AlphaBetically speaking, Charles came first

Author's note: This drabble is a little sad, and I'm sorry to post it on a Monday, but I hope you'll like it anyway. :-)

Thanks to fidjet, to whom you owe a rather good chapter instead of the thing I'd written first, and to Lysen5972.

Universe: This is set after Apocalypse, Erik has decided to come live with Charles at the Mansion.

Rating: K+


L – Loss

The sound that woke up Charles in the middle of the night was not unusual per say, but considering the person from whom it came from, it certainly was.

Erik was crying.

More accurately, he was discretely sobbing into his pillow, probably trying to hide it from his lover who, mainly because of his telepathy, had always been a light sleeper. Unsure of how to proceed, Charles refrained from asking if he was alright, because he was so obviously not that it would have been utterly tactless, not to mention useless, to do so.

It only took a few moments for Erik to realize that he wasn't the only one awake anymore and before the telepath had any chance to say something, he mumbled an apology and, without facing the other one, got up and locked himself in the bathroom.

Left alone on the bed, Charles deeply sighed and slowly pushed himself up. This reaction was so typically Erik. The telepath knew perfectly that if he were to go back to sleep right now, his lover would pretend in the morning that nothing had ever happened and never mention the incident again. Which was precisely the reason why Charles didn't go back to sleep but chose to pull his wheelchair next to the bed instead.

A few minutes later, he knocked quietly on the bathroom door. He didn't hear any verbal answer but he felt Erik's mind, until then completely closed, slightly open up to him at the same time as the door, whose handle had been turned by the other mutant's powers.

Inside of the room, the metal-bender had put his hands on the washbasin and was heavily leaning on it. He had obviously put some water on his face, drops were still running down his chin, and was now intently staring at an open locket floating in front of his eyes. Inside, the pictures of a beautiful woman and of a young dimpled girl were smiling up at him. Suddenly, Charles understood. He cursed himself mentally for not having done so earlier.

"Five years," Erik said without looking at Charles, voice neutral. "It's been five years to the day and still..." He stopped, struggling for words. "And I still expect to stumble upon my wife in a corridor or to find my daughter playing in the park, to see them come to me, talk with me. And then, I realize they can't, and it hurts."

"Erik..." Charles tried, wheeling himself closer to his lover.

"It hurts, and it's not fair," Erik continued while abruptly closing the medallion and tightening his fist around it. "They didn't deserve this fate, and not a single day passes without me blaming myself for what happened. But mostly, it's not fair to you," he said turning toward the telepath, "because you don't deserve a man that can't leave his past behind him, and doesn't entirely belong to you."

"I've never wanted you to belong to me," Charles hesitantly began, frowning, "and if I did, or said, something to make you think that, then I'm..."

"No!" Erik interrupted. "No, of course you didn't. But you're here, and they're not, and most of the time it is enough. But it shouldn't just be enough and it shouldn't be only most of the time," he concluded, his tone bitter.

"Who's blaming you for missing them?" asked the telepath. "Certainly not me. I know I'm not them, I never will be and that's fine. Our relationship was complicated from the start, they brought you the peace I've always wanted for you, but never could give you, and I'm glad for that. Why, because you chose to come back to me a few years ago, would you have to forsake this part of your life, especially one so beautiful? I could never ask that of you..." Charles said, wrapping his fingers around the hand that was still tensely holding the locket.

"You've always been the better man out of us Charles," the metal-bender finally murmured with a gleam in his eyes he only had when he was looking at his lover. "I'm just a stubborn old fool."

"And you better remember it next time you try to hide your manly tears inside of the bathroom like a heartbroken teenage girl," Charles concluded, satisfied with the little smile he saw tugging at the corner of the other's lips.

It was not over, not at all, the telepath thought as they were slowly regaining their bed, and the days ahead would certainly be difficult. The mending of Erik's heart would take time and would probably never be seamless, but they had gone through so much that it could only get better.

Because if there was something that he was certain of, it was the fact that whenever Erik would need him, he would be there to support him, as he always should have been.


Thank you for reading and see you tomorrow!