"The bedroom was extremely silent. You could probably hear a pin drop in the valley if you listened close enough.
"Beck was stuck. That wasn't the answer he was expecting. "What do you mean you don't want to have more kids?"
"Why do you want to talk about this?" Jade asked. "I can think of so many other things I'd-"
"I want to talk about this, and I want to talk about it now. You seriously don't want to try again?"
"Jade stood there awkwardly as she tried to process her thoughts. "No. I don't want to try again, especially not right now. Beck, we are just now getting back on track. I finally feel like I can breathe again, like I don't have an elephant sitting on my chest, but you want to go down this road?"
"I'm sorry, I just assumed you'd want to have another baby, even though we never talked about it."
"Jade nearly got sick when she found out Tori was pregnant. The thought of babies gave her anxiety. Why on earth would Beck assume that?
"And I'm not saying that you need to get pregnant right now, because that's what you're acting like."
"I'm sorry, I don't think I can do it."
"You can't do it, or you won't do it?"
"The question threw Jade off balance. "Can't. And can't do it, and I won't even try to put myself-"
"God, you can't help yourself, can you?"
"Excuse me?" Jade asked. "What are you talking about?"
"Once again, you act like you're the only one in this marriage. It's not all about you."
"I never said it was! But until you can get pregnant, I think I have more of a right to say what I want to do with my body than you do."
"Jade took a deep breath to calm herself down. How did they get here? How did this become a conversation about her reproductive rights?
"So where does that leave us?" Beck asked. "I want more kids, and you don't, so is one of us supposed to be miserable forever?"
"Beck, why are you so determined to ruin your birthday with this conversation?"
"Because I want to know, I have the right to know. I can't keep tip toeing around the giant elephant in the room."
"Jade wanted so badly for things to be normal. She wanted to say what Beck wanted to hear. That they'd have a million beautiful, healthy babies, but she just couldn't get the words out.
"Beck, I'm sorry. I can't just tell you what you want to hear."
"Beck didn't respond. Instead, he just turned around and left the room. Feeling anxious, Jade jumped out of the bed and followed him.
"Beck. Beck, where are you going?" No response. The couple practically raced down the stairs. "Beck! Hey, you don't get to walk away from me!"
"Beck stopped dead in his tracks, and Jade nearly ran into him. He turned around and looked her in the eye. "I don't get to? I must've missed where I needed your permission."
"You wanted to talk. So let's talk."
"And you didn't, so I'm done. So let me walk away for the sake of our feelings and this marriage."
Jade's blood ran cold. What did that mean? Was he seriously considering leaving her over this?
"Beck walked into their foyer and grabbed his keys off the small table. Not even bothering to look back, he left.
"Why don't you have any shoes on?"
"That was the first thing Tori noticed as André ushered a visibly upset Beck into their home.
"Beck looked down at this feet and noticed that he indeed, did not have shoes on. His socks were filthy now.
"Hi Victoria." Beck greeted.
"Hi Beckett. Why don't you have shoes on? And why are you here? We left you a little over an hour ago, you couldn't possibly miss us already."
Beck ignored Tori and walked to their living room. He sat down on the couch, despondent.
"Jade and I got into an argument."
"André shook his head, confused. "Man, she just threw you the world's greatest birthday party. You two should be doing something right now, and fighting ain't it."
"She told me doesn't want to have any more kids."
Tori and André didn't know how to reply to that. They just awkwardly stared at each other and sat down on the couch opposite of Beck.
Beck noticed the stares and rolled his eyes. "Don't do that."
"Do what?"
"You're communicating telepathically. Jade and I have been doing it since we were in high school."
Tori sighed. "She really said that?"
"I asked her, point blank, and she said no. She said it was a lot of gusto."
"I'm sorry."
"We wanted kids, and she doesn't get to change the rules." Beck continued.
"But the game has changed." André said. "That was before, this is now."
"I get that, but..." Beck's voice trailed off. "What are we supposed to do for the rest of our lives? Be miserable? I'm not the type of husband who would force Jade to have kids, like we're in the Middle Ages and she has no autonomy, but where does that leave me? Stay in a childless marriage and resent Jade for the rest of my life?"
Tori frowned. She didn't know what to do to help. This was a problem Beck and Jade had to fix for themselves.
Their house phone rang and Tori got up to get it. Upon reaching the kitchen counter, she looked down at the caller ID. "It's Jade. Do you want to talk to her?"
"No! Don't answer that, don't talk to her, don't tell her I'm here."
"But-"
"No buts! Can you guys just be Team Beck for tonight?"
"We're always Team Beck, man." André argued. "But I don't think this is necessarily an argument that has a clear winner and loser. There's a lot of gray area."
"You guys have alcohol?" Beck asked, completely ignoring what his best friend just said. Deep down inside, he knew André was right, but he didn't care. He was upset and he wanted someone to let him wallow in that. He stood and walked into their kitchen, where a bottle of wine was sitting on the counter. It wasn't what he had in mind, but it would suffice. He popped the cork and took a swig, not bothering to look for a glass.
"Hey!" Tori exclaimed. "That's a four thousand dollar bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon!"
"I'll write you a check, Tor."
Tori huffed in annoyance. Usually she didn't mind lending an ear to her friends and being there when they needed it, but tonight was different. She was tired, her feet hurt, and all she wanted to do was sleep. Babysitting Beck was not on the agenda.
"I'm going to bed." Tori announced. "Beck, you know where the guest room is, make yourself at home. But tomorrow, you need to be at your home, talking things out with your wife. Are we clear?"
"Crystal."
"Goodnight, boys."
"Night."
"Tori left them in the living room, so she could actually get some sleep.
"André turned to his friend. "Sit down, let's talk."
"I don't want to talk."
"You come to my house in the middle of the night, wake up my pregnant wife, and take down a bottle of wine because you got into a fight with Jade. Start talking."
Beck sighed heavily. "Every time I feel like Jade and I are doing good, shit happens. It's just one thing after another. I'm tired. I'm tired of..." his voice trailed off as he tried to find the words. He couldn't. "I don't know, I'm just tired. And it just feels like, once I finally get back on track, we are right back to square one."
"In the grand scheme of things, I've been the afterthought." Beck continued, hastily wiping a tear from his eye. André noticed the action, but didn't bring attention to it, simply letting his friend have the moment. "The footnote. Jade was pregnant, Jade lost the baby, Jade spiraled into a depression, Jade, Jade, Jade. Oh, and Beck too, Beck was there. I know no one takes my grief as profoundly because I'm packaged differently. I'm not a hysterical crier. I'm not punching holes in walls. I'm not going days without getting out of bed and showering. And let's be honest, you guys would've never given me the opportunity to fall apart. But he was mine too. I wanted him too, I loved him too. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't think of my son, and miss him, and mourn for him."
"But I didn't sign up for this. I wanted kids, I still do. And I want kids with my wife. Every morning, I actively make the choice to put one foot in front of the other. I refuse to get bogged down and drown in my . Am I wrong for that? Am I the bad guy for not experiencing the same arrested development as Jade?"
"Absolutely not. You're absolutely right to feel how you feel, but so is Jade. This isn't an argument that has a winner and loser. This isn't a black or white situation."
"Beck nodded. He knew his friend had a point.
"Besides, did Jade even explain why she doesn't want kids? What's her perspective?"
"No." Beck sheepishly looked down at his lap. "I just got so mad and I blew up at her, and I stormed off."
"That was stupid." André deadpanned.
"Yeah, add it to the list of stupid shit I've done this year."
"I think you owe it to Jade—and yourself—to at least hear her out. Get all the cards on the table, and see if you can work it out."
"And what if we can't?" Beck challenged.
"Well then at least you tried. You have to try."
"Yeah."
"And listen, we've been best friends since we were kids. We've been through a lot of shit together. I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like you had to keep it together in front of me. You don't need to put up a facade around me. You have full freedom to cry, or scream, or I don't know, break something. Just do it during hours of the day where the sun is actually shining." That managed to get a chuckle out of Beck.
"Thank you. That's...really nice to hear."
"Anytime." André stood up. "Get some sleep, Beck. It's been a long day."
"Karen was supposed to meet her daughter for brunch the next day. But when Karen got to The Ritz and sat down at their usual table, Jade was nowhere to be found. Assuming Jade was running late, she sat down and thought nothing more of it. But after sitting there for 20 minutes, she knew something was up. And after Jade didn't answer the phone after five tries, Karen was officially on high alert.
"So on her way to Jade and Beck's house, she decided to call her ex.
"Karen, to what do I owe this pleasure?"
"Have you spoken to Jade?" Karen asked, not bothering to respond to Richard's greeting. She knew it was sarcastic.
"Not since last night, no. Why?"
"We were supposed to meet up for brunch, but she never showed. And she's not answering her cell."
"Did you try the landline?"
"Yes."
"Beck's phone?"
"Straight to voicemail. I'm getting worried."
"She seemed fine last night. Maybe she just had too much to drink and overslept." Richard suggested.
While that sounded plausible, it wasn't good enough. Karen had a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach. I'm just now leaving The Ritz and I'm on my way to her house. Can you try calling her? Maybe she'll answer the phone for you."
"Yes, of course."
"Thank you. Bye." Karen hung up and continued on with her drive to the Hollywood Hills.
Getting there as fast as she could given the traffic situation in LA, Karen eventually pulled up at Jade and Beck's expansive home. Jade's car was in the driveway, so she must be home. She noticed another car in the driveway besides Jade's. A black Maserati. Richard's car. But it wasn't Richard who exited the car. It was Taylor.
"What are you doing here?" Karen asked, trying to keep her annoyance at bay.
"Richard is headed to San Diego for the day, so he asked me to drop in and see if everything was okay with Jade. He told me you called and were worried."
"That's not necessary."
"Look Karen, I know you hate me, but like it or not, I care about Jade and her wellbeing as well."
Karen didn't reply. She didn't have the time or energy to talk to Taylor. She just locked her car door and fumbled with her keychain, trying to remember which one belonged to Jade's house.
he two Missus Wests entered the home. It was eerily silent and still messy from the party the night before.
"Jade?" Karen called out. "Sweetheart are you home?"
"No response.
While Karen searched downstairs, Taylor cautiously wandered to the second floor of the home. The door to the master suite was partially open, so she took it upon herself to step inside.
She could hear water running in the en suite. "Jade, are you in there?" No response. "Can you at least cough loudly so we know you're okay?" No response.
Taylor covered her eyes and blindly reached out to grab the doorknob. "I'm coming in now. I don't care if you're naked or if you scream at me." She pushed the door open and waited a second, expecting Jade to yell at her to get out. But that didn't happen. She opened one eye just to see what was going on.
Jade was half naked, curled in fetal position on the shower floor, as the water harshly poured down on her. Taylor could see that her eyes were open, but she didn't know if she could actually see.
"Oh my God. Karen! Karen, get up here!"
Taylor rushed over to the shower and turned off the water. "Jade? Jade, can you hear me?"
Taylor frantically turned around and grabbed a towel off of the towel rack. As best she could, she lifted Jade up to wrap the towel around her body. The younger women was freezing cold and her skin was dry and pruny from being in the water for so long.
"Did you fi...oh my God!" That was the only thing Karen was able to muster up upon seeing her daughter.
"I found her in the shower. Lord only knows how long she's been in there."
Karen helped Taylor pull Jade out of the humongous marble shower. Her daughter's eyes were bloodshot, her face red and patchy like she had been crying. What happened?
"She's not speaking." Taylor continued. "She's not even reacting, it's like she's catatonic."
"Jade. Jade, sweetheart, what's wrong?"
Realizing that Jade wasn't going to be much help, Taylor stood up and decided to investigate. She walked back into the bedroom. It looked relatively untouched. Did anyone sleep there?
She pulled back the covers and didn't notice anything out of the ordinary. Getting down on her knees, Taylor checked under the bed. Shoe box. Shoe box. Shoe box. Orange pill bottle. Shoe box.
"Wait, what?
Taylor grabbed the bottle and read it closely. Zolpidiem aka Ambien was written across the top, along with Jade Oliver, and her patient ID number. Did Jade take these? How many did she take? There were still pills left in the bottle, so what that a good sign?"
"Karen! I think we should call 911." Taylor rushed back into the bottle and showed the bottle to Karen. "Maybe she took some of these."
"Jade?" Karen violently shook her daughter by the shoulder, trying to bring her back to reality. "Jade, what did you take?"
"When Jade didn't say anything and only mumbled incoherently at them, Taylor bent down on the floor with her. She noticed the tiny waste bin sitting next to the sink and grabbed it. "Karen, hold her head still."
"What are you doing?"
Not replying, Taylor opened Jade's mouth and stuck her finger down her throat. Instantly, Jade fought back, but Taylor was stronger. Feeling her stomach wretch uncomfortably, Jade leaned forward and threw up the contents of her stomach into the tiny trash bin Taylor provided.
"That should help."
Jade abruptly stood up, obviously confused and unsteady on her feet. She coughed deeply, trying to get some air into her lungs, which was hard to do considering the thick cloud of steam hanging around them. Bewildered, she looked around, taking in her surroundings and noticing the two guests in her bathroom. "Mom? Taylor? What are you guys doing here?"
"You didn't come to brunch, you weren't answering the phone." Karen said. "What's going on?"
"Huh?"
"I found you laying in the shower." Taylor spoke. "It was like you were a zombie. You wouldn't speak, or react to anything we were saying or doing." Jade looked down at herself. That would explain why she was soaking wet and freezing. "And I found a bottle of Ambien in your room, and I got afraid that you took too many, so I...stuck my finger down your throat to get you to throw up."
"Jade what happened?" Karen asked.
"I...don't know. Beck and I got into an argument last night, he left, I took an Ambien and that's pretty much all I remember."
Karen shared a concerned look with Taylor. "An argument?"
"Mom, I don't want to talk about it."
"Why don't we go to the hospital and get you all checked out." Taylor suggested.
"Hospital?" Jade shook her head. "I took a sleeping pill, I didn't swallow battery acid. No, I'm not going to the hospital."
Karen looked Jade in the eye to see if she was lying. She sighed. "Fine, no hospital."
"Well, you're freezing." Taylor pointed out. "Let's dry your hair and get you into something warmer."
"Good idea." Karen said. "I'll go downstairs and make you some soup."
Karen walked out of the en suite and closed the door behind her. A few moments later, she heard the blow dryer start up.
Karen noticed Jade's phone on the dresser. It was either dead or turned off because when she picked it up, nothing happened. Karen pressed the power button and a few seconds later, the screen lit up and it was back on. Ignoring the slew of texts and missed call notifications, Karen went through her contacts. She found one labeled "Dr. Sylvia C", and clicked the name.
It rang for a few seconds before someone finally picked up. "Good afternoon, this is Doctor Carlyle speaking."
"Yes, hello, my name is Karen West. You're Jade Oliver's therapist, right?"
"Yes."
"I'm her mother, and I really need your help."
"Well if you want, we can always schedule an appointment."
"No, I don't need help for myself, I need it for Jade."
"Miss West, with all due respect, I am Jade's doctor, so I cannot tell you anything we discuss. If that's what you were calling for, you'd be better off talking to your daughter."
"I get that. Look, I know it's Sunday and you're probably at home relaxing, but I'm scared and it's either you or we take Jade to Cedars-Sinai. How much do I have to pay you to make a house call?"
"She's going to be so mad at us." Taylor whispered as she paced back and forth in Jade's kitchen.
"She's not going to mad." Karen argued back. "Jade doesn't even have the energy to be mad."
"Yeah maybe not at you, you're her mom."
"Oh calm down Taylor, you'll be fine." Karen looked out to where Jade was sitting in the living room. She was curled up on the couch, wearing Beck's pajamas because they were bigger and warmer than her own. "You're family."
Taylor perked up at Karen's words. Karen actually considered her family? Was the older woman taken over by aliens? Did Hell freeze over? "What? You consider me family?"
"We aren't going to be doing family Christmas cards and going on vacation together any time soon, but you were here with me today when you didn't have to be. And you obviously care about my daughter."
Taylor looked down at her feet so Karen wouldn't see her smiling. It only took well over a decade, but they finally were able to bury the hatchet. "Thank you."
"Let's not make this a thing, okay?"
"Okay."
"The doorbell rang and Jade jumped up. "Maybe that's Beck!" She ran to the foyer at top speed, her momentum nearly causing her to crash into the front door. She opened it without even bothering to check her own appearance. "Baby, I'm so glad you–Doctor Carlyle? What are you doing here?"
Sylvia smiled. "Hi Jade."
"Hi."
"May I come in?"
Jade stepped aside to let the older woman in. "Not that it isn't nice to see you, why are you here?"
"Your mother thought it'd be a good idea for me to make a house call."
"My mother?" Jade could feel herself getting irritated. She wasn't a kid anymore. She didn't need her mother trying to control her life. Jade spun around and stalked towards the kitchen, Sylvia hot on her heels. "Mom!"
"Yes dear?"
Jade stopped walking when she entered the kitchen. "You called my therapist? Really?"
"Jade, I got scared. It was either that or we called 911, and you'd be all over TMZ right now."
Jade opened her mouth to speak but closed it once she realized her mother was right about that. "Well, I'm fine. Sylvia, I'm sorry that you got dragged all the way here for this non-event. You can go. And you can bill my insurance for this and say we had a session."
Sylvia shrugged. "I'm already here. If you wanted to talk, I wouldn't mind staying. Besides, I'm sure we have a lot to catch up on."
"Jade shifted her eyes towards Karen and Taylor, who instantly looked away and pretended to be occupied by their surroundings.
"Follow me to the dining room, Doctor."
Jade and Sylvia walked into the Oliver's formal dining room, and Jade closed the sliding door behind them, giving them privacy.
Sylvia plopped down into the comfortable grey chair at the head of the table and Jade sat next to her.
"If I would've known you were coming, I would be dressed for the occasion." Jade said, looking down at the black sweatpants and red fleece shirt she was wearing.
"It's fine." Sylvia dismissed. "I'm never dressed up when I'm at my own home. You're the lucky one."
Jade rolled her eyes. "Yeah right."
"So tell me why I'm here, Jade."
"I don't know. I wasn't the one who called."
"Why did your mom feel the need to call me? What happened?"
"Can I be honest with you? I couldn't tell you a damn thing that happened today."
"Why?"
"I couldn't sleep, so I took a few sleeping pills. Next thing I know, I'm in my master bath, puking my guts out with my mom and step-mother hovering over me."
"A few sleeping pills? What do you take, Ambien?"
"Yeah."
"One of those is enough."
"I took one, and it didn't work, so I took another one an hour later."
"You're not supposed to do that. But we'll talk about that later. Why'd you feel the need to take them?"
"Because I couldn't sleep." Jade repeated, as if the answer was obvious. "Beck and I got into an argument, and he left. He wasn't answering my calls or my texts. And my mind started wandering and my anxiety just started building up and up and up! And I just wanted some sleep because I had been up all day yesterday, so I took the sleeping pills. My doctor gave those to me after Alex, those and the Xanax. I've never taken them before and I hate the Xanax, but I was desperate."
"So I took the pills, and next thing I know, it's 8 hours later and I'm sitting in my underwear, soaking wet. I guess I tried to take a shower, or I fell asleep in the shower. I don't know if I was sleep at all because I vaguely remember them trying to talk to me. My mom and Taylor think I overdosed. They haven't said that explicitly, but I can read between the lines. I'm not an idiot. You don't force someone to throw up unless you think they overdosed."
"I think you had a bad reaction to medication." Sylvia explained. "You might've been sleepwalking, or experiencing some sort of delirium. You don't need to take that anymore, and I can find you an alternative should you chose to take any sleep aids."
"Okay, good. And please, no more sleeping aids."
"You said you got into an argument with Beck? What was that about?"
"It all started with his stupid aunt Claire." Jade's face twisted unattractively at the mention of the woman. "Yesterday was Beck's birthday and I threw him a huge party, and his aunt was here. She asked when we were going to try for more kids, and the question threw me off guard and it took everything inside of me to not have a panic attack."
"Later that night, Beck asked me that question as well, and I didn't want to talk about but he kept forcing to issues." Jade added. "So eventually I just said, no. No, I don't want to try for more kids. He does, and things just went downhill."
"Why don't you want to try for more kids?"
"I mean, losing a baby at 8 months pregnant is a pretty strong deterrent, don't you think?" Jade quipped, feeling herself get defensive. "To make it that far, to pass all the tests, to see him on ultrasounds and hear his heartbeat, and..." A tear rolled down her face and she stopped talking.
"Pregnancy is a gamble." Sylvia said. "Have your doctors ever been able to pinpoint a cause for the stillbirth?"
"No. My blood pressure was normal, I'm not over 35, I maintained a healthy weight, there was no physical trauma during the pregnancy, nothing. So who's to say it won't happen again?"
"Statistically speaking, it's a very rare occurrence."
"I can't go through the morning sickness, the heart burn, the back ache, the difficulty breathing, feeling the baby move and kick all for nothing all over again. If my family and friends think I'm bad now, they've seen absolutely nothing."
Sylvia bit down on her lip as she mulled over what Jade told her. This was a really tough spot for them to be in. "Correct me if I'm completely off base, but I don't think you you're necessarily against having children. I think you're scared of being pregnant, and rightfully so."
Jade nodded. "That sounds right."
"It's hard to open yourself up, put your own life at risk, and start building a fantasy life all for it to be torn away so instantly. It's jarring and traumatic."
"And Beck wouldn't even let me explain this to him!" Jade exclaimed. "He just left."
"Maybe he needed some time to process his own thoughts and feelings. This is his life too, and you dropped a bomb on him."
"Great, so I'm the bad guy?"
"No, not at all. You have the right to not want any more children, and that doesn't make you a bad person. But you don't not want kids, you're afraid. And fear of the unknown is normal. I feel like I've told you this before, but Jade, you're so hard on yourself and I don't know why. You really beat yourself up and you don't give yourself nearly as much credit as you deserve."
Jade scoffed. "That's because you didn't grow up with my daddy issues. We'd need a full month of sessions to crack open that vault."
"I'm saying that to say, you're a lot stronger than you think. If you weren't, you wouldn't be here right now. You'd be in a grave, or in the psychiatric ward of Cedars-Sinai. And while I know many of the psychologists and psychiatrists who practice there and I think they're lovely, brilliant people, you don't need to be there."
"Thank you."
"No problem."
"Jade? Jade, where are you?"
"That's Beck!" Jade exclaimed, getting out of her seat. She opened the door and exited the dining room. She found Beck standing in the kitchen with Karen and Taylor.
Beck looked up and saw Jade headed towards him, coming in full speed. "Hey there you-" he couldn't even finish his sentence because Jade jumped on him, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Oof!"
"You're home."
Beck reciprocated the hug, circling his arms around his wife's waist. He kissed the top of her head. "Of course I'm home."
"Jade didn't want to let him go, and she cursed herself for feeling so desperate and clingy. Especially in front of other people. She wasn't 16 anymore.
Beck broke the hug when he noticed his therapist was also in the room. His eyebrows shot up in confusion. "Doctor Sylvia? What are you doing here?"
"Hello Beck."
Jade sighed. "It's a really, really long story. I'll tell you about it."
"I'm gonna get going." Sylvia said. "It was nice seeing you."
I'm sorry you got roped into this." Jade said, giving her mother major side eye. "But I appreciate you for coming."
"Of course. I'll see myself out."
Jade turned her attention to her mom and Taylor, giving them a pointed look. Karen clapped her hands together. "I think we will follow your lead, Doctor. Come along, Taylor."
She didn't have to tell Taylor twice. "Great, I need a long bath and a glass of wine."
"Bye darling." Karen kissed Jade on the cheek. She affectionately squeezed Beck's shoulder on her way out.
"Bye guys."
Once they were alone, Beck and Jade awkwardly milled around their kitchen, unaware of what to say or do.
"So...where did you go?" She finally asked after a few minutes of silence.
"I spent the night at André and Tori's house, much to Tori's dismay. Then I drove around the city for a few hours.
"I called them and they didn't say anything. They didn't even answer the phone."
"I made them do that." Beck explained. "I wasn't ready to talk to you."
That made Jade's stomach hurt. Whether he meant it to hurt or not, it did. "Yikes, that was harsh."
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for storming out of here and ignoring your calls. I just needed a minute to cool down and if I talked to you, we would've just continued arguing."
"I was worried sick! You have no idea where my mind had wandered."
"I won't do it again."
"Good."
"Care to explain why our therapist was here on a Sunday afternoon?"
Jade rubbed her temples, exhausted. "I couldn't sleep so I took a sleeping pill. Two sleeping pills, actually."
"Okay..." Beck didn't know what that had to do with anything.
"Long story short, I reacted negatively to the sleeping pills and Sylvia thinks I ended up sleepwalking. I was supposed to meet up with my mom for brunch, but I didn't make it, so she came here. I guess she also called Taylor to come over, I'm not sure what that was about. And she called Sylvia because she freaked out and thought I overdosed."
"You didn't though, right?"
"No I didn't. I just wanted some sleep because I was exhausted. Between your party and this fight, I have zero energy left."
Beck carefully surveyed his wife. She did look exhausted. And he knew all too well about her bouts of insomnia.
"But I don't want to talk about that anymore. I messed up, I'm not taking any more of those stupid sleeping pills."
"Good."
"Can we continue our fight?"
"I thought you didn't want to talk about it. At least, you did want to last night."
"Well you pressed the issue so now it's hanging in the air."
"I didn't even give you a chance to explain." Beck said. "I'm sorry."
"Look, I don't mean to diminish your role in this, but I need you to understand where I'm coming from. You weren't the one who got pregnant. You weren't the one who sacrificed your body for nearly a year, or had a bruised rib because a baby lodged itself there, or had to give up certain foods and drinks and alcohol. You didn't have to go through various, uncomfortable tests and get poked and prodded with needles." Jade took a deep breath in hopes that she could reel in her emotions and not go into full blown hysteria. "I had a baby literally sit under my heart for 32 weeks and then he died, and I still had to give birth to him."
"I am absolutely terrified of going through that again." Jade admitted. "So much so, I nearly had a panic attack last night when your aunt asked about it. Yes, I want kids, but I'm scared. I need you to know that and you need to give me space and time to work through it."
Now Beck felt like an ass for being so mean to Jade. She was right. It was easier for him to say that they could have another baby since he wasn't the one actually carrying it.
"I shouldn't have called you selfish."
"I just wish we didn't have to deal with this." In a perfect world, Jade would've carried to term without complications and they would have a 4 month old baby in their arms.
"Me too."
"Are we done fighting?"
Beck nodded. "We're done fighting."
"Good." Jade stepped closer to Beck and pulled him into a kiss, grabbing his shirt to bring him in even more. Beck pulled away and inhaled deeply, trying to catch his breath. "Now can we just eat the rest of your birthday cake and go to sleep for the remainder of the day?"
"That sounds perfect."
