Hello! I'm so sorry for the slow update but I was busy during the weekend and my head was somewhere else. Anyway Thank you for not killing me. It was hard to let Kurt go but it had to be done since I am a little bit tired of all the stories where a character is dying and doomed but survives anyway somehow. Not that it's wrong with that but I wished there could be more fics about deaths. My next story though I promise won't be the end of Kurt. If you promise you'll read. Anyway. Next chapter is up.. I hope you will like it. Decided to go with Finn and that's probably what I will stick to the rest of the story. Maybe some Burt and defiantly at last some new directions. But I find him the easiest person to write. Um I'm just gonna stop talking now ;) Enjoy!
They left the hospital a couple of hours later. It was raining, not so much they had to run or have an umbrella on their way to the car, just raining. A soft rain barely audible from inside the car. When Finn was little and he was in the car when it rained he would watch the raindrops making their way down the window. Even make bets on which won would win. Sometimes he did it even as a teenager.
Carole was driving with Burt half lying in the back seat. He had stared to cry a again and now he didn't seem to be able to stop. Finn wanted him to stop but Carole just gave him angry stares when he attempted to say something. He turned on the music instead and tried to block out the sobs from behind his back.
Of course the ride home took twice as long as normal. Or at least that was what it felt like. Finn couldn't wait to get out of the car. Maybe outside he would be able to breathe without feeling like he was suffocating. The Lima roads was empty as they made there way home. Kurt's navigator was still parked in the parking lot. Carole would get it as soon as she had a chance to leave the house.
What would happen now? Should Finn go to school tomorrow? Like usual. Or did that not apply when someone had died. Someone close to you. Like your brother. Even if it wasn't your real brother. Finn didn't want to go there ever again.
Finally Carole stopped the car and Finn was out before she had turned of the engine. He fumbled with the key and was in his room before Carole had mange to get Burt out of the car. He could here them in the kitchen. Carole talked about tea. Maybe Burt needed some tea? Huh? No?
Finn sat down on his bed and noticed the envelope sitting on the bed stand. His name was written on it with Kurt's neat handwriting. Before he could change his mind he put the envelope in his bottom drawer and swore he would never read it. If Kurt thought he could explain things with a stupid letter then he was fucking wrong. It wouldn't exactly make things better, make them okay. It wouldn't make him come back. Yet he couldn't throw it away. It seamed wrong. He lay down on the bed and bulled he's knees to his chest, waiting to fall asleep. Maybe this was a nightmare after all? In the other room Burt and Carole seamed to be in bed too. Burt had stopped crying and Finn was thankful for that. He didn't need the crying to remind him on what was going on.
"Why Kurt?" Finn mumbled before he closed his eyes and fell asleep.
It was still dark when he woke up again. He didn't know why he had woke up. Clearly not his alarm clock. Then it hit him hard again, Kurt was dead. From Kurt's room he could hear a soft noise. Someone was in there. Finn got out of bed to see who it was even though there was only one person who it could really be. Finn watched as Burt sat on Kurt's bed with a photo of Kurt in on hand and Kurt's pillow on his lap. He didn't hear Finn as he stood there silently watching so Finn decided to walk down the stairs to the kitchen instead. The light in the refrigerator felt bright on his face and he squinted to be able to see something at all. He decided on milk with cornflakes and ate in the dark.
"Finn honey?" Finn jumped at the unexpected voice of his mom. She stood in the doorway in her dressing gown. Finn looked down in his cereal bowl before answering.
"Didn't mean to wake you" He said without meeting her eyes. She sat down beside him and smiled sadly.
"You didn't Burt, He's in Kurt's room. He won't go to sleep. I think we need to give him some time honey"
Finn nodded.
"How are you? You hungry?"
Finn shrugged. Honestly was he hungry? He wasn't anything at the moment. Not hungry, not tired not sad, not anything, just empty.
"Why do you think he did it mom? Why didn't he ask for help? We could have helped!"
"I don't know Finn. He...we can't know why. He just did. It's not your fault. We just need to be strong and stay together"
"How?" Finn wondered "How can we get through this?"
He had so many questions and he waned answers on them. Demanded answers.
"We will babe, I promise." Carole said and took her son's hand in hers. He leaned on her shoulder and they sat quiet for minutes just like that. It felt good. She was strong when he wasn't but he knew she was hurting too. But this was her role. To be strong for everyone else. Finn wished he could be the strong on for once.
"Mom?" Finn whispered into the dark.
"Yeah?"
"Can you make be a sandwich, you now with cheese and ham and everything?"
"Of course honey" She kissed her son's forehead and gave his arm a small tug before making her way to the refrigerator.
Upstairs they could hear uncontrollable sobs from Kurt's room...
Review please and I will update real soon ;) xx
