2199 CE
Nimbus Cluster
A classified Starbase in the Agaiou system
Observation Lounge
Ashley tapped the datapad, closing the document, and looked across at the window to gaze out into space.
"Forgive me for saying so, but you look tired." Garrus stepped past her, sitting down on a nearby couch.
"You're right. I am," Ash replied. "But then, this isn't exactly light reading." She waved a hand towards the pile of datapads at her side.
"Tell me about it. I've just finished reading his message to me. If we call The New Adventures of Blasto 'light reading', then this is probably rivalling a black hole for weight." He sighed. "Never really expected to get messages from a dead man. Then again, I probably should have learnt not to make any assumptions where Shepard is concerned."
Ashley paused, but her curiosity got the better of her. "What did he say to you?"
"I won't share all of it. Some of it is between me and him," Garrus replied. "But, back when we were in London, I told him to meet me at the bar if we both ended up in heaven. He says that he'll be there by now, and that he's planning to run up my tab while he waits for me."
Managing a slight smile, Ashley nodded. "That sounds like him. Shepard always did like his liquor."
"Yeah, and he could hold it better than a krogan." Garrus' voice took a more sombre tone. "I also know that Harbinger is the reason he's dead, and that the mechanical-squid-bastard is pretty much the last living Reaper at this point. If I get the chance, I'll have to fix that one of these days."
"Let me know if you do – I think I'd sleep easier. There are some things that just need to die, and Harbinger's one of them."
Garrus glanced across at her. "How are you taking it? You seemed a bit overwhelmed the last time we talked – and that was before you knew he was dead."
Ashley stared down at the datapad in her hand. "Ever since you showed me the probe, I doubted that this could really be Shepard; that he was really out there for all these years. But now... no. It was him. I don't know how. Maybe God helped him to carry on a little while longer, to achieve everything he set out to do..." She shrugged. "After reading these memoirs, there are aspects of him that I understand better now, compared to... before. That wouldn't be possible if they weren't written by Shepard."
"I heard about your argument with EDI."
"That wasn't an argument. That was me saying something stupid without thinking."
"Yeah, but at least you apologised," said Garrus. "Not everyone would. Admitting that you made a mistake is never easy."
"Getting interrogated by an ex-C-Sec turian about it isn't making it any easier..." replied Ash sternly.
"Point taken. Force of habit, I'm afraid." He rubbed a hand across his crest.
Ashley sat up and gave him a sidelong look. "However you excuse it, I don't want you interrogating my daughter like that, when I bring her to visit in a few weeks."
Garrus frowned for a moment, then his eyes lit up. "So you are going to come visit Rannoch?"
"Aye. I think I'd appreciate a holiday after all of this, and I know Cassie would love to visit. She's fascinated by the geth, and the only thing she can get from me is what a pain-in-the-ass they were to fight..." Ashley's voice trailed off. "Oh god."
"What?"
"Cassie," breathed Ashley. "I never told him about Cassie. He's been alive all these years, he fought his way home to me, he died in the room with me and I never told him that he had a daughter."
Garrus leant forward, resting a hand on her arm. "Hey. You didn't know that it was him then. And you had no reason to believe that he'd be taken from you so quickly."
"But it was him. He was right there in front of me. It should have been the first thing that came to mind! To tell him... to tell him how beautiful Cassie is. How much she reminds me of him. How much... God, Shepard, why did you have to die?!"
Ashley was quivering now, staring at her hands. Garrus moved to crouch at her side, holding her. There were no sounds of weeping – there was no sound at all. As obvious as Ashley's distress was, she was silent.
And she wasn't the only one in pain.
Garrus could feel the pit in his stomach, the sensation that was so achingly familiar. Ashley had lost a lover, lost the father of her child. He had lost a friend, a man who had taught him so much, a man that he could not help but respect. Just as he had lost so many other people.
It sometimes amazed him that that he could still feel after so much loss. That he could still wisecrack, chat, and smile. That he still felt alive. Looking back, he felt that his humour should have been worn away long ago. But it hadn't been.
And as Ashley's back slowly straightened, he felt that it was the right time for just the slightest touch of humour.
"You know, if Shepard had ever caught me holding you like this in the past thirteen years, I probably would have found myself staring down the guns of half a dozen Reapers..."
"True," replied Ashley with a weak laugh. "But I appreciate it. Even if I don't like people seeing me like this."
Garrus shrugged as he returned to his seat. "I won't tell if you don't."
"It's just... He's passed on messages to all of us. You, Grunt, Liara, Jack... Especially me. But Cassie doesn't get a message, and only because he didn't know. I should have told him."
The turian shook his head. "You can't blame yourself for that. You didn't even know what was going on then."
"Then I should blame Shepard?"
"No. He hung on as long as he could, just to see you one last time."
Ashley sighed. "Cassandra never had a father. She's only had some galactic legend to look up to. He should have had a chance to teach her something, pass along a message. Even a single word would have been better than nothing. Better than not even knowing she exists..."
"Except there wasn't time – the real world, duty, and saving the galaxy all got in the way." Garrus looked out of the window, towards the binary stars. "You know, if there is a heaven or some kind of afterlife, Shepard knows about Cassie by now. What do you think he'd want to teach her?"
"I... Optimism. That frustrating ability of his to compromise, to always seek out the peaceful solutions. And that stubborn refusal to ever give up on the things important to him." She chuckled. "Whatever happened, I wouldn't let him teach her how to dance..."
"Spirits no! That'd mess the poor girl up for life! But those other things... teach them to her. For him."
"I will," said Ashley, nodding. "And, well, even if he didn't know it, he spent the past thirteen years fighting for her. So I can tell Cassie that." She paused. "I miss her. These last few days have been... heavy. I'll probably head back to Elysium soon; I think it's time to go home."
"I'm sure Joker and EDI will give you a lift. And I don't think Terien has any reason to want to keep you around," said Garrus. "What about Shepard's remaining memoirs?"
"There's only a few left for me to read. I'm not looking forward to it, but I owe it to Shepard to know what he went through. I'll leave after that." Ashley glanced at the pile of datapads. "Nothing's ever easy, is it?"
"No," said Garrus quietly. "But maybe that's the point."
