Moving Forward
I went to California. I had nowhere else. I needed to know why my dad left me. Needed to know who he was. If he was good, or bad. I just needed to know. I stayed with him and his family, but it was too hard. Everything he was. The successful business. The new family. The house he owned. Reminded me of everything I was denied growing up. I couldn't stay. It was too toxic.
I headed back to the city. My home. I always came back here. It was familiar. It was safe. I didn't look up my mother. I didn't want to see her. I got a job and I worked hard. I got roommates, but that's all they were. I was trying to move forward. It was futile. My mother called and told me my uncle had my car. I didn't want it. It was a piece of junk. But it was in the town she lived. I had to go back.
Being back was torture. Everything reminded me of my girl. Everything. I didn't want to be here. I wanted to run and never look back. I tried. My car broke down and I was forced back. My uncle took me in. I told him I was gone as soon as my car was fixed. I ran into my girl everywhere. The bakery. The bookstore. The bridge. She was everywhere. I ran every time. Afraid. My car was fixed. I was leaving. Then I saw her again. I stopped and ran towards her. We had a standoff. I told her I loved her. I ran. I didn't look back.
I settled back into my new life. My roommates sucked. They weren't my friends. I worked as much as I could. Saving as much as I could. My uncle came one day. He wasn't impressed. He told me my mother was getting married. I didn't want to hear it. He asked me to come. I didn't want to. I did.
The wedding sucked. Seeing my mother happy was an injustice. Her new husband was neither a potential step-father or an abusive boyfriend. I didn't like him. I didn't like that they were happy. I'd never made my mom that happy. It was unfair. I stuck around only as long as necessary. On my way out, I paid my uncle back. I owed him so much. He said it wasn't needed, but it was. We hugged.
I didn't see her at all. I was thankful. I was unsatisfied. I felt as though my confession was enough. The ball was in her court now. I'd laid it all out on the line. She needed to come to me. I was wrong. So wrong. As I passed by her college. I had to go in. Her ex-boyfriend was there. It didn't stop me. I demanded to talk to her. She listened. I asked her to come with me. To run away together. She told me no. I pressed. She told me no again. I gave up. She didn't love me as much as I loved her. She deserved better than me.
I didn't go back to the city. I couldn't. I needed a proper fresh start. I needed to get away from it all. I needed to get away from her. I ended up in another city, but this one was more my speed. I made friends. My first ever friends. We were likeminded. I fit in here. This was home. We created a company and I worked hard. I worked on forgetting her and moving forward. It worked. I was living my own life for once. I was happy. It was a first. I had a home. I had a job I loved. Friends. I had it all. Everything was perfect, except her. I still wanted her, but she deserved better than me.
I was going to be better. It was probably a foolish idea. I didn't care. She told me I could do more. Be more. She believed in me. It was time I listened. It was time I stepped up to the plate. She deserved me. She deserved the best version of me. This version. The one I was creating. I wasn't going to seek her out. I wasn't going to act foolishly. I was going to build something. I was going to be better. Not for her, but for me. I deserved it. And one day, I'd deserve her.
The End
A/N: Be sure to check out my other Rory/Jess full length fics: The Ripple Effect (2008) - University of Texas (2008) - Holden and LJ (2008) - I Can't Read Your Mind (2008) - FYI IdkYou (2008) - Juvenile Delinquents (2009)
