ATTNETION READERS: Supernatural High is on hold indefinitely. I've never done it before and I hate putting stories on hold, but I have been struggling with that one. The chapters were taking a really long time to get up and that was causing delays for all the other stories. So, I opted to put that story on hold and start on We've Got to Learn to Live with these Ghosts.
Ch. 12 I Feel Upon My Lips a Taste of Honey
(CLARE)
"You okay?" Mark asks as we start walking into school Monday morning. Today is the official end to March Break.
"Just thinking about Eli," I sigh.
"If he tries anything you come find me or Owen or Drew even," Mark comments.
"I'll be okay, just worried about seeing him again after Friday night," I reply.
"I'll walk you to your locker," Mark says.
I smile and we walk inside, we see Jake at the secretary's desk and wave to him. He smiles at us, he must be getting his class list or his locker assignment. Mark walks me to my locker, but we don't see Eli and Adam is at his locker when we get there. Mark says he'll see us later and leaves me to go to his locker.
"Seen him yet?" Adam questions.
"No, I'm almost hoping he doesn't show up today, but I know I'll have to face him sometime," I reply as I open my locker.
Adam hugs me and stays with me, then we walk out to the foyer. I figure if I'm going to see Eli then I want to get it over with. We see Cece's car pull up and Eli gets out hobbling up the stairs with his cane. He walks in, looks at Adam and I but his face barely changes.
"Hi Adam, Edwards," Eli nods to us. His voice is dry and there's no emotion in it, rather than greeting one of his best friends and his ex he sounds like he's greeting a stranger on the street. Eli walks past us and I look at Adam.
"That was odd," Adam remarks.
"It looked like Eli, it sounded like Eli, but there was nothing there. Maybe he hates me now," I comment with a heavy breath.
"I doubt he hates you, and he didn't seem happy to see me either. He can't hate both of us, anyway Eli is not one to hide his emotions," Adam responds.
"That's true," I agree.
I'm still not super comforted by this thought, and I watch Eli as he continues hobbling down the hall. I don't have too much time to dwell on it though as I see Jenna coming in. She's still dealing with the aftermath of giving up her baby, and the emotional toll it's taken on her has been monumental. She spent a couple days in the hospital before being released. Adam stayed with her most of the time, and I went to see her in the hospital a few times. Adam and I spent most of weekend with her trying to cheer her up.
"Hi Beautiful, how do you feel?" Adam questions.
"A little better I guess, I still feel kind of empty, it's odd to miss someone so much and so completely. I keep trying to tell myself that the baby is going to a good home and will have a good life. It doesn't keep the hurt away though," Jenna says sadly. Adam hugs her and holds her tightly. He's still hugging her when Alli joins us, and we stay together, walking to class together when the bell rings.
While Jenna does seem to be happy to be around her friends and feel normal, she does remain a little sad all day. I don't see Eli again until lunch and he barely looks at me or Adam. It's like that the rest of the day, anytime I see Eli in the halls it's like he's looking through me, as though he doesn't care enough to even acknowledge my presence. By the end of school I've had enough.
"I'm going to go talk to him," I tell Adam when Eli looks through us again after school.
"He is acting strange," Adam comments coming with me to confront Eli.
"Hey guys," Eli nods to us while still looking at his locker.
"Hey guys? That's all you can say to us? A little over week ago you crashed your car just to get me to come see you and now all you can say is "Hey guys?" If you hate me then I understand but don't ignore Adam, he's one of your best friends Eli," I implore him.
"I don't hate you, either one of you Clare," Eli replies.
"Then what's going on Eli?" Adam asks.
"I was put on mood stabilizers in the hospital, I can't feel much of anything, they just make me pretty numb."
"Oh," I exhale feeling pretty lousy for jumping to conclusions. "Sorry Eli, I didn't know," I apologize.
"That's okay, you couldn't have known. I spent most of break talking to a psychiatrist, he thinks I have a mood disorder. He thinks I might be bipolar, but he wants to do a few more sessions before he makes a final diagnosis. I was kind of avoiding you both, the meds make me numb and kind of fuzzy, I didn't want you guys to worry," Eli explains.
"Hey at least you're seeing a psychiatrist and he's being cautious with a diagnosis. You're getting the help you need, that's a good thing Eli," Adam comments.
"Yeah, and I'm certain once your psychiatrist makes the correct diagnosis and gets you the correct meds you won't be so numb," I tell him in an encouraging tone.
"I hope so, this feels weird. Clare I'm sorry for the dance, for trying to push you. I was so afraid of losing you I held on too tight. I know you probably need some time, and I'm not in the best of places right now, but maybe we can try being friends again when things are better?" Eli asks with a hopeful and somewhat pleading tone.
"That would be nice Eli," I grin.
Eli smirks, Adam smiles and we part ways, all of us feeling much lighter now.
"You want to come over and do homework? That is I'm assuming there will be work going on at your house?" Adam questions.
"Yeah, Jake and Mark should be on their way over now, which means it will be very noisy at my house. So, I'd love to come over and do homework," I smile.
"We're just waiting on my brother now," Adam grins putting his arm around my shoulders.
"You called little bro?" Drew grins appearing behind us.
"Clare's coming over to do homework," Adam tells him.
"Cool, let's go," Drew replies.
We go to Drew's car and he makes the short drive back to their house. We go in through the basement I sit on the sofa, but the brothers get a snack first. I didn't see Audra's minivan so she must be out.
"Eli was acting a bit strange today," Drew comments after we've been doing homework a short time.
"He's on meds, mood stabilizers. He's under the care of a psychiatrist and he thinks Eli might be bipolar," Adam explains.
"Wow, that sucks," Drew responds.
"At least, he's getting help. I thought he hated me, knowing he's numb on meds sucks, but it's better than him hating me."
"Yeah, I was just happy to know why he seemed to be avoiding us," Adam comments.
"Man I hate chemistry, why did Mom make me take a university track course? I don't understand any of this," Drew huffs tossing his chemistry book onto the coffee table.
"Because Andrew you have to live up to your full potential," Adam comments mocking their mother's voice, and making us all laugh.
"You just need it explained in a way you can understand, we can help," I offer.
"What I need is a new brain," Drew huffs.
"Don't say that Drew, you're smart in your own way. Come on show us what you were working on, I'm sure we can help," Adam encourages his brother.
Drew sighs and grabs his textbook, he opens it to the chapter he was on and hands it to Adam. I look over the book with Adam and we break down what it says into sports metaphors so that Drew can understand. Once we put it into sports terms he's able to get it and finish his chemistry homework.
"Hi kids, will you be staying for dinner Clare?" Audra asks coming down the stairs.
"No, I had better get home, they should be done working soon," I reply.
"We'll take Clare home and return for dinner," Drew tells his mom.
Audra nods and I pack up my stuff, the brothers drive me home and I say I'll see them tomorrow. Jake and Glen's trucks are here, as is Mark's car, but Mom's car isn't here yet. I go inside and the guys seem to be cleaning up.
"Hey Clare," Mark grins.
"Hi, it still looks like a disaster down here."
"It'll start looking like a downstairs again soon. We're done for the day, you boys should clean up," Glen says.
I go upstairs with Mark and Jake following me. Jake goes into the washroom, Mark and I into our rooms. The only homework I have left to do is for communications technology and that won't take me very long. I hear Mom get home and a few minutes later she calls us all down the stairs. I exit my room at the same time as Mark, and Jake comes out of the washroom, we go downstairs together. Mom and Glen are standing very close together and exchanging an interesting look.
"Kids, Glen and I are going out to dinner," Mom says.
"You called us downstairs for that?" Jake inquires. I'm wondering the same, they've gone to dinner before.
"It's a date Son, we're dating," Glen clarifies.
Now it's the three of us that exchange a look. All of us silent for a few seconds.
"That's great Dad, about time you got back out there," Jake smiles.
"Yeah, I'm happy for you guys," I tell my mom forcing a grin on my lips. I'm honestly not sure how I feel, but Mom looks happy and I want to be happy for her.
"You guys are a cute couple," Mark says with a big grin on his lips.
"Thanks Kids," Mom exhales, "we thought you three might want to go out and get dinner together."
"Let's go to The Dot, I feel like a milkshake," I comment.
Returning upstairs I grab my purse, get my coat, and a few moments later the three of us are in Mark's car on the way to The Dot. We order and sit down at a table, Dave is here and I wave to him.
"So, are you really happy that our parents are dating?" Jake asks as we begin eating.
"I don't know, I like your Dad it's not that. In a lot of ways I'm still hurting from my dad walking out and announcing he was cheating. Mom looked happy and she deserves to be happy, I think I just need some time with it," I reply.
"I get it, it did seem pretty sudden, but I'm just happy my dad is dating again," Jake says.
"They have been spending a lot of time together recently with remodeling the house. Anyway, they both seem happy," Mark says.
"Yeah, and it's good I'm happy my mom is happy. It's just going to take me a little time I think. I'm not sure I ever really processed Dad announcing he was having an affair and walking out."
Mark hugs me from the side, and I give him an appreciative smile. Mark also changes the subject and begins talking to Jake about their media studies class. I'm not in the class, so I kind of tune them out and start thinking about Mom. I eat slowly while thinking and listening to the guys talk. When we do return home Mom and Glen aren't back yet, Jake has his own truck, but he sticks around. He and Mark are in most of the same classes, so Jake sticks around to do homework with Mark. They work in his room as there's really nowhere for them to work downstairs. I return to my own room to finish my own homework. Jake calls goodbye before he leaves, but Mom still isn't home yet. After I hear Jake leave there's a knock on my door, I know it has to be Mark.
"Come in," I call.
"You sure you're okay with your mom dating?" Mark asks.
"I don't know, I want to be happy for her, and she did look happy. It's just that it wasn't that long ago Dad announced the affair and walked out. I'm still hurting from it, and I know Mom must still be hurting from it all. I guess I'm worried that she's rushing into this, that she's doing it out of the pain Dad left, or because she's afraid to be alone. Neither of those are good reasons to be in a relationship."
"Why don't you talk to your mom? I'm sure if you express your concerns she'll listen," Mark encourages.
"I know, but she seemed so happy and I don't want to ruin that. I think I just need some time to get used to the idea myself. I also need to watch them together, I think if I watch them together I might be able to tell if Mom is doing it out of hurt, fear of being alone or only because she has real feelings for Glen."
"I still think you should talk to your mom, but if you want to talk, about anything, you know where I am," Mark tells me.
"I know, thanks Mark," I smile and kiss his cheek. I really don't know how I'd get through all this without you."
(FITZ)
"You kids should go out again or order pizza. Glen and I are going out, don't wait up," Helen grins.
She and Glen have been dating for five days, or at least they told us they were dating five days ago. It's Friday night, Clare went with Adam to the basketball game after school, Jake and I came back to help on the downstairs. Clare got home about the same time her mom did, and I just finished getting cleaned up after a hard afternoon of work.
"I've got a date, see you tomorrow," Jake says grabbing his stuff. Helen leaves with Glen and I look at Clare.
"You want to order a pizza?" I question.
"Pizza sounds good," she replies. "We can eat in my room, I'll put a movie on the laptop. I'll be very happy when the downstairs is useable again," Clare comments.
"Yeah, me too. It's going to look really good though," I grin with pride because I've been working hard on it.
Clare smiles and starts setting up her laptop to play a movie, while I order pizza from my phone. Clare starts the movie and we sit back waiting for the pizza to arrive. When the doorbell rings Clare pauses the movie while I run down to get the pizza and pay for it. The delivery guy is a senior at North Park, I recognize him as a football player and wrestler.
Clare comes downstairs and as soon as she starts descending I see the guy watching her, by the look in his eyes he's watching her breasts bounce as she trots down the stairs. My instinct is to hit him, but I take a deep breath and refrain. Clare smiles at the guy and goes into the kitchen, she must be getting paper plates or napkins. I pay him including a small tip and then kind of push him out. Clare has napkins and a bottle of water, I grab a pop and we return to her room. I set the box between us, we eat and watch the rest of the movie. When the pizza is gone I put the box on the floor, Clare moves a little closer to me and puts her head on my chest, so I put my arm around her. When the movie ends I linger on her bed, I want to keep holding her, to stay, to be with her. When she starts to move I wonder if she's uncomfortable with me lingering here, even though I've held her before.
"I'm going to go shower," I comment and start to get up. Before I can stand from the bed she catches my arm, and then she catches my lips for a kiss.
For a second I'm too shocked to react, she doesn't break the kiss, in fact she parts her lips slightly and I relax into it. I comb my fingers into her hair, part my own lips, my tongue slides between them and caresses hers. We start to lie back on her bed together, our tongues fighting for dominance, her fingers caressing along my arm. We make out for a long time, I'm not sure I would have stopped, but when we hear the front door and know her mom is home we pull apart. I lock eyes with Clare, she's biting her lip and looking down with a soft smile.
"I'm going to go shower now," I comment when I hear her mom coming up the stairs.
I take the empty pizza box and open the door, Helen sees me emerging from Clare's room, she only smiles though. I'm not sure if she thinks Clare and I would never do anything other than eat pizza or talk. Or if seeing the pizza box in my hand assumes we were eating in Clare's room because there's nowhere to eat downstairs.
I take the pizza box downstairs to toss it and then return upstairs to shower. The only thing I can think about in the shower, actually the only thing I can think about all night is making out with Clare on her bed. Thankfully, we're so busy on Saturday working on the remodel that I don't think about it. Clare is gone all day too, she's out with Alli, since Adam is with Jenna on a date. Clare even sleeps at Alli's, I'm a little worried that she's avoiding me after the make out session.
I spend all night thinking about it, agonizing over it and what it may mean. I enjoyed the kissing, I really like Clare too. No, that isn't right, I'm in love with her, I know I am. I have to wonder though if Clare kissed me because she wanted to or was I just convenient? Does she feel the same way about me? I'd like to believe that she does, but I also worry what that means for me. Will I still be allowed to live here if Clare and I dating? I'm in love with Clare, but if I lose my home what will I do? I can't return to living with my Mom. I've never wanted something so much and at the same time wished it wasn't true.
"Fitz," Helen calls knocking on my door Sunday morning, "I'm meeting Glen and Jake at church. Would you like to come?"
"Uh, sure, I'll get dressed. I'll be ready soon," I call back.
I get dressed and ready, meeting Helen downstairs and ride with her to church. I wasn't paying much attention to the sermon, I tried, I listened to some of it. It's not even that the sermon was boring, I was just too distracted by thoughts of Clare. Thoughts of kissing her, how I feel about her, and what might happen to me if she returns the feelings and Helen finds out. I know Helen likes me, but if she knows I'm in love with Clare and sleeping in the room right next to her that may change things.
After church we go to brunch and then Helen leaves to run errands. I return with Jake and Glen to the house, I'm too busy working to think about Clare. It doesn't escape my attention that Clare doesn't return to the house until her curfew. I'm in my room, showered and exhausted, almost asleep when I hear her come in, but now I'm sure she's avoiding me. She must be avoiding me because of the make out session Friday night. I'm going to have to get her alone and confront her about it, and soon so that she doesn't keep avoiding me. Maybe I'll talk to her on the drive to school tomorrow.
(CLARE)
"Hi Clare," Drew greets me when I come into the Torres basement late Sunday afternoon, "Adam's out with Jenna."
"Oh," I reply with a small sigh. "Is it okay if I hang out for a while anyway? Alli is out with Dave tonight."
I had spent all day Saturday with Alli and spent the night. I stayed and even helped her do chores this morning. When she said she was going out with Dave I said I was going home, I lied. I came to Adam's thinking I'd hang out with him, guess I should have called first.
"It's okay by me, I'm just watching a movie," Drew shrugs. I sit next to him on the sofa and look at the movie he's watching; it doesn't look like anything I'm interested in. It's still better than going home. "Is there a reason you aren't going home? Are they still working on the downstairs?" Drew inquires after a few moments of silence.
"Probably, but that's not why I'm avoiding home," I reply. Drew turns and cocks an eyebrow at me, waiting for me to elaborate. I sigh a little, but in a way Drew is probably the best person to tell. "Friday night Mark and I made out on my bed, for over two hours," I confess.
"Hot. So, you're avoiding home to not be around Fitz? Did you not want to make out with him or something?"
"No, just the opposite. I want to be with Mark, I have for a while. I really like him but…"
"But? But what? You really like him, he's crazy about you and he's not crazy like Eli. I fail to see an issue here." Drew says when I hesitate.
"He lives with me, that could be an issue. And, how do you know he's crazy about me? I kissed him, from what I know about guys if you start making out with them they probably won't push you away."
"A girl like you probably not, I guarantee if you walked up to Owen tomorrow and kissed him he'd kiss back. I also guarantee for as much as Fitz has changed, and even though Owen is his friend Fitz would then hit Owen. He would hit Owen because he's crazy about you."
"You still haven't explained how you know this information, unless Mark told you," I comment.
"He didn't have to, it's obvious how he feels about you. And, if you feel the same I still fail to see a problem."
"Because we live together, and I have no idea how my mom will take it."
"Maybe, before worrying how your mom will take it you should talk to Fitz," Drew advises.
"Yeah, I know I should. I'll do it tomorrow, I'm just not ready to do it tonight," I sigh.
"Well, like I said you can hang out here, but you can't sleep over. Mom wouldn't allow that, you're going to have to face Fitz sometime tonight."
"I know," I exhale. I'll just hang out with Drew until I absolutely have to get home. Drew is surprisingly good company, he doesn't ask any questions, but does help distract me. We watch movies all afternoon, he orders pizza for us for dinner. When Bianca calls he goes upstairs and lets me watch the movie without him talking, and returns when he's done. "I suppose I should head home, my curfew is soon," I comment when the movie ends.
"I can drive you home," Drew offers.
"Thanks," I smile back even though I had intended to walk home very slowly.
"We can stop at The Dot first for coffee and you can delay that talk with Fitz a little bit longer."
"Thanks Drew," I laugh.
We grab our jackets and Drew goes upstairs to get the keys to the minivan, since Adam has his car. He drives us to The Dot and we get coffee. He even sits with me at the café and drinks coffee with me until the very last second before I have to get home.
"Thanks for today Drew, it was exactly what I needed," I smile kissing his cheek when he pulls up to my house.
"No problem Clare, you were good company. You really do need to talk to Fitz though."
"I will. Goodnight Drew, I'll see you tomorrow."
Drew waits until I'm inside before driving off, Mom comes out of her room to greet me. I say hi, and then tell her I'm going to shower. I don't want to talk with her very long because I don't want Mark to come out of his room. Yes, I'm avoiding him. I take a long shower only getting out when the water begins to turn cold. I stay in the washroom to get ready for bed, and sleep fitfully all night long as I go over and over what to say to Mark tomorrow.
I groan when my alarm goes off, getting up slowly and ready for school slowly. There's not much to eat, and the kitchen isn't very useable, so we have to get breakfast from school or The Dot. I smile when I see Mark, but I don't say anything. Mark doesn't say anything either, in fact we drive in silence to The Dot, the first time either of us speaks is to order. We take our coffee and pastries back to the car and he drives us to the school. We both sit there in silence for a moment before both breaking the silence at the same time.
"Clare…"
"Mark…"
We laugh at our overlapping words. I take a breath looking away from Mark and tugging my lower lip between my teeth briefly before looking back at him.
"You first," I insist.
"Kissing you Friday night, it was amazing. It was like a dream come true for me, I like you Clare, more than like you I'm falling in love with you. I want to be with you Clare, and I hope the kissing means you want the same. I would do anything to be with you, but I'm also scared of getting kicked out when your mom finds out about us, if there is an us?" He asks hopefully, but his tone is laced with fear and apprehension.
"I'm not falling in love with you, not yet anyway, but I do care about you deeply Mark. I do like you and I want there to be an us. I wouldn't have kissed you or made out with you for so long if I didn't want to be with you. I'm also afraid of what Mom will do when she finds out about us. I don't want you to be kicked out or for her to forbid us from seeing each other. So, maybe for now we should stay a secret," I tell him.
Mark smiles big and combs his fingers into my hair. "I can do secret," he says with his eyes sparkling with bliss before he brings our lips together.
Update soon will pick up from here, this story is drawing to a close as well. It actually probably will not reach 15 chapters. Replacing this will be I Wanna Be Your Man like No Other Can, a Flare friends with benefits story. The next story to go up is We've Got to Learn to Live with these Ghosts.
