Disclaimer: Lyrics 'adapted' (by which I mean shamelessly parodied) from Patsy Cline's 'Stand By Your Man'

AND NOW I present to you the season finale of the 5 minute slayers first season!

Prophecy Girl

Xander: Buffy, you know how I feel about you…its pretty obvious isn't it? Well just so were clear, I love you and I want to marry you and drive to Hawaii, where we will live in a tree house and raise an army of slayer babies!
Willow: Uhhh….
Xander: What? Did I come on too strong?
Willow: Strong's not strong enough a word. Maybe you should just ask her to the dance.

Cordelia & Kevin: *Make out*
Cordelia: Did you hear that? I think someone's out there…
Kevin: No ones out there Cordy
Cordelia: Yeah right! Have you forgotten what town where in? Why are we making out in a car, in the dark anyhow? This is just a horror movie waiting to happen.

Giles: Hmmm…yes…'the master shall rise and'—Oh god! 'The master shall rise and the slayer…shall fail biology.*Gasp* Why? This is horribly unfair and-
Codex: Ahem. It also says she's gonna die.
Giles: Oh.

Kevin: Whoa, Cordy. You rock my world!
Cordelia: No, that would be the earthquake, you moron!

Master: Mwahahahaha! (Singing) Shake, shake, shake. Shake, shake, shake. Shake Sunny-D. I'm an earthquake starter, a twisted earthquake starter!

Giles: Buffy! I have must tell you something!
Buffy: Hi Giles! Phew, aren't you glad the earthquake's over. For a minute there I swore I was a goner.
Giles: Well…
Buffy: God I hate those days when I think I'm gonna die. So, what did you wanna tell me?
Giles: oh, nothing.

Buffy: Ugh. That class was so boring! I think we got stuck in a time loop or something.
Willow: Nah. That doesn't happen for a couple o' seasons

Xander: Will you go to the dance with me?
Buffy: Sorry Xander, but I don't think of you in that way. You're a total non-sexual entity in my eyes, like a brother, or a lamp.
Xander: Rats! I guess there's always next season. Maybe if I wear a Speedo…

Jenny: Toads are raining from the sky!
Giles: Rivers are running with blood!
Jenny: …and Cordelia is showing concern for something other than her hair!
Both: The end is nigh!

Cordelia: Willow! Hey!
Willow: Why are you talking to me?
Cordelia: Oh you know, I realized I like spending time with you.
Willow: Really?
Cordelia: Yeah. In fact, I was wondering if you would like to get together and discover some corpses some time.
Willow: Sure, sounds like fun!
Cordelia: Is tomorrow good?
Willow: *Nods*
Cordelia: K. Seeya

Willow: So how did it go with Buffy?
Xander: Not Good. She's thinks I'm a lamp.
Willow: Oh sweetie. You're not bright enough to be a lamp.

Giles: BUFFY IS DOOMED! IF SHE FIGHTS THE MASTER SHE'LL DIE!
Angel: Why are you yelling? I'm standing right here.
Giles: So that Buffy can overhear us and cause the conflict of the episode, you nitwit!
Angel: Oh. Right. NOOOO WE MUST SAVE HER!

Buffy: I quit!
Giles: Buffy…Surely we will find some way around the prophecy—
Buffy: Not because of the Prophecy, because they pay you and not me! I'm sixteen years old, and I deserve a salary.

Xander: (Singing along to Patsy Cline, the music of pain)

"Sometimes it's hard to be a loser
Lovin' a slayer who's in demand
You'll have bad times, and she'll have good times
Killin' things that you don't understand

Stand by her Xand!
Give her two friends to cling to
And somethin' warm to come to
When vamps are cold and hungry…"

Buffy: *Mope**Mope*
Joyce: What's wrong honey?
Buffy: ...I tell you If I make it to the next season finale
Joyce: Ok dear, but look what I bought you! A prom dress!
Buffy: Hmmm…I suppose it might make a good shroud.

Cordelia: Damnit! Why is Kevin so late? You don't think he blew me off to watch cartoons do you?
Willow: No Cordy, he and his friends were all horribly murdered!
Cordelia: Well at least he didn't ditch me.

Buffy: Willow are you okay?
Willow: No, I'm traumatised!
Buffy: Ok, well I'm gonna go fight the Master now, so seeya later. If I'm not dead, that is.
Willow: *Sob*

Master: Soon I will rise and all will tremble before me!
Colin: Indeed. The humans will no doubt shake in uncontrollable laughter at the sight of your terrifying fruit punch mouth.

Giles: The bible says the anointed one is a child!
Jenny: Yeah, cos the bible is extremely factual.

Giles: Now if only someone else was willing to face the Master…
Jenny: Yeah. That person would be my hero, that's for sure.
Giles: I'll do it!
Buffy: No you won't *THUNK*

Giles: Buffy's gone on a suicide mission to fight the Master
Willow: What are we going to do?
Xander: I'll save her.
Giles: Xander, I don't think that's such—
Xander: No. Patsy told me to stand by her and god damn it, I WILL!

Xander: Buffy's gone!
Angel: She found out about the curse?
Xander: Huh? She went to fight the Master. What about a curse?
Angel: Oh, uh, never mind.

Master: Grrr! Slayer!
Buffy: (holds up crossbow) Say hello to my little friend! *ZIP *ZIP*
Master: Foolish child, only your blood can free me, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy!*Munch*
Buffy: Well that's just majorly unfair…

Jenny: So, where do you think the Hellmouth is?
Giles: I don't know, but I'm sure it's right beneath our noses
Jenny: *Sees Mob of vamps heading towards the school* …or right beneath our feet.

Master: Oh! The power!
*Buffy faints into a pool of water*
Master: Hee hee! I see London. I see France. I see slayer underpants!

Xander: We have to do CPR and save her!
Angel: You have to do it…I don't breath
Xander: Then how the hell do you talk?
Angel: Is this really the time to argue about plot holes?

Buffy: *gasp*
Xander: It's alive! It's ALIVVVVE!

Master: I'm free!
Buffy: *Thunk*
Master: I thought you were dead!
Buffy: Yeah, well you should know better than to run out on a girl after murder. Treating a girl like that will only come back to—
Master: *POOF! Leaving bones behind*
Buffy:-Stake you in the heart!

Willow: Buffy you're alive! Yay!
Xander: I totally saved her life!
Angel: Hey I helped too!
Xander: Ok, now the apocalypse is over, lets go to the dance!
Buffy: Won't we be a bit conspicuous, being all wet and covered in dust?
Giles: Who cares? I say we go and bloody party! I'll meet you there kiddies, I just have to stop by my place and get my sequined dancing boots! *Runs out of the room*
Xander: Er…on second thought maybe we should stay in.

(The little Grr-Argh demon says "That's all folks!" and then quickly goes back to his task off hiding Gile's boots)