Chapter 12: Reckless Acts

Some thanks to hand out…really just one. Thank you, misundersnape, for providing critiques, praise, and, possibly unwitting, suggestions.

On to the story…

When I found myself unable to sleep a substantial amount of time, I decided that I just needed to escape. I got out of bed, donned an old set of clothes, and left my room, the tower, and, eventually, the castle. The day outside was cold, but I didn't care; that meant that there was no one out to stop me or make an attempt at conversation.

Soon enough, I reached the edge of the forest, took a deep breath, and stepped toward the pull of the dark. I felt the difference as soon as I entered the forest. There was no sun, so it was colder, but there was no wind, so it wasn't that kind of cold. It was more of an eerie cold, the cold that surrounds you and soaks into your very being. Glancing around nervously and wondering why I had chosen to do this, I quickly removed my clothes and hung them on a low branch, soon followed by my almost-painful transformation.

I instantly felt better. My thoughts came and left quickly, becoming more and more instinctual, those of a hunter. I let out a deep, rumbling laugh as I paced a bit, before breaking out into a full-out run. My speed continually increased, until I felt the branches and twigs around me whipping against my fur and my paws off the ground more than they met it. I ran and ran, beginning to feel a burn in my muscles and chest, but it felt good. I cherished the physical aspects of my run, the strains on my muscles and breath, the heat emanating from my skin just below the fur, the rocks against my paws. Finally reaching an empty lot, I allowed myself to collapse. I only meant to lay there for a few moments, but the ground felt deliciously cool against my overheated body, and I allowed myself more time to breathe and think. I puzzled the different aspects of my life: what I could be doing wrong, what I could do to make it right, what the best course of action would be from now on.

When I was about to leave and get my clothes, head back to the castle, and take a long bath, a sound stopped me. 'Shit!' I cussed in my head. I couldn't believe I had been stupid enough to come out here in the first place. I lowered my head and showed my teeth, growling to let anyone around know that I was there and ready to fight. A bit jumpy, I turned in circles to make sure I had all sides covered. Then I saw a movement in the bushes. I faced whatever was coming, hoping against hope it wasn't anything that could overpower me. What I saw coming through the bushes both relieved and shocked me; it was just a thestral. I wasn't used to seeing them aside from when I was coming to or leaving the school. I approached the creepy-looking animal that I knew would never hurt me.

I had been seeing the thestrals since I had immediate access to them, Second Year. They had really freaked me out at first, but once I learned what they were, I was intrigued by them, helping Lilith when she was afraid of them. I paused. Kaylynn had never come to me about the frightening creatures, and, though she certainly wasn't stupid, she wasn't necessarily very quick on the uptake; she probably didn't even know what they were. So that's why she didn't want to get on the train at the beginning of the year! Maybe Snape had been a part of it, but the main reason was the creatures enlisted to pull the carriages.

I turned away from the initial cause of my near-heart attack and started at a full run in the direction from which I came, reaching the place I had left my clothing with little difficulty. Transforming and throwing on my clothes as I untangled my hair, I then exited the forest and ran full tilt to the school, probably looking like I was being chased. I ran up to Gryffindor Tower using the energy gained from my transformation and grabbed the book I had bought just for this purpose when Lilith came to me.

Excited, I ran, book in hand, into Kaylynn's room, finding her talking with her friends. I quickly ushered them out, telling them we wouldn't take too long and she might be out fairly soon. Then I sat down on the edge of the bed and smiled at my baby sister. She looked at me for a minute or so, confused.

Then she spoke up. "Andrea, what's going on? You look like you're just about jumping out of your skin, and it's scaring me a little."

Oh yeah. I forgot that she didn't know about my "condition" and that I could be a bit hyperactive right after. I took a few deep breaths, finally calming down and turning to Kaylynn again. "Earlier this year, when you didn't want to get on the train, it wasn't about Professor Snape, was it?"

Her eyes went wide; this obviously wasn't what she was expecting. "Well, I-what happened was-I mean to say-" She stammered for a few moments before looking me in the eyes and saying, "No. How'd you know?"

"I had the same problem, along with Lilith. It's about the animals that pull the carriages, right?" When she just nodded, I assumed she was allowing me to continue. "Why didn't you come to talk to me about it?"

"I was so scared…I just didn't know what to do. No one else seemed to be able to see them, and I didn't want everyone to think I was crazy. What are they? Why can I see them?"

"They are called thestrals." I reached behind me, pulled out the book, and thumbed through to the correct page, holding out a picture. "You-we all-can see them because…because of Quinton."

Kaylynn's eyes went wide. Her twin brother, Quinton, died from a freak accident when her magic lashed out, as a six year old's uncontrolled magic tends to do. She, as was expected, blamed herself for the whole thing, against all of our best protestations. The whole family saw it, and that's why we can all see the supposedly invisible creatures. "Can I…see the book?" She asked after a bit of deliberation.

I handed it to her and, sensing she wanted to be alone, I excused myself from the room, telling her she could talk to Lilith, if she wanted, about it, but otherwise, I'd be back in about an hour and a half.

And with that, I went to go get some of my questions answered. I visited the entrances to the Slytherin, Hufflepuff, and Ravenclaw common rooms and the prefect's bathroom, always getting the same answer: a weird look, sometimes a question about the Headmaster's password, and the portrait opening. Still plagued by questions, I marched up to Albus's office, not even giving the fact that he might be in a meeting a second thought. I regretted that, though, when I realized that he was actually just finishing a meeting. With every teacher that wasn't a Head of House, excluding me. I found this out when I knocked once, then stormed into the Headmaster's office, coming face to face with Remus, Bill, Hagrid, and some others, just behind them. I stopped, shocked to have run into the last people I wanted to talk to, and I was greeted with a chorus of "Hello, Andrea"s, from everyone except for Remus.

Albus stepped around the group and invited me in cheerily, "Oh, Andrea, I wasn't expecting to see you here. I hope you are well? Come in, come in, we just finished discussing who would be refereeing Quiddich!" So I shuffled around the group, allowing them out of the door and seating myself in front of the Headmaster's desk, where he promptly offered me a number of sweets and refreshments, all of which were turned down.

After everyone was gone and the door was shut, I got right to the point. "Headmaster, why did you give me your override password?"

He looked at me, a bit thrown off by my directness. "Oh, you found out about that? Well, I realized that you and Remus had gotten into a bit of a tiff. I thought that if you had access to talk to him, especially during the full moon, you could each provide support for the other, as you both were feeling alone." I didn't ask or wonder if or how he knew that; he was the Headmaster. He knew pretty much everything that went on in the school. "Speaking of which, you two seem to be on good speaking terms, how are you doing?"

I nearly laughed. Out of all of the things he didn't know, this was it? "We…had another fight last n-recently. I don't actually think we're on good speaking terms anymore."

Again, he looked surprised, and this was new to me. I thought he did know everything. "Oh no! Should I call him in here for you to talk? You know I hate it when people, especially those on my staff, aren't getting along."

"No! Headmaster, I know you know about our relationship. We broke up last night, very possibly for good. Now I want to know why you allowed us to do this in the first place!" I was losing my temper; my transformation was probably still affecting me.

He was silent for a moment or two while I fumed and, eventually, calmed down. "Andrea, I knew how both of you felt about each other; I didn't think would be a short affair, and I certainly didn't foresee you 'breaking up.' You are past the age of consent, so, if this had happened outside the walls of the school, few people would have looked down upon your relationship, especially since wizards live so long; sixteen years' difference certainly isn't unheard of. Also, I believe that Remus has not been planning on keeping his teaching position for very long, and that suspicion was confirmed by his refusal to get teacher's robes…but there is one more thing. I was Remus's age once. I have been a new teacher before. And I have also been in love before. I say this expecting it to be in complete confidence; if I was to tell you that the two of you couldn't pursue a relationship…I'd be a hypocrite, and I couldn't let that weigh on my conscience. So I thought that, if you could keep the relationship quiet, it could last until Remus left the school, and you could decide what to do from there."

I let that sink in for a little bit. "So you mean to say you…you…"

"Had an affair with a student. Yes. I'm not proud of it, but it happened, and I wouldn't want to take it back."

We again sat in a companionable silence, Albus pouring me tea without asking this time and handing it to me, so I dutifully sipped it, taking larger drinks when I found it delicious.

Finally, after much time of just looking around, I spoke up. "Albus? Thank you. Thank you for your patience and condoning the relationship, and for taking the time to talk to me."

"It's certainly no problem! It makes me smile to know that people are still looking to me for advice…no matter how intricately linked with me it may be." I smiled and got up, leaving my empty teacup on his desk and heading down the stairs, where I ran into an unsuspected visitor.

"Andrea. I've been meaning to talk to you." Blue eyes peered into mine from the shadows of the hallway.

"Bill? What-what do you want?"