DOCUMENTARY FILMMAKING : REDUX
INT. GREENDALE CAFETERIA TURNED INTO FILM SET
Jeff Winger is sitting in a hair in his Dean costume. Ivy Reeds is adjusting his bald cap. Abed Nadir is filming them, but not seen.
JEFF
This is taking a lot longer than I expected.
IVY
I feel like the drama club lost its entire costume budget on this commercial.
JEFF
I bet I'm better to put a wing cap on then Chang.
IVY
I didn't put his wig on. He brought his own.
INT. GREENDALE STUDY ROOM
Abed is sitting alone on the couch in the study room. He is reading a Crashing Comet comic. Ivy Reed enters. She sits next to him.
IVY
I heard about what you did for the Dean. You made a really great commercial for the Board.
ABED
I didn't just do it for the Dean. I did it for Greendale. I guess I was too invested to make a good documentary.
IVY
I liked this one a lot better than the last one.
ABED
I still have those pants.
Ivy gets up to leave. She stops in her tracks.
IVY
Hey Abed?
ABED
Yeah?
Ivy rushes towards him and kisses him passionately.
ABED (CONT'D)
Cool.
Ivy gets up and runs off.
ABED (CONT'D)
Cool cool cool.
INT. GREENDALE STUDY ROOM
The group disperses. Jeff Winger lags behind, texting on his cell phone. Annie lingers by the doorway. Abed takes Britta's seat directly next to him. Jeff looks up.
JEFF
Britta, I have to say, you've really let yourself go.
ABED
I need to ask you for advice.
JEFF
Okay.
ABED
On dating.
JEFF
Well, I have been with a lot of women.
ABED
That's why I chose you over Troy. Of the group, you've been with the most women. You've had more time than Troy and Pierce is eliminated due to the nature of the conversation.
JEFF
Ah. So it's Ivy.
ABED
I have to say, I always saw myself as a side character without a major love interest. I thought maybe in season five or six I'd meet an even smaller side character.
JEFF
This isn't television, Abed.
ABED
Exactly. So I have Ivy. Who kissed me after I saved the Dean with a new Greendale commercial but I don't know what kind of kiss it was. Does it mean were back together or was it like a final movie scene and that's my reward for a good deed?
JEFF
Abed, listen to me. Whatever you do, do not ask her about it. Don't even mention it. Pretend like it never happened.
ABED
Why?
JEFF
If you ask her about it, then it gives her all the power.
Annie looks outraged. She takes her seat at the table.
ANNIE
Jeff! You can't say that to him! It isn't about power. It's about love.
Annie takes her seat at the table.
ANNIE (CONT'D)
Sorry, Abed. I didn't mean to overhear your conversation.
ABED
It's okay. I knew you were eavesdropping the whole time.
Annie scoffs.
ANNIE
If you want to be with her, you have to tell her.
JEFF
Look, Ivy's going through some things. We can't blame her. She found out she's genetically related to Pierce. There's some self-loathing there. I get it.
ANNIE
Jeff!
JEFF
If you come on too strong then she'll panic. She doesn't want to be forced into making a choice right now. All I'm saying is that she'll come to you when she's ready.
ANNIE
That... does kind of make sense.
ABED
So...I do nothing?
JEFF
Exactly.
Foosball and Nocturnal Vigilantism
INT. TROY, ABED, AND ANNIE'S APARTMENT (CONT'D)
Ivy Reeds walks into the apartment. Abed Nadir, Annie Edison, and Troy Barnes are all standing in a circle looking cathartic. Ivy Reeds walks in, dressed for a date. She is holding a new copy of The Dark Knight.
IVY
I got it, Annie. With all the commentary and special footage and even the same message. I had to pay like $150 in shipping alone to get it here -
She stops when she sees the state of the apartment.
ANNIE
You actually got it?
TROY
Seriously?
IVY
Dude, you bought it online. There's always more than one copy.
Troy turns to Annie, enraged.
TROY
That was an option?!
Ivy hands the DVD to Abed.
ABED
I'm going to put this somewhere safe.
Abed exits.
ANNIE
That was really nice of you.
IVY
Yeah well, your text message said "Can't you just come over here and distract Abed by making out with him?"
TROY
Annie!
IVY
Nothing is going to distract Abed from Batman.
TROY
Exactly...why are you dressed so nice to give us a DVD? I mean, I know it's Batman but -
Abed returns as Ivy speaks.
IVY
I've got a date.
Abed stops in his tracks. Annie and Troy look to Abed with sympathy.
ABED
Can I hire you to fix my Batman cape sometime?
Ivy drops her purse to the ground.
IVY
You ripped it?
Ivy runs towards the closet.
INT. TROY, ABED, AND ANNIE'S APARTMENT
A few hours later, Ivy is sitting cross-legged on Annie's bed, still sewing the cape. Her heels are off. Annie sits with her.
ANNIE
Who are you going out with?
IVY
Huey.
ANNIE
Oh...arearen't you going to be late?
IVY
I know Abed told you what happened.
ANNIE
I don't know anything -
IVY
You got your doe eyes out.
ANNIE
He really likes you.
IVY
He also really hurt me.
ANNIE
Then why kiss him?
IVY
I still care about him. I just...I mean, I could forgive him if it hadn't been true, but...Well, it was.
ANNIE
I just know that he didn't mean to hurt you.
Ivy thrusts the cape back to Annie.
IVY
It's done. I've got to go.
Ivy grabs the shoes and her purse and runs out, knocking into Abed. She exits. Abed stands in the doorway.
ABED
I guess she didn't want to be late for her date.
ANNIE
I'm sorry, Abed.
ABED
Troy and I are going to watch The Dark Knight if you want to join us.
Abed exits.
REGIONAL HOLIDAY MUSIC
INT. GREENDALE HALLWAY
Troy Banes is talking to Ivy Reeds. She reluctantly nods her head yes.
INT. GREENDALE STUDY ROOM
Ivy plays the piano as Troy and Abed trick Pierce into singing Baby Boomer Santa.
INT. GREENDALE COSTUME ROOM
Ivy tailors a sexy Mrs. Clause costume to Annie's body.
INT. BACKSTAGE
Abed approaches Ivy - she runs in the other direction.
INT. GREENDALE CAFETERIA TURNED INTO CHRISTMAS PAGENT - BACKSTAGE
Ivy Reeds is taking all the costumes and placing them on the rack. Abed Nadir walks up to her and turns in his costume. He starts to walk away. When he reaches the doorway, he turns around and walks back.
ABED
Am I playing it cool?
IVY
What?
ABED
Jeff says that if I like you, then I have to play it cool but I don't know how you're supposed to know that I'm playing it cool. I guess I just wanted you to know that I'm playing it cool.
IVY
Noted.
ABED
And I wanted to say Merry Christmas. I know it's probably going to be a hard one because you sent Christmas with your father and your brother won't be home this year.
IVY
Abed -
ABED
And if you needed me then I'll be around.
IVY
Playing it cool?
ABED
Yes.
IVY
Well, thanks.
Abed starts to leave again and then turns back.
ABED
I don't want to play it cool though. I liked when you were my girlfriend and we wanted TV shows and movies together. I liked that you never got annoyed when I talked about Star Wars or Cougar Town. I know that things have changed but I wish that they hadn't.
Abed starts to exit. This time Ivy stops him.
IVY
Wait!
ABED
Yeah?
IVY
Do you want to watch Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer with me? It's my favorite. I always really liked the elf who wants to be a dentist.
ABED
Hermey?
IVY
Yes! Oh! And the Charlie Brown Christmas Special. That one is classic. It's where I learned all my best dance moves.
ABED
Tomorrow night? Seven?
Ivy nods. Abed exits.
INT. GREENDALE STUDY ROOM - THE DARKEST TIMELINE
Evil Abed sits on the couch with Evil Ivy in his lap. She kisses his neck provocatively. Evil Ivy is wearing red hot pants, a black tank top, a drastic amount of black eyeliner, and messy pigtails.
EVIL ABED
We need to focus on the timeline.
EVIL IVY
(between kisses)
Which one?
EVIL ABED
The better timeline. Where I caught the die.
EVIL IVY
Who cares about that timeline?
EVIL ABED
I want control of it.
EVIL IVY
Why?
EVIL ABED
For us.
EVIL IVY
Oh, puddin'!
Evil Ivy squeals in delight. They passionately embrace. Evil Abed tosses her off his lap and jumps on top of her.
INT. TROY, ABED, AND ANNIE'S APARTMENT
Abed and Ivy sit in a blanket fort, watching Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Troy Barnes enters with popcorn. Ivy scoots closer to Abed to make room for Troy. Abed smiles.
INT. TROY, ABED, AND ANNIE'S APARTMENT
Troy has gone to bed and only Ivy and Abed remain. They have reached the end of Elf. The credits are rolling.
IVY
I like this movie, but something about Christmas time claymation just gets me.
ABED
Agreed.
There is a long uncomfortable silence.
ABED (CONT'D)
Are we dating?
IVY
Uh. I guess. Casually dating.
ABED
Okay.
Ivy gets up.
IVY
I should go.
She kisses Abed on the cheek, picks up her bag, and exits.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thank you to everyone who has been reading! Please let me know what you think!
