What Happens In Vegas
Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns the Twilight story and characters. I own this story and the related plot.
A/N: Thank you all for the lovely reviews. I read each and every one of them and they mean so much to me. Please keep reading and reviewing. This chapter was somewhat of a surprise to me; Edward and Bella just kind of took over. I hope you enjoy.
Chapter 12: Mixed Messages
BPOV
Watching him leave was one of the hardest things I had ever done and that made no sense to me. We met just over a week ago. Granted, I had married him a week ago, but still, to be so attached was crazy. He had given me one of the best orgasms of my life last night too and my body was not eager to see him leave for what could be days. Shaking the melancholy from my head, I grabbed my bag and settled into my favorite chair with manuscript number eight. So far, I had liked only three of the submissions that the interns had passed on to me.
Manuscript eight was workable, but nine and ten were crap. I stopped for dinner around seven and called Rose while I reheated a piece of last night's lasagna.
"Hey, honey," she said when she answered the phone. Her voice was laced with sadness.
"Hey, how are you feeling today?" I asked.
"Better. Thank you for being there last night. I'm sorry that I ruined your evening," she apologized again.
"You didn't ruin it, silly. Has that asshat tried to contact you today? Edward said they delivered a pretty clear message."
"He sent me a text around noon, with profuse apologies. I texted him back and told him to fuck off," she deadpanned. "You were right about him, Bella. I should have listened to you."
"I'm sorry you had to find out what a piece of shit he was the hard way, Rose. He never deserved you," I told her gently.
"I know," she breathed heavily. "But he's gone now and it's going to stay that way. So," her voice changed tone, "tell me about your date last night. You and Edward looked pretty cozy."
"It was actually our first real date, if you don't count lunch on Wednesday. I made him dinner and we were just watching a movie," I said in what I hoped was an off-hand way.
She laughed at me through the phone and I knew that I hadn't done a good job of hiding anything. "Hmm. It seems that you all really did hit it off well last weekend. Lunch on Wednesday and a date last night? I am going to want more dirt soon, woman, but I'll give you a pass for now. Alice said that Jane was punishing you with a bunch of manuscripts since you were taking a few days off."
"Yes," I groaned. "Apparently, the nitwits downstairs decided to keep twelve of them and she is making me go through them."
"Are any of them good?" she asked with interest.
"So far, of the ten I have read, only four of them are usable," I lamented. "I've scanned the last two and they look decent so I am going to have to read them tonight."
"Yay for you. Do you want to get together for dinner some night this week? I need some girl time and you need to dish."
"That sounds great, actually. Thursday night sound good?" I offered. My microwave dinged with my now hot food.
"Perfect! Go eat your food. I hope it's better than some cheap microwave meal this time," she chided.
"It's left-over lasagna, woman," I teased back. "You go take care of that eye and I'll see you later in the week." We hung up and I dragged my dinner back to my reading chair and propped the next book next to my plate. I was roughly half-way through a non-fiction account of the life of Stephen Douglas when my phone rang again. This time it was Edward.
"Hey!" I answered excitedly.
"Hey, baby," he responded. "How's your day been?"
"Long," I answered truthfully. "I've only got one and a half manuscripts left to read. How is the NICU? You sound tired."
"It's going to be a long four weeks. We've got thirty-two babies in here right now and the floor can hold up to sixty-five. Most of them are just a few weeks premature, but some of them are truly critical care. I also have several on-call nights over the next few weeks," he said listlessly.
"What does your schedule look like?" I asked.
"Um, much the same as before. They have me on 24 on-24 off still. What time is your game Wednesday night? I'm on call but I should be able to make it," he offered hopefully.
"I can't believe you remembered!"I exclaimed. "The game is at 7:00 this week at Chicago Indoor Soccer. I would love for you to come, as long as you don't make fun of me afterward."
"Now you're taking away half my fun! Where is this place?"
"W. Pershing and 39th; it's not too far from here. Are you still picking up extra shifts over the next couple of weeks?" I questioned carefully. I did not want to monopolize his free time and I knew his career was important to him. I just wanted to be able to spend some time with him once in a while.
He was quiet for a few minutes and I gave him the time. When he finally answered, his tone was measured and cautious. "I don't know. What do you think?"
I wasn't sure how to answer and I knew my response was important in more ways than one, so I took my time and carefully chose my words. "It's up to you. I know this is part of the process and that your career is important to you. I'll support you in whatever you decide."
"And where do you fit in to that plan?" he bit back angrily.
"I was hoping you'd fit me in when you can," I snapped back.
"I don't just want to 'fit you in,' Bella. You're important to me too. I want your opinion and your input, not some answer designed to make me choose!" he retorted.
"I never said you had to choose, Edward. You had a life before I came along and I don't want to ruin that because I want you to spend time with me. There has to be a middle ground. Your parents managed it and they had you, didn't they?"
"Yes, they did, but my mom put up with a lot, especially in the early years. Maybe that's why I never let myself get attached to anyone. I didn't want anyone to suffer for me the way my mom suffered for my dad." He sounded sad again and the anger had leaked out of his voice.
"Maybe your mom didn't see it that way. Maybe it was something she was willing to deal with to have your dad," I said simply.
"What if it's not that easy?" he asked, his voice dropping even more.
"It's not going to be. You just have to decide if it's worth the effort." My calm words belied my inner turmoil. 'What if he doesn't think you are worth the effort?' My mind betrayed me. My chest ached and I scrunched my eyes together to quell the prickling in the corners.
The line was really quiet, but I knew he was still there. His voice was pained again when he spoke, "Am I worth it, Bella?"
"Am I?" That was all I could say without my voice breaking.
"Yes," he whispered immediately. My sigh of relief must have been a lot louder than I thought because he asked if I was okay again.
I laughed. Really, it was that or sob in frustration, sadness and relief. "Yes. I'm just so happy to hear you say that!"
"Did you really think I wouldn't?" he asked incredulously.
"I was starting to worry, yeah," I admitted. "Are you okay tonight?"
"No," he said honestly, "I'm not. I don't want to be here tonight. You never said…" he trailed off.
"Yes."
"What?"
"Yes, you're worth it. I'm not going to say I'm always going to like it, but I'll deal," I told him.
"Thanks, baby. I needed that," he exhaled. The pained sound had finally left his voice, but he still didn't sound happy. "I better let you get back to reading. It's late."
"It's okay. Call me whenever you need a break," I said sadly. I knew I would miss his voice when he hung up. 'Oh, can it, Bella. You sound like a love-struck teenager.' My own thoughts shocked me. 'Love-struck, really brain?'
"I don't think it would be helpful if I called you every fifteen minutes," he chuckled. "Finish those books and go to bed. I kept you up too late last night."
"I think I will trade being tired any day for more of that," I grinned. He just laughed and told me to go to bed.
"Night, angel. Sweet dreams," he wished.
"Good night. Take care of those babies," I told him. He assured me that he would and we both reluctantly hung up. I yawned widely and turned my attention back to Stephen Douglas. It was a good book, and very informational, but I just wasn't interested enough that my thoughts didn't drift back to my conversation with Edward. I couldn't decide if he was just tired tonight or if we were moving too fast for him. Whatever it was, he was moody and edgy.
My last book was thankfully short because it was after midnight when I finally finished slogging through the biography. Praying that Jane wouldn't want to see me until after lunch, I resolved to get up early and read the last one then. I couldn't concentrate well enough tonight anyway.
As I got ready, I sent Edward a quick text to let him know I was going to bed and I was disappointed that he never responded before I drifted off. I dreamed of him, again, and scenes from the night before littered my nighttime wanderings. Needless to say, I was aching with need when I woke up.
The office was quiet when I arrived more than an hour before my usual time. I settled in and immersed myself in the young adult novel I had yet to read. Three hours later, my email chimed with a message to meet Jane in her office at 12:30. I had just under two and a half hours to finish this and get organized, but I was determined. Jane was a tough woman to work for, but she was legendary in the industry and I was grateful for the opportunity she had given me when I graduated. I wanted to prove to her that I was worth it.
At precisely 12:30pm, I walked into Jane's office with all of the documents and my accompanying notes. Edward still hadn't responded to my message and that weighed heavily on my mind. It must have shown on my face because Jane fixed me a very pointed stare and motioned for me to take the seat across from her. I complied without hesitation, because frankly, she scared me a little. We went over each and every manuscript in detail and she seemed to agree with most of my assessments. There were a couple that she was unsure of, namely the last two I had read, and wanted to look at them herself. She also tasked me with writing the rejection letters to the six we didn't want. She would take care of the others. After four hours, she finally released me and told me to have a good night. I was more than relieved.
When I gathered my purse, I chanced a look at my phone, swearing that I wouldn't be disappointed if he didn't respond. He had, but it didn't make me feel much better.
Finally off for the night. Going out with Jazz and Em. Will call later if I can.
'Who the fuck sends that to their wife after a wonderful weekend and an emotionally charged conversation the night before?' I wanted to scream. Perhaps that was the problem. I was starting to think of myself that way and maybe he didn't want it to be that serious. This is why I hated dating. I couldn't handle not knowing these things. With a sigh, I heaved my bag over my shoulder and headed out for a lonely night in front of the television.
EPOV
It was official. I hated the NICU. It crushed me to see all of the tiny babies fighting for life while their parents stood by helpless. I was sure that my irritation leaked through in my short conversation with Bella last night and I had no idea how aggravated with me she was. Tanya always spent hours bitching when I came home exhausted or complaining about something and I didn't want to hear that from Bella today. Not after I had to admit two more patients last night. I did the only thing I could think of and that was to send her a quick text to let her know that I was going to crash.
When I woke up four hours later, I was still tired. I didn't want to go to dinner with Jasper and Emmett but Emmett had begged and I never could tell him no. Bella still had not responded to my text and I didn't know what that meant. I hated dating for just this reason. I'm not a mind reader and I cannot, for the life of me, figure girls out. After the fourth blind date, Alice told me I was socially inept. 'You know, you really don't have to worry about dating anymore,' my inner voice reminded me. With a groan for my aching body and my confused brain, I pulled myself out of bed and got ready for a night with my boys.
The sports bar that Emmett had chosen for the night was packed, but we managed to squeeze into a booth in the back. The Cubs were playing the Mets in New York on most of the screens in the place and I watched with interest as the Cubs scored two runs in the 3rd inning. Emmett, ever the baseball fan, cheered loudly and high-fived the guys sitting behind us. Jasper just watched him with amusement. The wings and beer we were consuming were hitting my tired and empty stomach and I relaxed finally. I thought about texting Bella again but ultimately decided to leave it for later. I knew Jasper would notice and he was already suspicious. And speaking of suspicious…
"So, what were you doing at Bella's Saturday night?" he asked slyly. Emmett's attention was suddenly riveted on our conversation instead of the game.
"Eating dinner and watching a movie," I replied nonchalantly. I quickly stuffed another hot wing in my mouth only to discover that it was off Emmett's 'Blazin' tray. I coughed and swigged my beer to put out the fire raging in my mouth.
"Is that what they call it these days?" Emmett teased, nudging me with his elbow.
I groaned and ran my non-greasy hand through my hair. "Yes, Emmett, that is what they call it when you put a DVD into the player and turn on the TV." I was determined to give away as little as possible since I knew neither of them would ever keep their mouths shut.
"Maybe my question wasn't clear," Jasper said with a hint of a smile. "Why, after so many months of isolation and celibacy, were you at Bella's?" His smirk was getting on my nerves.
"Because I asked her out and that's what she wanted to do. She made me the best lasagna I've ever eaten and watched Quantum of Solace with me," I said with irritation.
"Seriously, dude. Those are some heavy charges. Better lasagna than Antonio's?" Emmett's disbelief was evident.
"Much better than Antonio's," I replied with my own smirk. "And the view was better."
"I'll say," Emmett agreed. Antonio's was a hole in the wall with great Italian food. His whole family worked there and his very Italian daughters were a little manly.
"You're dodging," Jasper accused me.
"What do you want me to say, Jazz?" I huffed in aggravation. "That I like her? I do. A lot. I just don't want to get anyone's hopes up because I know I'm a bastard to live with, especially right now."
"Why now?" Jasper asked, cocking his head to the side.
I dropped my head and shook it. "I got reassigned to the NICU for the next month. My schedule sucks and I really don't like it."
"The NICU or your sucky schedule?" Emmett asked in confusion.
"Both," I groaned. "It sucks seeing those tiny babies hooked up to tubes and monitors, knowing that there is only so much you can do to help them survive. Anyway, enough about my life, how are the teams faring this year?" Jasper coached soccer at the local high school and Emmett coached the varsity baseball team.
Jasper shrugged noncommittally and spoke in a bored voice, "I have a lot of freshman this year that think they are the next Beckham. We lost several seniors last year so I am weeding through the new guys, but mostly, they're all terrible. It's not going to be a great season."
"Not for you maybe," Emmett chided. "Most of my guys were sophomores and juniors last year, so we have a decent shot this year. Brandeis came back and is working with a tutor now, so my slugger should be off the bench. They love the tatt, by the way." I vaguely remembered that Emmett's star player, Vernon Brandeis had been put on academic probation for most of the fall and the entire spring season last year. It had been a hard loss for the team.
"I'm sure they think it's very manly," I retorted. "Have you decided where you're taking my sister next month?" I asked Jasper.
"Yes, but don't tell her. And don't tell Bella either; Alice can get just about anything out of her," he warned. "I made reservations at an all-inclusive resort in Jamaica for a week."
"She will love it!" I encouraged. "And no shopping malls for you, so even better."
He laughed and nodded, then frowned. "We just have to get through this stupid wedding first. I will never understand why it is so important to assign seats for everyone at the reception. It's not like there are going to be that many people there and everyone already knows everyone else."
"I just can't believe she still has details to work out. She's been planning this since she was 12," I commented dryly.
"No kidding," Jasper groaned. "She's been telling me about it since then. Thankfully, I just have to show up or I might slit my own throat. Oh, and thank god for Bella. She apparently took one for the team last week and picked out the flowers or Alice might have exploded." We all laughed. Alice was really in rare form these days. "Oh, Edward, Alice told me to tell you that we are having your birthday party this weekend at your place and wanted me to find out what day you are off."
"Alice planned my birthday party at my house?" I asked incredulously.
"She said that we would want to play Wii and you are the only one that has one," Jasper explained.
"Fantastic. Now I have to clean the place sometime in between working and sleeping. I'm supposed to be off at 2:00 on Friday. I am off at 2:00 on Sunday but I am sure she is planning an evening affair and no one will want to go to work the next day," I surmised.
"Lucky you, she said she has a key and will handle it. Who all do you want to invite?" Jasper raised his eyebrow.
"You and Emmett are the only friends I have away from the hospital. I guess since Alice will be there, we should invite Rose and Bella." My thoughts drifted to Bella and I thought about her coming to my house. I really wanted to see her there, to have her belong there. I also knew that she was probably pissed at me right now.
Emmett waggled his eyebrows suggestively. "You guess we should invite Bella?"
"No, I guess we should invite Rose, asshole. If I had my way, Bella would be there even if we weren't having a party," I struck back foolishly. As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I rubbed my hands over my eyes and pressed my fingers to the bridge of my nose. When I ventured to open my eyes again, Jasper and Emmett were just staring at me. Thankfully, the Cubs hit a homerun at that moment and we were all distracted by the scene on the television. Our talk turned to lighter things and we all left before the game ended.
On the way home, I sucked it up and sent Bella a text. I wasn't brave enough to call. It was then that I realized I had driven on autopilot, not to my house, but to Bella's. I was down the street when she called.
"Hi," I answered tentatively. I knew I deserved her anger, but that didn't mean that I wanted to hear it.
"Hi," she replied quietly. "How are Jasper and Emmett?"
"They're good. We watched part of the Cubs game and just caught up. We try to get together at least once every couple of weeks," I told her. I didn't know where this was going and I was confused.
"That's good."
I got out of my car and walked up her steps as we both held our phones in silence. I didn't hear the anger I was expecting and I was completely thrown off balance.
"Bella, can you let me in?" I asked with hesitation.
"Where are you?"
"Standing outside your door."
I heard a soft footsteps and she swung the door open, looking at me in shock. My first reaction was relief. The second thing I felt was my stomach dropping to my toes. I slid my phone in my pocket and reached out for her face. Her eyes were bloodshot and puffy. She had obviously been crying.
"Bella, honey, what's wrong?" I asked in a panic.
"Nothing. It's nothing," she dismissed me. "Come on in." I started to follow her over to the couch, but I couldn't wait anymore. I grabbed her arm and pulled her back to me. She stiffened for a minute, then relaxed into my embrace.
"Bella," I said as I lifted her face, "I'm sorry. I know I've been a little tense and I'm sorry that I was an ass."
"It's okay. I know you've got a lot on your mind." Her voice was soft and sad.
"No, it's not okay. You have just as much to deal with and you aren't lashing out at me. Will you tell me why you were crying?" I asked tenderly. My eyes wandered over to the nest she had made on the couch and I saw a blue Snuggie, a tub of ice cream with a spoon in it, and some glossy paper. I gently pulled her over there and looked down. The glossy pages were our wedding pictures. I turned to look at her, eyes wide and mouth agape.
"Bella, what?" I stumbled out, looking at her sorrowful and drawn face. Suddenly, I was overcome with panic. She didn't want this. I wasn't worth it. I wanted her so much and she didn't feel the same way. I vaguely registered my knees giving out and I somehow managed to sink onto the sofa with my hands in my hair. Part of my mind knew that it was crazy to feel this way, but the larger part of my heart knew I didn't want to live without her. I couldn't breathe.
"Edward? What's wrong?" Bella called to me in concern. She sounded like she was a million miles away. I couldn't focus. I could feel her hand on my back only because of the electricity that pulsed between us. My heart was beating so fast I knew she could hear it. The same thought kept running through my head, over and over again, 'She doesn't want me. She doesn't want me.'
"Who, Edward? Who doesn't want you?" Bella asked in confusion.
'Oh my God. Am I saying that out loud?' I thought. I finally found the courage to move my head and look at Bella. The expression on her face was a mingle of confusion, hurt, sadness and frustration. I couldn't let her leave. I knew my heart would break, so I took several deep breaths to calm myself and opened my mouth to speak.
"Bella, please, I know I can be a complete bastard and thatI'm hard to live with, but I promise I'll try harder. Please, don't give up on me, on us," I begged.
A series of emotions flickered across Bella's expression. "I am… confused."
"Why are you confused, baby?" I asked, trying not to choke on my words. As if she sensed my distress, Bella stood and disappeared into the kitchen. She returned a moment later with a glass of ice water and handed it to me. She did sit back down right next to me and I felt a stab of hope in the emptiness in my chest.
"I thought, well, you sounded so unhappy last night when we talked and you never responded to my text. When you sent me one this afternoon, it was so… terse. You've been so tense and frustrated, I thought you were… done," she finished lamely. I watched her take a deep breath and sit up a little straighter. When she spoke again, her voice was stronger, but rushed. "You asked why I was crying. That's why. I don't want you to give up. I want you here, with me."
Palpable relief flooded through me and I gathered her in my arms. I pressed my face to her hair and kissed her head. "Thank you. Thank you for not giving up on me. I'm sorry I made you think that I didn't want you. Nothing could be further from the truth," I admitted.
She snuggled closer to me and I tightened my arms around her. "Can you give me some direction? I told you that I'm not good at relationships and I have no idea what I'm supposed to expect," she said quietly.
"Um, if this isn't the blind leading the blind, I don't know what is," I teased. "Obviously, we need to work on our communication. On both sides," I clarified quickly. "Bella, I work strange hours in stressful situations. Sometimes, I let it get to me. My sister would tell you that I'm moody, but mostly that's because I don't know how to let it out." I stopped and ran my hands through my hair. "Honestly, having you in my life right now is a double-edged sword." Bella stiffened again in my arms. "Wait, hear me out, please. There is the added stress of getting to know and dating an awesome girl when I have no clue what I'm doing and being afraid to screw things up. The other side is that I love being around you and you make me really happy. To make this work, I need you to tell me what you really think. I ask because I want to know and I want you to help me make decisions."
"But that is where things got hard for me last night," Bella explained. "My selfish side wanted to tell you not to take the extra shifts because that would cut into the time I have with you. My practical side, though, said that taking those shifts is important to your career, which is important to you. My life is pretty standard and I was honest when I told you that I wanted to fit into yours where and how you wanted me. I am just having a hard time understanding why you would in the first place."
"Why I would want you? God, Bella, look at you. Not only are you beautiful, you are caring, compassionate, understanding, and loyal. I cannot imagine why any man wouldn't want you!" I exclaimed.
Bella looked at me like I was crazy so I kissed her to emphasize my point. I hadn't intended for it to continue like it did but what I planned to be a hard, chaste kiss turned into a passion-filled, deep and emotional kiss. We got lost in each other; her hands found my hair and tugged gently. One of mine cradled her hair and her neck while the other held her tightly to me around her back. I couldn't get close enough to her. My emotions were welling up and I was feeling things I didn't understand.
When our lips finally parted, we were both out of breath but unwilling to part. Before I lost myself in her deep brown eyes, I looked over at the television that was flashing pictures of Chicago neighborhoods. News crews were reporting on crime somewhere in the city as they always did. As I was watching, the scene shifted back to the newsroom and the sportscaster started in on the various games of the night. Even though I rarely watched the news, I knew the sports were always at the end. Sure enough, when I found Bella's clock, it read 11:22pm.
"I better let you get to bed," I whispered and prepared to stand.
Bella bit her bottom lip and searched my face for something. Making her decision, she stood and said, "Yes, we should get to bed. Just let me put the ice cream up and shut everything down. I'll be right back there." Her nervous expression told me she was waiting for my response.
My eyes widened and I stared at her, not believing what I was hearing. She was actually asking me to stay. On a Monday night. Memories of sleeping with Bella in my arms sprang to the forefront of my mind and I knew there was no way I was turning her down. "How can I help so you can get back to your bed faster?" I asked eagerly.
The corners of her mouth instantly turned upward in a wide grin and she hastily grabbed the ice cream and ran to the freezer. By the time she came back, I had turned off the TV and was waiting near the hallway. She snatched the pictures off the couch and practically ran towards me. I followed her down the hall to her bedroom and watched with interest as she grabbed her pajamas from underneath her pillow.
"There's a new spare toothbrush and some toothpaste in the other bathroom, if you want to brush your teeth before bed," she offered. I cocked my eyebrow at her in a question. "I always keep spares because Rosalie and Alice have ended up here on more than one occasion when they weren't able to make it home," she explained. I nodded and left the room.
I quickly finished my nightly routine in the guest bathroom and padded on my now bare feet back to Bella's bedroom. I took a moment to look at the pictures on the dresser where she left them. Again, I was struck by how happy and right we looked together. I set them back down and listened to Bella in the bathroom. Knowing that she would not have anything for me to sleep in, I just stripped down to my boxer briefs, folded my clothes, set them on the dresser and crawled under the covers. I could hear water running in the bathroom and then Bella opened the door. Her pajamas were just as she had described to me the week before, gray sweatpants and an old t-shirt. I grinned at her and shook my head. She seemed a little nervous so I patted the bed next to me.
Once Bella settled into bed, lying on her back, I leaned over and kissed her softly. "Thank you," I said, "for not giving up."
"You're welcome. Thank you for wanting me," she responded shyly as she turned on her side.
"Always," I breathed as I moved my arm underneath her pillow and pulled her body to mine with the other. She wrapped her small arm around mine. We laid there in the quiet night, just holding each other and reveling in the closeness.
"Bella?" I whispered.
"Yeah?"
"I'm really glad we got married. I don't know if I would have had the courage to pursue you if we hadn't and I can't imagine my life without you now," I confessed into the dark.
"Me too, Edward. Me too."
So what did you think? What do you do for fun when you hang out with your friends? Oh, and I think 'asshat' has to be my new favorite pejorative term.
