Chapter 11: Doubts
There have been many times I've felt confident in my ability to rule. There have been those times when I didn't doubt myself and I believed in myself for just a few short lived seconds. Those moments give me such a great feeling of hope that I can one day become the queen I hope to be, but most of those moments always come crashing down.
A harsh example of this was just a few months ago. The kingdom of Keligan had just gone through an economical crisis and needed to revises their trade agreements with us. My father had decided that this would be a great meeting for me to look in on to help prepare me for my future task of becoming queen. After all, there would be a lot of meetings with other leaders in my future.
The day King Matthew showed up, I was ready to help. I was completely confident for just once in my life. I thought could do this.
"Good morning," my father greeted King Matthew and his son when they arrived.
"Good morning, Eric," he greeted back, acting as if he had better things to do. King Matthew wasn't exactly the nicest person in the world. It wasn't like he was cruel or anything, he just always seemed like he didn't like people. Some people were intimidated by him, but Keligan and my kingdom had a close alliance, so I grew used to his attitude after the many times he's met with my parents about matters.
"Good morning, Princess Melody. I see you'll be joining us in this meeting," he added.
"Yes, King Matthew," I replied. I could do this. All I had to do was pay attention and maybe drop in a few ideas of my own. Piece of cake.
"Well, hopefully watching some great minds at work will teach you some things that might make you nearly as good as a male ruler," he told me.
King Matthew began walking towards the meeting room and my father placed a hand on my shoulder to offer me a smile signaling not to worry about it, but the grumpy king's words didn't bother me the slightest. That was how he acted towards everyone. It was rare for nice things towards anyone to come out of his mouth, and as long as you remember that, he couldn't get under your skin.
His son on the other hand, I didn't care for.
Prince Colin and I never got along. I never knew why. We just didn't
As soon as we left to go catch up to King Matthew, Colin walked next to me and had to open his mouth.
"My father is right. A woman never makes as good of a ruler as a man, so you have a lot to learn if you want to make sure you don't destroy the kingdom during your first year in power," he said.
"Shut up, Colin. There have been plenty of female rulers. I've heard that Queen Victoria is doing a great job of ruling England on her own right now," I shot back. Who ever said that women couldn't rule as well as men? Gender doesn't matter. All that matters is how good of a person you are, and how well you rule.
"Yeah, but she actually knows how to be a royal," Colin said.
"What is that supposed to mean?" I asked confused. I didn't know why he said that. It wasn't like I wasn't of royal blood.
"I'm just saying that you can't even be a proper princess. I know you're trying, Melody, but I don't know why. It's not working out for you very well. And let's not even mention how you were when you were younger. I know you think you've come far, but you haven't come that far. You still hate this life and you will never be able to be a proper royal like the rest of us, so I'm asking you, what makes you think can you make a good queen?" Colin said.
Now that hurt me. I never heavily doubted myself until then. His words lingered in my mind for the longest time, and still do to this day. During the meeting I stayed silent, not saying anything that was on my mind, because his words were the only things on my mind. Did I really know how to properly be a royal? Could I be a good queen for my kingdom when I couldn't even be their princess?
I knew I had always hated being a princess and often wished that I could just be an ordinary person, and I knew I had flaws, and quite a few of them, but I didn't know that I was completely horrible at being a princess―at being a soon-to-be ruler. Was that how everyone viewed me? How my people viewed me?
I had hoped that with the proper training I could manage to become a good ruler, but from that moment on I seriously doubted my leadership abilities as a royal.
And here we were, all of us stuck in a ditch, waiting until the remnants of my horrible decision were gone. It was my idea to sneak into the library. I had lead them all into such a dangerous situation without truly thinking it through. Because of that we had lost Easton, and I wasn't sure how we would get him back.
The guards were determined. They search the area for what felt like forever, but thanks to the darkness from the kelp around us, we were unspotted in our little ditch. Eventually they left and we all carefully came back out.
"That was a close one" Alex commented, breaking the long silence.
"We have to go back and get Easton," Caden immediately said.
"We can't go back yet. The guards are probably on high alert right now. We're going to have to go back later, but I promise we will rescue him," I told him. It would be a death trap to go back in right away. "I'm sorry," I added. If only I had listened to Shona about how dangerous it would be.
Shona swam over to Caden and placed a hand on his shoulder. "He'll be ok, Caden. I know he will."
He placed his hand on hers and gave her a weak smile.
"Anyway," I added, "Once we get the scepter you can use it to gain back your title and then Easton will be free again."
"I just hope we get it soon," Caden said. "Anytime in there is too long for anyone."
"Then we better get going if we hope to get it before the Sorceress does. Do any of you know which way we have to go?" I asked. The kelp was too think to tell which direction we needed to go, not that I even would know which way was which under the sea. Navigating Atlantica was about all I could do.
"We should swim up and out of the forest to get out. I believe if we keep heading straight we can get to the Seas of Current in no time," Caden told us.
"Lead the way," I said. For now I was useless since I barely knew my way around the ocean, but that was ok. I didn't want to be in charge for the moment anyway.
"So, you and Caden are really cute together," I told Shona as we began our journey while Caden and Alex talked casually a few paces ahead.
"Oh, no. We aren't actually together," she responded much to my surprise. It seemed like there was a connection between them.
"Oh, I'm so sorry. I just assumed…" I began.
"It's fine. I mean, he's really sweet and I actually do like him a lot, but I don't think anything could work out right now. I mean, you can just tell that Caden is always on edge nowadays. He's dying to do something to stop King Conway, but he's hesitant to do so, with him not actually wanting to become the ruler of Asterwen and all.
"He's been trying so hard to find the scepter, all while waiting for the right time and looking for a different solution to the problem that doesn't require him becoming the ruler. I don't want to bug him during all of that," Shona explained.
"Maybe he needs someone to be by his side right now, to help get him through this. Life easier when you're not alone," I told her.
That's how Elliot helped me. I was certain that I could handle things by myself. I felt like I was fine taking on more and more duties during my training, but I think deep down I knew that every time things got worse or I started doubting myself, something was missing. Once I found Elliot, everything got a little bit better. If something was troubling me, he was there to help me get through it. I was glad that I would have him by my side when I became queen.
I wished Elliot was there for me right then. The last time he comforted me felt like such a long time ago when it was only last night.
"Maybe, but right now's not a good time to start something. We don't know what will happen to either one of us. It's risky to live in the city for anyone, especially if you're the hidden heir and it's dangerous to work at the palace. If you do one thing the king hates, you get punished. That's… that's what he did to the other girls," Shona said.
I wasn't about to press the rest of the story out of her. I understood that King Conway was a monster. I've met quite a few of rude rulers, but none as cruel as this king. I was glad that I could help get rid of him by finding the scepter. It was the least I could do for these people. While there was something in store for Easton, Shona, and Caden, they were also risking themselves for me, and Alex was only in it to help me.
"We should stop and rest for the night," Caden said. "It's getting dark and we've had a long day."
I think that sounded like a good idea to everyone. We were all exhausted from the day's events, and I was sure that we definitely had a long journey ahead of us if it turn out be as difficult as they said it would be. But, there was no time for worrying. We all needed to try and get some rest; as impossible as that sounded.
