It was the next Monday, and Helga was just heading into the city for her hour with Mary. She had been catching the bus everyday, and then riding it back to school after Grace had gotten home from her job working at Big Bob's Electronics as a salesperson.
It was a little heartbreaking when she first started babysitting for her. Their apartment was a two bedroom apartment with old ratty furniture, which Helga found out was Grace's mothers old stuff from when she passed away. Their refrigerator hardly had any food in it, except for a few condiments that couldn't be used without real food, some bologna and eighty cent bread, and some apple juice for Mary. They didn't have much, and Mary didn't have that many toys, but she had a vivid imagination, as any four year old should. It always made her feel better whenever she would see Mary for the day, she was always real excited to see her, and it always made Helga smile.
Helga had just stepped off the bus a little ways from their apartment and turned down the street toward Mary's kindergarten. She had some studying to do for her upcoming midterms, and hopefully, Mary wouldn't ask for a new hair style this afternoon. She has taken to asking Helga for a new hair style every so often when she would get bored with hers. Fist she tried out pigtails, just like Helga used to have as a child, then a french braid, then two braids off to the side, and last time she asked for her pigtails back. Helga walked a block after getting off the bus, and waited out front of the kindergarten for Mary to step out.
After a few minutes, the doors opened up and a stampede of kids came running out, all eager to get home. When the mob had died down to the last few kids filtering out, Mary came walking out with her friend Katie. "Hi Helga!" Mary cooed, excited to see her as she always was.
"Hey there, kiddo!" Helga cooed back, placing a hand on top of the girls head as she stepped up to wrap her small arms around Helga's legs. "You ready to go?"
"Yep, bye Katie!" Mary waved behind her to her friend who was just grabbing into her mother's hand, who waved back with a bright smile. Mary reached up and grabbed onto Helga's hand as they turned down the street to head back to their third story apartment.
"Did you have fun at school today?" Helga asked, looking down at Mary, who was kicking a rock as she kept up.
"Lots! I learned how to spell my name!"
"You did?!" Helga asked, playing along with her.
"Yep! M, A, R, Y!" She spelled, bobbing her head off to the said with each letter.
"Aw, you're such a smarty-pants!" Helga responded, tugging playfully on Mary's hand, watching her giggle in response.
They made their way up to her apartment, and Helga opened it with the key that she was provided with, and ushered Mary inside, taking her backpack from her and setting it on floor next to her own. After fixing her a snack of cheese and crackers, Helga was sitting on the couch with her math book open on her lap, when Mary flung herself up on to the couch next to her, looking down at her book. "That looks hard." Mary said, looking down at the book.
"Tell me about it."
As Mary pointed to question after question, asking Helga what the answer was, after ten minutes, she heard the door open, and Grace walked in, a warm smile on her face. "Mommy!" Mary ran up toward her, holding her arms out.
"Hi, sweetheart!" Grace said, kneeling down and hoisting her up into her arms. "Did you have fun with Helga today?"
"No, all she did was read her silly math book." Mary said with a pout as Helga stepped in front of them, slipping her textbook back into her backpack.
"Midterms." She said with a shrug, seeing Grace smile knowingly. Grace set her daughter back down onto the floor, who then ran off into her room.
"Listen, Helga, I want to give you something." Grace said, digging in her purse, pulling out her wallet.
"Oh no, I couldn't." Helga said, waving her hand in front of her.
"No, it's no trouble, really. Olga actually gave me a raise today because of my numbers, so it's no big deal. And you've just been so amazing with Mary, and she loves you so much, I just don't want to take advantage of you. And now that I don't have debt collectors calling me day and night anymore, I can afford it."
Helga sighed, debating heavily with herself. She really didn't want to take her money, because she needed it a lot more, but if she was being honest, she was running low on her spending money that her father had provided her with, which was supposed to last the entire semester. "If it will make you feel better." She said with a warm smile.
Grace opened her wallet, and pulled out two twenties, and handed them to her, "It's not much, I know, but-"
"No, don't worry about it, it's more than enough." Helga stopped her, reluctantly slipping the money into her back pocket.
"Mary, sweetheart, come say goodbye to Helga." Grace called. After a moment, Mary came running out of her bedroom arms extended toward her. Helga knelt down and hugged the girl lightly.
"Bye Helga."
"See ya later, kiddo." She replied warmly. She stood back up and turned for the door, "I'll see you tomorrow?"
"Yes, take care, Helga." Grace waved with her warm smile and closed the door behind her.
After she had caught the bus and made her way back to campus, she had just stepped off a little ways from her dorm when she looked off into the distance to see someone walking down the street toward the frat house. Focusing her vision, she realized it was Arnold. It was the first time she had seen him since they had kissed. He wasn't in philosophy all week, including this morning. He looked worn and tired, with his hands in his pockets, looking down at the ground. As she quickened her pace to catch up with him, she saw that he looked as if he hadn't slept in days, judging by the dark circles around his eyes. Swallowing the exciting memories of their last conversation, she sped up into a slow jog, cutting across the grass until she felt comfortable calling out to him. "Arnold!" She spoke up.
He froze for a second before ignoring her and continued walking down the sidewalk, a little faster than he was before.
"Arnold, wait." She said, jogging up to his side.
"What do you want?" He asked in a low voice, laced with warning.
"You've been missing from class for a week, is everything okay?" She asked him, trying to keep up with his fast walk, but staying a little behind him.
"Fine." He answered, not looking back toward her, but hanging his head a little lower.
"Listen, Arnold, if it's because of what happened, I'm-"
"Nothing happened!" He spat, whipping his body around to face her. She jumped back a step, startled, while she saw a look in his eyes that honestly scared her. "Nothing happened, okay?! So do us both a favor and leave me the hell alone!" He shouted, not pausing before he turned back around and angrily walked off.
She blinked, feeling tears start to well up as she watched him go.
The next day, Helga stepped off the bus and headed toward Mary's kindergarten. After Rhonda had consoled her when she returned for the day, with Helga asking her over and over again why he had yelled at her, she couldn't give her an answer. It left her mind to run wild with all sorts of ideas. What if he has a girlfriend that lives out of town, and that's where he goes on the weekends? The thought alone ate away at her, the thought of someone else getting to experience the sensation of his lips instead of hers, it was a form of jealousy that she had never experienced before. She wasn't angry about it, it felt as if her heart was breaking. Which she couldn't understand at all.
She has no claim over him, they weren't exactly what you'd call friends, she doubted that he even knew her name. She just happened to be at the wrong place at the right time, and just happened to be able to kiss him. Of course that doesn't mean they're dating, or even on the same page on their nonexistent relationship. And it's true, she didn't know what he was really like underneath all that armor he has on, what if he showed his true self to her when he snapped at her? Maybe she was kidding herself when she thought he was a nice, caring person underneath his emotionless exterior. After all, he's been angry at the world for who knows how long, what could she say to change that?
Maybe she should just do as he asked and leave her alone. She's been driving for answers that she has no right getting, and who was she to think that she could get him to open up when his own cousin barely knows him? Maybe she should just leave him alone and move on.
Helga let out a long sigh as the doors to the kindergarten flung open with a slew of kids running out. She looked up and put on a feigned smile for Mary. "No, he's a boy!" A familiar voice said, with a few childish laughs coming after it.
Mary came walking out with Katie and a few more of her friends. "Yeah, boys are stupid!" Katie said with a scowl.
"Yeah!" The other girls exclaimed.
"Hi Helga!" Mary shouted as she jumped off the last step toward her.
"Hey kiddo!" She said, putting her hands on Mary's back when she leaned against her legs, looking up at her.
"Helga, aren't boys stupid." Mary said with childlike disgust.
"Most of them are, yeah." Helga replied on a sigh.
After Mary had waved goodbye to her friends, she grabbed onto Helga's hand and fell into step with her as they walked down the street toward her apartment.
"Hey," Mary said, tugging on her hand. Helga looked down from where she was staring off into space, smiling warmly at the girl looking up at her. "Why are you frowning?" Mary asked her, looking up at her with her big brown eyes.
Her heart melted and she smiled, putting her hand on Mary's head. "It's nothing. Just a boy." She said in the same mocking tone that Mary's friends had.
"A boy?!" Mary exclaimed, her face screwing together.
"Yes, half pint, a boy."
"You're frowning about a boy?" Mary asked, tugging on her hand again.
"Yeah," Helga said on a heavy sigh, not wanting to explain her problems to the four year old.
"What did he do?"
"Well, I thought he liked me, so I kissed him."
"You kissed a boy?!" Mary shouted, her eyes nearly bugging completely out of her head.
"Yes, but then he yelled at me, and was very mean."
"If he's mean, then why did you kiss him?"
Chuckling halfheartedly, she pulled Mary into her side, and put a hand on her shoulder. "You'll understand when you get older."
"Grown ups are confusing. I don't like being confused." Mary said, with Helga looking down to see her hugging her leg, a pout on her face.
Just then, a thought occurred to her. She doesn't like to be confused.
If anyone had the right to be confused as to what happened when she kissed him, it was him. After all, she knew why she kissed him because she was the one who did it, but he didn't. He has to be at least a little confused to say the least. For someone who has been able to predict the actions of everyone around him, coming across someone that isn't afraid to challenge his views, let alone has him talking about them in the first place, that has to be confusing. And she could only imagine that being confused is something new to him, and something he isn't used to, so he felt the need to respond by lashing out. "What are you smiling about, Helga?" Mary asked next to her, breaking her out of her thoughts.
"Nothing... just a boy."
