REFUSE TO FEEL
A long time had passed. A lot of things have taken place. Dao Ming Si was lost, then was found. The F3 had been witnesses to the despair Shancai had gone through; Yesha entered their lives, then left again. Just weeks ago A Si and Shancai have made their vows and now they have decided to spend a few weeks in New York before coming back home to Taipei.
He has made up with his father, and now his family is whole again. The company was left in his hands, a challenge that left him undaunted; instead it gave him purpose. It gave him life.
Lun, his secretary tapped on the door and opened it. Xi Men looked up and smiled at his loyal employee. "What is it?"
Lun shifted on his feet. "It's about lunchtime, sir."
"I still have some papers to attend to," he said. "Go ahead. You can go for lunch now."
"But...your father was very clear on his command that you should not skip any meal. Your stomach might start acting up again."
Amused, Xi Men shook his head and closed the folder he was reading. "You're worse than my father," he said and stood up, finally deciding to go out to lunch. "Honestly I wonder why I put up with you," he joked. "If you were a woman I would have dumped you a long time ago for being such a nag!"
As he was accustomed to for the past months since he began working at their company, Xi Men had lunch at a small restaurant with Lun.
"By the way," he remembered. "Mama called early this morning. I want the preparations done before they arrive."
Lun nodded. "Everything has been set, sir. The planners have it all covered."
"Good," he said, nodding. Right now his parents were in Tuscany. They have been on this European trip for two months now, and when they come back to Taipei, they have decided to renew their vows, something Xi Men took upon himself to organize.
To say he was pleased about his parents reunion would be an understatement. Since he was younger he had been very wrong about many things about his parents, his father especially. It was a good thing their rift was repaired before it became even larger.
The day after tomorrow they will arrive from their trip and also they will be renewing their vows in a private ceremony, involving only family and friends.
Things are coming up roses. Dao Ming Si and Shancai are now married. His parents are renewing their vows. Mei Zuo and Xiao Qiao are going to formally announce their engagement in a couple of weeks. Hua Ze Lei, according to some business contacts in Japan, is going out with a relatively new celebrity.
Things could not get any better, he thought and went back to his food after Lun gave him a pointed look.
The day of the ceremony arrived and Xi Men was at the venue to make sure there weren't loose ends. Lun was there with him, ever the diligent assistant. At the last minute Hua Ze Lei came in from Japan, alone. Smiling, Xi Men told him he would have wanted Lei to bring his date along but Lei merely smiled.
Mei Zuo and Xiao Qiao were also there, together with their parents, being friends of Xi Men's family. The only thing lacking was Dao Ming Si and Shancai who had to beg off because of some pressing matters they had to attend to in New York before coming home to Taipei.
All throughout the solemn ceremony Xi Men was at the front, behind his father. A smile was never wiped off his face as he watched his parents speak their vows to each other. Happiness filled him, and he realized things could not get any better. Given the chance to relive it all over again, he would not have changed a thing.
The party went along smoothly, Xi Men made sure of that. Afterwards, while everyone was busy mingling, Xi Men was finally left alone with his parents. He retrieved something from his coat pocket and handed it to his mother.
"Ma, Pa, my gift for the both of you."
Suspiciously, his mother opened the small box and looked up in inquiry when it revealed a small key. Even his father looked at him quizzically.
"A car?" he exclaimed. "You're giving us a car?" Incredulity could be read in the old man's face that Xi Men laughed.
"There's a small picture at the bottom of that box," he said helpfully.
His mother looked closer and retrieved a small square inch photo. The couple's eyes widened. Xi Men shrugged, pleased.
"Since you loved traveling so much, I figured it's about time you got yourself a boat."
"A yacht!" Ma exclaimed and reached up to wrap her arms around her son.
Papa, shaking his head, slapped his son a few times on the back. "Thank you, son," he said. Seeing the almost childlike appreciation in his parent's eyes elated Xi Men, and he knew he did not make a mistake in picking a present for them. He had a lot of help from his diver friends in choosing which craft to purchase and when he saw the white schooner, he knew it was perfect.
Suddenly his mother's eyes lit up as she spotted someone across the room. "There she is!" she told her husband.
Xi Men turned around, trying to follow his mother's gaze but found no one in particular. Turning back to her, he asked, "Who?"
"Do you remember Xiao Gen?" she asked. "You used to be close when you were younger."
Xi Men froze, the name registering instantly. He swallowed and feigning a nonchalant air, said, "I remember her."
It was his father who spoke. "It was a nice coincidence when we ran across Xiao Gen in Venice, on a vacation herself. Your mother invited her tonight, and we thought she wouldn't come, but there she is," he said, smiling at someone beyond Xi Men's left shoulder.
Bracing himself mentally, Xi Men slowly turned around and watched the young woman approaching, met by his mother in a slow hug.
"Xi Men, you remember Xiao Gen, right?" his mother said when they were finally face to face.
Nodding his head slightly, Xi Men spoke softly. "Of course." He accepted Xiao Gen's extended hand and placed a small kiss at the back of her hand. "How do you do, Xiao Gen?"
Her eyes never left his, and only she knew what that look meant. "Good. It's nice to see you again, Xi Men. It's been a long time."
She still looked good, but now he sensed maturity in her, no more of that innocence he often associated with her every time he came into his room when they were younger and chatted with him. Her hair is a little longer now, reaching to her shoulders. And she looked much thinner than he remembered. However, it suited her.
This was the only time for the entire evening that he found himself alone at the table with her, and suddenly he didn't know what to say.
Xiao Gen was the one to break the silence. "You look good, Xi Men."
"You're not too bad yourself," he replied, relieved that she seemed to show some interest in small talk.
"Uncle told me about you running the company. He's very proud of you, I can tell."
He smiled at this, that familiar warmth creeping over him every time he hears something about his father being proud of him. Ah, he'll forever be a little boy when it comes to his father.
He changed the subject, turning to her. "Ma told me you got married more than a year ago. Congratulations."
A veiled look crossed her face but it was gone before he could even give it a thought.
"Thank you."
"Where's your husband?" he asked, feeling more and more comfortable. Come to think of it, why should he feel otherwise? It's not like anything serious came up between him and Xiao Gen. He made sure of that.
"In Hong Kong," she replied. "He had something to attend to. An emergency at work."
"Work." He shook his head. "I know how that feels. I could never really put my mind at ease when there's pending work left on my table."
She simply nodded then said, "And how are you, Xi Men?"
Her question gave him pause. Slowly he smiled at her. "Work occupies most of my time. Autumn's coming up and it's bound to be a busy season for the company."
Xiao Gen nodded and was about to ask something. Then she seemed to change her mind as she reached for her glass. "Let's toast to that, then," she said and lifted her glass at him.
Xi Men did the same and drank his fill, leaning back after he did so. He thought he'd be in turmoil upon seeing her again but he realized all he feels now is a small degree of guilt over what he has done to her a long time ago. Nothing more.
"Who's Xiao Gen?" Mei Zuo inquired when Xi Men was left alone with his two friends. "Was she that girl who used to go to your place and interrupt your trysts?"
Slightly miffed by Mei Zuo's choice of words, Xi Men nodded. Hua Ze Lei and Mei Zuo's eyes turned on Xiao Gen across the room, talking with a few people.
"You never told me she looked this good," Mei Zuo remarked.
Xi Men smiled to himself, remembering how Xiao Gen looked before. She was beautiful, but he never noticed her in that light. To him, she was just his childhood friend, more like a sister.
"Dare I say she's your first love?" Hua Ze Lei asked.
Xi Men thought for a moment, trying to search within himself for the answer. Then he shook his head. "I don't think so. She was important to me, perhaps what they would call my puppy love."
"But not your first love?" Mei Zuo prodded.
"No, not her."
Mei Zuo chuckled. "Silly question," he said. "I don't think you've ever truly fallen in love." He stood up and strode over to where Xiao Qiao stood talking with a couple of acquaintances. Xi Men and Lei followed him with their eyes.
Xi Men snorted. "He has Xiao Qiao and he thinks he knows everything there is to know about love."
Lei's thoughtful eyes returned to Xi Men. "I think he's wrong."
"Who's asking?" Xi Men shrugged.
"How's Xiao Yo?"
Xi Men almost dropped his glass when Lei asked him the question.
"Have you heard anything about her lately?" Lei asked again.
Xi Men stared at his friend teasingly. "You are no better than Mei Zuo. You are 'seeing' someone in Tokyo and you also think you know everything."
"It's just a simple question," Lei said patiently. "All it requires is a simple answer. Do you have one?"
Xi Men shook his head and stood up, drink in hand. "Love has muddled your brains," he said and turned away.
"You know how that feels, right?" Lei said quietly, stopping Xi Men in his tracks.
"You are so irritating," Xi Men sighed.
"And you are still so stubborn." Lei stood up and walked up behind his friend, laying a hand on his shoulder. "I wonder where you got that from, your father or your mother. At least now they know better than you." Tapping his shoulder a couple of times, Lei excused himself and went to the men's room.
Xi Men laid his glass on the table, thinking.
Across the room, Xiao Gen was looking at Xi Men with a wistful look on her face.
The package was neatly wrapped in blue linen paper, and Xi Men turned it over and over in his hand. Smiling, he looked up at his mother who sat beside him on the sofa, waiting for him to open it.
"Ma," he said. "You didn't have to buy me anything."
After the party has broken up, his family headed for his parent's home and before Xi Men could leave for his own pad, his mother handed him the package.
"Nonsense," his mother said. "I know it's pointless to buy you anything since you could have anything you want, but I saw that and thought I'd give it to you. It isn't expensive or anything, but...it's the thought that counts, right?"
His father spoke from the doorway where he stood, watching his wife and son. "Indulge your mother, Xi Men."
"Ok," Xi Men said with a sigh and tore the wrapper of the package to reveal a small inch-thick hard-bound book. He quirked his brow at his mother, saying, "A photo book? You gave me a photo book?"
She smiled. "I saw that in this small bookstore in London. I have my own copy, given by your father's friend. Remember the colonel your father befriended back in the Philippines? He gave me a copy of that book, and when I saw it sold in London, I immediately thought of you."
"Ma, you know I'm not really into these things," he said patiently.
"Oh, shut up!" she said sternly, a smile in her voice. "You should start having fun, Xi Men. Look at Mei Zuo! Now he has Xiao Qiao! And A Si has Shancai. You, with your playboy ways, need to find someone you can stick to."
Xi Men's eyes met his father's amused ones across the room. In disbelief, Xi Men shook at his head. "Are you in this, too?" he asked his father, who merely lifted his shoulders, feigning ignorance.
"It's a lovely book, Xi Men," she went on, ignoring her son's whining. "The photographs are very good, and the poems attached to them, as well. Just give it a chance."
Finally relenting, Xi Men looked at the cover and read it aloud. "Awakenings: Photos by Drew Masters. Poetry by Laraine Zhu.' He nodded. "Masters?" he asked his father.
"That's right. He's the son of my colonel friend."
"Laraine Zhu," Xi Men repeated the name. "Chinese?"
His father nodded. "If I remember correctly, Jacob once told me Laraine Zhu is Drew's girlfriend."
"Wow." He smiled. "Talk about chemistry." He flipped open a page and saw the photo of two hands intertwined, both ring fingers gleaming with rings. The title on top of the page was 'Vows.' At the bottom of the page, a verse read:
Forever and now
speak of a time when
hearts were locked,
lives were entwined,
hopes were shared.
Speak of a time
when you were here.
With me.
"This is too mushy for my taste," he whispered, but reassured his mother. "I'll read it," he promised. "Thanks, Ma." He leaned over and gave her a peck on the cheek.
When he left for his own place minutes later, he found himself reciting the verse, instantly memorizing the words after reading it only once. He laughed at himself and got into his car, the book in his hand.
Repeatedly Xi Men felt Xiao Gen's eyes on him through the entire meeting, and somehow this made him uncomfortable, but he didn't show it as he went on with the meeting with a professional air.
When he met Xiao Gen a couple of nights ago at the party he thought that would be it. She would go to Hong Kong and he would not see her again. So imagine his surprise when he found her at the meeting this morning, being the representative of her family's company in this new joint venture Xi Men devised.
When Xi Men and Xiao Gen's father formed this project, it never occurred to him that she would be the one sent in to arrange it.
No worries, he thought and proceeded with the meeting.
Xiao Gen has truly changed, he observed secretly. She was no longer as bubbly as he remembered him. Ever since she came in, she had been all brisk and business-like, something that put Xi Men slightly at ease.
There is nothing he wanted more than for her to treat him as she used to, before all that hoopla over the billboard happened.
When the meeting ended and they all trooped to the small lounge for some refreshments, Xi Men approached Xiao Gen.
She looked up and smiled at him. "Surprised to see me here?" she asked.
"Just a bit," he replied.
"Good," she said, "because we are going to see more of each other. My father has permanently assigned me to work on this. I hope you don't mind."
Xi Men shook his head. "Of course not." He smiled. "I didn't know you were interested in business."
"I go after what I want," Xiao Gen said meaningfully and excused herself with a small smile before joining the others. Xi Men could only look after her, puzzled at her words. He turned when Lun came up beside him.
"There's someone waiting for you at the office. It's Miss Hannah."
Nodding, Xi Men silently slipped out of the room, all the while trying to remember who Hannah is. He certainly doesn't remember doing business with anyone named Hannah before.
He finally remembered who she was when he entered his office and saw her seated on one of the couches. He lifted his head and gave her a polite smile.
"Hannah," he breathed, noticing how ravishing she looked.
She stood up when he came in and strode purposefully towards him. "Xi Men, honey," she said flirtatiously. "It's been a long time."
Xi Men did not resist when she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and kissed him on the lips. When she drew away, he only said, "Yes, it was," and slowly disengaged himself from her.
"What brought you here?" he asked, walking to his seat, trying to put as much distance between them as possible.
"Just visiting," she replied, eyeing him warily. "I arrived in Taipei late last night and thought I'd drop by to greet an old friend."
Xi Men smiled. "That's very flattering, thank you."
Hannah came forward and leaned over the desk towards him until their face were close together. "I missed you," she whispered.
He was about to say something when the door suddenly opened and Xiao Gen stood there, her face a mask as she took in the scene before her. Xi Men slowly pushed away from Hannah and smiled at Xiao Gen.
"I'm sorry," Xiao Ge said, her eyes settling coldly on Hannah. Meanwhile, the Chinese-American was also sizing up Xiao Gen. "I didn't know you had a visitor. Your secretary wasn't at his desk."
"It's alright," Xi Men said, relieved of the interruption Xiao Gen caused. "Hannah was just leaving."
Hannah turned to look at Xi Men, her eyes questioning, obviously wondering who the other woman is. Xi Men lifted a brow at her. "I'll be seeing you around," he said.
Hannah nodded and grabbed her purse from the couch. She walked up to Xi Men and kissed him passionately on the lips. Afterwards she said, "You know my number," and walked out of the room, past Xiao Gen, who remained standing by the doorway.
When she was gone, Xiao Gen looked up and smiled wryly up at him. "I see I have not let go of one of my worst habits."
He waited for her to elaborate on her words. She said, "I still keep interrupting your meetings with girls."
Laughter boomed out of Xi Men as he realized the truth of her words. "Come on in," he said. "Sorry you had to see that. You wanted something?"
Xiao Gen closed the door behind her and walked into the office. "Yes, there are a few things..."
She has become quite keen in business, Xi Men noted a few minutes later. Funny, he thought. He expected to have awkward moments between them, but he has become comfortable as they went on speaking.
Good, he decided. At least they are now both over that fiasco years ago. After all, she is now married, and he...well, he has other better things on his mind right now to start worrying about the past coming back to haunt him.
Xiao Gen leaned back, closing the folder before her and eyed Xi Men with a slight interest. "So," she said in a light tone. "That lady who was just here...is she your girlfriend?"
He was unable to mask the surprise that sprang into his face at her question. He shook his head. "No, just an old friend whom I have not seen in quite a while."
"What a warm welcome," she said, laughing. "You certainly did not give me that kind of welcome when we met."
Again puzzled by her words, Xi Men could only smile. This is so much better than he expected. Once again Xiao Gen is his friend. As simple as that.
The next few days became quite a lull, at least for Xi Men. As things began to pick up at work for the coming autumn season, he found himself becoming more and more involved with the task at hand.
Xiao Gen was also there, overseeing things alongside Xi Men, and theirs became a very professional working relationship. Little by little Xi Men warmed himself to the thought of his relationship with Xiao Gen going back to how it was originally.
Things only picked up when, days before Mei Zuo and Xiao Qiao's engagement party, Dao Ming Si and Shancai finally arrived in Taipei. Xi Men took time off his schedule to help the couple get settled down in the modest house he had helped pick out for them. He even agreed to help out A Si in the initial stages of the bar he's planning to open and extended his business insights for the couples future plans.
Meanwhile Hannah had been around, continually visiting Xi Men at the office, conveniently present wherever he was. Xi Men found no reason to complain. After all, he has made it clear to Hannah that he has no intentions of taking her seriously, and she did not seem to have any problems with that. Call him a cad, he doesn't care. But she sure is one hell of a beautiful distraction.
The evening of the engagement party Xi Men was late in adjourning the meeting he had with his staff. When everyone has left, he looked up from his desk to find Xiao Gen at the doorway. He smiled.
"I thought you've gone already," he said, referring to the party where Xiao Gen was also invited.
Xiao Gen, already dressed in a simple black dress, replied, "I thought we could go together."
"Oh," Xi Men nodded, looking shamefaced. "You should have told me sooner. Hannah is coming by any minute now, and I asked her to come with me."
Xiao Gen was obviously mildly surprised but she smiled nonetheless. "I see. Well," she shrugged. "I could just go alone, then."
"If you want, you could ride with us," Xi Men offered helpfully.
"No," she refused gracefully. "I'll just drive myself to Xiao Qiao's."
"Are you sure?" he asked just as Hannah, looking really sumptuous in a slinky red dress appeared at the doorway.
Xiao Gen turned her head and saw Hannah, who stood there silently, looking at the both of them. "Yes," she said, moving toward the doorway, openly ignoring the other woman. "I'll see you at the party, then."
Xi Men nodded. "OK. See you."
When she had gone, Hannah strode in, a question in her eyes. "Who is she really? Sometimes I think she's not just your associate."
Xi Men smiled indulgently at her as he walked forward to meet her. "Jealous?" he asked. "You don't have to."
Hannah smiled sweetly. "Because she is nothing to you?"
Flat out, still with that honest smile, he said, "Because both of you are nothing to me."
Hannah stared at him, obviously hurt. "Let's go?" Xi Men extended his hand towards her, and she took it a bit shakily.
When they were walking towards his waiting car did she ask, "Why are you like this? You seem to take joy in hurting me."
"Do you want me to lie then?" he asked and when she did not say anything, he went on. "I take that as a 'No'. I'm not used to lying, Hannah. What you see is what you get."
Hannah did not say anything so Xi Men just let it go.
The party was in full swing when they arrived at Xiao Qiao's mansion, already filled with people from the elite circles their family moved in. Xi Men instantly spotted Dao Ming Si and Shancai seated in one table with Shancai's parents, Shage, Qing He and Xiao Qiao. Xi Mens eyes lit up when he saw Hua Ze Lei in another table with his own family, a petite and vibrant lady beside him. His date.
As they approached the table, Xi Men felt familiarity strike him as he gazed on Hua Ze Lei's date. Something's familiar about her.
After introducing Hannah to Shancai's parents and Shage, he held out a seat for her beside Xiao Gen as he also slid on the seat beside Dao Ming Si.
"You're late," A Si remarked, and Xi Men smiled.
"Work," he simply said and turned to their other companions. "Where are the lovebirds?" he asked, referring to Mei Zuo and Xiao Qiao.
Instead of answering, A Si said, "Something's up."
Xi Men glanced at his friend inquiringly. "You see that lady over there with Lei? That's his girlfriend. Do you recognize her?" he asked.
Once more Xi Men looked at the girl whose head was leaning closely towards Hua Ze Lei as they spoke in low voices. "She looks familiar..."
"That's because we've seen her before. She's Aisha."
Aisha. He repeated the name. Suddenly recognition dawned on him and his eyes widened. "Aisha! Mei Zuo's Aisha?"
At Dao Ming Si's nod, Xi Men suddenly felt a hard pressure bearing down on him, knowing this could not be good.
Hannah, silently listening to the conversation, asked, "What's wrong with it?"
It was Xiao Gen who rebuffed her gently. "I don't think it's any of our business." Ignoring Hannah's irritated look, she turned away.
Trouble, Xi Men thought. "Hua Ze Lei's girlfriend is the same girl Mei Zuo fell in love with a long time ago, someone he had unfinished business with."
Yes, trouble, Xiao Gen though to herself. But she was on an entirely different plane. She does not care about Mei Zuo or anyone else. She came back to Taipei for one reason alone: Xi Men.
Once he had hurt her, and more than he would ever realize, he ruined her life.
After all these years, she came back all the way to Taipei. To give him a dose of his own medicine. She will make him real sorry for what he did to her before.
But first she has to make sure everything's taken out of her way. She will make Xi Men fall for her, whatever it takes, he will fall for her.
Her eyes strayed to Hannah. Poor Hannah, she thought, she doesn't know what's coming to her.
