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Bella

I was always happy to sit in Edward's lap. It was my favorite place to be…in his arms, pressed against him, knowing that I was safe and loved…that he loved me above anyone else in this world. I loved him so much. Despite all of this pain and fear and sorrow that I felt about my gift and Tanya and Kate and even the residual shame from what I'd done just a few hours ago, the most prominent emotion was love for the man that held me, his fingers absently rubbing over the place where Kate had bitten me. It didn't hurt anymore. Thankfully. That had been surprisingly painful. But the scar would never fade.

Downstairs was quiet. Much too quiet. Which meant either everyone was still upset or that they wanted to talk about something. Something unpleasant. I tucked my face into his neck, admittedly hiding a little. He smelled so comfortable and familiar and wonderful. "I love you." I murmured. I felt like I didn't say it enough. I didn't tell him often enough how much I truly loved him.

"I love you too." He answered, but I wasn't satisfied. Leaning back a little, I shook my head and cupped his face in my hands.

"No. Edward. I love you." I told him, pouring my heart into my words, hoping he saw in my eyes how much I meant it. "More than anything. No matter what. Yes, I'm scared about my gift and my control and whatever is going on downstairs, but more than any of that, I love you." His eyes went soft, and he leaned his forehead against mine.

"You are my entire life, Isabella. I love you so much…I would be lost without you. My beautiful..." He kissed me. "…wonderful." He kissed me once more, letting his tongue touch my lips ever so slightly. "…amazing fiancée. Soon to be wife." I would have blushed had I been human, but as it was, I only lowered my eyes in pleased embarrassment. "I hate that this gift causes you pain…that even in this life, you seem to attract trouble, but I am so happy to have you with me….truly with me, my equal, strong and so much less breakable." He stroked my face. "As for what's going on downstairs, perhaps we should go down and speak with the rest of the family."

"What has Alice seen?" I asked, biting down on my lip, an old habit that I carried over into this life. I could usually tell when Alice had seen something troubling, and I had a feeling this was one of those times.

"Let's go down and speak with her. I'd rather you hear it from her." I frowned, catching the pained expression in his eyes, and started to grow wary.

"Edward…"

"It's not something we have to worry about just yet. Okay?" I nodded, trusting him as I stood easily from his lap, reveling briefly in my new grace, then took his hand, pulling him playfully to his feet. He smirked, kissing me quickly, and we walked together out of the bedroom and down to the living room where the others waited.

Emmett was angry. It was strange to see him angry like this, but he sat on the sofa beside Rosalie, arms crossed, eyes narrow. Rosalie glanced up at me, her smile brief. Jasper grinned easily at me, his expression untroubled, but I couldn't trust his emotions; he was too good at masking them. Alice was looking at me carefully, glancing between Edward and me. She was the one I was watching, trying very hard not to meet Carlisle or Esme's eyes. I still felt too much shame and even a little fear when I remembered his voice in the clearing. I didn't want to hurt them, but I couldn't bear to talk to them yet. First, I needed to hear what Alice had to say. I needed to know what was going on. I clutched Edward's hand, feeling nervous in front of my family for the first time in a long time.

A little bit of calm touched me, and I managed to glare at Jasper, a warning in my eyes. I didn't want to be calm. I wanted to be alert…ready for whatever Alice was going to reveal to those of us who weren't Edward. "I have a vision of Charlie and Angela…dead." She told me simply, and Edward's hand clutched mine tightly as if waiting for me to…something. React somehow. But I only stood stock still, teeth clenched.

"How?"

"I suspect…the Volturi. They somehow find out…"

"Tanya." I snarled, not even surprised at the pure, unadulterated hatred in my voice. Edward stroked the back of my hand with his thumb, his eyes also hard.

"We can't know for sure. Bella…you knew this was a possibility." And there it was. Her voice was gentle, holding no reprimand, but I knew. This was my fault. I'd done this. I'd endangered not only my new family, but my old one. This was my fault. The Volturi would come, and both of my families would be eliminated. I'd only been a real member of this family for a few weeks, and in that time, I'd managed to ruin everything. I'd had to have them in my life. I'd insisted that I be allowed to keep my old life too, because why should I have to make the same sacrifices as everyone else. Edward was wrong. I was selfish. Selfish and thoughtless and not worthy to become a member of this family.

Whatever her motives, Tanya was going to tell the Volturi…or she was thinking about it, and…I stopped there. I couldn't form a plan. Not now. Alice would know. Nodding to Alice, I squeezed Edward's hand. "What can you see?"

"It changes." She admitted. "But…you're inconsolable in every vision when Charlie and Angela die." I could shield my thoughts from Edward, but would I ever get to the point where I could shield my decisions from Alice? I focused my shield, using every ounce of willpower to pull it in tighter against me, and decided to go take a shower. Right now. Leaving the conversation. Alice looked up at me abruptly and Edward glanced over with a frown, obviously having seen that thought. I changed my mind, deciding to stay, to lean against Edward for strength. It wasn't a show I was putting on. If I was going to fix this, I would have to keep him out of it. If the Volturi came anyway….they couldn't have him. Besides, this was my mess. Not his.

He draped an arm around me, lips gentle on my hair. "I'm going to keep an eye on Tanya, okay? I promise. The second she decides anything, I'll tell you and we'll make a plan." Yeah, they'd make a plan. A plan that would involve endangering everyone I loved. Again. All because of my choices. The shield training….how I'd insisted on continuing that, despite the worries of everyone else. Antagonizing Tanya and Kate. It was all my fault. I wouldn't be the end of this family.

"You don't need to worry, Bells." Emmett murmured, his posture still angry, but his eyes softening a little. "We're not going to let anything happen to Charlie or Angela." And that was the problem. They were going to fight this battle for me, when I should have been the one fighting for myself….for the people that I'd put in danger.

"Bella?" I glanced up at Edward, realizing that I hadn't said anything in a while. Carlie sat at my feet, looking up at me anxiously, and I used every single one of my acting skills to smile at her, reaching down to pick her up and give her a cuddle. She was getting big. Happy now that she was in my lap, she lay her head on Edward's leg and thumped her tail, rubbing against his hand when he rested it on her head.

"How long do you think we have before you know for sure?" I wondered, looking straight at Alice. She shrugged.

"A few days? A week? I can't be sure until it happens." She told me, her voice still too gentle. They shouldn't have been so understanding and kind to me. I deserved anger. I almost wanted Rosalie to turn around and tell me how selfish I was…how I was risking so much by my actions, that I didn't belong to this family.

I noticed the others leave, but I didn't say anything until Edward was stroking my cheek, his eyes painfully worried. I did that. I was the one that made him afraid. "What are you thinking?"

"This is my fault." I murmured, being truthful. She shook his head fiercely, but I knew no amount of persuasion could change my mind on this one.

"Bella, this is not your fault. You had no way of knowing that Tanya would betray us." It was useless to argue. Besides, it might clue him into what I was trying to plan, and that would ruin everything. He would argue. The family would argue. Carlisle would probably not straight out forbid it, but he would be upset with me, and he was already upset enough with me, something I hated to think about. No matter what he said, I couldn't help the fear that he was angry. He should be. I was irresponsible and completely selfish. "Please don't be upset." He whispered, his eyes so earnest and afraid that I couldn't help but comfort him.

"I'm sorry…you're right." I told him, hoping my smile reached my eyes. "I shouldn't worry so much. It'll be okay, right?"

"Of course." He leaned his forehead against mine, stroking my face, Carlie forgotten in my lap. For a moment, we sat together, and I tried to think of a way to plan this without giving myself away. His eyes were on mine the whole time, trying to delve into my mind that I was purposely keeping shut off from him. I averted my eyes to his lips, only feeling a little bad about using this to distract him. "I love you so much." He whispered. I thought about our conversation of only a few minutes ago.

"You are my entire life, Edward." I murmured, meaning it fully for the first time. I would give up everything for him. Charlie and Angela and anything else from my human past. I would miss them so much, but I didn't need them like I needed Edward. I had to let go. But first I would need some help. He smiled softly at me, recognizing the words, and kissed me hard, gently nudging Carlie out of my lap as he pushed me back onto the sofa, and for a long time, I focused only on the feel of his body against mine…the old desires coming back to the surface as he held me tightly. It felt so good to be caged in his arms…like nothing could ever hurt me. I was untouchable here, utterly safe. But soon I would have to leave his arms for his own good, so I soaked up the affection I could get from him now.

He still seemed worried, and I realized I was clinging to him, but I couldn't help it. I hated being away from him. He stroked my back, trying to calm but, but I only clutched him as tightly as I could without hurting him, eyes closed as I told myself I wasn't going to start crying. I had made this mess and I had to clean it up. It was time to start acting like a Cullen, and that meant responsibility.


Edward

This was torture, but in a different way than usual. It was always hard to hold her so closely and stop at that, but this was different. Now, Bella clutched me almost too tightly, her body tense as she held onto me as if for dear life. I tried to calm her…to tell her not to worry, but I had a feeling that something more was wrong. She was frightened. But why? What would scare her like this? I thought back suddenly to when I'd left her, unsure of why my mind went there. Did she feel guilty about this perceived 'trouble' she'd caused us? Did she think I would leave her? My stomach seemed to try and turn itself inside out at the thought. As if I could leave her now! The thought was painful and ridiculous at the same time, but she couldn't read my mind any better than I could hers.

"Love, we're going to get through this. Together. I swear, nothing will take you away from me." I was horrified when her body shook a little, a sob escaping, and I tightened my grip. "No. Love please…don't cry. Nothing is going to happen. Alice will see….she'll keep a watch on Tanya, and Charlie and Angela will be fine. Please. I love you so much." Leaning back, I kissed under her dry eyes, then her eyelids, moving down her cheeks, following the trail of her imaginary tears. "Please don't be afraid. I'll protect you. Nothing will ever harm you." I would do anything to keep that promise. I had always done my best to protect her, and that wouldn't stop now, no matter how strong she was.

"I know you will." She leaned up, her lips meeting mine too briefly. "I love you too." That smile on her lips didn't come anywhere close to her eyes. She was still sad and afraid. For a moment, I was tempted to just forget the wedding and the honeymoon and make love to her here on the sofa, but I didn't want our first to be like this…borne out of sorrow and fear. I, perhaps foolishly, wanted to wait for perfection…for us both to be happy and single mindedly in love. I wanted joy and fireworks and a full night of isolation with just the two of us on an island together, far away from humans and other vampires and danger. I just wanted her.

For the rest of the night and into the day she was like this. Quiet. Sticking close to me. Closer than usual. Everywhere I went, she seemed to trail after me, and Carlie trailed after her. We were like a sad, strange parade. Everyone noticed, but only Emmett commented. "What, are you suddenly glued to his butt?" I'd flinched at the expression on her face before I could even begin to reprimand him for such a crude, seemingly cruel statement, and Emmett had instinctually shrunk back a little. Her teeth bared, she'd snarled at him, just as angry as she had been with Kate, but a little embarrassment had been mixed in, making me furious. How dare he mock her for being upset and frightened. I'd snarled a sharp curse at him, taking her hand and leading her outside where she seemed the most comfortable, sitting on the deckchair and pulling her onto my lap, Carlie immediately climbing up on hers as though she too sensed something was wrong.

An hour later, when the sun was at its highest and Bella still hadn't moved, Emmett came outside, dropping down beside us on the deck. "Hey, Bells? I'm sorry. I was just playing…I didn't mean to hurt your feelings." She shrugged, her eyes still closed as she nestled against me. "Bella?"

"It's fine, Emmett." She snapped, her hand tightly in mine, and his eyes widened. Our brother stood, obviously taken aback, and gave me a bewildered look.

"What the hell? What's wrong with her?" Jasper appeared in the doorway, looking at the three of us curiously, but I only gave a little shrug. How should I know, I wondered. It wasn't like I could whisper without her hearing anymore. Shaking his head, Emmett backed away, heading into the house with Jasper where they would no doubt discuss this strange development.

We spent a large part of the day out in the yard, playing fetch with Carlie or just sitting together. Every time I would glance at Bella, her eyes would be far away and sad, her fingers absentmindedly playing with her engagement ring, but every time she caught me looking, the wall would go back up, and she would turn with a smile for me. It made me want to scream in terror. What was she thinking? What had I done? What was she planning? According to Alice, nothing. No decisions were being made. But she was shutting me out, and I couldn't understand why.

She left my side for the first time as the sun began to set and Carlisle asked me silently to come to his office to talk. Of course, Bella would have been welcome to come, but she only shook her head at the invitation, smiling softly and kissing me before heading upstairs to our bedroom. Figuring she just needed some alone time, I stepped into my father's office, taking a seat when he gestured to the chair across from him.

"I know you're worried about her." He told me softly, leaning forward. "Do you have any idea what's going on?" I shook my head.

"She wouldn't leave my side all day. She's scared of something." He sighed deeply.

"She won't even look at me, much less speak to me. After what happened with Kate…it's like she's afraid of me." His sadness was obvious, and I longed to comfort him.

"I think she's still shocked about how that ended…she could have killed Kate. She's still young, and she's having a hard time adjusting to her gift…and everything else. Add to that the problem with Charlie and Angela…" He nodded, obviously having thought of that.

"She must know that we wouldn't let Charlie or Angela come to any harm if it was in our power to prevent it."

"Do you think she'll talk to Esme?" I wondered. She'd grown quite close to our mother in the last few weeks of her human life…a closeness they'd maintained even if she spent much of her time with me.

"Honestly? If she won't speak to you, I don't know if she'll speak to any of us, but we can try." I nodded. Maybe…the vision hit me before I could finish that thought, and I stood abruptly, turning and running to our bedroom. Alice stood outside the door, eyes sad and sympathetic all at once. I pushed past her, throwing our door open only to find Bella zipping a small suitcase, a purse draped over her shoulder. She never wore a purse. She hadn't bought a single thing since coming to England, but now she was stuffing cash into a wallet and a toothbrush into the tiny compartment on top of the suitcase.

I went for lightness. I could barely speak around the lump in my throat, but lightness I could somehow manage. "Where are we going?" I wondered, aware of my entire family listening in, anxious now that they knew what was going on.

"We aren't going anywhere. I'm going to see Charlie." She told me simply, refusing to meet my eyes. That relieved me just a little. At least she was telling me…what could have possibly happened though, in the last ten minutes, to cause this decision?

"Oh…why?" I wondered, then immediately wished I could take it back. She didn't react though, only zipping the compartment on top of the suitcase.

"Because I want to see him." Her voice was almost void of emotion, and it rocked me to my core.

"I'll come too. I'd love to see Charlie before the wedding." I started to step inside the room…our room. The room we'd just painted together. But she shook her head.

"I'm going alone."

"Bella…" I murmured, reaching out to her, but she didn't move toward me. She wouldn't even look at me. "I hate the thought of you going somewhere alone." I tried. If I could just get her to talk to me…to look at me! She refused. "Please."

She moved past me quickly, not letting me reach out to catch her. "I want to go alone." She told me simply. I reached out then, finally catching her hand, and for a moment, she stiffened. In Alice's mind, I saw her look down, her lip firmly between her teeth. But then she stiffened, jerking away from me for the first time.

"I don't want you with me." And then she was gone, flying out the door, and I stood stock still until I could no longer hear her feet on the driveway, suddenly understanding for the first time how she'd felt when I'd left her after her birthday party. I let my knees hit the ground.

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