Thank you for all the lovely reviews and comments. I've taken some into consideration- someone pointed out that Rhodey and Natasha should already know eachother. They were correct so for the sake of this story I'm just gonna pretend they barely met in the movie and didn't really remember eachother. My bad. Also the characters are shifting. Like Natasha is getting a little softer because she's been out of the field and actually making friends. She's happy. WOAH! haha. but I mean all the characters are definitely evolving so expect some minor developements here and there.
Oh and... Clint is home! No presents for Natasha... but some fluff?
Disclaimer: The Avengers is not mine... but I love it.
As Clint stepped out the back door of the SHIELD headquarters in New York he was tired, still in his mission gear, and very glad his debriefing was only an hour and half long. He would have to spend the entire next day typing up his thorough report for the file, but for now he could finally go home. He didn't bother to look at his watch until he was in the cab. 3:31 blinked in bright green making him sigh again; he was going to wake up Natasha.
He handed the cab driver some kind of bill and told him to keep the change. It was SHIELDs money and he didn't care enough to count. As he began to ride the elevator up to the top floor he felt himself waking up with a sense of excitement and relief. He was finally going to be somewhere he wanted to be. It was a strange feeling. Normally whatever apartment he was living in was simply a place to sleep and store mostly nonperishable food to be eaten on any day he didn't just get food somewhere else. The last time he'd had a place so real to call home, a place that didn't hop towns every three days, was back before his parents died when they lived in their small suburban home in Iowa.
He quietly unlocked the door sensing the SHIELD agents positioned nearby for Natasha's protection. Before they'd sent him home Fury had privately made it clear that he knew Clint was the father and made sure the agents watching Natasha would be aware of him as he was aware of them. He could also sense that they were far enough away that their actions would not be heard or seen and he appreciated the privacy.
He let the door creak open quietly. His tread was silent across the floor as he gently set down his bag. He was happy to see Natasha hadn't fallen asleep on the couch and decided that unless she woke up and decided to get out of bed he would tend to his hunger before his energy levels.
Making his way to the fridge he remembered which foods were there because of Natasha's cravings and because he didn't want to make any midnight food runs anytime soon he was sure not to touch them. He settled on eating some cold chow mein noodles out of the box, actually some of his favorite. When he opened the lid to the box it was completely full and he realized when Natasha got his text almost two days ago she must have bought them just for him in case he came home in the middle of the night hungry, not wanting to wake her up or eat her food.
To their friends and coworkers the way Natasha and Clint understood each other and predicted each other's wants and needs was strange and foreign, but they had simply taken the life or death understanding of each other in combat to a more personal level.
So after Clint was done with his very late dinner, or very strange and early breakfast, he threw out the take out box and made his way slowly to the bedroom. Somewhere along the way he'd already shed his jacket and boots, but he was too tired and lazy to change into anything else and it was cold so he settled for what he was wearing. He saw Natasha's silhouette coming up from the sheets of the bed, she was sleeping on her side like she did when she was relaxed, not on her back like when she was poised for attack.
It wasn't until he'd made his way around to his side of the bed that he could observe any physical changes in his partner. The most noticeable was her midsection. When he'd left nearly two months before the baby bump could have been excused by saying she'd been eating a little too much lately and was only noticed by others if they already knew or had heard rumors, but now it was unmistakable. He was glad then that Natasha hadn't been awake when he got home because he probably would have said something stupid like, 'did you swallow a watermelon?' When it came to Natasha he was never quick on his feet and when it came to subjects he knew very little about (until he actually experienced it), like pregnancy, he never knew what words would come out of his mouth and right now he was just amazed.
It was all really happening.
He moved to brush a strand of hair out of her face when he realized her eyes were opened and she was silently watching him. "When did you wake up?"
"I've been in and out since you got back. It started kicking the second you walked through the door," she said sitting up to move herself closer to him. Already their child was hyper-observant. She then noticed even in the dark his eyes widened a bit and realized he'd never felt the baby kick. Without warning or asking she took his hand and placed it on the side of her stomach where the baby was landing its foot throws.
When he realized what he was really feeling he smiled, "Wow."
"That wow has been a pain in my ass since a week after you left," she said as Clint just continued to smile and laugh a bit at Natasha's frustration.
"Takes after me then," he said looking at his partner. She gave him a look of agreement.
After another minute or two the baby's movements stopped and the space between them fell silent. At that moment Clint could think of nothing else, but what he'd been dying to tell her, "Nat, I saw Barney."
"What do you mean? You saw him or you talked to him?" she said taking her partners hand. They weren't a pair that really favored physical comfort, but she knew what this meant to him.
He looked at her for a few moments after, "Love isn't just for children."
She shrugged slightly to show that that's the way it was for her, the way it was always going to be, "I suppose you have people you love then?"
Over the past year she had heard isolated sentences about what she'd read in her partners file. That his codename came from his circus name and that he'd first learned to aim when his dad taught him how to throw a baseball. But she'd never heard the whole story.
However their agreement was to tell each other what the file couldn't so she waited and gave him the time to start.
It was a few minutes of him thinking. She could see his mind processing what he wanted to say and how he wanted to say it, then he began, "I grew up in a suburb in Iowa. It was just me, my parents, and my brother Barney. Not a care in the world. I played baseball every spring, summer, and fall with my brother, our parents cheering us on. I remember my wallpaper had space ships on it and I wanted to be an astronaut. My parents told me I could be anything I wanted to be and I believed them.
"One day when I was seven and Barney was eleven our parents decided to go out and leave Barney in charge. At first when they didn't come home we used it as an excuse to stay up and watch another movie and eat more ice cream past our bedtimes, but eventually we fell asleep. When I woke up Barney was waking me up because there were cops at the door. They proceeded to explain that our parents had been killed in a drunk driving accident when someone swerved into their lane.
"After a week of staying in a temporary home the state couldn't contact any known family and they let us go pack our things before they auctioned the rest off. Barney grabbed all the photos and I grabbed all our baseball stuff. The state was the one that reminded us about clothes. We lived in a large foster home for six years until I was thirteen and Barney was seventeen and he said that he didn't want us to be separated, but that he'd have to leave for somewhere else to find work once he graduated or turned eighteen. I didn't want to leave him; he was my only family left. That weekend the circus came to town so we packed up our stuff again and left.
"For the most part we handled easy stuff like cooking and sweeping up animal poop. Soon Barney was old enough to operate the rides, but I didn't want to wait until I was Barney's age to do that too so I talked to one of the top guys in charge, my mentor Trickshot. When he saw me he said he liked my face, said that I had a good build and he asked me how my aim was. I told him it was decent. I shot a bull's-eye on my second try.
"For the next year until I was sixteen I trained with him every day. We worked on all kinds of trick shots. Long range, short range; everything. Then he put me in his show as his masked apprentice. I did acrobatics, flying shots, and a lot of other stuff for the show. I was having fun, but then I realized I had left my brother behind. I got closer to him again and got him from the rides into the advertisement and money parts of the show. Barney had always been good with our money and he was helping to make a lot more for the circus.
"For five years I was in the show. I'd been twenty one for a few months when I walked in on Barney and Trickshot stealing some of the circus' profits just for themselves. They told me I had better not tell, but I told them I wouldn't stand for it. That's when the two people in the world I'd learned to trust came after me. Trickshot pulled one of his throwing knives and I knew what he planned to do. I ran for the big top and climbed on the high wire. It wasn't that he couldn't walk it, but most of Trickshot's tricks where with his feet no higher than two feet off the ground. So he detached the rope. I fell.
"They thought it'd kill me, but all it did was break my back. I remember Barney being one of the ones who carried my body out to the woods and left it in the mud, expecting me to die soon after. I wanted to die. However the next morning a group of guys out hunting found me and called 911. I got taken into surgery at a local hospital and my back heeled up in a matter of weeks. After that I went around taking security and hit jobs, anything to get by. That's when I popped up on SHIELDs radar and they recruited me. The rest is… well that's just what's in my file," Clint said quietly. He'd looked at Natasha the entire time as she gauged his emotions.
She was quiet for minute before she spoke, "What would you do if you ever saw him again? Your brother."
"I don't know…" he said then looking off into the distance as if he could see the people he'd lost there, just like his partner had.
He told Natasha the entire story start to finish, from arriving in London to leaving the apartment, "He has a family, a little boy, Nat. I can't get over it."
"I'm glad," she said smiling at him a little trying to be happy for him, but weary of what she knew was coming next. "You seem happy for him."
"Why can't that be us?" He asked squeezing her hand.
"Clint, you know why," Natasha said trying to not show all of the thoughts she'd been having while he was gone. She still wasn't sure and if she gave in now she wouldn't be allowed to change her mind.
"What if we die, what if we don't come back, what if they don't think we care about them enough," Clint said repeating every doubt that had bounced between the two.
"I'm serious about all of that Clint. If I die do you really think you'll be able to raise a child all on your own?" She said trying to make him take her input seriously.
He ignored her concerns, "Natasha our lives have been full of what ifs. What if our parents hadn't died? What if the Red Room hadn't taken you? What if Barney and I hadn't run away to the circus? What if you hadn't married Alexei? What if he hadn't died?"
The moment he mentioned Alexei he sensed Natasha stiffen. He had often imagined what she was like before her heart broke, but he knew there was nothing that would ever truly bring that side of her back. "Don't start with that Clint," she said showing she was hurt, taking away her hand.
He wouldn't stop now though because he could tell she was really thinking about it. He moved his hand to hold her face gently, "When you and the baby were in trouble… Natasha I can't spend the rest of my life wondering what happened to my child, wondering if they're safe, or wondering if I'm going to be sent to kill them one day because the wrong person got a hold of them. And we can control this. It doesn't have to be a what if."
She looked at him then and saw it in his eyes. Clint had almost nothing left in the world and to him letting the chance of a family slip through his fingers was unacceptable, but for whatever reason she still couldn't give him what he wanted. She didn't say anything and just turned away from him ashamed of herself and felt Clint get up and leave. He was going onto the roof to think like he did whenever he was upset and didn't know what to do. She laid in bed watching the sun come up trying to tell herself that she could do what everyone kept insisting she could.
So Natasha wants to want to keep the baby, but she's Natasha so... Also that middle chunk was the other part of Rome where Clint tells his story. Also different from the comics. There are some simliarities, but it is not canon. Although closer to canon than Natasha's. And next chapter will be the final decision as to whether they keep the baby or not! There will be much more after that, but you finally get to stop waiting to find out.
So any comments, ideas for flashbacks, thoughts, and reactions please review and I'll leave my little message at the top of the next chapter!
The next update will be on schedule Friday night!
