A/N: Thanks for the reviews and everything. With the site's new review system, if you want to leave an anonymous review, it always just says "Guest" so if you do leave an anonymous review, it'd be great if you could sign it or put your name on it so I know who's reviewing, thanks! :)


"You know, you can't keep on like you're keeping on, right?"

I sighed as I stared at my sister-in-law. What she said was absolutely correct, but it was still hard to face that kind of truth. I knew what we were doing was wrong, I'd read a hundred articles, seen a hundred movies, enough to know that cheating is bad. I just…I didn't know how to stop it. I guess I should have at that point, before things got too complicated, but it was difficult. Everything felt so difficult. I should've been the bigger person at that point, but I've never been good at that.

I knew Marissa judged me, I knew she did because she would look at me with these eyes. They weren't necessarily hateful, but I knew she was judging what I was doing. I knew she was disappointed, but she still supported me, something I'll be eternally grateful for. It's nice to know that even when you make the worst decisions, your family will be there to pick you up, to help you through things you just don't think you can get through.

"I know," I sighed again, as if that would somehow clear my mind. "I just…I don't know what to do. I just got married, you know, I'm technically still a newlywed, and I just…I think Paul loves me, and I don't want to break his heart…"

I know it was a lame excuse, I knew that by staying with him, I was only prolonging the hurt, making it deeper, but I just didn't want to come off as a failure. All I could picture were those Hollywood marriages, the ones that last 3 weeks or 2 weeks, and how everyone thinks you're an idiot, and I just let public opinion get to me too much. It's stupid in hindsight, but we were stupid, I was stupid.

"Steph, you're cheating on the guy, pretty regularly I might add," Marissa told me as I cringed. Her eyes softened as she regarded me, "Steph, I'm sorry I have to say these things, but you know they're true. I mean, believe me, I think you and Chris are cute together, and he genuinely seems to like you or love you or whatever you two are to each other, but you know this is wrong, right? You know this isn't how a real relationship works."

I snapped at her, running my hands through my hair, "You don't think I don't know that? You don't think I wrestle with this every day. Every day, every single goddamn day, I think about it, I think about how wrong I am for feeling like this, how wrong I am for treating innocent people like this. I tried to resist, Ris, I really did, but it was too difficult."

"I know, honey," Marissa wasn't even surprised by my outburst, instead just taking my hand, rubbing her thumb across my knuckles. "But decisions are going to have to be made soon, you know that, right? You can't keep living your life like this."

"I know, I know what you're saying is real, but…"

"He has a baby, Steph," Marissa gently reminded me, which made me feel like the lowest scum. I knew it, I knew it and I knew that I was taking Chris away from that.

"I thought you said Marissa and Shane helped you more than I could know," Adam said, "it doesn't sound like Marissa was being very helpful."

"It was though," Stephanie said, "because it was just what I needed to hear. I needed to hear what I was doing because I needed the other perspective. It was easy to live in my fantasy world, but I needed someone to be there for me and to tell me what I was doing was wrong."

"So what happened, did you listen to her? I mean, obviously you didn't really listen to her if you're still with Chris and everything, but what happened after that? I know you said you pulled away from Chris again, was this one of those times?"

"Yeah, it was."

"He has a baby," I let Shane wrap his arm around my shoulder. Sometimes you just need a brother to be there for you. I think your sibling understands you in a way that you don't even understand yourself. When I was younger, like really young, before Shane turned into an insufferable teenager, he used to be really protective of me, like a father. If I fell, he would rush over and see if I was okay, kiss boo-boos, all those little things dads do for you. He just knows me and he was always there for me, and this was no exception.

"I know," Shane said to me, but it wasn't judging or disappointed, he was just agreeing with me.

"He has a son. He's beautiful," I told Shane, tears welling in my eyes. "I'm taking a man away from his baby, Shane."

"Shh," Shane kissed the crown of my head. "You can't help who you fall in love with."

"That's just the thing, you should be able to when the man is married," Stephanie said, "I never claimed to be a saint, but this is probably the worst thing I've ever done in my entire life, but I don't know how to stop it."

"Do you want to stop it?" he asked me, and I nodded. "What is it you want to stop though? Do you want to be with him full-stop, no secrets, or do you want to be free from him?"

That was the question I kept asking. The easier of the two would be to let him go, but that just didn't feel like a possibility. I don't know how he got so under my skin, but he was on my mind so much, I felt like I couldn't escape him, but then the brevity of everything we'd done fell on me, and I didn't think I could take going through with being with him full-stop, with everything surrounding us.

"I don't even know," I said morosely. "I don't even know what it is I want, I just know I don't want this."

"You know, I hate to say it, but sometimes…love just isn't enough, Steph," Shane told me, "I know it's cliché to say it, but it's true. Sometimes we can love so hard, but we just can't have what we really think we want."

"I don't want to take him away from his son," I finally admitted, "I don't want to tear that little boy's world apart. He's so cute, Shane. I mean, I've never met him, but I've seen pictures and stuff, and Chris is so good with him. He's such a great father, he's perfect. I just don't think I could take breaking that little boy's heart."

"It sounds like you know what you want to do. But whatever it is you choose, Steph, you have to know that I'm here for you, and Marissa is here for you too."

"Plus, I do have Paul."

"Yeah, there is that guy," Shane said, but I could hear the distaste a mile away.

"So you decided to break up with him?" Adam asked, looking over at Chris, who appeared to be dozing. "The man of the hour is asleep by the way."

"Well, it's late, I'm surprised you're not falling asleep," Stephanie laughed. "I should be asleep, but the baby keeps odd hours sometimes, and she's keeping me up right now."

"I'm not falling asleep because I never need to sleep," Adam joked. "Actually, I do, but this is way too interesting not to listen to, plus, this is a long ass bus trip, and I don't even feel like I've heard half the story."

"Because you really haven't, why don't I let you get some sleep though."

"No, go on," Adam whined. "Just tell me what happened, then you can go to sleep, I can go to sleep, and you can continue this story tomorrow. We've got lots of time to talk, I mean, we're in for another bus ride tomorrow, so you can talk to me then."

"Well, why don't you just ask Chris tomorrow instead of bugging me about it?" Stephanie laughed. "He was there too, he knows the story."

"Oh yeah, I guess I just like hearing your voice better," Adam said in a flirtatious tone.

"Watch it, buddy," Stephanie joked, "I've had enough trouble with men to last me two lifetimes, I don't need any of your charm invading my personal space."

"Okay, okay, sorry," Adam apologized, giving a quick sweep of the area to make sure nobody was listening in on his conversation. He would have a hell of a time trying to explain why he was talking with Stephanie in the middle of the night on Chris's phone no less. Not that he didn't think it would be pretty funny letting everyone know Paul was about to no longer be in charge, but it wasn't his news to tell.

Anyways, I knew what I had to do. I know that it was the difficult thing to do, at least for me, but I had to do it. It was so selfish of me to think I could have my cake and eat it too. I just kept thinking about Ash, that little boy who was so sweet and so innocent, and I remembered why I originally had to stay away from Chris. I knew it was hard to stay away from him, but I was convinced that because I was doing the wrong thing, eventually I would just forget about it. I did have a husband after all. You may be thinking, what the hell was going on with you and Paul during all this. He was none the wiser. I know, it makes him seem like an idiot for not gleaning onto something when I'm making it sound so blatant, but it really wasn't. Chris and I were really good at hiding, obviously, and Paul had no clue.

I did feel terrible for what I was doing to Paul. He might not have been the best husband, and his selfishness might have been a slap in the face after we were married, but I did choose this man, so I did see the good side to him. He did have a good side, he does have one, it's just very hard to find sometimes, but it's in there. I know I'm going to feel horrible when everything comes out, especially with how long this has been going on.

He doesn't deserve any of this, and he didn't deserve it then. When everything is over, I'm going to have regrets, I know that, I know that some of the things that have passed are going to be crosses I bear for the rest of my life. It's hard to think about, but I'm ready for that kind of responsibility if it means Chris and I can be happy with our families. You have to take the good with the bad, they say, so I'm ready to take the bad if it means I get a hell of a lot of good.

"Steph, hey," Chris greeted me with a kiss to the cheek as we met at a restaurant. It was pretty tame, but my eyes were searching the restaurant anyways. I guess to anyone who really looked, it was just two friends having a friendly lunch.

"Hey," I said, trying to keep the sadness from creeping into my voice. I needed to stay strong, to not let this get to me.

"I'm glad you asked me out, I've missed you," he told me, another smile.

"I can't do this." I was horrified that I'd just blurted it out like that. I'd planned to be gentle about the entire thing, but there I went, blowing that all to high heaven. I was so embarrassed about it, but what could I really do? I'd said it, it was over, that was it, I'd put it out there.

"Do what?" he asked, but he knew. He knew what was going on.

"Chris, I'm thinking about Ash," I started, which was true. "I think he's adorable, you know that. I would have loved him if we could be together, but we can't. He has his mom and his dad, and I've been so fucking selfish."

"So let's do this then, let's be together, for real."

"I can't do that. I mean, he's a baby…"

"So what?" Chris said, "he won't know the difference if we do this now."

"I don't want to be that woman who took a baby from his mom and dad. Everyone will know and…I'm sorry, Chris. I know I said I could stay away from you before, and I didn't, and that's my fault—"

"It was both of us."

"Yes, but now I really do have to be the bigger person," I stood up, "I'm sorry, I can't stay here. I'm so sorry, Chris, I'm so sorry."

Then I left.


A/N: Just a little reminder that if you do review anonymously, please sign your name or screename or whatever you want so I can identify you, thanks! :)