Ianto awoke, blurry eyed to a shadow looming over him and something tightly gripping his arms. It was comforting in some bizarre way as the sound of a drawling American accent filtered through his hazy consciousness. Then the pounding headache kicked in and he had to squeeze his eyes shut.
"Ianto? Ianto, are you ok?" The concerned tones continued on and Ianto blindly reached out his hand which was immediately grasped.
"Yes, Jack I'm fine, just give me a moment." He struggled to sit up and opened his eyes to find Jack's face very close to his.
"Ianto, what are you doing here, you should be resting."
And Ianto just sort of flopped forwards, his head coming to rest on Jack's chest. He could feel the man's arms around him, supporting his weight.
"Came to find you. I was worried." He mumbled.
The embrace was tightened and Ianto could feel fingers running through his hair. "I upset you. I'm sorry Jack. I know I've done something wrong, whatever it is, I'm sorry." He spoke into the fabric of Jack's old coat, that wonderful old thing that smelt of home. Ianto snaked his arms around Jack and closed his eyes again.
It took Jack a moment to register the fact that Ianto had in fact gone back to sleep in his arms, so he carefully positioned himself on the couch and settled the younger man so his head was resting on his lap. He sat back resting his head against the cold tiled wall and closed his eyes as well, vaguely drifting on the edge of his dreams.
Ianto stretched somewhat languidly. He regretted the action as almost immediately his chest muscles protested the movement. He was warm and comfortable and surrounded by the familiar sounds of the Hub. He could hear the hum of the electronics and clacking of computer keys and....
"'Bout fucking time you woke up!"
Ianto's eyes snapped open and there was Owen gawping at him with a scowl on his face. "What the fuck were you playing at walking here last night?"
Ianto frowned and tried to move aware of the heavy blanket covering him which turned out to be Jack's coat. He lurched upright with a groan and pushed the coat aside.
"I needed the fresh air." He sniped back yawning at the same time.
"You twat, what part of two weeks rest did you not understand?! I should have your balls for this. Idiot." Owen got up from his place on the coffee table and stomped off. "Stay there Tea Boy and don't move, I need to check your chest."
Ianto was too tired to respond but looked up when he felt the end of the couch dip beside him. Jack was proffering a mug of tea.
"Don't worry about Owen; you gave him a fright is all." He said with a smile. Ianto took the mug.
"Thanks Jack. What time is it?" he sipped at the tea, which was surprisingly good.
"Almost lunch time. Gwen's ordered in Chinese." Jack rested his hand on Ianto's leg. "You sure you're ok?"
Ianto nodded. Jack looked relieved and Ianto couldn't help but notice the tension drain out of him. He looked over Jack's shoulder and could see Gwen and Tosh working at their terminals so he leant forward, close to Jack and whispered. "I'm sorry I upset you."
Jack smiled and gently squeezed his thigh. "Soon as Owen has checked you over, we'll talk in my office."
Ianto nodded. "Ok."
Twenty minutes later and Ianto, still wrapped in Jack's coat was curled up in a chair in Jack's office. Jack perched himself on the edge of his couch facing him, a glass of scotch clasped in his hands. Ianto was on his second cup of tea having satisfied Owen that he wasn't about to keel over. Ianto sat there staring at his mug for a moment before speaking.
"You should go to her before she gets married Jack."
Jack's head snapped up and he looked at Ianto through narrowed eyes. "What?"
Ianto was puzzled by his confused expression. "Gwen. You said it yourself, that you didn't want to lose her. You said in front of all of us. If you want to be with her that much you shouldn't waste the last chance you have left."
Jack really wasn't sure whether he wanted to laugh or cry right then. "Is that what you want?"
Ianto's puzzlement deepened. "What I want doesn't come into it, you're my friend Jack. If being with her is going to make you happy...."
Jack put his glass down on the carpet between his feet and grasped Ianto's head, gently rubbing his little fingers over the nape of his neck. Ianto's eyes shuttered down.
"You can be the thickest person on this planet." Jack stated.
Ianto opened his eyes. "There's no need to insult me. I was trying to help." He could feel himself melting under the contact. "Isn't that what friends are supposed to do?"
Jack dropped his hands. "Yes, it is. But it isn't her I want, it's you and you're just too wrapped in yourself to see it, or else I'm too damn stupid to make you see."
Ianto pulled back, his face going pale. "That is not funny Jack."
Jack shrugged. "I'm not laughing. I am just tired of chasing my own tail over this, you and I are just so fucking difficult. You know I have never had this kinda trouble before. Most people are usually pretty receptive to me wanting them. I don't know how you manage to not see it Yan. What the fuck am I doing wrong here?"
"Oh." Ianto sagged into his seat. "You really did come back for me."
Jack nodded. "Why are you so surprised?"
It was Ianto's turn to shrug as he suddenly found a button on Jack's coat very interesting. "I thought you wanted her, she can give you a normal life, even if it's only for her life time. You could have a family Jack."
Jack reached and grasped the hand that was fiddling with the button. "Stop wrecking my coat." He wrapped his larger hand around Ianto's smaller one. "I came back for you. You're the only person who looks at me and sees me for who I really am. I trust you. I think I love you. You're just so damned defensive Ianto, won't let anyone in. I know it has been a tough life for you, but give yourself the chance to make it a better one, even if it isn't with me."
Ianto just stared at the hand holding his. "I didn't know Jack. The way you look at her....."
"Yeah, I know. She's an ideal Ianto. A life I could never have. If I ever have children I will only live on to see them die, I'm not ready for that. Maybe years, centuries from now I will be, but not now. I need you. I need your honesty and your compassion and your innate understanding."
"Need isn't love Jack, but I am complimented by that. I don't think anyone has ever needed me before."
"What about Lisa?"
Ianto sighed finally looking up into his eyes. "I needed her Jack. I loved her so much and I couldn't imagine my life without her in it, but she never needed me. Lisa was so strong and confident..." He dropped his gaze wanting to hide the betraying tears that threatened. "I needed that strength and when it was taken away from her I needed to put it back, to fix her because I couldn't cope without her."
Jack nodded understanding. "It was the same with your Tad, wasn't it?"
"Yes. Yes, I suppose it was." The tears fell anyway and Jack carefully thumbed them away.
"I think we could be good for each other. I'm not saying that it will be easy. Life in Torchwood never is, but I only get you for this one lifetime Ianto and I don't want to waste that. So I'm asking, what's it to be?"
Ianto raised his eyes and looked straight at Jack for a long time. The room could have been on fire and neither of them would have noticed.
"One day at a time Jack. It's the best I can do for now. I'm so fucked in the head right now, I could think and feel things that aren't true. Please just give me one day at a time." He finally said.
Jack offered up a hopeful smile. "Starting now?"
Ianto nodded.
FIN
AN: Thank you as always for your reviews.... I really didn't know where this was going so I hope you enjoyed reading it. Kia Ora.
