Clarke abruptly wakes up a few hours later, even though she doesn't remember falling asleep. It's already dark. She blinks a few times and turns to her right, where she finds Lexa, who seems to be sleeping. She smiles softly at the other girl and leans over her to grab her phone from the floor. When her body touches the brunette's, she notices Lexa is slightly shaking.
"Lex?" She asks quietly, "are you okay?"
"Yes, I'm fine," Lexa reassures her quietly and Clarke nearly jumps. She touches the other girl's forehead. It's hot and sweaty.
"Why didn't you wake me up? I want to help you," Clarke says just as quietly.
"I didn't want to bother you."
"Still, you should've done that. Do you need anything?"
"Just water."
Clarke quickly gets up and turns on the lights. She grabs a bottle of water from a small table in the corner and comes back to bed. She takes a look at the girl lying on the mattress. Lexa is slightly shaking and covered in sweat, her forearms are red from scratching.
"Do you want me to help you up?" The blonde asks and Lexa nods weakly. She softly puts her arm around Lexa's shoulder, trying to hold her head up, so she can drink. It's not easy, the brunette is too weak to sit straight and Clarke has no choice but to hold her. When she's done Clarke lays her down slowly and frowns. What is she supposed to do now?
"Do you want something to eat?"
The brunette moves her head, obviously trying to shake her head. It wasn't a good idea - she pales even more, trying to get up.
"Clarke, I'm gonna-"
The blonde immediately realizes what is going on and runs to the small bathroom to find a bowl, but it's too late - Lexa throws up on the floor.
"I'm so sorry, Clarke," she apologizes when she's done.
"It's okay, I'll take care of this."
She goes back to the bathroom and wets two towels. She uses one of them to clean Lexa's face and leaves it on her forehead and helps Lexa drink water again. Then she cleans the floor, leaving the bowl next to the brunette.
"I'm really sorry," Lexa mumbles.
"It's okay," she reassures her, as she lies down next to the brunette. She lays her head on Lexa's shoulder and whispers in her ear, "you're going to be fine, Lex."
Lexa nods weakly and Clarke kisses her cheek. "I lo-"
"No, Clarke, don't. Not yet," the brunette says, pulling away a bit to look at Clarke.
"Why not? You don't?"
"I do. Damn, Clarke, I really do, but I don't want you to regret saying it later," Lexa explains.
"I'm not gonna regret it," Clarke says, "But I'm gonna wait if this is what you want."
"Just- could you stay here with me? It's gonna be easier when you're here."
"I'm not going anywhere, I promise," Clarke reassures her. "Do you want me to hold you?" She asks and Lexa nods quickly.
They spend a few hours like this, with Clarke occasionally helping Lexa drink and opening or closing the window, because the brunette's always either too cold or too hot. She keeps telling Lexa to try to sleep a little, but she can't. Her heart aches for the brunette, she hates seeing Lexa like this. She wants to help, but she doesn't know how.
Clarke has never felt this helpless.
It's been 2 hours since Clarke woke up and it's only been getting worse. It isn't the first time Lexa is trying to quit, so it's nothing new for her, but it feels just as bad. Everything hurts, she can't move, she can't feel straight. All she can think about is leaving this place, finding someone who could help her and shoot up. But she can't. She can't disappoint Clarke like this. She promised and she won't use.
Another 2 hours later and it's gotten worse than before. She doesn't know where she is anymore, she's barely aware of Clarke's presence, even though the other girl keeps asking her if she needs anything. She never answers. All Lexa needs is for Clarke to leave her alone so she can die in peace. And Lexa is sure it will kill her this time. She won't survive this. If she was strong enough to get up, she would probably kill herself before the withdrawal does. Maybe she is already dead, because her body stinks like a rotting flesh. She knows Clarke can feel that and she knows lying next to her can't be pleasurable, but she's too tired to apologize for that.
Clarke leaves for a couple of minutes and comes back with a bottle of champagne or wine (Lexa isn't sure) and valium. She immediately takes a handful of pills and drinks the alcohol. It doesn't make her much better, but it's better than nothing. She wants to thank Clarke, but again, nothing comes out of her mouth.
The next few hours are blurry and Lexa doesn't remember anything. Perhaps she fell asleep, but she's not sure. She's cold again and somehow manages to ask the blonde for another blanket. Clarke carefully wraps her in it and spoons her from behind, even though the smell is even worse than before.
The brunette throws up again, Clarke gives her water, the pills, and alcohol. And then again. And again, and again, and again, until she finally manages to fall asleep.
Day 2 is harder for her than day 1. She can't stop coughing and throwing up. It's pretty much all she does. When the cough gets so bad she can't breathe, Clarke makes her some tea and it helps a bit.
Lexa is sure she won't make it, she needs to use. She's ready to give up. She starts begging Clarke to get her some heroin, because she can't move and she needs it to end finally. She doesn't need much, she'll use once. This one last time. It shouldn't be bad, right? But Clarke doesn't, she's deaf to Lexa's pleading and the brunette is grateful for that.
Lincoln visited her at some point. The brunette remembers him telling Clarke that they should take Lexa home, but the blonde argues that Lexa is too weak to move. He eventually agrees. He cups his sister's cheeks and kisses her forehead before leaving, but his breath and his touch are too warm, and Lexa is hot enough. It only makes Lexa angry. She falls asleep right after he leaves.
Lexa wakes up next morning and she feels much better. She finally isn't too tired to move. She swallows her pills and this time drinks water. She doesn't throw up that often and she stopped coughing. She even asks Clarke if she could help her take a shower, but Lexa is still too weak to stand on her own. She showers when Lincoln comes over. He holds her still, while Clarke washes her hair and sweaty body. Lincoln again insists on taking Lexa home, but none of them has a car and using public transport wouldn't end up well. Instead, he gives them clean sheets, cooks a meal for Clarke, and leaves to get more alcohol and valium. Lexa falls asleep again.
When she wakes up a few hours later, she finds Clarke sleeping right next to her. Now that she can think straight she realizes, how hard these 3 days must have been for Clarke. It's been difficult and yet, the blonde is still with her, helping her, taking care of her. Still, Lexa can't stop wondering if the blonde will eventually give up like Lincoln did.
She wraps her arms around Clarke's waist, hiding her face in the crook of the blonde's neck. She's trying not to wake Clarke up, but the blonde does anyways.
"Hey," she mumbles weakly when Clarke opens her eyes. "How are you feeling?"
Clarke snorts. "I should be asking you this question. You look like shit."
"Fuck off, I'm still hot as fuck." Lexa smiles against her shoulder. They haven't gotten to talk much these days and it's the first time they talk in three days. "I'm better now."
"Are you still nauseous?"
"Not as much as before."
"Are you cold?"
"A little, but it's pretty warm in your arms." Clarke grins and places a small kiss on her forehead.
"How much do you think it's gonna take?" Clarke asks.
"A couple of days. Four, maybe five, but it's gonna get easier." Lexa whispers. "You don't have to be here with me all the time though."
Clarke rolls her eyes. "I want to be here for you, you idiot. I don't want you to be alone in this."
"Thank you. For everything. I know this isn't exactly what you signed up for."
"This is exactly what I signed up for. I told you, remember? I want the good things and the bad things."
Lexa sighs. "I'm sorry. I know I stink."
"It's okay, I got used to it." Clarke teases and Lexa smiles again.
They spend the rest of their day talking. They talk about everything - their dreams, their past, their future. Lexa tells Clarke she wants to get a job and stand on her own legs. She wants to get better and ask Clarke on a date. They talk about it, about their dream first date. They talk for hours, until they both fall asleep again.
In the morning, Lexa feels good enough to take a shower again. They shower together. This time Clarke's help is enough, but Lexa still has to lean on the blonde for support. They later brush their teeth together and Clarke braids Lexa's hair. Usually Lexa hates being so dependent on people, but the blonde has never made her feel uncomfortable about it.
She later takes some valium again and drinks a whole bottle of wine. She falls asleep after that, but when she wakes up, she can finally eat. She hasn't eaten in four days, but only manages to eat a handful of corn flakes. It's not much and she almost throws up again, but it's a success and it makes Clarke smile.
They spend together another two days, when Lincoln finally convinces Clarke to let him take Lexa home. When Lexa tells him that she isn't going anywhere without Clarke, they both reassure her that the blonde can stay with them. It's Raven that drives them there. Apparently, Raven doesn't hate them, and it makes Lexa happy knowing that Clarke didn't lose all her friends.
She falls asleep as soon as her head hits the pillow, too exhausted to stay awake. Before she falls asleep she feels Clarke lie down next to her on her small bed and the blonde's arms around her waist.
Lexa slowly gets better. She eats more. She is finally able to get up on her own and join her mother, Lincoln, Raven, and Clarke in the kitchen, and eat dinner with them.
She still needs valium and alcohol though. She didn't know where Clarke got the pills until the blonde admits she got in touch with her mother again, even though Abby is mad at her daughter for breaking up with Bellamy. Abby is a doctor and apparently Clarke asked her to check up on Lexa, and she then prescribed valium. Lexa is overwhelmed, because she knows that talking to her mother isn't easy for Clarke, and it makes her cry. The blonde holds her the whole time.
Clarke's been so good to her and she's not going to ruin it. She will not hurt Clarke.
They have sex for the second time six days after their first time. It's different. They don't fuck, but make love. There's no roughness, no dirty talk. Lexa worships every inch of Clarke's body. She wants to show how much she loves the blonde and how grateful she is. Lexa is still too sensitive and too tired and she doesn't let Clarke touch her. Instead, she pleasures the blonde with her fingers for hours, until she can't take it anymore and Lexa herself is falling asleep on top of Clarke.
Abby visits her again a week after she stopped doing drugs. She checks up on Lexa and gives her valium, but not as much as before, saying she doesn't want the brunette to get addicted. Lexa doesn't either, so she doesn't protest. She then joins Clarke in the kitchen without saying goodbye to Lexa.
They cuddle on the couch later that day. They're home alone - Anya went for a walk and Lincoln decided to go out with Raven. They're watching old disney movies, because Lexa loves those more than anything.
The brunette can see that there's something bothering the blonde, but she doesn't push, hoping that Clarke will eventually open up to her. And she's right.
"Lexa?"
"Yeah?" Lexa mumbles against Clarke's chest.
"My mom- uh, she's worried."
"Worried?" Lexa frowns.
"Well, I kinda told her about us and she wants you- us, actually, to get tested," Clarke explains sheepishly.
Lexa pulls away a bit to look at Clarke. "Tested."
Clarke nods, avoiding the brunette's gaze.
"Okay," Lexa agrees.
"Okay?"
"Yes. I do that once in a while anyways," Lexa informs her, her head still
"But there's not any risk that you actually are sick, right?" Clarke asks, carefully.
"I don't think so… I mean I always have clean needles and all that shit." Lexa thinks for a moment. "Yeah, I should be fine."
"Okay. Thank you," Clarke says, relieved that Lexa isn't offended by her request.
"It's okay. If it makes you and your mom less worried. I should be fine to go tomorrow," Lexa shrugs.
Clarke grins and kisses the other girl.
Lincoln Woods hasn't been this happy since he got his sister back. Of course, he doesn't think it's over and that Lexa really is done with drugs. It's not that he doesn't trust her, he's just trying to be careful, but still, he can't help but be happy for his sister.
It's Saturday and even though he doesn't have to get up early, he decides to do so anyways. He quickly dresses up, grabs his wallet, and leaves the house. Lexa should feel good enough to eat something greasy, so he goes to the nearest supermarket to get some pasta. He'll cook spaghetti for Lexa, because she loves it. He thinks about getting Lexa's favorite candy, but it might be too much for her stomach, and he's not going to risk it. They will eat spaghetti and watch movies, just like they used to when they were younger and one of them got sick.
He decides to stop by a newsstand and get a newspaper for Lexa. She still reads those, for some reason. What a nerd.
He picks Lexa's favorite magazine when a different title with a huge heading all over its cover catches his attention:
AMERICA'S FAVORITE ARTIST SHOCKS AGAIN: CLARKE GRIFFIN LEAVES HER BOYFRIEND FOR A JUNKIE
Lincoln can feel himself getting paler. He quickly grabs the tabloid and reads the beginning of the article.
Let's be honest - Clarke Griffin's shocking behavior is almost as famous as her paintings. We have already seen her dragging journalists on national television, getting drunk in public, and most recently picking a fight with a fan (the artist claims the fan sexually assaulted her, but an actual proof doesn't exist). What has she done this time? According to our trusted source, Griffin (25) is cheating on her boyfriend, Bellamy Blake (age unknown; works for Polis Magazine).
Apparently, a peaceful life with her loving boyfriend was too boring for her. Her new lover is a girl named Lexa, who has quite a reputation in Polis. We don't know much about her, but according to our source, she was suspected of murdering her father over a year ago and is a known heroin addict.
We don't know when their romance started, but it most certainly happened when Griffin was in a relationship with Blake. Is Lexa the reason why Griffin rejected Bellamy's proposal during her exhibition? Did Griffin get bored of Blake? Or maybe she wants to show everyone how edgy she is?
We will write more about Griffin's affair tomorrow, so stay tuned!
Lincoln closes his eyes slowly. This is not gonna end up well.
