AN: Another smut filled chapter for everyone. Sorry if I ruined it. Chapter 13 will be up shortly so stick around
Chapter 12: Nightmares Make Strange Bedfellows
The sweating always begins first. Then the head tossing, the body shaking and then the yelling. Only this time, she's not alone in bed. "Tara? Tara!" He tries to shake her awake but she flails her arms and turns on her side. Tears starting to mix with the sweat beading down her cheeks. "Kip! Kip no! Don't. Please don't take him! NO, DON'T!" She startles herself awake and bolts up in bed. "Please!" Her breathing is heavy and raged, she tries to wipe away the tears, but there's too many and coming on too rapidly. Jax tries to hold back, but can't he reaches out his arms and pulls her into his body.
"Shh, baby. You're not there anymore. You're alright." She clutches at his t-shirt.
"I'm s-sorry. I-I d-didn't m-mean to-" Her tongue stumbles out the words, tripping over each other.
"Shh, just relax. You don't have to say anything. I got you." Jax's body begins to rock back and forth on instinct; soothing Tara.
Her tears subside and her shoulders hiccup violently in the aftermath. She clears her throat in an attempt to rid the solid lump camping out there. It takes a few minutes but she's able to speak without stuttering. Jax brushes her damp hair from her face. "You ok baby?"
"I think I'm ok."
"Has this happened before?"
"Almost every night. It's been better with you back, but I guess something triggered the nightmares."
"I heard you yell for Kip." Tara drops her head.
"It's the same nightmare; same beginning, same ending, I can't do a thing to stop it."
"Oh, baby."
"Do, (she stops to clear her throat once more) do you know what it was like to watch Half-Sack drop dead? To hear him choking and drowning in his own blood? The shock just crippled me and I didn't know what to do, who to save… who to let die. It was all just falling apart; crumbling so fast. Then, to add fuel to the fire; you're mother told me I did everything I could "except save him." She was right. (Her voice quivers and she sucks in a breath) I lost Abel and Kip. His grip on her tightens.
"You know that's not true. Given the circumstances-"
"Your mother would have died in order to save them. And I just sat there and let Cameron walk out with your son."
"Hey, he's not just my son and you know that. The things I said to you were born purely out of anger. They don't have an ounce of truth to them. I wanted to hate you because you weren't ruthless like Gemma. But really, that's the reason I love you. You keep your temper in check, but you go all 'momma bear' when need be. If you went after Cameron, there's no guarantee things would have worked out better. In fact, it's like you said, I could have lost you, Abel and the baby. I could have lost everything. You made the best decision under the shittiest of circumstances. And, with a family full of hot heads and loose cannons, you're my constant. You are what I want our kids to be like; calm and level headed, maybe a little badass." He pulls her lips into a kiss, tries to go further, but she pulls away, needing to finish her nightmare.
"Oh Jax, I just couldn't decide which baby of yours to save." And that's all it takes for her fears and guilt to take over, pulling her every which way, the flood gates open.
"Christ, Tara." He pulls her into his lap and hugs her tightly. Tears rapidly slip from her eyes and soak through his shirt. He holds her until her shoulders stop shaking.
Hindsight is always twenty, twenty. If he could have seen what his actions, his words would do down the road, he'd probably keep his mouth shut and his fists in his pockets 90 percent of the time. The funny thing about words is that once they're said, they can't be taken back. Nor can the damage they cause. Although not erasable or easily forgotten; the damage and heart break can be reconciled. It's fixable. It's easy to look back and say, "Hey dumbass, don't do it." The real challenge is saying, "What do I do to fix this, now?" Dark places can pull you in and spit you back out a completely different person. One void of all emotion and thought. Anger clouds your better judgment, erases any logical thought; makes you chose, hurt or be hurt.
He feels Tara pull away and push herself down on the mattress; he follows and tucks the covers around them. He just holds her, afraid that if he lets go, she'll disappear. He stares up at the ceiling; the movement of her eyelashes pushing against the soft material of his shirt lets him know she's still awake. "I used to have nightmares. I'd see the faces of the men I killed, the things I've done, things I've seen done. I'd spend weeks not sleeping. I'd drink just enough to pass out for a few hours. Then one day, it was all gone. The guilt, the sleeplessness it was all gone. It was replaced with this cold heart and steel soul. I never again thought twice about pulling the trigger, if that's what the job called for. Then you and Abel came into my life and my heart started beating again, but I still had this fierce passion to protect both of you, at whatever cost. But I've learned to control that fierceness and the rage and I want to take the club in a new direction. John Teller may have fallen from the pedestal I put him on but, I still believe he knew that dealing guns would bring the club to a bloody end." Tara sits up in bed and lets the sheets fall away. She's quiet for a moment before turning her face to him.
"Stop listening to all the outside voices in your head. Shut Gemma, Clay and John out. Do what you feel is right. Bring the club to a place where you want it to be. You've already got some sort alliance with the Grim's and the Mayans; it's good to have friends, not enemies. It's good to keep peace. But with peace comes war. You've lived with that all your life. You, Opie, Juice… you are the future of SAMCRO. I think it's time to write your own book, Jax. Take the good of SAMCRO then and now and create something to be proud of."
"No matter what happens, you'll be there with me?" It's a shy question, full of insecurities.
"Even if death becomes me, I'll still be with you." She moves to straddle Jax's lap, reaching for the hem of his shirt. She tugs the material away from his body. He falls, flat on his back, giving himself freely to her ministrations. Somewhere his shirt falls to the floor and her lips feast on the muscles of his abdomen, her wet tongue cool against his fiery skin. He bows into her mouth and groans. "Jesus Tara." Her teeth sink into the tender skin below his rib cage.
His neck is next. The skin stretched out over his collar bone is a prime target for her greedy mouth. His soap left a surprisingly sweet taste on his skin after he showered and the taste lingers strongly on his neck and chest. Tara's tongue dips into the hollow of his throat and proceeds to dance along the protruding bone on the other side. Her touch is feather light, almost non existent, but he feels it. His aroused state hyperbolizes every caress, every lick and every bite; no matter how light and feathery she makes them. He's able to pull her mouth away from his neck and reach for the t-shirt she's wearing (she always wears his shirts to bed now). But, a fussy Abel down the hall quickly puts and end to the shirt's journey up Tara's body. "Really? That boy has it out for me."
"Oh he does not. Would you like to sleep in a wet diaper all night?"
"No." He pouts while fingering the hem.
"Well then, neither does he. Stay here, I'll be right back." She points her finger at him and when she's sure he'll stay put, she races down the hall to soothe Abel's discomfort.
Jax's ears perk up at Tara's voice over the baby monitor. "Hi, baby. Someone's not happy tonight. I'll get you out of this wet diaper so you can go back to sleep." Abel gurgles as if he understands the words and reaches his tiny, chubby hands out for Tara. Once dry and changed, his eyes grow heavy with the oncoming promise of slumber. Light snoring sounds fill his bedroom. His tiny fingers flex over the collar of Tara's shirt and ever so slowly they stop. His tongue hangs between his pouty mouth and Tara hums a lullaby and sets him back in his crib. Jax face breaks into a smile. 'The only mother he will ever know.' Tara comes back, tip toeing quietly down the hall. She comes to stand in the doorway, arms crossed over her chest. "You asleep?" He looks down towards his boxers and back up to the doorway.
"Do I look like I'm sleeping?" Instead of answering, she shimmies out of her underwear and climbs up Jax's body once more.
"Now, where were we?" He grins for a second before his eyes glaze over in lust. Strong hands sit heavily on her hips and rock them back and forth over his lap; tongues tangle together. Tara's sneaky hands find the waistband of his boxers and give a swift tug and they hang just below his knees. She reaches down to pull off the t-shirt but Jax shoos her hands away and tugs it off her himself. He grips her hips and pins Tara beneath him in a move that Tara didn't expect. "Sneaky."
"Horny." He pulls his boxers off the rest of the way and soon finds himself cradled by her legs. They are loosely hung around his waist but tighten when his fingers nimbly run up her side and his palms cup her breast. He bends down to swipe his tongue over one nipple before gently using his teeth to tug it stiff. He gives the same adequate attention to the other breast. Tara's body is flushed with desire and with her head thrown back against the pillows, her neck becomes exposed. He leans forward to capture her earlobe with his teeth, sucking gently on the skin below her ear. Her fists clench the sheets below her and a sweet groan fills his ears. "Jax!" She thrusts her hips up, his cock rubbing up against her. Both bodies hums in anticipation. She thrusts her hips up once more and Jax bites down onto her neck, "I get it Tara, I get it." His breath tickles the outside of her ear, sending shivers down her spine, spiking the heat between her legs to an unbearable temperature. Her soaked state causes him to slide effortless inside her, but he pulls out slightly to ravish her breasts once more, hoping to get her to beg. His teasing fingers purposely bypass her clit and run up her hip bone and back down again; up and down once more, up and- "Please Jax."
"What?" His innocence is clouded with a lustful pride. "Please what?" Without missing a beat she pulls his body on top of hers, their lips so close,
"Fuck me!" It comes out as an animalistic growl and her legs tighten like a snake around him. Nowhere to go.
"Yes ma'am." Jax's hips buck against her and in one long, slow thrust, he's encased by her heat and she cries out something unintelligible. His thrusts are agonizingly slow and steady. Her orgasm rumbles but refuses to come to fruition. It's there, but Jax is just playing hard to get. He nips and nibbles; licks and sucks any skin he has access too. Her passionate moans of pleasure spur him on and he ups the tempo of his thrusts, pinning her hips down as she tries to relieve the ache inside her. The slow burn of orgasm has her toes curled, her nails digging into his back and her head tossing from side to side. She could light a room full of candles with her skin. She pushes the hair out of Jax's face as he brings his mouth down to hers and tongues her lips apart; releasing her hips. One hand reaches down and with a few rough flicks against her clit; she erupts into a bucking bronco beneath him. "Fuck, Jax!" is all that spills from her lips; over and over again. Her voice is hoarse and he continues thrusting rhythmically against her. If it wasn't for is own impending orgasm, he could stay like this forever. She's warm and pliant, but lord knows her muscles become a vice when provoked. He builds another orgasm inside her, starting in the pit of her stomach. Her arms go tingly and sweat beads at her hairline. She bites her lip to keep from screaming, but the insistent rocking of his cock inside her makes her hold weak and she lets out a slew of "Oh Jax! Oh, Jesus Christ!" She succumbs to his talented body and with her head thrown back, another orgasm ripples through her; hips thrusting wildly, Jax's forehead resting against hers. "Fuck Tara!" They collapse into the mattress and lay boneless and sweaty against the sheets. He finds an ounce of strength to pull out and roll over pulling her on top of him; one leg caught between both of his. He reaches for the comforter but her hand pulls it back. "It will only get in the way later."
"Jesus woman, you will be the death of me."
"But, what a way to go." Both fall into a peaceful slumber, void of nightmares and restlessness. Nightmares make strange bedfellows, but Jax is just perfect.
