Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Stephenie Meyer created it all; I just like to play around in her world.
As always, a shout out to the Fab Five (sherriola, Katmom, TwiloverSue, & NKubie) for their support and help - and beachcomberlc and Ocassye for all their beta and pre-reading power! In addition, Purradox for her expertise and keeping me in line. These women have supported me in ways I can't even explain – specifically - encouraging me to continue when I've doubted my writing skills and ability to tell a story!
Honor seems to be a story that engenders a lot of emotions in the readers, and I am so grateful for all the private messages about stories of your veterans or individuals/love ones currently serving in the military. Please know, even though I am from a family who has and has had many members in the service, I'm not claiming to be an expert in it – and I certainly don't live with a husband who experiences these travesties. However, I am trying to make this story as real as possible (with an admitted exaggerated recovery time), so, please accept my poetic license when I use it.
I saw two things that really affected me this week in regards to veterans.
First - If you haven't seen the Facebook post about the formerly homeless vet called "Boone" (real name Donald Gould) – look it up on YouTube. If you don't know the story, Donald was a musical prodigy in college after serving as a U.S Marine. He fell into substance abuse after losing his wife (and I believe being later diagnosed with PTSD). He was discovered when a public piano was installed in a part in Sarasota, Florida. His rendition of Come Sail Away by Styx will blow you away. There is also another one of him playing Jesus Joy to Man's Desire after his recovery – sniff. Now – someone go write me an Edward story about this!
Secondly, the commercial for KNFG Guide Dogs – tearing my heart out! Look it up at YouTube (under Royal Dutch Guide Dog Foundation (KNGF) commercial for veteran dogs). I imagined my Bella character laying in that filth. It also made me think about my friend SherriOla and her faithful companions. Gah! When I went to YouTube to watch it, there is another video just below it of an American Veteran and his guide dog (Watch Service Dog calm war vet's PTSD Reaction). Crying big, big tears. Yes, this may be a storyline hint.
Anyhow, you meet one of my favorite vets (a little) in this chapter – my dad. Hope you enjoy, and yes, I'm trying to make this a weekly posting schedule now. Go thank my betas for their hard work!
~Honor~
"Li'l Bit, when are you coming home for a visit?" Charlie asked Bella as their telephone call was winding down.
She'd already talked to Jacob and Leah before calling him.
"I need to consult with Jane, to see when she'll let me out of therapy for a week; but soon. When are your next days off? Maybe you could come and stay with me and bring Grandmother Swan's bed."
He chuckled. "I'm off at the end of the week. If you're inviting, I'll get Jake to help me load the bed up on the truck Friday night and head out Saturday morning. Will your man be around to help unload?"
Bella snickered at his teasing tone. "Unfortunately, he's working. Today and tomorrow are his days off, but he got called in for an emergency. I'll see if one of his brothers or his dad can help. They've assured me time and time again to call on them for anything."
"Sounds good, kid. It's a plan. Now as to my payment . . ."
"I know, Grandmother Swan's lasagna."
"You got it. I'll be there by lunch."
"Love ya."
"Love you too, Bella."
Hanging up, she looked around to see if there was anything that needed to be done around the apartment, but found nothing. It was rare she'd had free time growing up, and definitely not since going into the Air Force. She was going to have to make some decisions soon about her career post-Air Force. Flying had been her life, but until she was cleared medically, no one was going to allow her near a plane of any kind. Getting healthy physically and spiritually were the keys.
"Hmm . . . speaking of," she muttered out loud, wheeling over to where she kept her phone book.
Inside the front page was the card Peter had given her. On the back was the veterans' group leader's name and telephone number.
Flipping it through her fingers, she jumped when her phone buzzed with a text. It was from Edward.
Baby, I'm so sorry. It looks like I'm going to be here all day. I'll call you when I start home.
Baby . . .
Any other man who had used that endearment would've been met with sharp rebuke in the past. But Bella had to admit the way Edward said it made her heart melt.
Take care of yourself. If you need me to bring lunch or dinner, let me know.
Dad's here, so mom will be bringing something, I'm sure. Miss you. Gotta go, its chaos here.
Unwilling to risk the possibility of bothering him, she didn't respond. Instead, she called the number on the back of the card.
"Hello?" A female voice answered.
"Umm . . . hi, my name is Bella."
~Honor~
Wrapped in her thickest coat, Bella rolled through the door of the local Presbyterian Church. Irina had invited her, and with nothing else to do, she'd had no reason to put it off. Being a mid-week meeting, Irina had warned Bella the attendance would be light, but that had sounded absolutely perfect to her. As she'd told Edward, she wasn't fond of crowds.
She met the first person just inside the door of the dining hall, where a table had been set up with coffee.
"Hi." An ancient man greeted her. He wore a Pearl Harbor hat. "The name's Cal."
"Bella."
He moved slowly as he mixed sugar in his coffee, and he noticed her watching him. "My arthritis acts up when it turns this cold. But at ninety, what can I expect, right?"
"Wow. Did you enlist as a baby?" Bella asked, nodding to his hat.
He cackled, revealing a row of uneven, yellowed teeth. "I was sixteen when I lied to enroll in the Navy. Seventeen when I reported for duty on the Arizona. I'd been on her six months when we were hit."
Bella's hand shook as she reached for a cup.
"May I?" he asked. "My wife trained me to always wait on a pretty lady."
Grinning, she retreated. "Just black, thanks."
His eyes narrowed in on her hands, which she was wringing. "In which branch did you serve?"
"Air Force."
"Well, I'll be. Welcome, Airman."
Ahead, another man was already sitting in one of the chairs loosely arranged in a circle. He wore a jacket with a Marine Operation Enduring Freedom patch. He nodded at Bella in greeting. She pegged him to be in his early thirties. When he shifted, she caught a glimpse of metal below the left leg of his pants.
A dark-haired man entered from behind them as Cal placed her coffee at the edge of the table.
"You must be Bella." When she nodded, he smiled. "I'm Garrett. Irina told me to look out for you, particularly around this guy." He shook Cal's hand. "He's dangerous with pretty, young women."
Cackling, Cal walked slowly over to sit down.
Nervous, Bella watched as a few others arrived, including several women, but it was Cal she chose to sit next to when the meeting began.
The introductions went quickly, but Bella was surprised by how open the members were in front of her, a virtual stranger. Doug, the man she'd first seen sitting down, spoke about his difficulties with attending his son's football games last fall because of the fireworks used each time their team scored.
"I missed his game-winning catch because I left to go to my truck. I couldn't fucking breathe." He knocked his metal leg into the chair in an agitated manner. "My wife tried to get me to not tell him, but I finally had to. It was eating at me."
"And what did he say?" Garrett asked.
Tears filled the man's eyes. "That he was fucking proud I'd come. That we'd watch it together on the videos they shoot." Doug glared down at the floor. "He thought it was 'just the best' we were able to watch the video for the first time together."
"Try taking some noise-cancelling headphones next season," Cal spoke out. "Keep them around your neck and when you see the players getting close to the goal line, slip them on.
Doug's jaw dropped at the older man's suggestion. "Crap, why didn't I think of that?"
"Hang around here long enough and you'll hear lots of suggestions. It's a matter of remembering them when the time comes." Taking a deep swig of coffee, Cal winked at Bella.
"It's actually a very good suggestion," Garrett picked up. "You can then use less effective ones in a progressive manner to expose yourself to the noise. In therapeutic terms, it's called desensitization."
Irina had informed Bella that Garrett had gone back to graduate school after being injured in Afghanistan. He'd completed his Master's of Social Work and was obtaining clinical supervision hours toward his licensure. And while her observation about Garrett was interesting, Bella was more intrigued with the realization that desensitization was exactly what she and Edward had been doing in regards to her fear of being touched.
Chuckling at the thought of telling Carol she'd turned to bondage as a bonafide therapeutic method, Bella caught Cal smirking at her.
"You remind me of my daughter. She was always getting into trouble . . . the best kind. Whenever she had that smile on her face, I generally expected to get a call from some authority."
Bella giggled at his expression and leaned over in conspiracy. "My father also got a few of those phone calls."
For the rest of the meeting, the group discussed several outings, and Bella was excited to find the group planned activities weekly. While she wouldn't be able to join the basketball game planned for the weekend, she wondered if Charlie might like to join her in watching it.
"You got someone to help you?" Cal asked as the group started to disperse.
"My father comes when I need him."
He grinned. "No, I meant to deal with the nightmares." He took a deep drink of coffee. "My Maggie, she put up with a lot over the years, but those nights when I would wake howling from the dreams of the water closing over me were the worst. I miss her every day."
Flashes of Edward ran through her mind. "Yes, I have someone special."
"Good. Good."
A young girl, perhaps no more than sixteen, came through the door interrupting them. "Pops, you ready to go home?"
"That's my great-granddaughter. She takes good care of me," he snickered. "Which means, she keeps me in line as much as possible."
"I'm betting she finds it a difficult task." Bella smiled at the man.
"Nah, he's pretty cool," the girl responded. "I'll keep him."
Cal slowly came to his feet and wrapped his arm through his great-granddaughter's. "I hope to see you again, Bella. Don't be a stranger."
"I won't," she called out as he shuffled from the room.
"Do you need a ride?" Garrett asked her.
He'd given her space during the meeting, which had been exactly what she'd needed. She was certain it was another therapeutic technique, but for now, she didn't care. She would be coming back.
Looking to her watch, Bella responded. "Actually, my cab should be here."
"Let me walk you out then," he said as she slipped her coat back on.
"I hope you'll come back. What you saw today is typical. We're just a bunch of survivors helping each other survive. Somedays it's worse, somedays it's better."
He held the door and the cold air rushing over her kept their goodbye from being too extensive. Her taxi awaited in the parking lot promising heat.
"My father's coming into town this weekend. I think he'd enjoy a good game of basketball."
"Then, until this weekend."
He remained in the doorway until she was in the taxi, seeing her off with a wave.
"Where to, Miss?" the cabbie asked.
"Home." Smiling at how good it felt to say that, Bella settled back to enjoy the ride.
~Honor~
"Jamie, eat this." Bella pushed a chunk of meat into his hands. She suspected it was dog, but tried not to think on it too much.
"You need it." He held his hand up in an effort to push it away.
"I'm full."
"No, you're not. You're trying to take care of me."
"That too, but I'm really full. I think my stomach has shrunken or something, or I could be starting my period again."
He remained quiet. They'd had to deal with this before . . .the indignity of her female problems. He'd dug a hole in the dirt wall for her to bury the bloody cloths they'd made from her torn clothing. It was humiliating, that he'd had to help her, but no more than having to take care of all their body fluids. But as to her period, it was true, unlike her best friends she lost her appetite when she cramped.
He gently took the food out of her hand. "Thank you."
He didn't refuse when she handed him the rest.
"I guess there's more than one benefit of it. They'll leave you alone."
The last time they'd discovered her bleeding, she and Jamie had been left in silence for days.
"You know something?" he asked. It was one of his favorite questions. It usually led to a round of teasing.
"What?" she answered with the required response.
"I want you to meet my brother."
"What?"
"When we get back home, I want you to come to Seattle with me and meet my brother, Edward."
Bella choked, bringing her legs in closer.
"I've been thinking about this a lot, and I think he needs you."
A pounding noise woke Bella. She'd fallen asleep on the couch watching a movie the night before. Stretching to work out the kinks in her legs, she paused when the pounding noise came again. It sounded as if someone was beating on Edward's door. She grabbed the walker from beside the sofa and moved to the door, easing it open.
Carlisle stood outside. "Bella," he acknowledged her.
"Is everything okay?"
He glanced back to the door. "Did Edward contact you last night?"
"I don't think so. Let me look." Pulling her phone from the bag on the walker, she flipped it over. "Yeah, I've got a text about five this morning. He said he was coming home and would be going to bed."
Carlisle tugged at his hair. He looked exhausted. "He's not answering his phone."
Bella wanted to point out the obvious . . . that Edward was most likely asleep, but Carlisle seemed agitated far beyond what a missed call should cause. "Carlisle, what's wrong?"
"I got a call from the hospital that I needed to check on him. When I left, he was still in surgery."
Bella had the sense Carlisle might be hiding something, but she wasn't exactly sure. The door slid open a few feet, stopping their conversation. Edward leaned heavily against the doorframe.
"Son?"
"Dad." It was barely a croak.
"Brenner called and said I needed to check on you."
Edward seemed asleep.
"Son, can we come in?"
"We?" Edward appeared confused until he looked up and met Bella's eyes.
Stumbling back, he left the door open. Still in his scrubs, he made it to the couch before collapsing.
"Dad, I'm just exhausted." Struggling, he lifted his eyes to his dad's. "I'll call you when I wake up, I promise."
"Promise?"
"Yeah."
Nodding at some secret message passed between them, Carlisle quickly hugged Edward before smiling at Bella. "Sorry if I woke you."
"It's fine. Really," she assured Carlisle before he left.
Feeling uncomfortable for keeping Edward awake, she moved toward him to give him a kiss. "I'm sorry we woke you."
He looked up with bleary eyes, but Bella had a gut feeling something else other than him being tired caused the strained look.
"What's wrong?" She lowered to sit beside him, even as he rested his elbows on his knees and put his head between his hands. It was a totally defeated look.
"I'm not good company right now, Bella. Let me give you a call when I wake up, okay?"
Bella was torn between being respectful of his request and wanting to find out what was wrong. They'd been so honest with each other so far that she decided to admit it. "I want to leave, I really do, but I'm worried about you, and it's making me a little crazy." She shrugged. "You remember when you told me to call you, no matter what? When you told me it would drive you crazy to think I was in need and wouldn't ask because I didn't want to bother you." She saw his head drop slightly. "Well, this is one of those times."
"I don't want to be a burden."
Anger flared within her. "So it's okay for me to fall apart and you to rescue me, but you don't deserve help? Or is it that you think I'm incapable of being strong for you?"
He groaned. "Fuck." Scrubbing his hands through his hair, he sat up.
Seeing the total exhaustion in his face, Bella felt bad for pushing him. "I'm sorry, Edward. I shouldn't push right now. Let me tuck you into bed, and you can call me when you wake, like you said."
He followed her into his bedroom, only taking a brief detour into the restroom. She was lowering the light-blocking shades when he came out in flannel sleep pants and fell face first onto the bed where she'd pulled the covers back. Grabbing one of the pillows, he wrapped his arms around it. She was pulling the comforter back over him when he finally spoke.
"I lost her."
"Who?" Bella dreaded the answer, already suspecting what he meant.
"The last girl they freed from the bus."
She felt him sob beneath her hand, and without thought, she sat, nudging him to move over with her hand. She came to rest against the headboard close enough to run her fingers through his hair.
"I thought I had her, but there was too much damage to her internal organs. No matter how fast I repaired the injuries, something else was sucking away her life."
Bella waited out his crying, running her fingers through his hair until she heard the sobs soften.
"I'm going to go and get a wet washcloth, and I'll be right back," she said softly.
His bathroom was immaculate but for the scrubs he'd allowed to fall to the floor. She found washcloths stacked in the small linen closet and wet one with scalding hot water. By the time she made it back to him, it was the perfect temperature to wipe his face.
"Sit up for me for a minute."
He struggled, but did. Pulling the damp pillow away, she plumped another one before softly wiping his face. In the dusky room, she used her fingers to guide the cloth across his forehead, eyes, then nose before folding it to use a clean side to do it again. It was as comforting for her as him.
"Now lie back down."
He flopped down in exhaustion.
Leaning over, she lightly touched her lips to his. "Now you listen to me, Edward Cullen. That little girl had the best surgeon possible; she just didn't have a good chance. How many more injured did you treat from the accident?" she asked softly against his lips.
"Couple of broken bones and three other surgeries."
"And they all survived, right?"
"Yes."
"How long did it take them to get her to the hospital?"
"Hours."
"Exactly. It fucking hurts to lose someone you're trying to save, I know." Jamie's face filled her vision for a few seconds. "When you wake up, we'll talk about it. But for now, I want you to close your eyes and go to sleep. I'll stay here until you do. Then tonight or tomorrow, whenever you wake up, you come see me, okay?"
He snuggled down into the pillow, allowing her to run her fingers through his hair and down his neck. "Yes, ma'am."
There was just enough sass in his words to make her smile.
~Honor~
