Let the Rain Come Down

This is for all the readers who messaged me for a Christmas update. I hope it doesn't disappoint!

Disclaimer: All characters owned and created by Stephenie Meyer.

This chapter is unbeta'ed – any errors are mine and I apologise in advance.

~o.O.o~

Chapter 12

Jasper's POV

The following morning we rejoiced in languor, having no need to rise early.

"Morning beautiful."

I nudged his nose in an Eskimo kiss and was rewarded with soft, sleepy eyes followed by a slow smile.

"Morning to you too."

His lips sought mine with a quiet moan of contentment that sent shivers flowing down my body. Breaking apart, I caught my breath.

"So – did you enjoy the fireworks last night?"

He beamed.

"Yeah. It was worth staying awake for. Plus I got to make my New Year's wish at midnight which will hopefully come true."

His arm slid across my chest and pulled me in for a long hug. I snuggled into him.

"I didn't know about wishing. I hope it was for something good, like the food pantries being overloaded with donations so we get double." I chuckled then looked up, seeing his thoughtful expression.

"No, it wasn't that. I'm not going to tell you or it won't come true. But I will tell you this: last year's came true so I'm feeling pretty good about it."

I bobbed my head. "Well then, okay. I'll trust your excellent judgement. Out of interest, what would your wish have been if it wasn't restricted by money, geography, or social status?"

He was quiet long enough for me to look back up. Eyes downcast, his voice cracked with unexpected emotion that made my heart ache.

"That people like us could be accepted and treated like regular people. Men can love men and get married now, yet so many still say it's wrong and that we're bad people. I wish I could make them see that we love, worry and get scared just like they do. We aren't special, we're ordinary, trying to live out ordinary lives." He looked down at me, eyes red-rimmed and wide, his soul bared. "Those people at the kitchen who threw me out would've let me – us - starve to death on the street rather than hand over a slice of bread. I'll never understand that mentality of looking the other way and ignoring what's happening right in front of them. I hate being seen as 'different'. I hate being noticed for all the wrong reasons when all I've ever wanted is to blend in."

I'd never heard him talk like this, so open and raw. It had clearly been on his mind for a while but he didn't like to burden me with his thoughts, even though I encouraged him to. His hand cupped my cheek, and my chest constricted.

"I love you, Jasper. I won't ever apologise to anyone for that. I just get scared sometimes. With everything we deal with on a day to day basis, having the weight of other people's judgement on my shoulders just feels too much to bear when I'm already tired."

I thought about that while I did my best to kiss away the pain that ate at his soul. Pain he didn't deserve to bear. I nudged my nose alongside his, my words low in the early morning quiet.

"I love you too. I wish we could throw off the burden of judgement like an old blanket and just be ourselves. I guess now I deal with it by imagining us winning. We'll best them and their ignorant attitudes just by living out our lives in comfort and safety. If they want to live their lives bitter and angry because we offend them so much then I hope their hatred will poison them. I can't imagine how the world would be if those people controlled it. Thankfully they don't. We have friends who don't think like that, and who don't seem interested in our private life which is as it should be. It's nobody's business; they should mind their own. I certainly have no interest in it."

I buried my fingers in his hair, letting the strands run through them, my nails grazing his scalp on each pass. His eyes unfocused for a moment, consumed by sensation. When he met my gaze again he nodded.

"I'm sorry I never said anything before. I didn't want to seem weak. I've gotten stronger and used to fighting for what I want, it's just sometimes people make it so hard. What's worse, they seem to believe it's the right thing to do."

I knew that feeling all too well. I sighed.

"It's why I have to be so careful. People can't know what I did to pay the rent. If it came out I'd be ostracised. They would assume that as a gay man I must secretly want to do it, derive sordid pleasure from it even. Maybe if I were a straight man 'forced' to associate with men out of necessity it would be deemed more acceptable?" I laughed, no humour in the sound. "Of course not. To them, there's no hope for someone like me. In their eyes, by making the choice to sell my body I became some perverted, immoral creature that deserves to burn."

Edward's eyebrows almost met, his forehead wrinkled in anguish.

"That's not you, though. It never was. You'll see - soon you'll be in a socially acceptable and respectable job that you won't have to hide in conversation. Then everyone will see the real you, the wonderful man you are, not the mask you wore before."

He was so perceptive. True, it would be a while before I could discard the false face I presented on a daily basis working the street, but that day was creeping ever closer.

I hoped this year would be kind to us. I had no right to ask for more, content to have only what we could create for ourselves. I hopped out of bed long enough to make dry toast and coffee, saving the peanut butter and honey for when Edward returned to work. Today we would get hot, nutritious food and a chance to spend time in a warm environment. That alone was to be celebrated.

Until then, we weren't moving from our snug bed.

~o.O.o~

The kitchen was warm and welcoming, full of people and chatter. The streamers swayed and bobbed each time the doors opened and closed, sending bright flashes around the room.

It occurred to me that another of the many things Edward had sacrificed for me was the chance to sit here for a while and eat his meal in warmth and comfort. Instead, he had collected our food and headed straight back out into the chilled air to bring it home and be with me in our cold, cheerless room. Changing the past was an impossibility, yet a part of me wished he could've had this place back when he was frightened and all alone on the streets. A place of safety and comfort for an hour or two each week might have helped protect him. The staff here knew their regulars, and I wondered if they grew concerned if people didn't show. It could've made all the difference to Edward to have someone in the world who cared back then.

I realised that Edward was watching me, his head tilted.

"Where d'you go?"

I smiled. "Just lost in my thoughts. Let's join the line."

He grinned. "Let's."

Lunch was chicken stew, with lemon bars for dessert. Esme sent big smiles our way and dropped two wrapped PB & J sandwiches on our trays for supper. I decided I would give mine to Edward for work the next day. He needed the energy more than I did. The stew was thick and hearty and I could feel it warming my insides. We cleaned our plates with some fresh bread, not wanting to waste a scrap. Dessert was amazing, both of us sucking every last trace of sweetness from our fingers, big smiles on our faces.

~o.O.o~

"No, Jas. We share everything."

It was supper time. His jaw set, my boy was obstinately refusing to go along with my plan. I took his hand.

"You need your strength. Just let me look after you, okay?"

"No. It's not right." His eyes flashed, but I could read him better than he realised. I kept hold of his hand.

"Be honest with me. How have you been managing? A whole day's physical work on just one piece of toast and a sandwich?"

He looked down, his fanned lashes shadowing his pale cheeks. "I'm okay. I can manage. I want to do as much as I can."

"I know you do. You've kept us afloat when I was useless, but I need you to look after yourself now, and that means more food." I wanted him to look at me, but he wouldn't.

Stubborn.

"I won't take more than my share."

His voice was low, his shoulders hunched.

I sucked in a deep breath.

"When I came to meet you and you hadn't eaten all day… that can't happen again, love. You need regular fuel to be lifting and carrying. I'm scared you'll pass out and get hurt."

He tilted his head and my heart sank when I saw the bleakness in his eyes. I waited.

"I didn't want to worry you. I did get a little woozy. I went outside and sat down for a while so no one noticed. I didn't want to buy anything to eat until after clean-up in case there wasn't enough for our meal. I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

Feeling a wave of despair washing over me, I reached for him. He slumped into my arms and I held him close.

"Promise me you won't hide anything else from me?" My hand rubbed his shoulder. "I'll be worrying about you all the time. I won't want you to let you out of my sight."

His smile was weak but it was there.

"I promise. If it happens again I'll buy a piece of fruit from Tony."

"And you'll take the extra sandwich? The protein and sugar in it will keep you going. I'm more than happy with a bit of toast and honey." I pressed a kiss to his forehead with a smile. "Of course, if it was a cheese sandwich you wouldn't get a look in."

He snuffled a laugh then, the tension broken.

"I wouldn't take a cheese one from you, even if you held a gun to my head."

"Sounds like we have a deal. Now, eat your supper and I'll make some coffee. Okay?"

He looked at me with wide, grateful eyes and my heart skipped a beat the way it always did when he was close. Our lips met in a long, slow kiss, my hands cupping his face. His sharp inhalation betrayed his own need when my tongue reached for his. Emboldened, he met the kiss with equal fervour and it was left to me to end it before it escalated. He looked hypnotised, gazing at me, his lips still parted. I pressed one last chaste kiss to them before setting his supper in front of him and making sure he ate.

~o.O.o~

Having won the inevitable argument with Edward over supper, I made sure he had two sandwiches to take for his lunch the next morning. I couldn't cope with worrying whether or not he was getting anything to eat.

I had a plan for the day too. Having gone over our finances, such as they were, I had five dollars and some loose change in my pocket to go out and find us some generic brand fabric softener for our laundromat trip. There wasn't enough for the phone credit too, but Edward reasoned that we'd be able to do that in a couple of weeks' time if he kept taking extra work. I wanted to do my bit so I decided to walk and save the bus fare. After all, I had all day and no need to rush. The loose change I carried was at Edward's insistence in case I needed to get a ride home. I hoped to prove him wrong because I wanted to be strong enough to get back out in the world.

It was a thirty-minute walk to the nearest shops that carried laundry items. I checked in three different stores before finding a bottle for under three dollars that didn't smell flowery and sickly sweet. The amount of choice was dizzying and for once I was grateful I was limited on budget. I couldn't imagine why folks would pay more than double for something that smelled the same as the bottle I held. Waiting in line, I glanced around and saw the phone credit cards we were hoping to get displayed at the checkout. Closer inspection confirmed Esme's guess – the number to call was printed on the back of the packaging. They had some of the ten dollar cards and I made a mental note to come back when we had available funds.

On the walk home, carrying my purchase in a sturdy plastic bag, I passed the pizza restaurant where we had had our first official date a little over a week ago. The smile on my face grew so wide that it hurt at the memory. It seemed crazy how far we'd come since that night.

I passed the road that led to the clinic, a walk I hoped would never again be a necessary and regular part of my life.

Almost home, I detoured to check the opening hours to the laundromat, having forgotten to look before with so much other information to take on board. Late opening hours meant we could go out after supper and spend time someplace warm on such a cold night.

Later, after some lunch and a rest, I found the large bag from Goodwill and set about sorting out our clothing and packing everything into the two bags we had. I stripped the bed linen and folded it, best I could, adding it to the bag along with our towels. Thinking for a moment, I unpacked it all, pulling out a clean outfit for both of us to wear so that today's clothes could be added to the wash pile.

I reasoned that we could carry the blankets. I almost put our other clean sheet onto the bed when I realised that we could sleep in freshly laundered sheets tonight instead.

Everything neatly bagged, I made another drink and wrapped myself in a blanket to read until Edward came home.

~o.O.o~

Edward stumbled in, knocking ice from his boots. Pulling off his gloves with his teeth, he set down the meagre bag of food for our supper. I jumped to my feet and opened it to see what was on offer for tonight. He looked a little down and I wondered why.

"I'm sorry, but there wasn't any meat we could afford tonight. Instead, I got two potatoes, some eggs, and an onion. I thought we could have a stab at making a Spanish omelette in the frying pan. We've got some oil. What do you think?"

I brightened.

"I think that's a great idea. Let's boil some water and get the potatoes on to cook. I haven't had eggs in forever. This could be really good!"

He looked hopeful then, still uncertain even after supporting us for so long. I wrapped my arms around him and kissed his cold nose.

"You're so clever. So how about we eat, then head to the laundromat? I've laid out some clean clothes for you to change into. I've already changed, ready to go. Everything's packed to take."

He looked down at the bags. "I never realised we had so much! It's a good thing we wash as we go because we'd never get all this dry."

"I've tucked the detergent and softener into the big bag there so we don't forget to take it."

He wriggled out of his coat and began to change clothes, staying close to the heater. I peeled potatoes and filled the kettle, intent on getting some hot food into us as soon as possible. I glanced at him once he was dressed and cocooned in a blanket.

"Your cold sounds better today. I thought you'd be streaming by now."

He sniffed experimentally. "I think it was just because it's cold at night. Hopefully, I won't get sick. Can't afford to be sick at the moment."

No arguing with that.

It wasn't long before I was adding the beaten eggs to the sliced potatoes and onions in the pan. The scent in the room was making my mouth water. Edward loitered by my elbow, so close that his blanket brushed my arm each time I shook the pan. When it was ready, I halved the omelette and tipped it onto plates. One bite confirmed that it was delicious. We didn't hang around – it was eaten where we stood, the pair of us starving.

~o.O.o~

A light dusting of snow had fallen while we were inside and the sky looked laden.

We each carried a bag of laundry and a blanket, excited in a giddy, childlike way about doing something new together. In the dreary winter darkness, the lights shining from the laundromat were a beacon. Shuffling our loads, Edward opened the door and wedged a foot in it so I could go first. Heat laced with the delicate perfume of warm detergent assailed our nostrils before prickling welcomingly at our skin. Placing our bags down on a seat, I shucked my coat. Edward followed suit, looking around.

The place was empty, for which I was grateful. This way we got to sort our clothes without an audience. Both of us were private people and the thought of being judged for our old and worn possessions would be mortifying.

I opened a machine and looked inside, turning to Edward.

"Let's do this." I dragged over my bag of clothes and began to drop handfuls of underwear, socks and tee shirts into the drum. Edward began loading more machines with blankets and towels, remembering what the woman had said about a hotter wash for towels. With the bed linen and all our pairs of jeans also ready to go, we took turns with the detergent, hoping it was the right amount, and checking the settings to be certain. Our coins were piled up on each machine and, one by one, they whirred into life. Edward set the empty, sagging bags down on the floor and we sat down to relax on the seats across from the machines.

For a few minutes, we just sat, not needing to talk. It wasn't long before the warmth, the fresh, comforting aroma, and the soporific sounds of the water had Edward's head nodding against my shoulder. I smiled and put my arm around him to prevent his head lolling back. Our hats were in the wash too, and I took pleasure in nuzzling his hair, listening to his snuffly breathing.

My thoughts wandered, my mind relaxed and at peace for the first time since our night at Esme's. Time lost all meaning while I drifted, lost in a dreamlike trance. The buzzers went off at almost the same time, waking Edward and dragging me back to the present. He scrubbed his eyes, and I squeezed his shoulder before getting up to add the fabric softener to each machine.

"It's so warm in here. You were right – it'd be great to move in. How sneaky would we need to be?" His quiet chuckle made me smile.

"Maybe we could get away with it if we made all the customers toast and coffee every morning?"

"But how will we get the bed in?"

I burst out laughing then and he joined in. It felt really good.

When the machines were done, we unloaded the glorious smelling laundry into a line of dryers. We made sure to get the bed linen and blankets completely dry, unsure if our money would hold out to get everything else finished too. The blankets came out warm and soft and wonderful, and I knew we'd sleep well tonight. Working together, we soon had two bags of clean items and two fluffed and now very bulky blankets.

I looked around and searched under the chairs, finally finding an old plastic bag with broken handles stuffed in the trash. We packed our blankets in it, making them easier to carry and keep dry out of the weather. On the wall by the door, there was a noticeboard littered with flyers and I stopped to glance over them on our way out. My eyes fixed on an ad for free haircuts by apprentice stylists. The flyer said they needed models urgently. I nudged Edward and he read it too, his face lighting up.

"You should go, Jas. You want to be smart for your new job. Don't let them cut it all off, though – I like your curls."

I loved his optimism.

"If they tried, I'd walk out. We should both go – get ourselves smartened up if we can."

He nodded. "Deal." He took the sheet from the board. "Let's put us first. The more people who see this, the fewer models they'll need." He pocketed the folded piece of paper. "This is ours."

Beaming, we headed out into a swirling white wasteland. The walk home seemed far longer than it should have.

All we did once we got inside was make up our bed and climb into it, enveloped in soft, vanilla-scented comfort. Edward took a deep breath, snuggling into me.

"This smells so good."

"It does. Most of the bottles smelled so sickly sweet and flowery, and all I could think was what if the dogs didn't recognise your scent?"

He chuckled, his body shaking.

"This is great. We need to make that a regular thing, even if it's just to take the bedding. So cosy in there. And it's less work for you."

I hummed in agreement.

"I like that idea. It can be our treat. Say, did you feel the towels? They're so much better! Not hard and rough at all. I never knew that using a dryer made such a difference."

"Me either. Well done you on remembering what to do. Those machines are complicated when you don't know how to use them."

A wry smile twisted my lips.

"I guess most things are difficult until you know how, but at least it's something else we can add to our list of accomplishments."

While we were snuggled up, talking and being close, we forgot that most folk were still going about their evenings at home. To us, 7 pm felt late. With the days so short and cold we routinely went to bed far earlier than most. It saved us money on the heating costs, only needing the boil the kettle to fill the hot water bottles.

The ringing phone made us both jump, the urgency of the sound spurring me into action. I swung my legs out of bed and lunged for the phone on the counter, worried that something was wrong.

"Hello?"

"Hi, is that Jasper?"

My breath caught in my throat.

"Yeah, this is Jasper."

"Hey - it's Emmett McCarty, from Goodwill? Sorry to call you during your evening, but I couldn't reach you earlier."

We left the phone here. The one time we didn't pick it up.

"Hi, Mr. McCarty."

"I'm calling about the position."

I closed my eyes and waited for the rejection that was surely coming. I tried to sound casual, and not like my head was swimming through lack of oxygen.

"Uh huh?"

"It's good news, Jasper. We want you to start Thursday. Can you be at the store for 10 am? Ask for me at the desk and I'll get you sorted out with a time card and your working pattern."

"I-I..." I sucked down a lungful of air. "I'll be there. And thank you. So much."

"Congratulations, Jasper. I look forward to having you on the team."

He sounded genuinely pleased. The line clicked when he hung up and I stared at the phone for a long moment before pressing the end call button.

I did it.

I'm not useless.

I DID IT.

Struggling not to hyperventilate, I steadied myself while the realisation washed through me, happiness re-inflating my wizened self-belief, allowing a bubble of pride and wonder to take root in my soul.

My smile almost hurt my face when Edward pounced on me and pulled me into onto the bed in a tight hug, overcome with joy.

"You did it! I knew you would! This is so amazing! What a way to start the New Year! Everything's going to be okay, Jas. I just feel it."

In that moment I could truly believe that anything was possible.

~o.O.o~

"I'm sorry."

His voice trembled and my heart clenched. We'd been so happy after the phone call, but now he was fearful again.

"Why are you sorry, love? You don't ever have to apologise to me for something so beautiful. There's nothing I love more than making you happy. And I want to do that as often as you let me."

I nudged his nose with a smile and received a wobbly one in return. His erection was the result of some heavy celebratory kissing, my hands sweeping under his shirt to tease and stroke his chest and stomach. Now that the gates to pleasure had been opened, it was no surprise to me that his body was eager to respond. Evidently, to Edward it was still somewhat of a shock.

He dropped his head to hide his face from me. His words were muffled.

"Does it happen a lot to you?" He knew that I'd not gotten aroused with clients, but had never asked me point blank before.

"More and more. Pretty much anytime I get to kiss you."

He looked up then, confusion clouding his face.

"But you don't… deal with it?"

"No – I choose to stay here in the warm with you rather than sneaking off to our freezing cold toilet to deal with it. It's uncomfortable, but it's my choice."

He watched me for the longest time, and I waited for him to marshal his thoughts. Finally, he found the courage to ask what was really bothering him.

"Are you… right now?"

"Am I hard?" He couldn't tell, our lower bodies a small distance apart while we talked it out.

He blushed scarlet before nodding.

"Yes. I just didn't want to scare you." I could feel his indecision, his mind warring with itself.

"You-you say it's beautiful. I don't understand. How can it be?"

I kissed him, soft and sweet, a hummingbird seeking nectar. His breathing hitched when the tip of my tongue reached for his. When I pulled back, his eyes were unfocused and glassy.

"Your body responds to me and that's beautiful. Don't you think so? That your body shows me that you love me? And mine shows you?"

He turned his flushed face away for a long moment, brow furrowed, a shadowed crease between his eyebrows. I stroked his cheek with the back of my fingers and watched his lashes flutter. When he looked at me again, I saw a spark of bewilderment in his tight eyes.

"They told us it was dirty. At the Home, if boys touched themselves or made…messes… in their beds, they were punished. I didn't understand what was going on at the time when they told me not to abuse myself." He swallowed, a thick sound in the quiet space. "No one ever called it beautiful. No one ever told me it could be beautiful."

And there it was. He had grown up being told his own body was dirty and distasteful. Puberty and adolescence must have been hell with all the hormones surging through his young body and no healthy outlet. And then he meets a cheap street hustler who offers up his body for money, and despite everything he's been told, he looks beyond the label and sees the man. Was I the right person to explain this to him? What right did I have to sully him further after all he'd been through?

Oh, but the way he looked at me - like I polished the moon and made it shine just for him.

The trust he had in me was staggering.

"Sweetheart, are you telling me that, before what happened between us, you were a virgin in every sense of the word?"

"Yes."

I closed my eyes, summoning my strength, anticipating the worst possible outcome.

"Are you sorry that you let me touch you?"

Shock widened his eyes. He looked mortified.

"No! No! I asked you to do that because I wanted you to. You were so gentle, and I felt so safe. How could I ever be sorry?" His hands clasped my forearms, high spots of colour in his cheeks. "I was scared and you made it better. I'm glad my first time was with you."

"Oh, love. I had no idea. I didn't know… I thought, really thought, it was just the first time since the attack. Your first time should be special."

His hands wrapped around my waist, pulling me in tight, and I felt his firm flesh pressed against my belly. His face was tucked into my neck, his breath warm against my ear.

"It was more than special, Jasper. It was wonderful. I've never felt so protected and… loved."

My fingers carded his hair, trying not to think about his hard body against my own and the way my own body jumped and throbbed. The way it begged. His soft gasp against my ear sent signals coursing through my nerve endings.

"Jasper? I feel you." I lay immobile, letting him decide the next move. His breathing quickened, his body pressing tighter against mine, adding delicious pressure to an already inflamed situation. "Do you… do you want to deal with it?"

Struggling to maintain control at such welcome warmth and friction, I answered honestly.

"I don't think I have a choice tonight. I'm pretty close already." I couldn't and wouldn't ask him to touch me. My only hope was that he asked me to help him again and we could experience that pleasure together.

His face was conflicted, still so unsure, but his erection was urgent and I could sense he needed relief.

"I have an idea. If you aren't comfortable then you say and we stop."

He gave a tiny nod, and I shimmied out of my underwear, helping him out of his own. Back in his arms, I shifted my hips until our bodies aligned, able to slide against each other. His mouth dropped open at the feel of my flesh touching his, stroking against the swollen head of his own. It took a moment until his own hips began to buck, just a little to begin with, his face contorting with desire. I knew this would be quick, having denied myself for so long. I felt the flush rise up my chest, heat coursing through my veins. His darkened gaze watched me and my reaction to each jerky movement, each kiss of our bodies' swollen crowns, and the exquisite agony of sensation.

I kissed him then, desperate and heated, our hot breath blasting each other's faces when we broke apart. My hands were still around his waist, no lower, whereas his had wrapped around my neck when our kisses had grown deeper and more passionate. I whimpered against his lips, my face a rictus of overwhelming pleasure before I lost control and came between our stomachs, my head reeling, body spasming in prolonged pleasure. Edward rutted his body against my over-sensitised flesh, a ragged gasp ripped from his chest before he too reached the dizzy heights of pleasure, his body jerking, covering us in warm fluid.

This time there were no tears, only embarrassed joy, and bashful smiles. I moved carefully to reach our washcloths on the edge of the tub, cleaning us both down before the heat of exertion subsided. The cold air circled, looking for a way under the covers to penetrate our bones.

That night we slept bare from the waist down, allowing our bodies to become familiar with the touch of the other's skin, removing the fear of the unknown. When I woke, Edward's warm legs were tangled with mine and nothing had ever felt so right.

~o.O.o~