Disclaimer: I own nothing.

I actually the H320 Dub Step remix version more than the Linkin Park version of this song. It's really good and you readers should listen to it sometime!

Some props to alwaysbutneverright for helping me in the end! Gracias John!


Chapter 11: Numb


I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
- H320 (Dub Step Remix)

"Shit" Brooke slammed the door shut as we came into the house late at night. She had been avoiding the house all day. Jake wouldn't be home till late… real late.

It was eleven and Brooke looked around the house for Fiona. She found her standing in the kitchen and Brooke tried to make it up the stairs when she felt her arm being pulled painfully in the other direction and she tripped down the stairs. She braced herself with her hands and let out a groan while Fiona grabbed her by the hair.

"Where have you been?" Fiona spat.

"Out"

Fiona shoved her against the wall and pushed her arm into Brooke's throat. Brooke stayed limp knowing that fighting just made it worse. If she didn't fight it, Fiona wouldn't tighten the grip.

"You're curfew is nine" Fiona hissed.

"It won't happen again" Brooke sputtered taking sharp breaths.

Fiona dropped her arms and Brooke fell to the ground coughing, thankful for the fresh air that was filling her lungs.

"You better hope it doesn't" Fiona kicked her a few times in the stomach and Brooke curled into a fetal position, letting the toe of Fiona's heel beat into her wrist instead of her stomach.

Soon she felt spit roll down her face and she knew it was done. She lied there a few minutes after Fiona had stumbled to bed before she pulled herself up and climbed the stairs to the bedroom.

She was coughing sporadically to the point that it made her sick. She limped to the bathroom and threw up the contents of the day and started to dry heave. After there was nothing left in her stomach, she crawled into the bed and tried to get a little sleep before she had start the horrible day all over again.


The next day the group all sat in their first period but one brunette had yet to be seen. Lucas stared at the door as the bell rang and his leg jumped in anticipation.

He started to get nervous when Jake walked in but Brooke didn't trail behind. Nobody questioned her absence, but it bothered him because they had fought yesterday and he knew she didn't go home till late, and by the time the bell rang to end class he was out of his seat and heading towards the parking lot.

"Luke, where are you going?" Nathan called after his brother.

"Don't worry about it, I'll be back."

"We got a game today," Clay told him but Lucas waved him off.

"I'll be back," he repeated quickly, exiting the school and getting in his car.

He made the quick drive to Brooke's house and jumped out of the car. He walked up the steps and knocked on the door, but she didn't answer. He turned the knob to find it unlocked, and he then went to her room to find her sleeping.

"Brooke," he whispered through the room and he watched her turn in the bed.

He walked over and shook her softly and she slowly started to open her eyes.

"Lucas?" She mumbled, rubbing her eyes.

"I just wanted to check on you."

"Oh… what time is it?"

"Nine thirty"

She nodded sitting up in the bed running her hand through her hair, making Lucas notice her arm. He tentatively grabbed it and noticed the bruises forming on it.

"Are you okay?" He asked and she nodded.

"Yeah, it is sore, but I'll be okay." She shrugged.

"Does it happen every night?"

She nodded, looking to the side ashamed. Lucas watched her skittish movements. She didn't look him in the eye; she stayed rigid and never showed any emotion.

"Talk to me." He said and she looked up confused.

"Why?" She asked emotionlessly.

"Because I feel like I should know more about you. So tell me everything."

"I didn't quit softball because my dad died," she started off.

"I figured."

"You remember when my arm broke?" She asked and he nodded. "I didn't fall over the chair… she pushed me."

Lucas swallowed hard before nodding for her to continue.

"Umm… the week I missed sophomore year? I uh… didn't have the flu. She had broken a rib and I couldn't really move but I didn't go to the doctor so… yeah. The burn on my hand was when I put it on the stove trying to get away from her. This one…," She pulled up the sleeve of her shirt to show a scar looking like she had scalding water poured on her, "is from when she got mad once freshman year and threw the oil she cooking with on me. That one probably hurt the most."

Lucas stared in disbelief. She said it so calmly. It made his chest clench that this was normal behavior to her.

She looked over her arms for something else to show him. She showed an inch long scar, "This was one is from a few months ago. I got it from her throwing a plate that I had broken at me."

He wanted her to stop. He needed her stop. He couldn't hear it anymore, so he pulled her in for a tight embrace. At first she went tense, and for the first time he had ever seen, she relaxed and slowly wrapped her arms around his neck and rested her head on his chest.

It should've been uncomfortable. Here she sat hugging Lucas, but it wasn't. It wasn't uncomfortable she felt… safe. And in her life, that meant a lot.

"Can I tell you something?" She asked softly and he nodded.

"I'm so tired. I can't do it anymore. I feel like it would just be easier for everyone if she just finished me off." She sighed and Lucas shook his head.

"No."

"No, what?"

"No, you can't think like that. I mean Brooke, life would suck without you."

"You haven't spoken to me… really spoken to me ever… unless you count that one week, but you don't so…"

"I know. I know we aren't friends. Trust me, I know. The idea, though, of never seeing you, or hearing your voice…" He held her face, "Or seeing these eyes. Life would be boring without you. I didn't see that before, but it's true. I would hate not knowing you."

"Why? Look at me Lucas… I'm battered and bruised and disgusting. Who would miss me?"

"Me. I would. I would miss you and our fights, and everything about you. I would miss you."

He grasped her face but she didn't look at him. She always felt unworthy around him. She felt unworthy around everyone, but more him, and even now she wasn't really sure why.

"Lucas, what's the point anymore?"

He pulled her in for another embrace. He wanted her to stop talking like this. It scared him.

"Not like anyone would notice I'm gone. I mean, no one notices anything about me now." He pushed her away gently to look at her.

"You're birthday is March 12. You hate the color pink. You love lasagna. You hate Christmas. You hate all holidays but Thanksgiving. You love The Beatles. Your favorite is Paul McCartney. Your favorite movie is Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. That is the reason you have never read the book because you don't want it to ruin the movie." Lucas rambled.

"How do you know all that?" She asked in surprise.

"Because, when you see someone for ten years every day, you pick things up… without even realizing it."

She fell into him, and he held her once again. She was safe for the first time in three years. She brought in a deep breath, smelling his scent. He had this natural musk that seemed so effortless. It smelt refreshing. She closed her eyes peacefully.

"You have a game today." She whispered as he pulled her to lie on the bed, and he held her.

"Right now, I don't really care." He told her truthfully and she was grateful.

She couldn't help but think about things he told her today. He told her needed her, that he would miss her. He didn't even know her. Sure he knew of her, because he had seen her everyday over the past ten years, but he didn't know her, not really. He knew a few things. He knew her birthday, he knew her favorite band. He didn't know what made her smile, what made her scared, what made her cry. Then again he did, because nothing made her smile, nothing scared her anymore, and nothing made her cry.

She was cold. She didn't care who she hurt because she didn't care about other people's happiness. She didn't even care about her own. Why would anyone want her? Why would anyone love her? She was unlovable because all she did was hurt the people she guessed cared about her. She didn't care about people because caring hurt her. She had become so numb to feelings that she was on autopilot.

It should make her heart race that Lucas held her, but it just made her sleepy. Part of her just wanted to feel. She wanted to cry, or laugh, and actually mean it. She wanted to smile when she woke up and she wanted to feel empathy for others. She wanted to just feel something, but she couldn't. She tried crying, and nothing happened. She tried smiling, but it felt fake. She tried laughing, but it was forced.

It should probably hurt no one seem to notice that, notice that she hadn't smiled since the day they knocked on her door. God, she wished that day never happened. It was the last day she ever felt true happiness. It was the day they decided it was okay take him.

Brooke ran down the hall with Jake hot on her tail, jumping down the stairs trying to get away from him.

"I'm sorry!" She laughed as he picked her up and threw her over his shoulder.

"Nope, it feels forced now."

It was then that the doorbell rang. With Brooke still over his shoulder, Jake went to the door and swung it open to see a man in an Army uniform standing there. He sat Brooke down feeling like a zombie and Brooke spun to see what had caused his daze.

She fell to the ground when she saw who stood there. It was like slow motion. Her world started to crash around her and by the time she had gotten back up off the ground, she was a different person.

She didn't smile, she didn't laugh. The second they rolled up the flag and handed it to Fiona, Brooke Davis died.

She was fine up until that moment. The moment the guns started to go off, she felt it. She felt the pain of never seeing him. The pain felt like a bullet had shot out of the gun straight into her heart. She didn't sob, or even make noise, but if you looked closely on that cold day, there were tears running down her face, behind her big sunglasses.

She didn't understand why they took him… what did her dad do? He served his country and he never did anything to deserve to be… blown up. Men kill innocent human beings, men rape and slaughter people and get away with it. Yet her dad, the man she loved more than anything, was just being a great American, and God just took him away from her.

How could they do that? First her mom, a woman that just loved life and was always healthy and was nice to everyone, loved her family and had a daughter that didn't even get a chance to get to know the woman that gave her life. Then they give her Fiona as a replacement, thinking that makes it better. Someone in the sky thinks it is okay to just destroy everything Brooke loved.

Brooke stood up from the bed. She was so alone. She just wanted it all to end. Lucas sat up and watched her as she began to pace.

"Brooke."

"What's wrong with me, Lucas?" She asked with a cold face.

"Nothing, nothing is wrong with you, Brooke!" He yelled at her.

"There has to be. I must have done something to deserve all of this," she gestured to the air indicating her life.

Lucas slid off the bed and angrily made his way to her.

"You don't deserve this and you can end it if you just tell someone!" He yelled, but she shook her head.

"Stop." She said weakly.

"Why are you so adamant about not getting help?" He asked confused.

"Shut up Lucas" She snapped.

"No, not till you tell me why."

In this moment, Brooke pushed him away, feeling cornered. Lucas just stared at her, wanting in, but knowing she wasn't going to, not now.

"Brooke, I want to know, I want to help you. Just let me."

"No, Lucas. I don't want you to help. I'm fine!" She laughed angrily, knowing he knew she was lying, but at this point she didn't care.

"Brooke, you're lying, right now you are lying to me! You aren't fine!" He gently grabbed her arm, pulling up the sleeve. "Look at those, Brooke. That is not fine. You are insane if you think that is fine!" He yelled at her, seeing her flinch away from him made him drop her arm instantly.

"If I tell on Fiona," she started mumbling, just wanting him to leave her alone, "I'm scared, Lucas… because what if she goes to jail? That means she'll get out and at some point will come find me and kill me"

"Brooke, we can protect you" He tried to pull her into an embrace, but she backed away.

"Lucas, you don't understand. No. One. Cares. About. Me. I push everyone away, everyone knows that. No one wants to help me." His heart broke for her. Her anger spiked in spite of it all.

"I care, Brooke, I care." He walked towards her, but she pushed him, her anger doubling.

"Don't lie to me, Lucas! Don't you dare look at me and say you care, I know you don't, and so don't lie to me Lucas. I don't want or need your sympathy. Get out now!" She gestured towards the door, just wanting to be alone. She couldn't believe she told him about losing Jake. She wasn't supposed to care about anyone anymore.

"No" He shrugged.

She felt it. She didn't know why but started to feel everything that she had worked so hard to keep out. She felt the water start and she felt the anger come. She felt the pain and she started to hit Lucas. She wanted him to feel it too. She wanted to hurt him. She slammed her hands down on to his chest and started to sob.

"Why won't you just leave?" She cried continuing to hit him.

Lucas let her hit him as long as she needed to because she had finally done it. She felt something. She started to sob and soon her hits got weaker and she fell into him. She sobbed loudly as Lucas wrapped his arms around her and she gave two more week hits.

She cried into his chest mumbling incoherently. Lucas just held her feeling tightness in his chest not knowing what to say. He didn't want to leave her but he didn't want do anything that would scare her away.

"I just wanted to be left alone." She cried.

"Yeah, I know" was all Lucas knew to say as he continued to do the only thing that she seemed to be satisfied with.

Be silent… and hold her.

So i know it is short but i didnt want to write more and take away from Brooke's breakthrough. I will try to update as often as i can but it is very difficult because of school. I understand now what i brother meant when he would tell me that junior year is very important.

So much work... it's awful.

Anywho, Review!

-Loo

(Totally just had a triple rhyme. Only my sister will appreciate this.)