Irony
(Zidane: age 16; Kuja: age 18; Mikoto: age 13)
"Hey, Kuja."
"The answer is no."
"How did you know what I was going to ask?"
"I didn't."
"Just hear me out, Kuj. Please?"
"…Very well."
"Can I borrow the Invincible for tonight?"
"No."
"Come on, please?"
"No."
"It's not like you're using it."
"Au contraire, little brother."
"Where the hell are you going?"
"Not your business."
"Come on, Kuja."
"You already said that."
"I've got a hot date tonight!"
"The stripper chick?"
"No."
"The blonde?"
"No."
"The Burmecian exchange student?"
"Hell no! She'd kick my ass if I ever asked her out."
"The girl from cooking class?"
"No."
"That redhead?"
"Lani? Are you serious? That chick is a psychopath! But come to think of it, she'd be a good match for you…"
"No comment. The girl with green hair?"
"We broke up ages ago. So no."
"Oh, is it the one you met in the library?"
"Yeah."
Kuja nodded. "Yes, I agree: definitely a hot date."
"So you'll let me borrow the airship?"
"No."
"Kuja!"
"Goodbye."
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Zidane had to admit this was a little embarrassing. He knew he shouldn't have bragged so much to Dagger about the Invincible. He knew something like this was going to happen. So he was taking his date for a ride on a dragon named Fluffy.
Dagger was understandably staring as he landed and dismounted. Okay, so this was really embarrassing. He felt his face burn hotter than he thought possible.
"Hey, Dagger. Um, slight change of plans. My brother took the airship for himself tonight, so we're kinda stuck with this guy instead. If, you know, you don't mind…"
"It's alright with me," said Dagger, but Zidane could tell she was slightly nervous. "Er, he's… relatively safe, right?"
"Oh, yeah. He's like an oversized puppy, really."
Dagger took a step nearer. Fluffy started sniffing, and before Zidane could stop anything, the silver dragon started licking Dagger, who yelped in surprise.
"BAD FLUFFY! NO! STOP IT!" Zidane shouted. Fluffy pulled away reluctantly. "I'm so sorry about that," Zidane said to Dagger.
Despite the amount of slobber, Dagger couldn't help but grin. "Fluffy?"
"Yeah… my brother was the one who named him. And he was four or five at the time, so… you know. It's not like he'll answer to anything else." He added, "He seems to like you a lot. He doesn't usually do that to people."
"I feel so flattered."
"Well… shall we?" He offered his arm. "Unless you'd rather not—I'd understand if you didn't."
"As long as Fluffy likes me, I don't think there's anything I have to worry about." She took the proffered arm.
"You smell nice, by the way… some kind of fruit, if I'm not mistaken… Oh. That's probably why Fluffy likes you so much."
"Because I smell like fruit? What, does he like fruit?"
"I imagine he does—he likes vegetables, too. Especially lima beans. But for the sake of all humanity, never, ever, ever give him any."
"Why?"
"Fruit and vegetables give silver dragons gas. Reaaaaaaally bad gas. As in gas with a stench worthy of the ninth circle of hell bad. Seriously."
Zidane could see that Dagger was debating on whether or not to laugh.
"You're laughing now, but just you wait. Gaia or Terra, it doesn't matter; silver dragon gas is the worst smell on either world."
"I'll take your word for it. How do you get on?"
"Here, I'll give you a boost." With a heave, Zidane was able to get her up.
Dagger looked down at him. "Just for the record, Zidane, I can use summon magic… so if you touch my butt like that again, I won't hesitate to use it. Don't pretend it was an accident, either. I know you too well."
"But it was an accident, I swear!"
"Right."
"Okay, I'm sorry."
"Apology accepted—at least for now."
"It won't happen again, I promise. With a light spring Zidane hopped up behind Dagger. "So where does my lady wish to go?"
"Anywhere, as long as it's away from here."
"As you command, my lady."
"Oh, stop that."
With that Zidane had Fluffy take off. You know what? Zidane thought to himself as they glided through the night under a sky full of stars, this is way better than the Invincible anyway. This is great. Kuja's plan had backfired. Zidane would have to thank him later.
But just then something flew up in front of them. It was a bat—a huge one. It seemed to sense that it wasn't in a very safe place, so it quickly dove away. But Fluffy got excited and started to follow it, diving sharply and leaving his passengers screaming and holding on for dear life.
"FLUFFY, STOP! STOP! STOP!" But Fluffy wasn't listening.
They followed the bat around for half an hour. Which wasn't fun at all, because they were zooming at top speed. Up, down, left, right, left, down, right, right, right, left, up, up, down, left, dodge that tree, up, up, up, up, up…
"OH SHIT! A CLOUD!" And so they passed through a cloud, drenching them to the skin.
Fluffy did a nose dive, pulling off at the very last second. By that time, the bat was gone.
Zidane knew when to admit defeat. Finally regaining control, he had Fluffy return to Alexandria. He didn't like that crunching sound that emitted when they landed; it sounded like the silver dragon had sat on a large shrub. But even so, Zidane had to see this through to the end. He dismounted first and helped Dagger down.
"Look, I'm really sorry about all that," said Zidane awkwardly. Talk about the ideal moment to be swallowed up by the ground. "So I guess I'll… see you around sometime, maybe."
Dagger blinked. "You're not going to ask me out again?"
"Wha?"
"I just assumed from your tone…"
"You mean," he struggled to get his head around the fact that he wasn't getting the shaft, "you… you had a good time?"
"Of course. Maybe it wasn't something I'd like to do every time, but it was fun and out of the ordinary."
"Wow… really?"
"Really. So does that mean we'll see each other again?"
"I should hope so. Though maybe not so much… adventure… next time."
"Sounds alright to me."
"Not that I can make any promises, though."
Dagger laughed. A moment passed. They drew closer. And closer. All Zidane could see was her face. And then…
"PRINCESS!"
They jerked away with the speed of lightning as a clank clank clank was heard. "I'd probably better go," said Zidane. "I'll see you real soon."
Dagger waved as he got back on Fluffy and flew away.
Fluffy. It was all she could do not to laugh again.
"Princess? Why are you wet?"
*****************************************************************************
"Ah, Kuja. The man of the hour. How has your night been?"
"Why are you so cheerful, Zidane?"
"Because I want you to know that your plan backfired. The dragon ride was a hit with Dagger."
Kuja looked puzzled. "Really? Odd…"
"Why is it odd?"
"Why is what odd?" The two of them jumped.
"Mikoto!" they shouted simultaneously.
"What?"
"Stop doing that!" cried Zidane.
"I still don't know what I'm supposedly doing. Oh, by the way, Kuja, I wish to ask you a question."
"…Very well."
"Was it you who left a large barrel of beans in Fluffy's kennel? Because you know it's not good for him. Just so you know, I removed it before he could eat any."
It was hard to say whose face was redder.
