Warnings: Um... Nope, nothing warnable here, just a kind of 'BAAWW' moment. Apologies, again, for the long gap between updates.


I hate meetings.

The start of a new project warranted a gathering of those with any degree of power; and, because no one liked meetings, Saix made Roxas go in his stead. Because Saix is good like that. All that had been accomplished during the two-hour sit down was an assessment of things covered the last time one had taken place. Overall, a very productive discussion.

For the most part, Roxas had occupied himself with finding as many words for 'meeting' as he could. Currently, the list was at fifteen. I can't imagine people who do this for a living. He thought of the people in his life (liking them far better than thoughts of shindigs). He wondered when Sora was coming home, hoped Riku will have grown up by that point, wondered why Naminé wanted to talk to him tomorrow...

Which worried him. Not that Naminé wanted to talk; that was all well and good. But she had notified him three days in advance. Which worried him immensely. Especially considering she wanted-

"Roxas?"

He jolted alert, and dived headfirst into the debate. No, he hadn't been listening. But he knew how to lie.

By the time he got home, his mind was destroyed. Shut door, kick off boots- and he was starting to hate those boots, solely because they meant work- and collapse on the couch. Only for a moment, because it was close to six. The apartment shouldn't be empty. Exhaustion aside, Roxas pulled himself back up and started looking for-

My head's really wasted, Roxas grumbled, trying again, Who am I looking for?

He knew, dammit. Recognized the pictures. Red hair, green eyes.

He knew. His head was spinning, his heart shaking and trembling.

I have to know.

He was looking for-


When Axel found him, tears were streaming down his face, hands clutching his head, shaking all over.

"Roxas!" He rushed to the blonde, catching him as his legs gave way. "Roxas, talk to me, what happened?"

It took him a few strangled breaths before Roxas could answer, "I lost you."

"You- what?" Axel pulled him closer, voice exasperated. "I don't understand-"

Breaking, Roxas choked, "You! I lost your name!"

Suddenly it was all painfully clear. Axel felt something cold and scaly slide into his chest; he held Roxas gently, resting their head's together.

"Rox-" His voice cracked, and he swallowed quickly before attempting, "Rox, calm down. Breathe."

He felt the smaller try, the shoulders loosen just a little, though it still felt like he was holding a terrified little rabbit.

"Axel."

That was all it took. Roxas melted completely, feeling weak and pathetic and hearing the other murmur his name over and over again.

"Axel... Axel... Axel..."


A few hours later, he was finally ready to talk.

His first thought, "I'm sorry."

Instinctively, Axel nipped the still-present bruise on his collar bone. Roxas fixed him with a frustrated stare.

"Don't you dare apologize to me, Rox," Axel excused himself. "Not to me."

Roxas ran a hand through his hair, sighed resolutely, "Will you stop acting like you're fine?"

In the midst of doing the dishes, Axel stopped and considered this. That was fair. They both knew it wasn't easy. If Roxas was going to be true about it, he would.

He turned back to Roxas and agreed, "You're right. I feel-" He had to clear his throat before continuing, "I feel like I failed you."

"What do you-" Baffled, the blonde shook his head and just stared, waiting.

For this, Axel was grateful. He explained, "Like this whole time I've been acting and leading you to think that I'm the one thing that will always be here and nothing's going to change that. We talked about this before, it was one of the first reasons you used for avoiding this whole situation. I told you it didn't matter, that I wasn't going anywhere-"

"I'm not, Rox," He interjected quickly, pressing his lips together before adding, "I'm not saying I'm leaving. I'm just saying that I'm not as unaffected by it as I thought I would be."

Roxas looked away. Didn't expect all that. Somehow, he expected Axel to come up with some master plan to overcome this mess.

He could have argue with that.

Because, truth be told, he was scared. Absolutely, inexcusably terrified. He hadn't broken down like that in a long time. And, in all reality, it was just a name. Axel. He didn't even blink when he forgot how to get to his apartment however long ago. He couldn't figure out why it had- ruined him like this, and the not-knowing tore him apart.

"I'm sorry."

Axel chuckled, breathless, tiredly; he grabbed Roxas by the back of his neck, pulled him close and pressed his lips to his forehead. "Stop, please."

"But I-" Roxas stumbled in his wording, "I don't want you to feel like that. You shouldn't have to, and I-"

"And you shouldn't have to apologize for something you have no control over," Axel remarked, serious again.

Silence, ringing between them. Axel tenderly forced Roxas to lock eyes with him and, when Roxas glanced away after a time, Axel knew that he was gone. Everything they'd built together, all the trust and closeness and every bit of home they had, was gone. And even though it broke him into itty-bitty-pieces, he released his blonde and stepped back.

Roxas trembled a little, murmuring, "I don't want you to feel like that."

"...So Naminé wants to meet me tomorrow, right?" Axel turned, resuming the dish chore, "Did she tell you where we're going?"

His voice was light and nonchalant, and somehow it stung; Roxas pressed his lips together, answered softly, "She said something about a restaurant downtown..."

"That sounds suspicious," chuckled Axel, continuing what might have been smalltalk. "Are you nervous?"

Roxas stared at him for a moment before replying, "Not really. Unless you've been hiding something from me, because she'll know."

"Kinda past the point of hiding things, aren't we?" Axel asked, almost joking, but with gentle bitterness underlying the levity.

Not really, Roxas wanted to challenge; punching the redhead in the jaw was a fair alternative. In the end, Roxas just nodded, and stared off into space. And when Axel continued the meaningless banter, he answered in kind. He didn't know it was killing Axel, and he didn't know the only reason Axel was forcing himself to do it was to keep himself from breaking down.


"So you're the mess."

Axel grinned sheepishly and asked, "What exactly did he tell you?"

"The truth," Roxas answered as Axel fell under Naminé's scrutiny.

She was being polite, for the most part. After all, she'd threatened to circle him and compare him to various foods if Roxas was late, and a few minutes was still technically late. Instead, she merely stood before him and looked him up and down, smiling, softly he thought, almost like approval but closer to that of a mother fox bringing a half-dead rabbit for her kit to play with.

Quietly, she reached up and drew her fingers lightly along his jaw, commenting, "His chin is sharper than I expected."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Roxas asked wryly, knowing Axel would want to know, but not ask.

She shrugged and replied, "You're always talking about people being so thin they'd fall through the floor, and he's tall and thin and- and angled, which seems different for you."

"I'm confused," Axel murmured, as if only to Roxas but more for Naminé.

"Well, you're a mess, after all," Naminé chuckled, adding, "Let's head inside."

Naminé had brought them to a soup shop, which neither of them had seen before, but like immediately by both. She refused to explain her reasoning until after they'd gotten something to eat, and after talking about the life the two were living together. Finally, when she began to fidget, Roxas demanded she answer them.

"There's a gallery opening uptown next month," She said with a suddenly shy smile.

Roxas stared, thought, then grinned. "Yours?"

"Not just mine-" Naminé rolled her eyes, but it was far too late.

He practically jumped across the table to hug her, scolding her, "When did you even apply for it?"

"A few months ago," She answered, and when he looked offended, "It's hard to get into a new gallery, they're trying to make an impression-"

Axel sat back as the two blondes went away at each other. The whole conversation prior had been somewhat awkward, partially because Roxas had been so honest with Naminé, ans she now used that information to question and prod with the most innocent stare. Roxas was almost paranoid that she would say or ask something that he wasn't prepared for; it was amazing, he thought, how easily Roxas shed his worries when someone he cared about was happy. Axel was, among many confusing things, jealous.

"So which pieces?" Roxas asked finally, settling down again.

Naminé paused, cleared her throat, and answered, "At the moment, I have three paintings. One of you and Sora, when you were kids. Sora and Riku, last spring. Kairi at work. But I need five, which was part of the reason I asked to see Axel today." Again she paused, then turned to Axel and continued, "I was wondering if you would sit for me one day."

His ears grew hot, which he hated, and he asked politely, "Um... What?"

"You shouldn't spring things on him like this, Naminé," Roxas teased, adding to the redhead, "She can draw most of us from memory, but because you're new, she wants to draw you so she can get a feel for how you look. Then she wants to paint you and display you to the world for all to see. She's a sadist that way."

The heat spread down his neck, and he knew he was turning red; "Um... What?"

"I meant both of you, actually," Naminé interjected. "Roxas hasn't sat for me since we were, what, sixteen? You've changed a lot since then."

Sitting and being drawn with Roxas... Axel swallowed harshly, thinking, this is scary. He glanced at Roxas, and was surprised to find him almost hesitating. Was he nervous, too?

"Naminé, I mean," Axel smiled wearily and asked, "What did you have in mind?"

With a grateful smile in return, she answered, "Mostly it would just be for practice. Like I said, you're tall and thin and angular, and I'm used to painting Roxas-shaped people."

"...I have a shape?" Roxas mused lightly.

She rolled her eyes (blue as his, but somehow unbelievably wider), "Believe it or not, you and Sora were built exactly the same when you were kids, and Riku wasn't much different."

"Fair enough," He toyed again with his soup, muttering somewhat jokingly, "I think Sora would prefer Riku to be Riku-shaped, though."

This was lost on Axel, and he offered instead, "I'm in, I guess. When and where?"

"I can come by next week, sometime after Roxas gets out of work," She replied happily, "Thank you so much."

Roxas looked like he might protest, but in the end just sighed and suggested, "Thursday?"


Thanks for all the reviews, and again, sorry I haven't updated. Happy New Years, everyone!