Life Interrupted

Chapter Twelve

Disclaimer: "The Way You Want It" is a song by Keane.

Chapter Twelve: Fidelity

Jack couldn't remember ever being this nervous about an operation. He could hear Kate's sobs as she fought to contain her emotions, the clear worry as she gripped Sawyer's hand tighter and tighter until the man's knuckles turned white. Jack's hand ligered over Sawyer's stomach as he hesitated to bring down the scalpel again.

"It would help if he had his hand," Jack said, words coming out relucantly as he was forced to take away Kate's only source of comfort. Relucant as well, Kate let go of Sawyer's hand. Her palms were shaking. Jack continued to postpone the operation. "He'll be okay." He turned to Kate. "I promise, Kate, he'll be fine."

Kate shook her head. Her hair hang in front of her eyes in long, sweaty, strands. She was pale and trembling; her eyes were bloodshot from crying.

"Can you just finish the operation?" Kate requested quietly.

Once more Jack hesitated but at last nodded. He went back to tending the wound in Sawyer's stomach. As he worked he thought, considering what he should say to Kate. It was too errie. Kate was just like another...loved one...of a patient he had to save. There would be too many horrible consequences if he were too fail.

"There's a reason they don't let relatives into the operating room," Jack commented, hoping Kate would understand. He worked much better if, somehow, he could block out the desperate looks in the patient's family and friends' eyes. The way they looked ready to break down whenever a doctor simply walked into the waiting room. It was the key to being a good surgeon- forgetting everything but the job at hand. Though a doctor surely wouldn't make a mistake with a wife or son's eyes watching every move they made. In this situation, though, he didn't want Kate there. But she didn't leave.

"What would you say to me?" She said instead, a few moments later, "if I was a...relative...of a patient."

Jack sighed. One thing he knew was that no matter how much he tried to convince her, Kate wouldn't believe that Sawyer would be fine. No matter how much she trusted Jack he would never be able to convince her that she could trust him to do this surgery successfully.

"I would say to you that Sawyer will be fine," Jack said, keeping his patience. He glanced towards Kate. "I promise." He looked back down to Sawyer, sighing. "I've saved him twice, I can save him again."

Suddenly Kate stopped breathing. She looked sick as dread melted into her pale face.

"Third time's the charm, right?" Her voice was barely audible and breaking with every word. Jack was left stunned at the suggestion.

"I want to save him," Jack said. He was being honest. "I swear Kate, I-"

"Just shut up and finish the operation!" Kate exclaimed. Her face collasped into her palms as Kate cried. He had only seen her cry twice, and he knew what it took to make her break down like that. It make him sick to realize that now, all three of those times he had been the cause. Guilt engulfed him. The operation was momentarily forgotten and all he could think of was how he could be there for Kate now, when that answer was really to save Sawyer. Kate had looked so angry, so hurt. Jack finally turned back to Sawyer, but it suddenly made him furious to realize this was the guy Kate was crying over. The selfish thought made him sick, but for that moment he truly hated Sawyer.

Jack shook his head. That was riddiculous. He couldn't be angry at Kate or Sawyer for the fact that she cared about him; and from what he'd heard- and remembered- Kate had sacrificed a fair amount of tears for Jack himself. He swallowed and continued the surgery.

The tunes and keys came back to him like he had neve stopped playing piano. Song after song he remembered, his fingertips falling gracefully onto the keys as he showed off this skill to no one but the emptiness of the hatch. After the long list of questions about his past and any interest he had, Jack had finally admitted to being able to play the piano fairly well. That was only yesterday, and already when the doctor had led him into the nearly empty hatch he was introduced to a baby grand that sat in the far corner of the room. Jack assumed this was too keep the song further from the door- and for that reason he played as loudly as he could. But he gave up on the revenge when he realized he liked having the piano there. It helped keep his sanity, which he was sure he was slowly losing.

"You do play well," a voice behind him said, "I'll give you that."

A weary smile on his face, Jack continued the song he was playing.

"Why don't you take a break?" The man suggested.

Jack stopped playing and turned around. The doctor and the girl- Alex- was standing in their usual spots, by the computers on the other side of the room.

"Come on, Zander," Jack said, attempting to sound casual, "not today."

Turning back to the piano, Jack continued to play, though he found it harder to concentrate. On instinct he immiediately slipped into a song in a minor key.

"But we're making progress," Zander argued, "the results are beginning to give us excatly what we need."

Again Jack turned around.

"What results?" Zander didn't answer him. Jack glanced beyond the man and to Dr. Campbell and Alex, who were looking nervous. "What are the questions for?"

A moment passed as Jack glanced between the three. At last Zander offered Jack a grim smile.

"Just to get to know you a little better," he replied. He was lying. He was able to tell when they were lying to him...though he was certain they were never not lying.

"Just, not today," Jack said again, this time more quietly, as he turned back to the piano. "I don't feel well."

The doctor frowned behind him, as did Zander. Dr. Campbell exited the computer station and walked towards where he and Zander were.

"What's wrong?" The doctor asked.

Now Jack was the one lying. Of course, every day he woke up with the same head ace, the same feeling that no matter how much he slept- which wasn't much- he would never get enough rest. He just couldn't feel completely well in this place...he didn't feel like he should. But today, more than ever, Jack didn't feel like sitting through hours of Zander's questions about his childhood or what his favorite movies were. It was like Zander was creating some weird friendship, testing to see if Jack fit the role. The questions made Jack feel uneasy and only increased his suspicion of the Others, and he tried to answer in as little detail as possible.

"I have a headace," Jack replied. He swallowed slowly, as though to signal pain. "My throat hurts. I almost threw up this morning."

Alex winced at the details, but the doctor and Zander only looked concerned.

"Maybe you should give him the day off," Dr. Campbell suggested. Jack tried not to smile.

"If he's well enough to play the piano then he's well enough to answer questions," Zander said. He sounded angry.

"Zander," Dr. Campbell said. He then lowered his voice, as though then Jack wouldn't be able to hear. "Do you really want him answer these questions while he's sick?"

Jack listened as Zander contemplated Dr. Campbell's suggestion. He tried not to get his hopes up, but Jack couldn't help but to be hopefull. He remained silent as he awaited Zander's reply.

"Alright," Zander said, at last. Jack had to bite back a smile. "But I want you to examine him, see what's wrong." Zander sighed. "See if you can have him better by tomorrow...we really don't need to waste time. Make a diagnoses and take him back to his cell."

Though it could be seen as pathetic how relieved he was, Jack was sure that anyone in his potition would understand. Before Zander could tie him up he managed to play on last tune on the piano, and secretly he wished the piano would still be there tomorrow.

"Jack!"

Jack had only close his eyes for a moment when the memory came. Now Kate was calling his name and shaking him out of his memory. His eyes snapped open and Jack looked down. He was aware that Kate was watching him as he realized his hands were dancing along the edge of the couch where Sawyer wasn't lying, as though playing a piano.

"Sorry," he muttered. He was almost finished with the surgery, but there was always a risk of something going wrong. While he should have been relieved about the memory- he hadn't remembered anything all day- he was only frustrated. He'd have to consider what he'd learned later, after he saved Sawyer.

"Maybe you should take a break," Kate suggested. Her concern was back. She looked at him, her eyes diverting to his blood-coated face. Jack shook his head.

"I can't just take a break," Jack said. He looked at the progress he was making. The wound was almost sealed shut, the bleeding had stopped. The bullet was out. "But I will be done soon. I need to see whatever antibiotics you have."

Kate nodded but hesitated to leave. Once again her hand fell to Sawyer's and she carefully wrapped her fingers around his palm. Even Jack couldn't get used to the still and quiet way Sawyer had slept during the surgery, as opposed to his usual attitude. His father used to say you never truly knew a person until they were sick, until they needed to depend on someone else to live. Jack had always thought this wasn't fair, because that person did need to depend on someone else to live. It wasn't their choice. But the difference in health and sickness was odd, the way a person changed and became so fragile, both emotionally and phsyically. Yet, in reality, a person was always like that...but when in good health, they could hide those flaws. He gazed to Kate and wondered if she was thinking about this or something else completely. If she had come to believe that Jack could save Sawyer.

"Kate?" He asked. Again he dreaded having to ask her to leave. "Please?"

She nodded and this time stood up. He wanted to apologize for asking her to run this kind of errand, but she was already gone before he had the chance. Jack turned back to Sawyer. Locke said he had been shot because Sawyer 'was a good man'. That was why he was shot on the raft too. Maybe he had a new hope to offer Kate, repeating her own words back to her: third time's a charm. Of course, in a joking way. Jack took a deep breath as he began to finish the surgery.

----

He took a moment to take everything in before he cleaned up: Sawyer's blood on his hands, the new scar on the man's stomach, the mess of medical supplies that cluttered the hatch's living room floor...which was still handling the effects of the latest hatch incident. The room was a mess as furniture, aside from the couch, was tossed to its side. Books, records, and other odds and ends were thrown about. Darkness generally lit the way throughout the hatch except where a few emergancy lights had survived. Jack sighed. And he still hadn't been to the beach. He trusted Sayid and Locke had things under control there. But of course they did, they had to be leaders for nine months. Snapping out of his daze, Jack began to get to his feet so he could begin cleaning up. Sawyer would wake up sometime that night, and it would be like experiencing a nightmare that plagued his dreams over and over again.

Just as he was getting to his feet a person appeared by his side, knealing to the ground. A hand fell beside Sawyer. He expected to turn to see Kate, but instead Juliet was there. Her blonde hair, long and tangled, fell to the floor as she gazed to Sawyer.

"How is he?" She asked quietly.

Jack stared at her. She had spoken as simply as though she were just another castaway. She didn't even know Sawyer- as far as he knew- and yet she looked honestly concerned.

"You can't be in here," Jack said. They had forgotten about her. Deep down, Jack knew that if that were possible, she couldn't have been all that evil.

Juliet turned to Jack. Their eyes met, and guilt immediatley rushed through him, as though she could control his emotions. He couldn't find it in him to repeat his words. Her face was pale, a sickly white layer of skin that sank into her bones. Her eyes sunk into her skin as well, dark circles that weren't bruises colored the skin beneath them. These couldn't just be the consequences of being held in the hatch. Her appearance actually matched his own, especially when he had first returned.

And then, unpredictably, a smile broke out across Juliet's face. He watched, confused, as the smile lingered, as though she truly enjoyed the feeling of amusement.

"You two are just meant to be, aren't you?" She teased. "You saving him? Even after all this time..." She laughed to herself. Jack didn't find this amusing. He didn't understand what she was trying to do, or prove. She knew about him, obviously, but that didn't mean she knew him...understood him. But it shook him to hear her talking about him like she knew him, like they were relatives laughing over memories at the latest family dinner. He didn't know nearly as much about her, only how terrified she looked when she was afraid. Yet somehow, he felt like he should continue the comic relief. Maybe he could even learn a little more.

"That smile looks good on you," he commented. The compliment was sincere, but it didn't occur to him to worry about letting his guard down. An odd feeling was suddenly coming over him, old emotions he didn't understand.

But the comment only made Juliet's smile fade. She looked to the ground as the grin lingered only in sadness.

"I haven't smiled in..." she shook her head, as though she didn't want to say it, or believe it. But suddenly her smile was back. "Except this one time, sorta recently. You told some story about this duck that wanted to play baseball. He didn't realize they weren't letting him play shortstop because of his skills but because-"

"He was so short," Jack said, finishing the story with Juliet in unison. He grinned. He knew that story. "My father used to tell me that story...back when I thought it was funny."

This time, Juliet's true smile lingered.

"Well," she proclaimed, "I thought it was funny."

Jack smiled back, holding her gaze until the moment passed. They looked away as the darkness of the situation came back. Guilt even found its way back to Jack as he realized he had enjoyed the comic relief as well.

"I'm glad you two are friends again. Maybe you guys can go to the movies tomorrow after all."

He winced at Kate's hurt voice. He wondered how long she had been standing there. He couldn't turn towards her; he let her approach them, sitting the box of medicine on the floor near them. But his plan to ignore her failed as she hesitated to leave. He looked to her, but her eyes were diverted to the floor.

"Thanks for inviting me," she whispered.

"Kate-" he began, standing up as she turned away.

"Sorry Jack!" Kate shouted, eyes swelling as her voice rose. Betrayel painted fire in her eyes. "I really am pleased that you are just so happy right now!"

She brought a hand to her face, acting as though she were trying to keep her patience; but she was really hiding tears. Jack wasn't happy. He was anything but. In fact, the need for comic relief meant there was a darker emotion that needed the relief. That darker motion was returning quickly- guilt. Along with pain, worry.

"It's not like that," he insisted.

"Don't talk to me!" Kate cried. She was hardly able to manage not having a break down. "I completely understand...you've known her longer, right?" She was glaring at Juliet now with almost as much hatred as she had had towards the Others. It was as though nothing else could have convinced Kate that Juliet was an Other more than witnessing her being able to make Jack smile.

"It's not like that," Jack said again. "I finished the surgery, Kate-"

"Then why aren't you taking care of Sawyer?"

Jack didn't respond. She stared at him, daring him to argue. Instead of defending himself Jack looked down to his hands, to the blood that stained them. He was admitting defeat. He understood her anger, the misunderstanding. He also understood that the last thing she needed now was for him to fight to prove her wrong.

"Okay," Jack said. He turned to Juliet, meeting her eyes once more. He tried to apologize without speaking. "Come on."

He began walking towards the armory, though lingering a few paces to make sure he didn't get there before she did. He hoped she'd understand, not to mention it was an unrealistic idea that he would have let her stay out in the living room to begin with. Eventually Jack knew he would have been force to lock her back up. But Jack was realizing...he remembered her being in the room, practically a cell, with him. Wouldn't that mean she wasn't one of the Others? Jack took a deep breath as he ushered Juliet inside. He was beginning to trust her, whether he liked it or not, and it was obivous that she trusted him. Before he closed the door, Jack studied Juliet a moment before saying:

"You didn't try to escape."

She could have been long gone if she had wanted to. Yet she had stayed and even talked to Jack, risking being taken captive again.

"I'm not going anywhere," Juliet replied. Jack couldn't help but to smile a little...she almost sounded too desperate to get him to trust her. She looked to the ground; she was already seated again beside the fallen shelf. Then she added quietly: "Not without you."

Jack's eyes widened. His grin faded. Juliet stared at the floor like this would make her sink away. He took a step towards her.

"What?" He tried to keep calm. He tried not to panic. Juliet tried not to cry.

"I'm sorry," she pleaded. She looked to him, eyes already rimmed red from wanting to cry. "I told you, I've been locked up for the past year. I just...I need freedom. You don't even know me anyway..."

She looked sick, but Jack was still able to be angry. He had to keep himself from shouting; he reminded himself he still had the advantage. What she was saying didn't mean anything except that it confirmed his suspicion. Jack realized he actually felt betrayed...he had begun to trust her. Yet it didn't make sense...were the memories false? Had the Others placed them in his mind? But it didn't look like he was going to get any answers: Juliet wasn't offering any more explanation.

"What are you talking about?" Jack finally asked.

Juliet swallowed. She had already let her eyes fall back to the floor. She looked afraid again.

"After we escaped," she began. She swallowed again. He wondered if she was used to talking this much. From her comments earlier about the story- that feeling of comic relief was long gone- their conversations were few and far between. "You were able to run, but...they caught me. And because you were the one they really wanted all along, they offered me a deal. Your freedom for mine."

Now Jack looked away. He didn't know whether to feel angry or sympathetic. Juliet clearly jumped on every chance of freedom- a term she used a lot- that she got. But she knew what he had gone through...how was it she was so quickly able to turn him back to the Others? But then again, why would she have wanted to put herself back in that situation? One line in particular had struck him odd, though: '...because you were the one they wanted all along'.

"Why are you telling me this?" Jack wasn't sure if Juliet was the kind of person who would actually answer questions. From experience, she would usually coopercate. Jack wondered if this was on instinct, learned from her past with the Others. "Are you giving up, or-"

She looked to him. Her eyes were stained from tears.

"I changed my mind," she said. Hope swam through him, though he wasn't exactly sure what he was worried about. He was careful, he wasn't just going to let Juliet take him back to the Others. "I think together we can work out some kind of plan, some way to keep us both safe."

Jack studied her. He wasn't convinced.

"How do I know you're not lying?" He challenged, though not in a forceful way. He wanted to know how he could begin to trust her again. He wanted to be relieved to find out that everyone he had ever known wasn't out to get him.

"Because I'm not."

She sounded like she was having to control anger, or possibly impatience. But he had observed Juliet to be someone who was gracefully able to deal with patience. She was becoming anxious, like freedom was a food she had gotten a taste of tonight and fell in love with.

"I'll talk to some people," Jack offered, "but I can't promise anything. Don't get your hopes up.

Juliet smiled sadly.

"Hope's all I have," she looked up to him, no sign of regret on her face. Jack nodded and closed the door behind him as he left the armory. He knew that nothing he said would take that hope away, and this would only make his job harder.

----

Kate was sitting on the floor when he returned to the living room, going through the box of medicine. There wasn't much.

"Is this all you have?" Jack asked, surprised at what little medicine was there. Kate nodded.

"All the food drop brought us were those injections," she said, "there's a closet full of them in the other room."

Jack sighed and sat on the floor near her. He began to look through the box. There were mainly head ace medicine; pills to make stomach aches and fevers go away quickly. Nothing that would be strong enough to truly help Sawyer. He thought of his memories and the doctor's office that seemed full of any medical necessity. How were the people in the Swan supposed to treat their injuries and illnesses? Those people were down there for years at a time...it could be assumed that at some point they'd catch a cold or maybe even sprain an ankle. He should be talking to Desmond...maybe there was something they missed before. But for now, he grabbed a few medicine bottles.

"Is there anymore at the beach?" Jack asked. He stood up and placed the bottles on a table next to the couch.

Kate considered his question.

"Sayid might have some," she said, "or Locke. Or...you're not going down there, are you?"

She stood up. Jack hesitated...it would still be dark. The Others were still out there, surely looking for him. And the monster...the thought made Jack shudder. No, he didn't want to go but he had to. He could only hope the monster wouldn't realize its latest victim was still alive. Jack could still hear Its screams as It tried to murder him.

"Jack?" Kate's concern shook him from his memory. He turned to her.

"Yeah," he said, with no enthusiasm to have to contain.

She followed him as he walked towards the exit.

"But what about Sawyer?" She said. "If he wakes up, you'll need to be here!"

Jack stopped. He sighed. She was right...but he couldn't send Kate out there.

"I'll go," she said. She attempted to walk past him, but he grabbed her arm to stop her.

"No," he said, "It-" he stopped himself when he realized what he was about to say, but Kate had obviously noticed. Jack tried to pull himself together. "They're still out there."

She stared at him, searching his eyes as though looking for further explanation. Pulling herself away from his grip, Kate gazed back towards the living room. He waited for her reply; he had nothing more he wanted to say.

"I'll go," Jack insisted, "I'll send Sayid back to check on Sawyer." He waited for her to look back up to him, and finally their eyes locked. "I promise."

Kate hesitated a moment before nodding, letting him go.

----

"Sayid!" Jack called as he approached the beach, spotting Sayid's tent. Glancing around the camp, he noticed that most were still up, sitting quietly, looking paralyzed as they stared into fires. None moved upon his arrival. Not even to ask questions or for explanation. Jack tried not to appear offended; he remembered when they would have rushed to be the first to be able to ask a question.

Sayid stepped out of his tent.

"Aren't people trying to sleep?" Sayid hissed. Jack glanced back towards the camp.

"No."

Sayid sighed, but he wasn't irrated with Jack but frustrated with himself.

"I'm sorry," Sayid said, "they're afraid. The Others are back, and some say they heard the monster."

"I guess I'm not exactly someone they were hoping to see," Jack said lightly, though he knew this was true. He was a target. Hell, he had just escaped from Them and the monster. He was putting everyone at risk by being here, and Jack knew he should be leaving soon.

"Was there something you needed?" Sayid asked.

Jack nodded.

"Do you have any drugs?" He asked. "Medication, pills, anything that could help Sawyer?"

Sayid shook his head.

"I'm sorry," he said, "most of what I have is in the hatch as well, and I assume you've already looked there."

Jack nodded and tried not to look disapointed. He remembered why he had come to Sayid in the first place.

"I was going to ask Desmond about that," he said, "would you mind going down to the hatch? I told Kate you could-"

Sayid offered him a smile.

"Of course," he said, already beginning to head that way.

Turning, Jack watched him leave the camp. He wondered if he should have warned him about the Others. But Sayid seemed well aware of the danger they were in. He sighed and realized he had no idea where Desmond's camp was.

He felt so cold, so shaken, that he couldn't think. All he could do was sit against the wall, trying to concentrate on nothing. His eyes were rimmed red, not from tears, but of a severe lack of sleep. His head felt like hundreds of tiny bugs were crawling through his brains, shaking every nerve. He was sore for no particular reason whatsover. He knew that Juliet was watching him and was probably concerned. He was just waiting for her to ask...

"Are you okay?"

And there it was.

"Yeah," Jack lied, his voice dry and sore. He needed water...

"Are they coming soon?" She asked. She sounded afraid, but he didn't know what she had to be afraid of. He was the one they came for. Jack turned away, dread washing through him, making him feel more nausiated then ever. He couldn't go today, not in his condition. He'd probably throw up on someone's shoes...not that they wouldn't deserve it. "Maybe you should ask for the day off."

A painful laugh escaped him.

"I'm not working for them," Jack said. Amused, he turned back towards Juliet. "And I'm fine."

Hoping she wouldn't say anything else, Jack didn't say anymore. His throat was sore. It hurt to talk, to breathe. He wasn't fine, he was sick. Very sick...

He coughed, and his chest exploded in pain. Fighting to control the coughs, Jack tried to ignore Juliet's concerned stare.

"I thought you said you were fine."

He was afraid to turn to her. He just felt so miserable...

"Did you need something?" He distantly heard Desmond's voice within his memory. Even now, Jack was confused. He had only been faking illness. But he had gotten so sick... "Did you need anything, brother?"

At the second question Jack's head snapped up, and he realized he was standing in front of Desmond. People nearby were looking at him, both curious and fearful. Mostly fearful.

"I-" Jack studdered as he recalled why he needed to be here. Ironically, it seemed like he needed medication in his memory as well. "In the hatch...was there any kind of emergancy kit? With medicine or anything for major injuries or illnesses?"

At least Desmond seemed to be honestly considering the question, though he looked slightly irritated that Jack, the camp outcast, had come to him for help.

"Not really," Desmond said. Then his eyes widened. "But Kelvin had his stash of sleeping pills."

"Where are those?" Jack inquired.

Desmond hesitated. Not out of respect for Kelvin's memory, but because these pills were obviously something he was relucant to give away. Finally he disapeared into his tent, reappearing after a moment with a teddy bear. Jack's eyebrows furrowed as he watched Desmond reach into a tear in the stuff animal's fur and pull out a bottle of sleeping pills. It was full, so Jack assumed Desmond had more. Desmond handed Jack the pills, but his hand lingered in the air a moment before giving them up.

"You owe me," Desmond muttered.

"These are for Sawyer," Jack explained, defending himself.

"Whatever."

That was all Desmond said before disapearing back into his tent for good. Jack only remained standing, confused. Desmond hadn't seemed that much opposed to Jack's return in the beginning. Had the Other's presence changed that? As Jack turned back around, he received his answer from the looks on everyone's faces: yes. Swallowing, he tried to ignore this. They wouldn't understand, he should have known.

"I'm not one of them," he announced. None of the faces changed. Jack felt nervous, being the center of attention. Especially when his words seemed to have no affect. Even Hurley was looking uncertain, though at least he seemed to be considering what Jack was saying.

He didn't say anything else. Walking passed them, Jack began the trip back to the hatch. Even though he hadn't fully regained his memory and knew very little of his captivity, he did know that they would never understand.

----

The jungle was darker than he could ever remember it being. He couldn't see his path. Stumbling, Jack tried to follow the moonlight, but shadows betrayed him. He was lost on the most simplest path he knew. In his mind he was hearing caughing, hoarse, rough struggles for breath. It was himself that was struggling. Then he heard himself breathing hard, panicing, as the monster came closer and closer. It was coming to the trees. He could be running, but he...

"Jack?"

Jack blinked at Kate's voice. She was right in front of him. He looked around. Suddenly the world wasn't so disoriented. The jungle was dark, but not as dark as he had originally thought. He could see moonlight and through that light he could see the worried look on Kate's face.

"Are you okay?" She asked him, taking a step closer.

He remembered she wasn't supposed to be out here. The Others were out here.

"What are you doing out here?" He demanded, angry that she betrayed her word.

"I realized you were out there with Them," Kate explained, "and you didn't have one of these."

She pulled out a gun and handed it to him. Jack stared at the weapon as he excepted it, realizing she was right. He also realized it had been over nine months since he had last held a gun. One of the horrific aspect of being held prisoner must have been to have to provide for his own safety, without the help of weapons.

"Thanks," he said quietly. He felt shaken, as though his own pain and memories were coming back to haunt him.

Kate hadn't turned away yet, and she still looked concerned. Jack diverted his eyes to hide himself from her gaze, even though he realized she was one of the first to look at him without terror in their eyes or even hatred. He felt the need to hide, to not have to explain what was really going on.

"Come on," Kate said quietly. She turned to lead him to the hatch. He had half expected her to ask him her question again, pressuring him to admit that no, he was not okay. But she must've known this would have only led to further denial...though also to a confirmation of her concern. And for that, Jack was grateful.

----

When they entered the hatch it was silent, but Jack soon found he was right in assuming that Sayid had made it there safely. Sayid was waiting for them when they entered the living room, a paniced look on his face. Jack's eyes fell to Sawyer, and he knew Kate was looking the same direction. Sawyer's eyes were open.

"When did he wake up?" Jack inquired, walking towards the couch.

"A few minutes ago," Sayid replied, following Jack, "at first he was hallucinating, but now I think he's only in pain."

So in pain that Sawyer couldn't move or speak. He simply looked toward the ceiling, only diverting his eyes when Jack knealed over him. Kate stood behind him, hand raised to her mouth. She looked horrified, sick. And he knew, guilty.

"What's happening?" Kate whispered, only able to force out the words in fear for Sawyer.

Suddenly Sawyer began caughing, simular to his own struggle for breath he heard in his head only moments earlier.

"What's happening?" Sawyer echoed, just as silently, but with a far rougher edge to his voice.

"You're fine," Jack told him. He reached for some of the pain medicine.

"What's that?" Sawyer asked, his eyes following Jack as he poured the right amount of medication out.

"It's for the pain," Jack said. Sawyer looked neither relieved nor grateful. In fact, he turned his head when Jack tried to give him the medicine.

"I can't..." he muttered, shaking his head.

"Yes you can," Jack encouraged, "Sawyer, you need-"

Screams of pain interrupted him. Sawyer clutched the wound at his stomach while one hand gripped the couch. Kate looked as though she might be sick but rushed to Sawyer's side anyway. Reaching over him, she grabbed the hand that had been holding onto the couch. Whether he noticed or not, Kate's knuckles soon began to turn white.

"This will pass," Jack promised, though he wasn't sure who he was talking to.

"It's okay," Kate was saying to Sawyer, quietly, comfortingly; ignoring Jack, "you're okay..."

But just as Jack promised, Sawyer's screams came to an immediate hault, though Jack swore they left an echo in the hatch. Kate didn't let go of Sawyer's hand but only stared at him, looking more shocked than relieved.

"What happened?" She whispered.

"He should have taken the medication," Jack said. He didn't mean for that to be his answer, but the misunderstood force of his voice and effort when he sat the medication down must have suggested this. Only now did Kate stan up, willing to face Jack, angry.

"Now this is his fault?" She exclaimed as she got to his feet. Jack didn't answer. "Did you ever consider that maybe you're just a bad doctor?"

"Kate-"

She stopped at Sayid's warning, though he couldn't know if she really wanted to. Jack didn't know how to answer her. He never knew how to answer a relative or loved one when they insulted him like this. Because he had no proof that any defense was correct, not in the immediate shock of something this serious and frightening happening. Sometimes even afterwards. Sometimes no record of successful surgeries could excuse the loss of one patient...never could they.

"He's alive, Kate," he finally replied. He had attempted to be reassuring, but Kate turned away from him nonetheless. Perhaps she was just realizing this. She fell back to Sawyer's side, taking his hand once more. Sawyer's eyes were closed again. Nothing but pained breaths came from him as he slept.

"How many more times will that happen?" She asked quietly. She was clearly relucant to have to go back to him for help.

He could only reply honestly:

"I don't know."

Kate laughed at first, the quiet chuckle echoing through the hatch as Sawyer's screams had before. Then the tears came. Quickly and openly Kate began to break down, sobbing as everything that was going on took its toll on her. Jack wanted to go to her, to comfort her, but he honestly did not know if that was what she wanted. But he could at least give her the respect of not standing back and watching as the tears came, quicker and more violently than ever. He turned away, heading towards the bathroom.

----

He began caughing again. He was laying on the floor, clutching it, as though he could glue himself to it. He was going to be sick...Juliet screaming in the background didn't help...but she was screaming for help.

----

"I'll be honest with you, Jack," Dr. Campbell said, "I questioned your honesty yesterday. But now I see that I was wrong, and for that, I am sorry."

Frankly Jack didn't care. He had assumed they were curious, but when he wasn't questioned, Jack didn't ask. But now he just wished he would be allowed to rest, to take in the relief of the medicine that he had been given. It was working, though Jack still felt nausiated. He didn't understand...all the symptoms he had lied about the day before had hit him first: the head aces, stomach aces, being sick, and then the illness only became worse. He had a fever so strong he felt like he was on fire. But randomly he would just as much feel as though he'd been thrown into ice.

Dr. Campbell crossed his arms over his chest and, with an honestly concerned face, said:

"You have a fever of 101."

Groaning, Jack rolled his head over. He lay in the cot in the Other's doctor's office, though he had heard rumors about him being moved to some kind of medical station. Jack sighed, though his throat hurt. He didn't want to think. He didn't want to travel. He wanted to sleep...

"You're not going anywhere for a few days," Dr. Campbell added.

Yesterday Jack might have let a smile slip here...but today, Jack just closed his eyes, trying not to cough.

Jack let out a cough, wincing as, at the same time, the string attatched to his face tried to tear at his skin. The wound on his face needed stitches, and he had already put it off as long as he could. Now most of the blood was gone, and all he had to do was apply the stitches. The task proved to be much more complicated than originally thought. He had too much on his mind...and he could still hear Kate in the living room, crying. Even more so now that someone was opening the bathroom door. Sayid walked in.

"A closed door means nothing to you?" Jack snapped.

"You took some of the medical supplies with you," Sayid explained. He remained quiet, only watching as Jack continued to stitch his own wound. "If you're successful with that I will admit that you're the best doctor I know."

Jack snorted, remembering what Kate had said to before: 'Did you ever consider that maybe you're just a bad doctor?' She'd said it with such force and emotion...the insult couldn't have just been a product of the moment. But Jack didn't push the subject and neither did Sayid. A few moments later he finished stitching the wound and set the needle down, relieved. He looked at the bloody towel on the counter and the blood in the sink. As he began to clean up, he thought about Juliet's request.

"Can I ask you something?" Jack asked Sayid as he turned on the sink. He began to wash the blood from his hands.

"Of course," Sayid said. He closed the door a little, as to not be overheard.

Jack turned to him but hesitated before continuing. He thought about Kate, who had been hurt when she saw Jack and Juliet talking eariler. How was he ever going to convince others to believe him? He was possibly even trusting Juliet too quickly himself.

"Juliet wants to go after the Others."

He looked down, afraid to see Sayid's reaction to what must have sounded like a riddiculous suggestion. It was ideas like these that made one question the ability of a leader.

"Why would she want to do that?" Sayid inquired.

Jack sighed. He almost wished he hadn't asked...but he had made a promise to Juliet. Not to mention revenge against the Others wasn't the last idea on his agenda.

"She said she'd made a deal with them," Jack began, ready to finish quickly, knowing Sayid wouldn't like what he was about to say, "my freedom for hers. But she changed her mind and said we could work together-"

"Work together?" Sayid repeated, almost in a mocking way. "With one of them?"

"She's not one of them!" Jack exclaimed. He stopped. Sayid stared at him, suspicious.

"How do you know?" Sayid challenged.

"I think we can trust her," Jack said, "she's not one of them."

Jack had chose to answer him right away, say anything, so that he wouldn't hesitate...make himself so obvious.

"How do you know?" Sayid said again. He was not only unconvinced, he was angry. Jack was angry too.

"How did you know Zander was one of them?" Jack shot.

He stopped quickly. He looked horrified, and Sayid hadn't missed a beat.

"Is that Henry's real name?" Sayid asked slowly. He took a step towards Jack, and Jack realized that soon he could be locked up in the armory with Juliet. Any sign of anyone being an Other, and the castaways didn't take it as a grain of salt. Even if Jack appeared to know anything about them, Sayid wouldn't leave it alone. "How do you know this?"

Jack realized the lie had been quite simple.

"She told me."

Sayid studied him for a moment, but at last his glare lightened. Jack held back a sigh of relief.

"Whether she's one of them or not, her plan could work," Jack said as he realized this himself. Now Sayid looked interested. "They're expecting her, so we go back to the line, pretending like she's taking me back as her captive. The whole camp shouldn't be there, so if a few of us go, we could hide-"

"And simply jump out of the bushes when they come?" Jack didn't answer. That had been their plan before, and it had worked. "We've dealt with them before, you have no idea-"

"I know about them!" Jack shouted. Whether he remembered them or not, he couldn't agree with what Sayid was suggesting. "I know they held me captive for nine months and did something that took my memory away. Don't tell me I don't know what they're like!"

Sayid seemed to become more sympthatetic. Jack was glad.

"I know this doesn't seem like the best plan," Jack admitted, "but we can't keep her locked in there forever."

"They're more angry at us than ever," Sayid pointed out, "after whatever happened...this is why they shot Sawyer!"

"They're always going to be mad at us," Jack said, "as long as we're here, on their island, they're going to be mad at us."

"Then they should let us go."

He was almost surprised at Sayid's argument. He sounded openly desperate, helpless. Jack wasn't even sure how to continue their debate. Sayid seemed ready to give up. Any risk of danger, even if it meant a possible defeat, wasn't worth it to these people anymore. Jack was really feeling out of place; he felt the length of time he had been gone. These people had changed, without him. Because of him.

"Just consider it," Jack said, "after all, we have the one thing they don't."

Sayid eyed him curiously.

"What's that?" He inquired.

"Me."

The reaction on Sayid's face told him he was finally making progress.

----

From the shelter of your home

As you walk into the rain

Send a messge that you know she'll hear

Though she's so far away

The living room was silent when he enetered it again. Jack considered going to Kate, but he stopped when he spotted her: silent, completely lost in thought as she gazed at Sawyer, though he was sure she wasn't fully conscious of doing so. She was really looking at memories, hope; he could see it in her eyes. He didn't dare interrupt such a peaceful moment, so he headed straight for the armory, ready to tell Juliet Sayid's answer.

Even though you have been wrong before

She'll hear you now

You know she will

But you don't know how

But when he reached Kate he stopped, hesitating. But she didn't turn to him or acknowledge his presence. At last he decided to keep his word, simply brushing a hand against her shoulder. When she turned he was already gone.

From the shelter of the rain

As you walk into the tube

As you think of her you wonder if

She thinks about you to

It was dark; peaceful. They paniced when they had heard the monster in the distance, but in the end Alex and Pickett could only be happy for their freedom from the Others. She was asleep now, he thought, but he didn't see how. He had so much on his mind, so much to worry about.

"Alex?" He called into the night.

No answer. She was laying on the ground across from him, on the other side of the fire, asleep. They didn't have to worry about anyone spotting the flames; they were no one's enemy. Pickett sighed. But this also meant he really did have the responsibility for caring for a teenage girl, with no other help if he needed it. He was honestly terrified...he didn't want to ruin this girl's life more than he had already.

Even though you've waited so long

To see the day

When she will turn to you again

So long my friend

Is what you'll say

Zander sat in the empty hatch. Even the computer stations were empty: there was no purpose. Everything he had worked for was useless. This hadn't been just another experiment...this had been the most important experiment he had ever conducted.

"We just let the angel of death waltz right out the door," Zander announced miserably.

Dr. Campbell looked slightly amused from where he stood.

"Most people would be relieved of that," he pointed out. Zander wasn't relieved. He was terrified. The angel of death was very underestimated...and very helpful. And now she was gone. Dr. Campbell sighed. "She didn't see a date. For all she knew it was years from now."

He looked didn't look offended as he turned to the doctor, but afraid. He had stopped hiding that emotion a long time ago, at least in front of the select few who knew about the experiment. Including the angel of death.

"She knows I'm going to die," Zander said. He turned away, staring staright ahead. This was what they had assumed...because Alex had been right about this kind of thing before. She didn't see things, visions of the people dying- no, he could protect from that. But she still knew, but now the lack of detail was becoming a threat. As was the lack of hope.

But he had let Alex go. And as a man of his word, Zander had to keep that promise.

And I don't know

Why you feel so bad

Where is the life you once had

And still this horrid feeling grows and grows

The way you want it to

"Walt!"

Walt turned, his heart leaping at the sound of his father's voice. He was running towards him, relieved, though his voice was of disaproval.

"Dad!" Walt exclaimed, running to meet his father. Walt jumped into his arms, grinning broadly. Michael was grinning as well. It was a full moment before he released himself from his father's embrace, itching to ask the question on his mind: "So when are we going home?"

Michael offered him a smile, though obviously exhausted.

"Soon, man," he promised.

Walt smiled back, but only for a minute. Because one thought had haunted him all through this plan.

"What about everyone else?"

The first time they'd escaped, his father had assured him they could find rescue from everyone else. But he couldn't feel relieved, even as his father promised him again:

"We'll rescue them too."

Even though you've waited so long

To see the day

When she will turn to you again

So long my friend

Is what you'll say

He could feel Kate's eyes on him as he entered the armory. Juliet was there, waiting for him, but he couldn't speak right away. He admittedly felt guilty. Maybe walking away wasn't what she wanted...or needed. He should have stayed with her...but she looked so peaceful without him.

"So what did he say?" Juliet asked when he remained silent. She looked worried upon seeing his expression, full of regret, but even so he could sense the hope permanately within her.

And I don't know

Why you feel so bad

Where is the life you once had

And still this horrid feeling grows and grows

The way you want it to

"He agreed."

Jack didn't look to her, didn't even acknowledge her reaction or his gratefulness that Sayid had agreed to the plan. He didn't feel like plotting against the Others was what he should be doing right now. But Juliet didn't feel that way. She broke out into a grin, even letting out a laugh. Jumping up, she threw her arms around him.

You're a fool though

Why do you feel so bad

Where is the life you once had

And still this hollow feeling grows and grows

The way you want it to

She lingered there for a minute, resting her cheek against his shoulder. She was crying tears of joy. He managed a small smile and wrapped his arms around her, but he still only half-heartily felt the relief she did. What would Kate think of the plan? Of him once again putting his life at risk of the Others? But if they were successful, if things could only be normal again...

"Thank you," Juliet whispered. She held him for a moment longer before letting out another laugh. She let go of him, backing away. He was certain she was the only person smiling that night.

"We leave first thing in the morning," Jack informed her. He only hear himself speak the words, only half conscious he was doing so.

Suddenly Juliet's smile was gone.

"No!" She said, horrified. "Tonight. It has to be tonight...they'll still be close!"

He knew she was right, but he also knew chaning the plan might be difficult. Nevertheless, there was hardly any emotion in his voice when he replied:

"I'll see what I can do."

She stared at him, obivously noticing how distant he was being. Jack offered her a half-smile but turned to leave.

"Jack," she said before he could leave. He turned to her. "Really, thank you."

He nodded but he still left. He didn't feel like celebrating, he wasn't even thinking of going back to talk to Sayid. He wanted to talk to Kate. So once more he entered the living room, preparing his apology, reassurance, comfort. But when he found the room again, he realized his efforts were proven useless. Kate was sitting in the floor, back against the couch, one hand still clutching one of Sawyer's hands. She was asleep.

Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews! If anyone's developing any early theories as to what's happening in Jack's flashbacks, and are confused because I said they had nothing to do with what's going on in the show, I'll tell you I'm still keeping my word. If anything happens in the show that happens in here it's simply coincidence, unless I mention otherwise. But, really, even the whole death thing(which I never realized the simularities until now) was planned a long time ago. But I'm glad you guys like the story, and thank you for reading, and thank you for reviewing!

Until next time...

October Sky