DISCLAIMER: All characters, objects, items, places, names, lore etc that you recognize belongs to Bioware. Everything else is my imagination and how I would have liked to see ME3 play out.

A/N: Dear nerds, this chapter is dedicated to each and everyone of you. Thank you, from the bottom of my rotten little heart for waiting SO patiently for this update. I have wanted to write this chapter for so long, but I as it so happens, life sometimes, you know...suck. I have missed being creative. I had some mental issues...

I think it's important to talk about these things because acting as if mental illnesses don't exist just makes people suffering from it feel more isolated.
I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and had to sort of rewrite my brain and also learn how to live with it.
You know, thinking the world might end every day can be quite exhausting.

So, yeah, that took all the energy I had, but I'm happy to say I'm back and I feel better than I probably ever have.

I hope it was worth the wait, I really do, and I hope you all been good. Also, I promise, this time it won't take 2 years for the next chapter.

Please leave a review. It just makes me hella happy. :)

Til next time!

~Elm


.

.

Perhaps those are trivial things to worry about. Especially since I know that for all her faults, Rue will make an amazing parent.

.

.

LIKE A THOUSAND HOURS

"My mom, I'd be lying if I said she'd have approved of my choice of profession." Leaning back into her chair Rue put her feet up on the side of Miranda's bed. Back on the Normandy the beds in the med bay were smaller, but you couldn't accuse Huerta for not providing their patients with the best of care. Or beds.

"You're wondering why, admit it, you're dying to know," she grimaced at the terrible and unintended pun. "My mom was the ultimate hipster. You know sort of like today's Cits. They're all about growing shit on the Citadel that you couldn't even grow on a planet. They're the ones who wear omnitools from the 40s because it's 'so cool'," she drawled the last two words and rolled her eyes.

"Anyway, that was my mom, who probably got it from my gran. I'm not exactly sure, anyway, mom, she was all about peace and love and eating flowers. She would have been so dismayed if she knew I made a living off of...well, wars." Despite the snark in her voice Rue remembered her mother's distaste of anything to do with the Alliance. And then there had been all the different phases and fads her mother had gone through.

"Did I tell you about her phases? There was the vegan phase, and then mum realised she couldn't get hold of the off world vegan pasta so naturally that lead to the colony grown and raised period." She smiled at the memory. "She and her friends kept swapping recipes that the family had to endure. Dad used to tease her, calling them the 'Colony Wives' Cooking Club'. I think it might have been one of the few times mum seriously reconsidered her pacifist ways."

The life support machine made a wheezing noise and she looked up at Miranda, falling silent for a moment as she studied her face. She looked so small, so fragile where she lay. Sitting back up Rue leaned forward and gently slid her hand in under Miranda's.

They hadn't exactly parted on the best of terms and even though Rue knew what she wanted she couldn't be sure what Miranda wanted. Holding her hand seemed harmless enough though. She wanted to desperately kiss it though and tell Miranda it would be ok. So long as they were together, the three of them, everything would be just fine.

She settled for a small and possibly pathetic plea. "Come back to us. We need you." Looking up she hoped to see some sort of reaction, maybe just some distinct blinking or a small squeeze of her hand, anything. But Miranda remained just as still as she had for the past two weeks ever since coming out from surgery.

The informant had miraculously pulled through, but she had yet to wake up. Rue had visited as often as she could without forsaking her mission and she had the hospital notifying her with the slightest change. So far there had been none. And despite knowing better, she worried. What if Miranda didn't wake up? What if she'd lost her? For good. Then Ellie would grow up with one less parent.

She placed her hand on Miranda's. "Fuck," she let out a breath. She didn't want to cry again, she'd been crying too fucking much lately, but it hurt seeing the one she loved like this. It hurt being so close and not being able to touch her or feel her close to her. And then there was the overwhelming fear that Miranda might never wake up again. What would life be like if Miranda was truly gone? Just the thought of it tore her apart, crushed her with its weight and she swallowed thickly. "Please, Ri. If not for me then come back for Ellie."

One of the nurses popped her head in through the doorway, carefully as if Rue might shoot her for interrupting.

"I'm sorry, Commander." The nurse said regretfully with a quick glance at the two of them.

"It's ok," she stood up and gave the informant one last look, "I'll be back tomorrow."

"Oh," the nurse said sounding a little surprised.

"Shore leave," Rue shrugged.

The nurse gave a sympathetic nod. "How are you and Elinor holding up?"

Elinor. Rue could already hear her teenage daughter protest at the use of the name and she let out a chuckle. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to." She was still holding Miranda's hand.

"I remember her from before," the nurse said with a sad smile. "She came in after the Citadel attack."

"You're her," Rue said as she remembered the nurse who had patched Miranda up after she'd stormed out into the waiting area. Another one of those puzzle bits fell into place. The nurse nodded.

"You know what, Commander?" The nurse's brown eyes locked with Rue's. "She's a strong healthy woman and from what I saw that day, she will fight to get back to you both." She gave Rue's arm a gentle squeeze.

It wasn't much. Just a few words and a single light touch, but somehow it gave Rue the extra energy she needed. "Thank you, Miss?"

"Rani Panjabi, Commander" the nurse smiled.

"Please, call me Rue," she took Rani's hand in hers, "thank you." She didn't know how else to express it and she doubted Rani would ever understand what that small gesture of kindness had done. "I will see you tomorrow."

"Take care, Commander."

"Tomorrow I want to hear you call me Rue," giving Miranda one last look she walked out and left the two of them. Looking at her watch she picked up her pace. She was running a little late to pick Ellie up, but hopefully, Karin didn't mind.

~o~

The loud music enveloped the entire club, reverberating through her chest as Liara made her way towards the bar. It was shore leave which meant most of Normandy's crew could be found either here or on the Silversunset Strip.

Turning a sharp left she caught a faint glance of a familiar purple face. Aria T'Lok. The asari who had run and also gotten kicked off Omega. Word had it that Cerberus outplayed her and had her running, tail between her legs like some scared Varren. For someone like Aria, that had to be tough, not to mention humiliating. Liara almost felt sorry for the other asari. Almost.

Reaching the lower bar she spotted the well recognizable bulk of Vega's back. Garrus and Joker stood next to him, but despite being in a club their posture didn't match the rest of the club goers. Instead of the relaxed demeanor, most drunk and happy people had theirs slouched slightly.

"This," she said eyeing them as she pulled to a stop at the bar, "looks very depressing."

"And to think this is us on a good day," Garrus shook his head, "what does that really say about us?"

"Says more about these people in here," Joker snorted, "and their ignorance. Even after the Citadel attack."

"They're scared, Joker," Liara looked over at the helmsman. His face was usually lit up with a grin always one snarky remark close at hand, but now he looked tired. Weary.

"Pht," his shoulder rose and fell, "you sound like Shepard."

Despite them still working together and living on the same ship, she and Shepard still haven't spoken. Partly because Liara didn't know if she was ready to face the commander, and partly because Rue had enough on her plate right now. She'd gone from being the Commander of a ship, running Normandy to...she swallowed. To being a mother. Little blue children. Those were the words Rue had murmured to Liara and she foolishly believed them.

"Shit," Joker muttered, "I'm sorry Liara."

"How…" She took a deep breath, steadying herself. "How is she?" By the looks of Shepard's crew that was a stupid question. Liara didn't doubt that if she had Glyph measure the overall crew morale right now, it might be at an all time low.

"I mean she does what she's supposed to," Vega said in his gruff voice. "She just sort of throws herself out there and gets shit done."

"She's good at that," Garrus agreed before turning to face Liara. "Can we talk?"

"Yes, Garrus," she nodded and followed him when he walked over to one of the private tables.

"I'm worried about her," he said when Liara sat down.

"I thought that might be that case," Liara gave a soft shake of her head, "I've had Glyph measure her emotional responses."

"Why does that not surprise me, Blue?"

"Unsurprisingly she is showing signs of fight or flight syndrome as most of the staff on the Normandy and in other areas affected by the War. She has apparently complained about the Normandy being cold lately which suggests she might be suffering severe anxiety."

"Because she's cold?" The turian's mandibles twitched.

"Experiencing chills is a very common symptom in anxiety patients," Liara said.

"I'm not surprised though, if I find it hard to sleep, then imagine how Shepard must be dealing."

"That's what I'm worried about, also," she fell silent. Never in a thousand years had she thought she would worry about the well being of her rival. She would never wish any harm on someone, but wishing for someone to stay alive so that they could love Rue instead of her. That was a little much even for Liara.

A memory from a year ago on the Citadel flashed before her eyes. The look on Rue's face as she pulled Miranda into the elevator, the way her eyes seemed mesmerized by Miranda's whole being. It was a thing of sheer agony to admit that no matter how much Rue had loved her, she had never looked at her the way she looked at Miranda.

"Also?" Garrus asked after a moment of silence most likely wondering if maybe he missed something she said.

"If Miss Lawson doesn't wake up," she looked up and met the turian's charcoal eyes, "I fear that might be the thing to break her. It might possibly be the one thing that'll make her lose all hope. And that would be devastating for everyone." Maybe it sounded calloused and cold, but the truth was the galaxy's survival depended on Shepard's success. The Council knew it, the Alliance knew it, Shepard knew it.

"So what do we do?" Garrus looked at her intently.

"We give her hope."

~o~

The neon lights from the Silversun Strip washed in through the massive windows of the apartment bathing the walls in hues of pink and blue. It gave the room a psychedelic feeling and shuttles passing by caused the saturated colours to ripple and curl across the tall walls.

This place had been Anderson's and now, now it was hers. The apartment was bigger than anything she'd ever stayed in. Most of her life had been spent at the Academy or on ships and when she wasn't she'd usually stayed in one of Karin's spare rooms. Looking around the flat she could hear Garrus' words in her head. It really was a nice place, until someone looked in through the window.

Three years back she most likely wouldn't even have thought that much about it, but as she glanced down at Ellie she became painfully aware of how vulnerable this majestic view made her. The Illusive man was after both her and Miranda and maybe Ellie as well. And he was such a persistent little fucker as well. And then there was Miranda's dad. Squeezing Ellie closer she pressed the button to lower the blinds and within seconds the apartment was cloaked in darkness.

Ellie gave a displeased grunt and kicked in her arms. Looking down at the angry face Rue couldn't exactly say she blamed the toddler. All her new toys were still unpacked and they were still waiting for her food to arrive.

Rue had remembered toys, cot, diapers and new clothes, but naturally forgotten about the food.

"I suck, I know," she muttered as she set Ellie down on the floor. At least the kid could crawl around and explore the place until the food arrived. It should, emphasis on should tire her out eventually, Rue thought to herself.

Sighing she rubbed her face. She'd known kids were kind of hard work, which was probably why she hadn't considered having them. The few friends, or maybe acquaintances was a better word, of hers that had decided to have children tended to disappear. Get sucked in and drowned by parenthood. As if being a parent was all there was to life as soon as you plopped out a kid. From experience, people with kids mostly talked about two things, kids and how difficult it was to have kids. So why even have them in the first place?

"Oh man," she chuckled at herself. She'd been some kind of prick back then. She watched Ellie poke a knot in the wooden flooring for the fiftieth time. Deciding the knot had been poked enough Ellie continued her exploration of the place. Being the responsible parent that she now was, Rue followed Ellie as she crawled around on the floor.

It was like trailing a snail, Ellie barely moved a meter before stopping to inspect something. Having a child was not only quite tiresome, it could also be really fucking boring, but at least her kid was easily entertained. To some extent. Rue had no doubt that crawling around would become yesterday's news soon enough, and when that happened she wanted to be prepared.

Her omnitool beeped causing Ellie to sit back in surprise before giving Rue a quizzical look, her expression mirroring the way Miranda would look at Rue sometimes. Pausing briefly she let the implications of that thought hit home. She and Miranda had a child. A child created in a lab and grown inside Miranda. Larkin had used both their DNA to create...the perfect human? There were several things that disturbed Rue about that. Did Larkin still have their DNA? Did he still have a batch of...Ellie embryos or eggs? And how, just how had he managed to get Miranda pregnant? Somehow he must have...for lack of better words, put Ellie inside Miranda. Had it even been an embryo? A fertilized egg? Shit, this is hurting my head.

She rubbed her temples. Her head really did hurt, just as the rest of her body. It was the same pain she had woken up with, all those months ago. The grating, bone grinding pain she couldn't shake. For a while she'd grown so accustomed to it she didn't register it anymore, but lately its weight started to wear on her. It felt like she hadn't slept for months and maybe she hadn't, but it never used to make her feel this...worn.

She lowered her hands and watched them shake as she held them out in front of her. The longer she let her fingers stay splayed out in the air, the more violently her hands started to shake. She sucked in her breath and balled both of her hands into fists. Unsteady hands were grounds for suspension within the N7 program.

She was so close to ending this war. So close and yet so far away. She needed her body to just ride this one out. She needed it in the same shape it used to be. But something, a niggling feeling at the back of her head told her she might never get back to that. Maybe, despite their best efforts, Cerberus had failed. Maybe she didn't come back the exact way she was. Mentally she already knew they had failed. She was not the same woman who had died. But physically there had been no difference, in fact, her body might have been stronger, enhanced by her cybernetics. But she could feel it, in her bones, that that was not the case anymore.

She gave a sharp shake of her head. None of that mattered. She needed to stop this war if not for the galaxy's sake, then at least for Ellie. It was selfish and Rue knew it, but it was all about Ellie now. The day she'd found that Ellie was hers Rue had sworn to stop the Reaper threat once and for all and come out of it alive. For her daughter's sake.

Picking Ellie up from the floor she rested her lips the soft skin on her forehead. She wanted to come back to this. She really did, but what if she couldn't? What if there just wasn't a possibility for her end the war with it costing her her life? If Miranda didn't wake up then Ellie would become an orphan. Just like Rue herself had been.

Dread and sorrow washed over her and hugged the child in her arms even closer, burying her nose in Ellie's neck. She smelled of baby powder and fabric softener. The thought of Ellie left in this world without either of her parents, growing up alone, with little to no memories of them made Rue shiver. It felt like someone rammed their fist into her chest and twisted her insides around.

No, she had to come back. And so did Miranda. Their daughter needed them both and hell would freeze over before she let herself or Miranda abandoned their child.

~ o ~

Her room was usually empty when Rue got there, but this morning when she stepped into the room two figures sat waiting next to the bed. Ellie squirmed and kicked with excitement at the two.

"Liara?" Rue felt her brows knit together. "Javik?"

"Hey, Shepard," Liara looked up from her datapad.

"Uh," she hadn't expected anyone to be visiting Miranda. It wasn't like the informant had known that many people and the one she had known had betrayed her. The only other person she could think of was Jacob, but Rue could see how that might all just be very awkward. But Liara and Javik? That was something she hadn't expected at all. Especially since Liara and she hadn't spoken since...well since they decided to part ways.

"Commander," Javik greeted her in his thick accent.

"What are you two doing here?" She tried not to sound too shocked.

"Well," Liara said and walked up towards her. The asari smiled at her, but Rue could tell she was still hurting. It was the way Liara's eyes looked at her. Looking at her, but not really. Distancing themselves as if to shield herself from the emotions. "I thought that maybe I could get to know this young lady a little bit."

Rue looked at Ellie who held her arms out towards Liara, tiny hands grabbing at the azure scalp crests.

"She," Liara narrowed her eyes at Ellie, "has obviously been spending too much time with Joker."

"That's never a good thing," Rue smiled as Liara took Ellie from her. The small child squealed in delight as her hands gently patted Liara on the face. "Looks like someone's made a new friend."

"And what good friends we'll be," Liara smiled at Ellie, "let's go see if we can find something to dig around with in the Presidium."

Not sure whether or not Liara was trying her hands at a joke Rue felt her eyes go wide until she saw the sly wink. "Oh, ha-ha."

"I did help save this place twice. I think they owe me some dig time." And with that, Liara disappeared Ellie's babbling the only reminder either of them had been there only moments earlier.

"So," Rue turned to Javik, "what brings you here?"

Javik turned all his eyes towards Rue scrutinizing her with a piercing glare. Did it still count as one glare or many glares considering the guy had four eyes?

"The asari-"

"Liara," Rue corrected him.

"Liara," he repeated, "told me I needed to help."

"Oh..." Rue said eyebrows raised. How did Liara convince Javik to help her with whatever it was he was going to help with.

"We are facing your greatest enemy, and Commander, your species are young and thin-skinned, but you, you are different." His eyes studied her. "I believe you can help me destroy the Reapers and send them to their grave, but to do that you must be strong."

"Ok…" She was just going to go along with it. Anything to keep crew morale up, right?

"You are not strong," Javik said sharply in his thick accent. "Because of this woman you are joined with, you are weak."

She felt her jaws clench, her temper flaring, but before she could speak Javik continued.

"You are weak because you are half and you worry you will not be whole again. Can she hear you? Does she even want to come back?" He asked, then, before she had time to register what was happening Javik grabbed Miranda's wrist, his eyes closing.

"What are you-?" She took a step closer but Javik held up his hand stopping her in her steps. She watched him for what seemed like an eternity until he opened his eyes again. In a surprisingly gentle motion he placed Miranda's hand back on the bed before meeting Rue's eyes.

"This female is the one from your ship. With the unnatural genetic build up." Javik looked at Rue as if she had somehow insulted him and all his seven aunts or something along those lines.

"Yes."

"She does not heal like normal humans. She heals faster."

"I know that, but-"

"She should be healed by now, but something is keeping her under." The prothean's eyes darted from side to side in a wild almost erratic manner. "I feel like I am drowning like something is pulling me under. Constantly."

She let her eyes scan the room for something that might be out of the ordinary, but there was nothing. Nothing she could spot with her eyes at least. She spun on her heels and darted out into the corridor.

"Commander?"

"Rani?" Rue turned towards the familiar voice. The nurse frowned.

"Is there a problem?"

"Did you know Ms. Lawson doesn't have the regular genetic build up?"

"What do you mean?"

"She not like normal humans, she's genetically better, bigger, badder." She felt like she was just throwing out words in order for the nurse to understand her.

"Genetically superior?" Rani narrowed her eyes.

"Yes! That! She heals faster, much faster than a normal human being, so why hasn't she woken up yet?"

"Oh dear!" Rani threw a hand up to cover her mouth then rushed over to the informant where she lay. "That would explain the strange readings our doctors have struggled with. But that would also mean that the pain relief dosage is much too high."

"Are you saying that instead of helping her body manage the pain…"

"It works as a sedative. It's much too strong."

She looked over at Javik who had moved over to a nearby sink to wash his hands as he shook his head.

"I've lowered the dosage now," Rani said as she observed the informant, "I'm not sure how long it will take before she wakes up."

Rue held her breath. Before she wakes up? As in the informant would -without a doubt- wake up? When she didn't answer Rani turned around. Grabbing Rue by the arms the nurse motioned for her to sit.

"She will wake up." Brown eyes locked with Rue's. "And when she does I think she will want someone here with her."

"But I should get our daughter," Rue protested and moved to stand up, but the small nurse was surprisingly strong and pushed her back down.

"I think our handsome green friend here can take care of that. The best thing you can do is wait."

~o~

When the nurse had said she would have to wait Rue had thought that maybe, worst case scenario she would have to wait for two, three maybe even four hours. As midnight rolled on it was clear that she gravely underestimated how long it would take.

The hospital had been "nice" enough to let her and Ellie stay. Although as Rani pointed out, with the mistake that had been made Huerta was unlikely to do anything but comply with Rue's every wish. She should probably be a lot angrier, but to what end? Huerta, just like any other hospital on the Citadel, was struggling underneath the increased amount of patients due to the War and then the attack on the Citadel. Even if she was angry as hell, there was nothing anyone could do now to fix it.

Ellie stirred in her arms. Small lips moving as she babbled in her sleep. She opened her eyes momentarily and stared up at Rue with a groggy expression.

"Hey ya little bugger," she said stroking the small head with her calloused palm. Ellie turned her head, her eyelids too heavy to stay awake. Rue laughed. Like a miniature drunk person. "Been sipping on that fine Terra whiskey in my bar, huh?"

"I leave you alone with her for five minutes…" A raspy voice said weakly from the bed, "and our daughter gets drunk."

TO BE CONTINUED...