it really mattered but you just.." She sighed, remembering very vividly what JJ had 'just'. "I guess I left with the answers I was searching for, but they really weren't what I'd hoped for. And then you were just there, JJ." She threw up her hands. "You were just there at my door, telling me that it did matter, answering a question that you didn't even know I was asking, and while you were sleeping that night, I tore up my resignation letter. But-"
"But.." JJ sighed as the events of the past three months, the past seventeen months, washed through her like a tidal wave; almost knocking her off of her feet until she allowed herself to slump back against the door behind her, her hand resting at the back of her neck as her eyes stared off at nothing. And when she finally spoke again, there was some kind of almost-silent disbelief in her voice that was directed solely at herself for being so damn blind. "But I ruined it.. I was your sole reason for turning down the job and I.." She laughed disbelievingly. "I just tossed it to the wind like it meant nothing."
"Not like it meant nothing, JJ." Emily reasoned despite herself, sighing and dropping her hands to her thighs in resignation as she took a step forward. It was ironic, that through all of this, the one thing that she had struggled to find was logic, and yet right now, she had an abundance of it to placate the regret in JJ's eyes. "I should have seen that it was far more complicated for you than me. You have a family. You have Henry to think about."
She wanted to correct her; to admit that it wasn't simply about Henry but the last thing that either of them needed was more excuses. So she quashed those excuses before they could even begin whilst at the same time allowing Emily to believe that that's exactly what it was. "Emily.." She shook her head and lifted her blue eyes to brown. "Don't make excuses for me. I stopped doing that a while ago and you should too. I'm a grown woman. A grown woman who is capable of mistakes."
"I think we're both very capable of that." Emily spoke honestly, seemingly unconcerned for the implications in her words, but swallowing hard when she found her grip on her courage slipping once again. "Which is why I have to do this." She spoke solidly, her back visibly straightening with the words as if she was trying to depict strength that just wasn't really there. "I can't make that same mistake again, and I can't follow you when the only reason that you're chasing me is-"
"Is what, Emily?" JJ's eyes grew intense, her brow furrowed as she pushed herself off of the door and took a step forward that seemed to unnerve the brunette. "What is the only reason I'm chasing you?"
"Because Will left you.." Emily spoke with trepidation. "Garcia told me that you guys separated and-"
"Did she tell you why?" JJ needed to know, but when Emily looked at her in confusion, she gave an elaboration that was as dishonest as it was truthful. "I broke up with him, Emily. I told him that I shouldn't be around either of you, and it was very clear from that point that I wanted my future to be with you. I still do." She sighed as she looked towards the resignation letter still gripped in her left hand. "I always will."
Emily studied JJ for a moment; trapped between being entirely uncertain and wholly sure. There was so much honesty in JJ's eyes almost hypnotising her but.. could she really go there again? How could she justifiably go there again after what had happened the last time? But didn't she need closure? She could easily up and leave, which she still planned to, but without that closure she would always be tied to the past. Right? That made sense, didn't it? However, just as she felt her walls crumbling much like her resolve, surprisingly bold words stopped her with a question that both caused her to almost sob and, unbeknownst to the speaker, returned the courage that she had gradually lost within the past ten minutes.
"Do you still love me?"
"I.." Emily shook her head, diverted her eyes that she knew were currently betraying her and laughed to hide her discomfort. "I'm not sure how that question is relevant anymore, JJ."
"It is very relevant, Emily. Right now, in this room, it is the only thing that is relevant."
"Love is the only thing that's relevant?" Emily laughed in disbelief before trying to push by the blonde to leave. "You really need to grow up, JJ."
"Don't you dare tell me to grow up!" JJ was angry now; blocking the door with her whole body as she spat her next words. "I have done more growing up in the past three months than you will ever know. I have lived the brutal truth for the past three months and endured that reflected in your eyes every damn day. Reflected in Will's eyes every damn day. I have placed my heart on the line at every opportunity while knowing that you're just going to crush it again. I have turned my whole life upside down and then put it back together. I know exactly what it's like to realise that fairytales don't exist, and the reason I've done any of that is for love. My love for Will, my love for Henry. My love for myself, even. And my love for you. So answer the question, Emily. Do you still love me?"
Her jaw locked, her head twisting briefly at how tiny the room suddenly felt under this scrutiny. She knew the answer; she knew but when she truly thought about it, she was both somewhat pleased and disappointed to see that the reason that she hadn't given it yet wasn't because she was afraid to give away more of herself, but actually because she was protecting JJ. "JJ, please let me go. Please let me out of this room."
"No." JJ stepped forward as soon as a flash of colour in Emily's eyes gave her the courage. "Not until you tell me that you don't love me." She trailed her fingers over Emily's cheek, tried to pretend that it didn't hurt when Emily flinched away like she had physically been struck and instead kept her voice calm and reassuring. "I know I hurt you, Emily. I know I caused you to regret ever opening up your world to me and I don't deserve another chance but I'm asking you for one. You still love me, don't you? You still want me.."
Emily almost felt the transition in her eyes. The one that erased tears to nothing more than a faint gloss and turned warm brown to almost black as she lifted a hardened face to meet JJ's; her slender fingers curling into iron fists by her side and she clenched her jaw briefly before she spoke. "I do love you, JJ. Just like I loved you when you broke my heart. Just like I loved you when you lied to me. Just like I loved you when you turned up at my apartment, telling yet more lies so that I would fuck you, fuck away the fact that your boyfriend had just cheated on you. Just like I loved you when I watched you chase that boyfriend out of my apartment like a scared puppy. Just like I loved you every day for the past three months when you would not give me the space to process just how much I don't want to love you." She saw the pain in JJ's eyes but continued anyway; a more bitter tone to her voice that was strangely encouraged by that pain. "I don't want to love you, JJ. I don't want to feel anything for you. I don't know you. I have no idea who you are anymore. So there's your answer. Yes, I do still love you. With everything I have." She laughed and shook her head. "But no part of me wants to. Not one damn part." Her voice softened as she allowed the words to fully set in. "Is it still relevant now, Jennifer?"
JJ stared into Emily's eyes for a moment more, willing the tears in her own not to fall as she waited, hoped, for some glimmer in dark brown to tell her that those words weren't true. But it never came. Somehow, it would have been a world easier had Emily told her that she didn't love her, because that much, she would have known was a lie. But this.. this was truth. A painful, brutal, justified truth that left her with nothing to cling to anymore. She had been right; Emily did deserve to live in a world where she didn't have to question her love for her every waking moment.. but what she hadn't considered with that sentiment was that perhaps Emily actually needed to live in a world without her - period. And that realisation felt dangerously similar to the one that she had felt eleven months ago when she was told that the necessary cause of action was for Emily to fake her own death. Perhaps this was as necessary as that had been, but that didn't change how damn empty she felt; and the resigning words that left her lips as she stared at the ground and handed Emily her letter didn't sound like her own. "You can go, Emily." She stepped away from the door, her eyes still downcast; not necessarily in defeat, but more because she absolutely did not want any emotion that was swirling in them to falter the courage that Emily had clearly found. "I hope you find someone who treats you better than I ever could and.. and I hope you find happiness without condition."
Because that really was the one thing that she couldn't give her. She could give her, them, a future; but it was a future that already held foundations that weren't her own. She could give her love; but after everything that had happened, that would come with an abundance of uncertainty that would taint that love almost enough that it may as well not exist. She could give her herself.. Actually, no, she couldn't give her that; because when she was still lying about who she was, how could she possibly give her all of herself? No, everything that she could give her came with conditions and for the first time since this had begun, JJ finally realised that it didn't matter how she felt, because Emily deserved more than that.
JJ didn't see it because she was looking down, and Emily was partially grateful for that; but the brunette's eyes definitely changed in that second. Changed subtly to mimic the heart in her chest that hadn't just sunk but crashed explosively to the bottom of some black hole. It was disappointment. Had she really wanted JJ to fight for her after that? Yes, she had – even if it was simply so that she could walk away with her upper hand still intact. But that upper hand was gone; no one was a potential winner at this point. There were only losers in a game that had long lost it's true objective; and she snatched the paper from JJ's hand and fled the small room before she could even begin down that path of back-pedals and fruitless desperation. "Take care, Jennifer."
It was only once she reached the other side of that door that she herself felt the same intense panic of finality that JJ had twenty minutes ago in Garcia's office, and suddenly she was more afraid than she had been in her entire life; even more afraid than she had been when she was trapped in that damn warehouse with Ian Doyle.
Ian Doyle, she scoffed. Ian Doyle who actually offered me more honesty than JJ ever did and he was a man beyond redemption. Ian Doyle.. And as it crossed her mind that JJ had never once taken the time to ask her how she felt about her undercover days with Ian, ever bothered to recognise any of the mental strength that it may have taken her to get through the past year, the past eight years, ever acknowledged any one bit of it; she straightened her back and marched purposefully towards Hotch's office.
In all honesty, she likely wouldn't have responded to JJ's concern even if she had done any one of those things - at least not right away - but she would have been grateful that she had even bothered. That intrusion would have been far better than the nothing that her now clear mind was recognising that she had received. But it was like everything else with regard to JJ these days - selfish - and it told her, unequivocally, that this was the right thing to do. It didn't matter that the old JJ would have asked; the old JJ would have pushed until she had pulled her out from darkness; the old JJ would have cared. It didn't matter that the old JJ would have noticed beyond the haze of desire, the eternal mark etched into her breast and she would have cared to draw attention to it, even if that meant losing the moment and the orgasm that she was so close to. It didn't matter because this JJ wasn't the JJ whom she had fallen in love with - this JJ was someone else entirely. She'd fallen for someone who didn't exist, and it was that thought that carried her clenched fist to knock three times against the solid oak door that, beyond it, held her future.
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Emily had been gone for fifteen minutes now and still JJ hadn't budged one inch. Instead, she had spent every second stood rigidly still with her back against the shelves behind her, staring at what she assumed to be toner in her line of sight on the shelves of the opposite wall. Honestly, whatever she was staring at was so insignificant, but trying to figure that out was far preferable than trying to gauge what she did from here. No part of her knew what she did from here - just what she shouldn't do.
Like that she shouldn't chase Emily into the open view of some of the country's best minds and beg for the chance that she didn't deserve; the chance that she wouldn't be able to justify being given even if she was that lucky. Like that she shouldn't hope that somewhere between this supply closet and Hotch's office, Emily had changed her mind and was currently on her way back to her. Like that she shouldn't cry, not even one teardrop, because those self-pitying swirls of moisture wouldn't change one damn thing. Like that she shouldn't leave here and carry her sob story to Garcia; not only because she was quite sick of leaning on her so heavily every five minutes, but because she knew without a shadow of a doubt that her friend would do everything within her power to cease Emily's resignation and prevent her departure - and she couldn't take that away from Emily when she had already taken everything else.
So instead, she checked her face in the steel cabinet to her left and swiped away any tears that had fallen without her permission. The rippled, distorted reflection of herself held an image that she detested, but it was at least one that was mundane enough to not alert the prying eyes of profilers; and she left that small room and wandered back to her desk like none of the past twenty minutes had happened. Of course, it had. Of course, there was so much over-analysing in her future that the prospect of sifting through gave her a headache. But right here, right now - it didn't exist. It couldn't exist, because the moment it did was the moment that she turned this into something that it just shouldn't; just like she had all those months ago with Emily.
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"Emily?" Hotch's brow furrowed as he looked up from his paperwork; immediately pushing the important notes aside in favour of his agent, his friend, who looked like she was carrying the whole weight of the world on her shoulders and yet, true to Emily Prentiss form, holding a posture that told a different story. But then his eyes fell to the envelope in her hand and released a breath that he'd been holding since she had returned three months ago - the breath that had been waiting for this day to come. "Why don't you take a seat."
Taking one last look at the paper in her hand, she composed herself and perched herself on the chair in front of Hotch; sliding the envelope slowly along the mahogany surface of his desk before lacing her fingers in her lap. There was no need for formalities - she knew that he was already aware of what was in that envelope before he'd even opened it - but she elaborated anyway as his typically emotionless eyes scanned the document. "I was offered a position in London three months ago. I turned it down initially but after a lot of thought, I think it's time. It just doesn't feel the same being back here and this is a wonderful opportunity for me. I'd be running the-"
"Why are you lying to me?" Hotch questioned plainly, cutting her off as he skimmed over her 'reasons' on the page in front of him.
"I.. I don't know what you mean." Emily lied, her face solid but her eyes betraying her.
"I mean.." He began as he finally looked up, entwining his hands over the paper. "Why are you telling me that this is about new opportunities when really it's about Ian Doyle?"
Emily visibly breathed a sigh of relief - the feeling of which blinding her to the fact that such a nuance in itself would bring her motives into question once more. "I don't know, it's just a difficult topic, ya know? I guess I.. I felt safer claiming my reasons to be something else. But you're right. It's difficult being here after everything and I have a lot of issues that I need to take a step away from." It wasn't a lie but it wasn't exactly the truth either.
Hotch nodded, his eyes downcast before placing the letter into his top desk drawer and speaking abruptly. "You may leave now."
Emily's brow furrowed; having expected to have to endure more from this conversation than she actually just did she felt wholly out of her depths. "I.. don't understand."
"Emily.." Hotch looked up. "You are an incredible profiler, but you should never assume that you are the best. Something that you must have truly believed if you thought that I would buy that display that you just so easily provided me with." The combination of both guilt and regret hidden behind the indication that she was still trying to hide the truth pushed him to continue. "Emily Prentiss would never willingly admit weakness like you just did, which tells me that that reasoning is not entirely true. I will file this for you and sign off on it, because I don't think you would have set the wheels in motion for this resignation had you not thought it through properly, but just know that I am very aware that what you have given me is nothing but falsities and until you can truly admit to me why it is that you feel the need to leave, there is nothing more to discuss. You will work out your final two weeks and then you're free to do whatever you wish."
His eyes were trained on hers; purposely, she knew, reading every emotion in them as his words set in. But she made no effort to insult him further by covering those emotions and instead allowed him to know that he was completely right before nodding curtly. What more could she honestly say to him without causing JJ to lose her job and bring her own ability to juggle her personal life and professional into question? "Thank you, sir." She spoke, only briefly wondering if 'thank' was really the correct word as she left his office.
And beyond the other side of that closed door, she felt something else entirely; something that she hadn't quite prepared herself for. The panic had eased and her future shone brighter than ever, but she couldn't ignore this feeling within her chest. It was almost like pieces of herself were both disappearing and strengthening.
From the balcony, her eyes fell to Spencer Reid; currently running his eyes at lightening-speed over line after line of a textbook as his single digit that skimmed the paper fought to keep up, and piece of herself slipped away with the knowledge that in fourteen days time, his innocence would no longer be the butt of her jokes each day.
Then to David Rossi, his hunched figure seen through the slightly ajar door of his office; his aged eyes staring with both sadness and joy to the picture in his wrinkled hands, and yet another piece broke off and disappeared into oblivion with the knowledge that in fourteen days time, his experienced though somewhat mischievous wisdom would no longer be a part of her every day life to guide her in ways that he likely didn't even realise.
To the darkened twist of a corridor that she knew lead to an equally darkened room that was illuminated from all angles with every color of the rainbow; the room that held the most vibrant, free-spirited woman she had ever met, and the one person out of all of them whose strength she truly envied.. and another piece crumbled.
Back to the bull pen and Derek Morgan; the man who was essentially her best friend and shared his life with her without question but knew absolutely nothing about what she had endured over recent months - both with Ian Doyle and Jennifer Jareau - and she wondered briefly if anyone really knew her anymore. If she even knew herself anymore.
And the answer to that came question fell into her hands at the exact moment that her eyes drifted to JJ; sitting back at her desk with eyes that showed, to her, that she was simply another story to tuck beneath her belt of experience. She'd never wanted to be that to JJ - she'd always wanted to be so much more - but under the current circumstance, she just could not see that happening. Under this circumstance, where she couldn't even trust her own mind anymore, that wasn't possible.
Combined, each one of these people had their stories, their pains, their memories and experiences, and it had all lead them here; to this family. And a part of her truly hoped that one day, this very moment would lead her back here too. But for now.. there was a different path that she absolutely had to take, and one that would remove the safety net of being able to avoid self-analysis in favour of ignorance. She needed to figure out who she was again - who she was without Doyle lingering over her shoulder.
Who she was without Jennifer Jareau.
