DOCUMENTARY FILMMAKING : REDUX

INT. GREENDALE CAFETERIA TURNED INTO FILM SET

Jeff Winger is sitting in a hair in his Dean costume. Ivy Reeds is adjusting his bald cap. Abed Nadir is filming them, but not seen.

JEFF

This is taking a lot longer than I expected.

IVY

I feel like the drama club lost its entire costume budget on this commercial.

JEFF

I bet I'm better to put a wing cap on then Chang.

IVY

I didn't put his wig on. He brought his own.

INT. GREENDALE STUDY ROOM

Abed is sitting alone on the couch in the study room. He is reading a Crashing Comet comic. Ivy Reed enters. She sits next to him.

IVY

I heard about what you did for the Dean. You made a really great commercial for the Board.

ABED

I didn't just do it for the Dean. I did it for Greendale. I guess I was too invested to make a good documentary.

IVY

I liked this one a lot better than the last one.

ABED

I still have those pants.

Ivy gets up to leave. She stops in her tracks.

IVY

Hey Abed?

ABED

Yeah?

Ivy rushes towards him and kisses him passionately.

ABED (CONT'D)

Cool.

Ivy gets up and runs off.

ABED (CONT'D)

Cool cool cool.

INT. GREENDALE STUDY ROOM

The group disperses. Jeff Winger lags behind, texting on his cell phone. Annie lingers by the doorway. Abed takes Britta's seat directly next to him. Jeff looks up.

JEFF

Britta, I have to say, you've really let yourself go.

ABED

I need to ask you for advice.

JEFF

Okay.

ABED

On dating.

JEFF

Well, I have been with a lot of women.

ABED

That's why I chose you over Troy. Of the group, you've been with the most women. You've had more time than Troy and Pierce is eliminated due to the nature of the conversation.

JEFF

Ah. So it's Ivy.

ABED

I have to say, I always saw myself as a side character without a major love interest. I thought maybe in season five or six I'd meet an even smaller side character.

JEFF

This isn't television, Abed.

ABED

Exactly. So I have Ivy. Who kissed me after I saved the Dean with a new Greendale commercial but I don't know what kind of kiss it was. Does it mean were back together or was it like a final movie scene and that's my reward for a good deed?

JEFF

Abed, listen to me. Whatever you do, do not ask her about it. Don't even mention it. Pretend like it never happened.

ABED

Why?

JEFF

If you ask her about it, then it gives her all the power.

Annie looks outraged. She takes her seat at the table.

ANNIE

Jeff! You can't say that to him! It isn't about power. It's about love.

Annie takes her seat at the table.

ANNIE (CONT'D)

Sorry, Abed. I didn't mean to overhear your conversation.

ABED

It's okay. I knew you were eavesdropping the whole time.

Annie scoffs.

ANNIE

If you want to be with her, you have to tell her.

JEFF

Look, Ivy's going through some things. We can't blame her. She found out she's genetically related to Pierce. There's some self-loathing there. I get it.

ANNIE

Jeff!

JEFF

If you come on too strong then she'll panic. She doesn't want to be forced into making a choice right now. All I'm saying is that she'll come to you when she's ready.

ANNIE

That... does kind of make sense.

ABED

So...I do nothing?

JEFF

Exactly.

Foosball and Nocturnal Vigilantism

INT. TROY, ABED, AND ANNIE'S APARTMENT (CONT'D)

Ivy Reeds walks into the apartment. Abed Nadir, Annie Edison, and Troy Barnes are all standing in a circle looking cathartic. Ivy Reeds walks in, dressed for a date. She is holding a new copy of The Dark Knight.

IVY

I got it, Annie. With all the commentary and special footage and even the same message. I had to pay like $150 in shipping alone to get it here -

She stops when she sees the state of the apartment.

ANNIE

You actually got it?

TROY

Seriously?

IVY

Dude, you bought it online. There's always more than one copy.

Troy turns to Annie, enraged.

TROY

That was an option?!

Ivy hands the DVD to Abed.

ABED

I'm going to put this somewhere safe.

Abed exits.

ANNIE

That was really nice of you.

IVY

Yeah well, your text message said "Can't you just come over here and distract Abed by making out with him?"

TROY

Annie!

IVY

Nothing is going to distract Abed from Batman.

TROY

Exactly...why are you dressed so nice to give us a DVD? I mean, I know it's Batman but -

Abed returns as Ivy speaks.

IVY

I've got a date.

Abed stops in his tracks. Annie and Troy look to Abed with sympathy.

ABED

Can I hire you to fix my Batman cape sometime?

Ivy drops her purse to the ground.

IVY

You ripped it?

Ivy runs towards the closet.

INT. TROY, ABED, AND ANNIE'S APARTMENT

A few hours later, Ivy is sitting cross-legged on Annie's bed, still sewing the cape. Her heels are off. Annie sits with her.

ANNIE

Who are you going out with?

IVY

Huey.

ANNIE

Oh...arearen't you going to be late?

IVY

I know Abed told you what happened.

ANNIE

I don't know anything -

IVY

You got your doe eyes out.

ANNIE

He really likes you.

IVY

He also really hurt me.

ANNIE

Then why kiss him?

IVY

I still care about him. I just...I mean, I could forgive him if it hadn't been true, but...Well, it was.

ANNIE

I just know that he didn't mean to hurt you.

Ivy thrusts the cape back to Annie.

IVY

It's done. I've got to go.

Ivy grabs the shoes and her purse and runs out, knocking into Abed. She exits. Abed stands in the doorway.

ABED

I guess she didn't want to be late for her date.

ANNIE

I'm sorry, Abed.

ABED

Troy and I are going to watch The Dark Knight if you want to join us.

Abed exits.

REGIONAL HOLIDAY MUSIC

INT. GREENDALE HALLWAY

Troy Banes is talking to Ivy Reeds. She reluctantly nods her head yes.

INT. GREENDALE STUDY ROOM

Ivy plays the piano as Troy and Abed trick Pierce into singing Baby Boomer Santa.

INT. GREENDALE COSTUME ROOM

Ivy tailors a sexy Mrs. Clause costume to Annie's body.

INT. BACKSTAGE

Abed approaches Ivy - she runs in the other direction.

INT. GREENDALE CAFETERIA TURNED INTO CHRISTMAS PAGENT - BACKSTAGE

Ivy Reeds is taking all the costumes and placing them on the rack. Abed Nadir walks up to her and turns in his costume. He starts to walk away. When he reaches the doorway, he turns around and walks back.

ABED

Am I playing it cool?

IVY

What?

ABED

Jeff says that if I like you, then I have to play it cool but I don't know how you're supposed to know that I'm playing it cool. I guess I just wanted you to know that I'm playing it cool.

IVY

Noted.

ABED

And I wanted to say Merry Christmas. I know it's probably going to be a hard one because you sent Christmas with your father and your brother won't be home this year.

IVY

Abed -

ABED

And if you needed me then I'll be around.

IVY

Playing it cool?

ABED

Yes.

IVY

Well, thanks.

Abed starts to leave again and then turns back.

ABED

I don't want to play it cool though. I liked when you were my girlfriend and we wanted TV shows and movies together. I liked that you never got annoyed when I talked about Star Wars or Cougar Town. I know that things have changed but I wish that they hadn't.

Abed starts to exit. This time Ivy stops him.

IVY

Wait!

ABED

Yeah?

IVY

Do you want to watch Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer with me? It's my favorite. I always really liked the elf who wants to be a dentist.

ABED

Hermey?

IVY

Yes! Oh! And the Charlie Brown Christmas Special. That one is classic. It's where I learned all my best dance moves.

ABED

Tomorrow night? Seven?

Ivy nods. Abed exits.

INT. GREENDALE STUDY ROOM - THE DARKEST TIMELINE

Evil Abed sits on the couch with Evil Ivy in his lap. She kisses his neck provocatively. Evil Ivy is wearing red hot pants, a black tank top, a drastic amount of black eyeliner, and messy pigtails.

EVIL ABED

We need to focus on the timeline.

EVIL IVY

(between kisses)

Which one?

EVIL ABED

The better timeline. Where I caught the die.

EVIL IVY

Who cares about that timeline?

EVIL ABED

I want control of it.

EVIL IVY

Why?

EVIL ABED

For us.

EVIL IVY

Oh, puddin'!

Evil Ivy squeals in delight. They passionately embrace. Evil Abed tosses her off his lap and jumps on top of her.

INT. TROY, ABED, AND ANNIE'S APARTMENT

Abed and Ivy sit in a blanket fort, watching Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Troy Barnes enters with popcorn. Ivy scoots closer to Abed to make room for Troy. Abed smiles.

INT. TROY, ABED, AND ANNIE'S APARTMENT

Troy has gone to bed and only Ivy and Abed remain. They have reached the end of Elf. The credits are rolling.

IVY

I like this movie, but something about Christmas time claymation just gets me.

ABED

Agreed.

There is a long uncomfortable silence.

ABED (CONT'D)

Are we dating?

IVY

Uh. I guess. Casually dating.

ABED

Okay.

Ivy gets up.

IVY

I should go.

She kisses Abed on the cheek, picks up her bag, and exits.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thank you to everyone who has been reading! Please let me know what you think!