I'm back, albeit briefly! Technically I should be doing homework right now but I thought it would be much nicer to get the twelfth chapter up instead :) Hope you like it!
Chapter 12
It is late afternoon by the time Gaius returns to find his apprentice and the former lady of Camelot quietly flipping through his old tomes. Seeing the pair of them working together ("It's about time," he thinks) brings a wistful memory to his mind. A memory of a time when they were all just children. Well, young adults, not children. But to him they were. They were his children. Merlin, the goofy young lad who was and still is like a son to him. Morgana and Gwen, two bright and lovely young women who were so very gentle and caring, but at other times could strike terror into the hearts of men, heaven help you if you were on the receiving end of that one. And Arthur, courageous and headstrong, striving to find his own way while stuck in his father's shadow.
The four of them have had to grow up too quickly. True, much of that was due to their own choices, but... A friendship like the one they shared is one to be cherished. The passing of time has made him see that, now more than ever. How he wishes he could tell them not to be foolish, to hang on, to trust each other. But he can't, not under these circumstances, not after what they've been through.
Three of them have grown to be wonderful people, strong, merciful, and willing to do good in this world that seems to be so plagued with darkness. Reaching for the sun, striving to meet their full potential. But the fourth has grown angry and vengeful, like a rosebud that, instead of blossoming into something beautiful, has rather withered and decayed. It saddens him that not all of his children will achieve the happiness that they deserve, that he so wishes for them.
He feels a wave of melancholy at the thought. He can't help but feel that he played a role in how things turned out, knows he did, actually, but what else was there to do? He had tried to protect Morgana from herself while simultaneously keeping the king and the prince safe, had known the potions weren't working anymore but chose to keep giving them to her regardless. If he could have kept her believing that they were just nightmares and not magic... Slight guilt rises in his gut and he pushes it away. His first duty had been to Uther, to protect him. And he had done so until the old king passed on and his duty shifted to encompass protecting Arthur. What's done is done, whether he regrets it or not. The important thing is that the king lives and Camelot flourishes.
Gaius snaps out of his reverie, realizes that he has been staring at them this entire time. Thankfully they haven't seemed to notice his presence. So he walks over to them and asks them if they have made any progress.
Merlin only grunts in response, but Morgana actually looks up at him from her task to tell him of what they have found. So far, very little, a few references to exchanged souls here and there, not particularly useful but better than nothing.
As she speaks to him, he sees a small flicker of the person who he used to know for the first time in the past two years, the rosebud with all the potential. It astonishes him so much that he has to busy himself with one of his other books so that he doesn't break down in front of them.
The evening is going well until they receive an unexpected visitor. A tentative knock sounds on the door, interrupting the trio who are busy with their research. Merlin and Gaius share a look, and the younger man quickly rushes to his chambers, locking the door behind him. Gaius rises to answer the door, and Morgana is suddenly feeling very uncomfortable. She's not sure how to act. Well, like Merlin would, obviously, but depending on who it is and his relationship with them, their cover could be blown if she isn't believable.
A soft voice comes from outside the room: "Hello, Gaius, is Merlin here?" A voice that she instantly recognizes, how could she not, the two of them were best friends for years, and it causes that nasty feeling of disgust and hate to rise in her stomach once more.
"Yes, he is. Come in, my dear," the old physician replies as he ushers Gwen into the room.
In a matter of seconds the young woman has closed the space between herself and Morgana, has thrown her arms around her neck, and is crushing her in a surprisingly strong hug. Again, Morgana has to force herself to return the embrace when all she wants to do is balk away from it.
"Oh my goodness, Merlin, how are you? Are you alright? Why didn't you tell me you were back earlier? Arthur didn't bother to tell me until just now, he didn't want to 'overwhelm' you, apparently, so I came as quickly as I could," Gwen gushes. She releases her embrace and takes a step back. "Oh, I was so worried. I'm glad you've returned to us."
Morgana plasters a smile on her face, when in fact all she can see is the woman in front of her wearing the queen's crown, her crown. She wants to rip it off, and take her head along with it. Then she realizes she still hasn't replied to Gwen, and that her long ago friend is starting to look confused and a little hurt. She clears her throat, pretending to have been caught up in the moment, taking a moment to compose herself. "Yes Gwen, I'm fine. Much better, now that I'm back home in Camelot. I'm sorry I didn't let you know I was back myself, you know how it is. I was just... exhausted and a bit flustered after the events of the past few days." What an understatement that is. "I'm sorry if I hurt you by not going to you myself, but honestly everything is fine now."
Gwen's eyes soften at her words. "Oh, Merlin. Don't be sorry. If I had to go through what you just went through, I... I honestly don't know what I'd do. I'm just glad that you're safe." Typical Gwen, always putting others before herself. A disgusting habit. Then her eyes darken just a bit, her voice lowers, as she asks, "She didn't harm you... did she?"
Morgana shakes her head, no. Relief tinged with sadness washes over the other woman's face, and she replies, "Good. Look, I know it must have been hard for you to see her, after all she's done." Oh, if Gwen only knew half of what he has done to her. "How are you feeling about all that? I know you had feelings for her when she was still the kind, caring Morgana we all used to know."
Wait, what? Merlin had feelings for her? Their relationship did used to be much closer, but that was only a petty crush. At least, she simply assumed that it had been. She'd never thought that it would have classified as him having feelings for her, and after he'd made his attempt to kill her she had accepted that she'd been played for a fool, that there had never truly been anything between them. Trying to remain neutral and contain her surprise at that, she replies casually, "What feelings?"
Gwen casts her an infuriatingly knowing smile. "Oh please, you're a rubbish liar. I remember how you used to bring her flowers, the looks you two would give each other. But..." The look on Gwen's face becomes grave. "How is she? I'm sorry to ask, but I have to know. I know she's betrayed us, but she was my friend, and in a way I still care for her. Is she all right?"
It's like someone has struck her in the face. Why in the world does Gwen care about her, still? If anything, she should hate her, want her to burn in hell. After all, she has tried to get her executed, banished from the kingdom, has almost succeeded at both, used her brother as bait to lure her, Arthur, and Merlin into a death trap, and for the past year and a half has been trying very hard to kill the man she loves. She should despise her with a burning fury, and the fact that she doesn't and is, in fact, worried about her well being, causes a turmoil of confusion to bubble up inside her along with the anger.
She shakes her head no. "She's.. not doing well. She's not who she used to be, but you already know that. And she's living in a hovel," she adds with distaste. Gwen looks saddened by this, but continues on a lighter note with all the news that Merlin would have missed out on over the last week. Still troubled by her comments, Morgana hardly listens until, finally, Gwen says her farewells, hugs her one more time, and leaves.
Merlin emerges from his room a few minutes later. He and Gaius approach a very stunned looking Morgana carefully. "So... How'd it go?" he inquires.
She abruptly stands up. "I- I don't- You know, I actually just need to be alone for a while. I'll take this with me," she says, picking up her book. "That way I will have something to focus on so I won't have to blow a hole in the wall," she tries to joke, knowing it sounds terrible, coming from her. Gaius gives a faint smile. She quickly turns and shuts herself away in the chambers.
"That good, hmm?" she hears Merlin mutter behind her.
"Shh, patience, Merlin," the physician replies quietly. "This is hard on everyone, including her. Give her some time, and I'm sure she'll come around."
Knowing that the old man holds some hope for her blackened, vile soul provides her some relief (even though, frankly, after all he's done she truly shouldn't give a damn what he thinks). And with that knowledge behind her, she sits on the bed and replays the recent conversations she has had with Merlin and Gwen over in her head. Trying to decide what it all means.
So, I know being emotional is pretty OOC for Gaius, but I wanted to explore his perspective on the situation. Of course he rationalizes his choices in the end, but I always saw him as a kind of grandfatherly figure to the four main characters and I doubt he was truly happy with how it all turned out, even though the kingdom was safe in the end (not an excuse, though).
And here's a question for all you lovely folks who are reading this- how much interaction would you like to see between Gwen and Morgana (as Merlin)? So far there isn't much in comparison to that which goes on between her and the other characters. Let me know what you would like to see in the reviews, if you have a moment, please! :D
