She is alive


Chapter 12

Kagome walked in to find Sesshomaru is the same spot. She was not sure what to feel so she settled for familiar indignation. "You fool! That didn't need to happen!" she tried her best to sounds angry but found hard to continue the ruse when he looked up with stunning golden eyes full of surprise.

"You came back?" he said, voice hoarse and this time clearly a question.

Taken aback by so many things happening at once Kagome said gently, "I can take care of myself"

"it is not a bad way to die," he said solemnly.

Kagome approached him with hesitation and waited. He was proud and surely would not take lightly to be carried out, so she offered him her hand. "You are not going to die, not from this. Come." The poison was strong but so was Sesshomaru, she would help. He could beat it.

He took the offered hand, she pulled him up to his full height and started walking towards the car. She draped his arm over her shoulders and wrapped an arm around his waist. He wished so badly for this pain to go away so he could feel her against him, the warm curve of her hip and her breast, and the strength of her callus hand pulling him close.

Kagome walked with him all the way to the passenger door but did not help him in, she really was not ready to overstep his bounds right now. She climbed in and started driving without delay. "It's just a short drive to my home. I need to get you somewhere safe and comfortable before paralysis sets in".

She drove for a couple of minutes in silence until movement caught her eye. Sesshomaru was writhing in the seat, the pain must be unbearable, she needed to distract him. "So...what have been up to for the last decade?" was the first thing to fall out of her mouth in her clumsy attempt.

Her strategy worked because he calmed down and huffed. "Thinking of you, Kagome" his voice was more throaty than either of them expected.

"Ahh…" it was suddenly very hard to speak.

He was half dazed by the pain and immensely moved by her proximity and concern. He was never generous with his words, right now was a good time. Talking would at keep him distracted from this physical pain and perhaps lift some of his burdens. He took as deep a breath as he could and gave his aimless thoughts a semblance of order "I am so sorry Kagome," he heard a deep intake of breath and charged on, his voice was soft but fierce. This needed to be said. "I was a coward... I couldn't accept what it meant, what you meant to me and it made me angry. I chose to see you only as a weakness… I refused to be prey and the only solution I found was to kill you..." his voice cracked.

She felt numb. He was strong and remained mostly composed in spite of the pain, while she felt like crumbling from the blow of mere words. She steeled herself, she needed to know why. She nodded and he kept on talking.

"There were so many times I could have easily end you as you laid completely trusting and naked next to me. So easy...but I didn't, I couldn't. It made me furious" he gave a mirthless laugh, "I was convinced that everything would go back to the way it was supposed to be by leaving you behind" he paused as a wave of pain overtook him, whoever, he was not sure if the pain was a memory or the real thing. "Kagura got involved by chance, ah...I thought giving you up to her would show I didn't care…I thought...I knew you could hold your own against her..." the pit in his stomach felt like a bottomless well when he remembered what it felt like. He now knew she was alive, but that didn't make the memory less painful.

Sesshomaru was suddenly quiet and Kagome saw him turn a new shade of pale. She was grateful for the sturdy strength of her steering wheel, gripping it was the only thing holding her together. Her breathing was getting increasingly shallow as she tried to keep the tears at bay. "We are almost there" she managed to croak. He was breathing harder and faster, the pain was flaring.

He shook his head trying to clear the fog of pain, he was engulfed in a blend of past and present. "Kagome...I didn't know of the bond, but the moment it was gone I was lost... you died -" he cut himself off, choking on the words. "I... killed you - you were gone" he whispered sounding delirious.