"Erin, you have to stay here with me. Please, baby." Jay pleaded as tears continued to stream down his face, as his hand stayed glued to hers as the ambulance sped off to Chicago Med.
"Jay, Erin will be okay. Trust me." Will said trying to sound as confident as possible in their current situation. He had joined them in the ambulance so he can be there when they arrive at the hospital.
The ambulance didn't reach the hospital fast enough for Halstead's liking. He was at the point of hyperventilation, as the doors of the ambulance flew open and two doctors stormed in to transport Erin's lifeless body onto a hospital bed.
Everything in Jay's mind was a blur. They all moved around him too fast for him to even comprehend what was going on. Next thing he knew, he was left alone in the waiting room full of strangers. He found a corner, sunk down against the wall and poured his eyes out.
He didn't know how much time passed before Dr. Charles stood above him, and put his hand on his shoulder.
Halstead didn't know how long he had been seated there when Will finally came into the waiting room with a scared expression on his face.
"Will…" Jay cautiously said as he bolted up from his seat.
Will shook his head at his brother, and Jay knew that nothing would be the same again.
"What happened?" Jay screamed, the whole waiting room had their eyes on the two brothers.
"We lost them. We couldn't save the babies, Jay. I'm so sorry." Will said as tears formed in his eyes.
"Noo..no." Jay said as he cried. "I just found out about them. Why? How? Will?" His whole world came crumbling down in less than 12 hours.
"I'm so sorry, Jay." Will said as he pulled his brother into a tight hug as they both cried for the loss of their family.
"This is all my fault." Jay said. "If I had saved him.."
"Jay, this isn't your fault. Right now that doesn't even matter. Erin is the only thing that matters now." Will said looking into his brother's eyes.
"How is Erin?" Jay cautiously asked.
"She's conscious. She's going to need you, Jay, more than you'll ever know." Will said. "Get yourself together, and I'll take you to her."
Jay nodded and wiped his tears. He needed to be strong because no matter what he felt, Erin was the one that carried their babies in her for the past six months. He needed to be there for her, she needed him more at that moment.
Jay cautiously entered Lindsay's hospital room. He had no idea what he was going to say. Erin Lindsay had gathered herself in a ball, facing the wall as she sobbed. Jay Halstead had never seen his girlfriend this emotional in his life, and his heart broke. She was broken and he had no idea how he was going to mend her heart, when he didn't even know if his was mendable.
"Hi." Jay said as he cautiously approached her with red, teary eyes.
She turned around and saw her partner, her best friend, the only man she had ever loved. She saw the tears in his eyes, and her own heart broke more than it had already.
"Jay.." She said as her sobs increased, as Jay approached her. "I'm so sorry."
"Hey, I should be the one apologizing. If I had saved Hetty this would not have happened. I'm so sorry, baby." Jay said as he grazed her cheek.
"It's not your fault, Jay." She moved aside to make room for him and patted the bed asking for him to join her.
"I don't want to hurt you." Jay pleaded looking into her eyes.
"Please." Erin pleaded. Jay gave in to his girlfriend's wishes and crawled into the bed with her.
He wrapped his arm around her shoulder, as she buried her head into his chest and sobbed for dear life. They had both lost parts of themselves that day and knew that nothing would ever be the same.
"HALSTEAD... JAY…. HALSTEAD WAKE UP." Jay Halstead bolted awake as he felt someone shaking his body.
'IT WAS A DREAM' He thought.
Jay sighed. "Dr. Charles?"
"I'm sorry to wake you. But, you were screaming in your sleep. Detective, I heard what happened and I know you've been on active duty the last couple of months. How are you doing?" Jay looked up and stared into his eyes and shook his head in annoyance.
"I just found out I'm going to be a father to two defenseless babies, and both my girlfriend and babies are fighting for their lives right now. How do you think I'm doing?" He was happy to have woken up from that awful dream, but he wasn't in the mood to be interrogated by Dr. Charles about his nightmare, when it could most probably be the initial sign of PTSD.
"I know this is a difficult time, but I came here to help you work through it.." Dr. Charles said in a calm manner to the younger detective.
"Look Dr. Charles, I appreciate it. I really do, but I'm not in the mood for talking right now." Jay said before he stormed out of the waiting room to find the nearest exit. He needed to get out of that place. He needed air.
As Jay was walking out, he saw Hank Voight walking in with Kim Burgess. She stopped and looking at him with empathy in her eyes as she approached him and enveloped him with a hug.
He wasn't much of a hugger to anyone besides Erin Lindsay, but he couldn't help but appreciate the hug at that moment. She hugged him tightly letting him know that she was here for him no matter what.
Halstead could feel the gaze of Hank Voight on him as Kim let go of the embrace. He could see the fear and sadness in his boss's eyes.
Burgess sensed that the two men needed a moment alone and decided it was her time to go inside. "I'm going to go get some coffee."
After Kim disappeared an awkward silence fell between the two men. They had so much to say, and yet no words fell out of their mouths. They were both dealing with the same heartbreak, but couldn't express it.
Jay took the opportunity to take a seat on the bench outside of the hospital. Hank followed him and put a hand on his shoulder as a form of comfort.
"Hank, why didn't she tell me." Jay asked, sadness still recognizable in his voice.
"You have to ask her that yourself. But she wanted to protect you, son. She didn't want you to worry about her. She needed for you to come home alive, especially after finding out the news. You know, I never trusted that brother of yours, but he really stepped up the last couple of months. He constantly took care of Erin. Even moved in, to take care of her."
"Will moved into our apartment?" Jay asked surprised at the sudden change in his brother.
"He really has been there for her lately. He was the only person that got her through since you couldn't be here, Jay."
Will Halstead was no longer the selfish boy he once had known. He stepped up for Jay's girl and took care of her when he couldn't. Jay could not feel any more appreciative towards his brother than in that right moment. He felt so guilty that he wasn't there for his girl and their children.
"We're having twins, huh?" Not believing the words that came out of his own mouth. He couldn't believe he was a father to not only one, but two babies. He was thrilled and so terrified at once.
"Yeah son, you are. I almost wanted to kill you for that. So did Erin, if I'm being completely honest here." Voight smirked trying to bring light to their dark conversation.
"I'm so sorry I haven't been there for her and I couldn't protect her from this. I feel so guilty."
"Jay, you didn't go anything wrong. It was not your choice to be away from her." Voight was proud of Halstead and the man he had become since he had joined the Intelligence Unit. Voight no longer saw Halstead as the young, cocky rookie- detective that he didn't trust with his 'daughter'. He now saw Jay Halstead as the humble, strong man who was ready to be a father and someone who loves his daughter better than any man could. He trusted Jay with Erin wholeheartedly.
"I missed so much." Jay said leaning forward, wiping his forehead. "I didn't want to miss any of this, Sarge. Erin is pregnant. She's freaking pregnant and I missed majority of her pregnancy. I can't believe this."
"I know how much that means to you, son. But you have a couple months left to enjoy her like this. She's not easy to deal with all of her hormones though, trust me." Voight answered smirking at his last words.
"If I saved Hetty, this wouldn't have happened. It's all my fault." Jay said as he brought his face into his hands.
"Jay, you can think like that. It's not your fault and you know it. They will be okay, all three of them." Voight said reassuringly.
"What if they're not okay? I will never forgive myself, Hank." Jay replied.
"They'll be okay, Jay. They will make it through." Voight replied trying to make himself believe it to the best of his ability. "Why don't we go in and wait for the rest of the unit?"
Jay nodded and followed Hank. They both sat down next to Burgess in the waiting room.
Silence fell upon them as they awaited on news.
Dr. Halstead came out shortly, with an unreadable expression on his face.
Jay got up immediately and approached his brother. "How are they, Will?"
"They're all stable. They're going to be fine, Jay. She's awake and she's waiting on you to do an ultrasound. I'll take you there." Will said as he nodded to Voight and Burgess who knew that it wasn't their time to go see Erin quite yet.
"She's stable, but the stress did affect her. There are some consequences we have to discuss here." Will said to Jay as they headed towards Lindsay's hospital room.
"What kind of consequences?" Jay asked with tears still threatening to fall from his eyes.
"Jay." Will looked over to his brother in concern and tried to calm him down. "It's not that bad, don't get worked up about it. She just has to be careful, no stress. She has to maintain her blood sugar, which means her diet needs to change for the remainder of the pregnancy. It's not a big deal, bro, trust me."
Will paused in front of Erin's room and looked at his brother. "I'll give you two a couple of minutes alone, and then we'll come in for the ultrasound."
"Thanks, Will." Jay said as he approached the door. As he was about to open the door handle, he turned around and looked at his brother. "Voight told me what you did. Will, I don't even know what to say."
"Don't say anything." A small smile formed on Will's face. "I would do it anytime for you two. Now get in there and see your family."
Jay nodded and bolted into the room.
He was speechless when he saw Erin there in the hospital bed, her hand resting protectively on her ever-expanding baby bump. He didn't know he could love Lindsay more than he did at that moment, and he knew that his love would only continue to grow with the remainder of the pregnancy and when their babies were finally here. He had no idea when he got back to the campgrounds the day before, the war would be over and he would be able to reunite with his girl and find out that she was carrying his children. Despite the scare and the circumstances, he was thrilled to know that he was going to be a father, he couldn't be happier.
"Hi." Jay said emotionally as he rushed to her side and buried his face into her neck and cried. "I was so scared."
"Hi." Erin said as tears formed in her eyes. She put her hand on his head and enjoyed the embrace. She had missed him so much.
"I'm okay, we're okay." Erin said as a smile formed on her face.
"I'm so sorry, Er." Jay said.
"None of this is your fault." Erin said as she held his cheeks in her hands. "I just missed you so much, Jay Halstead. We all did." She put her hand on her belly.
He smiled at her. "Why don't I go and get Will so they do an ultrasound? I really want to see my babies!"
"Go get him." He kissed her quickly on her lips before walking out to retrieve his brother. Erin's fingers went to her lips as she savored the kiss that she had been yearning for, for months. The tears that continued to fall as she thought about how much her life had changed since Jay Halstead entered it and how much she had missed him since he left. She couldn't believe he was finally home, and sooner than expected. She was so happy to have him back safely.
Jay Halstead came back into the room and was joined by Dr. Manning and Dr. Halstead, as they rolled in the ultrasound machine.
"Hey, mama. How are you feeling?" Natalie asked.
"Better now that he's home." Erin smiled as she looked to her boyfriend, who had joined her on the hospital chair on the opposite side of Will and Natalie. He grabbed her hand and squeezed it as they waited to see their twins.
"You guys ready?" The couple nodded, as Nat helped bring the hospital gown up so Erin's belly was open.
Dr. Manning spread the gel on her belly before she started the ultrasound.
"Wow." Jay said amazed at the sight in front of him. "Those are our babies?" He couldn't believe that they had created such beautiful human entities. He was already in love and he couldn't believe he had missed so much, the babies already looked like they had developed immensely.
"Yup, those are your babies." Nat said smiling at the screen.
"Are they okay?" Erin asked.
"They're both perfectly healthy. You guys are all going to be okay." She said looking at Will who was so happy that everyone was okay.
"Do you guys want to know the genders?" Dr. Manning asked.
"You don't know?" Jay asked looking at his girlfriend.
"No, I didn't want to know another important part of our lives without you being here, Jay." She squeezed her hand tighter. "If you want to know now, I'd love too."
"Of course." Jay smiled as he looked over to Nat.
"You guys are getting the best of both worlds. A boy and a girl. Congratulations, guys" Erin looked at her boyfriend with amazement.
"Baby." Jay said as he leaned down and captured her lips with his.
Natalie pulled the hospital gown down, and turned off the ultrasound machine.
"We have some things to discuss with you two." Will said.
"It's not serious. This incident didn't cause too much harm on you or the babies. But I am putting you on bedrest at least for a month or so. You went through a lot of stress and it took a toll on your body, Erin. You have also developed what's known as gestational diabetes. It causes your cells to become less responsive to insulin. It will go away when you give birth, but until then you have to keep your blood pressure low. So I have brought some pamphlets which describes what that means, and what you're supposed to eat. You will have to meet with your OB once a week, at the least. Considering you're having twins, it's more crucial that you do see her more. Other than that, you're all fine and will be discharged by tomorrow morning. Just take it easy, both of you. We'll leave the two of you alone. It's good to have you back, Jay." She smiled at the couple before gathering the machine.
"Thank you for everything Nat." Jay said. "Thanks, bro."
"Of course." Will said. "We'll come by later."
After they left, Erin made room for Jay on the bed. "Join me."
"I don't know if that's such a good idea, Er."
"Please." Erin pleaded and Halstead couldn't resist. He crawled into the bed and put his arm around her, as she rested her belly on Jay's side.
"I could get used to this. I can't believe I missed any of it. I wish I could have been there for you, Er." Jay said with his hand on her belly admiring it.
"Me too, but you're here now." Erin said as she brought her lips to his.
As they pulled apart, Jay could see the tears that had formed in Erin's eyes.
"Hey, hey what's wrong?" Jay asked concerned.
"I was...I was just so scared to lose these babies, Jay, our babies.I've been so scared about this pregnancy- to be a mother, to have people rely on me, and now two, it's been so overwhelming. But when I was down there, all I wanted is to get out of there for them. I needed them safe because I couldn't lose them. It terrifies me how much my life has changed and how much it's going to."
"I know baby. I'm so sorry you had to go through that alone. Thank you for doing everything you could the last few months for our babies. I can never thank you enough for that. We'll get through this together, I promise, Er." Jay said.
"You know, I wanted to tell you when I found out, but I didn't want to spring it on you when you're fighting a war. I didn't want to add on to the things you had to worry about. I was already 2 in a half months when I found out."
"It would've been awesome to know, but you're right. That's all I would've thought about. Our little family." He rested his hand on her stomach.
"So you want this?" Erin asked.
"There's nothing more I want than you, me, and our children."
"I'm still scared, you know?" Erin said as Jay kissed her once again. "I mean are we really ready for this?"
"Hey," Jay cupped her face in his hands. "We are, Er. We can face anything together. The war taught me a lot. It taught me that life is way too short. I want this. I want you. Although it may be scary, I do want to be a father."
"You're going to be an amazing father. I don't doubt that for a second. But me? I'm scared, Jay. I mean I'm a former drug addict, my mom's a drug addict. I don't want our children to have the same childhood that I had."
"Erin, you are not Bunny. You did crawl in a hole for a while but that's because you lost someone that you loved and you didn't know how to deal with it and let someone in. Just promise me if something happens you will let me in this time."
"I promise."
"Good. You're going to be an amazing mother, Er. I see you with kids that we find. You act and react exactly like a mother should. We're going to be fine, baby. I promise." Jay said as he wrapped his arms around her.
"Thank you for always being there to bring me up, babe. I'm was so wrong pushing you away after Nadia died."
"That's in the past. Well I wasn't there for your pregnancy. I feel awful about this and not seeing you pregnant, until now."
"Hey," Erin grazed his cheek. "You don't have to feel awful. You were fighting a war, you couldn't be here. I didn't expect you to be. I had people taking care of me. I'm good, Jay. And now you're here. This.." Erin began as she grabbed his hand and placed it on her stomach. "This is all I want."
Jay nodded and kissed her yet again. He was beyond thrilled to have been united with his family. He couldn't be happier in that moment.
Please review and let me know what you think :)
