'What if' chapter 12: Eric van der Woodsen: 'What if Eric would have succeeded in his suicide attempt?'
She was shaking; shivering as if she was cold or wet. But she wasn't. she wasn't either of those common things. She was incomplete.
"Serena?"
"Yeah mom?"
"Where are you?"
"I'm with Blair and Chuck at the Waldorf apartment."
"Oh, that's good. That's good."
"Mom, why are you crying?"
"Serena, darling-"
"Mom, what's wrong? Did Claus do something, I told you he wasn't worth the trouble."
"No sweetheart, Claus didn't do anything. Eric… It's Eric. He…"
"Mom! What is wrong with Eric?!"
"We- I found him. In the bathroom. And there was so much blood. Everywhere there was blood."
"Mom, is… is he okay?"
"Serena-"
"He's okay, right, mom? He fell but he's in the hospital now and he'll be okay."
"Serena, he slit his wrists. We were too late-"
"No, no, no, no, you're just making this up. This is some sort of sick joke."
"Serena, he's dead! Stay with Blair and Chuck, you're in need of good friends."
"No, mom-"
"Serena, listen to me for once, please-"
"This is a joke! You're lying! He can't… he can't be dead."
She had dropped the phone the second she'd killed the conversation. This couldn't be happening. It simply could not be happening.
"S? What's wrong?"
With a concerned look on her pretty face, Blair put an hand on her best friend's arm. She, Serena and Chuck had been waiting for Nate to arrive; they still had a school project to finish. Blair's blonde boyfriend had been late as usual, and the brunette girl had decided she and Chuck were the most intelligent anyway and had started already.,
That was, until Lily called and Serena spontaneously lost it.
Now the blonde was lying on Blair's bed, crying and in shock. When they'd ask her what was wrong, all she had answered was: 'Eric'.
And that was all they needed. Both Blair and Chuck had been aware of the problems around the youngest Van der Woodsen sibling. Blair was practically the Van der Woodsen's third child, and since Chuck was her best friend, they had spent a lot of time with each other, and every single one of them adored little Eric.
Silently, they pulled back, softly discussing what they should be doing.
"Talk to Lily, she needs her mother right now."
"No, Chuck, I just told you, we can't call Lily right now, she's having a hard time herself, too. Serena needs us to be there for her."
"No, she needs you. She needs her best friend. And her mother."
"Then you should call Lily."
"I can't-"
"Why not? And don't say it's because you're Chuck Bass."
"Why are we even having this conversation? You should be with her."
Blair's lips pulled up in a sad smile. "For once you say something intelligent. So now go, call Lily."
He bowed for her, and watched her move back to her bedroom, dropping on the bed next to Serena. Nate still hadn't arrived. He should definitely call someone.
~o~o~o~o
"Hey."
"Hey."
She hadn't cried yet. That was how surreal it was. A dream. A nightmare. A useless creation of a tired mind. If she'd just wake up, everything would be better. It would be normal. She would be flirting harmlessly with Nate, she'd watch Chuck and Blair's weird friendship based on mutual disgust and love for scheming, she'd chat with Eric. She'd chat with Eric.
And then came the tears. The all overwhelming tears and sadness.
"B?"
"I'm sorry, S."
"How am I supposed to do this? How am I expected to survive this?"
"I don't know."
"I wasn't supposed to outlive my little brother, he was supposed to outlive me. Ho to college, get married, have kids. I'd be their favourite aunt because I would spoil them to death and he… he'd scowl at us and we'd giggle and that's how it was supposed to be. How we were supposed to end up. Not like this."
"I know-"
"But now he's dead. He is dead and it's all my fault."
"Serena! What do you mean it's all your fault? It's not and you know it."
"It is, B, it is! He asked me to stay with him today because he felt lonely and I didn't… I didn't stay with him when I should have… I mean, he's only fourteen. He's too young to be unhappy, too young to be suicidal or depressed. Fourteen year old boys shouldn't even know how to cut their wrists, they should be gaming and annoying their big sisters and mothers."
Blair smiled softly, "Well, Eric wasn't just any normal fourteen year old. He was sweet and actually caring. Adorable, too. No one knows why he was so sad and unhappy. But it's not your fault. It's never going to be your fault. It won't ever be, you got that?"
The blonde nodded, but it wasn't very convincing. The tears didn't stop flowing, but no one expected them to. No one expected anything anymore.
Chuck returned an hour later. He'd informed his father and called both Lily and Nate. The latter was on his way, the first didn't even pick up. He didn't blame her, her son just died. As he walked into Blair's room, he stopped in the middle of his step. Even though something horrible and awful had recently happened, he couldn't help but be amazed by her beauty.
The two girls had fallen asleep, the blonde in the brunette's arms, faced towards each other. He wondered if he should wake Blair up, but couldn't move. Silently, he snapped a photo of the scene, not even knowing why.
He didn't wake them up. Instead, he left. It wasn't his place to stay.
~o~o~o~o
EPILOGUE
~o~o~o~o
I can only say, my condolences, to the entire Van der Woodsen family. We're sorry for you loss, S, he was too young. At least you'll still have B to catch you.
Xoxo Gossip Girl
~o~o~o~o
They were dressed in black, as was appropriate. The four of them were standing next to the coffin, silently staring at the little boy lying inside of it. That was what he was. A little boy.
They weren't crying.
Nate didn't know how.
Chuck realised he had no right to.
Blair felt her best friend didn't need more tears.
Serena was out of them.
So they just stood there. Not wanting to be there. Not knowing how to be there.
The funeral continued in the same way, a rush, a dream. Nothing more than that. Most of them still waited to wake up. Blair, Chuck and Nate waited for Serena at an appropriate distance when he was lowered into the ground. Blair silently laid her head on the shoulder that was nearest to her, which happened to be Chuck's, and waited for her best friend to fall.
They all waited.
Serena and Eric had been tight, closer than any of them had expected. She was the only one who had a sibling and they –as only children- had no idea how that would be. How losing your little brother must be. But Blair and Eric had been close, too. She had been his second sister. And Eric had adored Chuck, and he had bombarded Nate with questions. They all had loved the young boy. They all loved him.
~o~o~o~o
"Do you think it'll ever be okay again?"
"Yes, but it won't be the same."
"It won't be the same."
"It'll never be."
"What did you expect?"
"When will it get better?"
"Once. Sometimes it takes weeks. Sometimes it takes months. Sometimes it takes years. They say it never goes away. But you learn how to survive with it, how to live with it."
"That sounds awful."
"It does, doesn't it?"
"Will you help me survive?"
"I'm going to push and pull you until you start being okay again, you got that?"
"Thank you."
"You won't be thanking me anymore next month, when I'm dragging you outside because you've been smelling inside of your room for three weeks straight."
A/N
Ok, so I realise, this wasn't very good. I don't have a lot of concentration or inspiration lately, so you just have to deal with what you get, I'm sorry. Maybe it'll get better soon. When I get better (:
I was told to focus on other things than my problems anyway, so maybe this will help.
I know it's not a lot of Chair, or anything at all but hints, but hey. Eric's dead. What else am I supposed to do with it? Have them hook up while one of their best friends is dying inside? I would be dying. I love Eric, he's adorable c:
Next: Evelyn/Elizabeth/Misty Bass
(yeah I really don't know who Chuck's mother is, I think I used Elizabeth).
