Missundaztood

Chap 12 – There's A Song I Was Listening To

Thank gods the next day was a Saturday and I don't work weekends… I woke up Saturday morning feeling extremely satisfied and happy. Which was fine, but then the realization of what happened last night flashed into my mind and I could feel my face burn with embarrassment.

How could I? What in the world had gotten into me to make me do those things with Sai? Then I realized it was the alcohol. It had to have been. That I had shared that intimacy with a man damn near chilled me to the bone. How was I ever going to face Sai? How was I going to face Sakura or the guys at work knowing that I did what I did?

Shameful! Disgusting! Wrong…

But… then I thought about it more. The world didn't implode. The world was fine. I was fine. Sai, as far as I could tell, was fine. Nothing happened just because I was intimate with Sai… there was nothing wrong about what we did. Nothing at all.

Maybe it was just because I was in shock that I thought that? Because, thinking on it now and replaying those memories, feelings and sensations in my mind… Not once did I say no to him. Not once did I protest or think that what we were doing was wrong. If I recalled correctly, I remember even thinking that it was incredibly hot and thrilling.

I also distinctly recall thoroughly enjoying it. I vividly remember the pleasure that ripped through my body, the intense heat, the moans that escaped my throat, my release… it was all incredibly… it was all so… I wracked my tired, fuzzy brain trying to find the word…

It was simply… perfect.

There was nothing to panic about. Being with a man wasn't as scary as I thought it would be. Granted we didn't really have sex, but regardless… what we did wasn't as wrong or horrible as I had been expecting it to be. It was actually quite amazing… for a first time experience for me. And I could totally see us doing more, much, much more of it in the future.

Suddenly being with Sai wasn't a bad thing. I felt like I was finally taking it in stride, accepting it for what it was. I was a man, dating another man, and I could accept that. It was alright. I also decided that it didn't really matter what my sexual orientation was; I was with Sai and that was that. Who cares if I liked another guy? Whether people interpreted it as 'Gay' or 'Bi' or 'Curious' or 'Confused' was not my problem. I decided that I was who I was and I just so happened to be me. That, I could accept.

With a content smile on my lips, I opened my bright blue eyes and took a deep breath in. Already I could feel the weight come off my shoulders. Wow, the feeling of learning acceptance was wonderful. The feeling of finally liking who you are and where you're at was an indescribable feeling for me.

I looked at Sai. He was still sleeping, curled on the right side of my body, his dark head on my bare chest. Our legs were tangled together comfortably, one of his arms was thrown over my stomach and chest and I could feel his warm breath ghosting over my skin.

With a smirk I remembered just how quickly we both had lost our clothes, how fast and indulgent we had been, how our inhibitions, or mine at least, had dissolved and I had been taken over by a primal lust. I wanted him. I barely thought twice about it. My body just kind of took over. Sai was more than happy to oblige and follow suit. I had been making him wait for much too long so he must have been feeling such carnal want for me. I was happy we did what we did.

We finally got to that next step. I felt like we were actually in a relationship now. Not just pretending, not just emotionally or just saying we were together. I felt like now we actually were together. We had expanded our relationship and felt each other on another level.

It was wonderful. I laid there and basked in the glow of my realization. I enjoyed the feeling of knowing. The feeling of being ok with Sai. Being ok with me.

Until I had to go to the bathroom, that is. I could only hold it in for so long before I felt like I had to piss the bed so reluctantly I wiggled out from his grip and slipped off the bed without waking him up. I grabbed a fresh, clean pair of underwear and some sweatpants before slipping out and heading to the bathroom.

After dressing and washing up, I wandered into the living room and took a look at the time. 11:36am. Wow… I really slept in. That's not like me at all. And my truck was still at the bar. I had to get it at some point today. Stretching and cracking with a deep sigh, I settled onto the couch and turned on the T.V.

Saturday morning cartoons? I think so.

It had been a while since I could just sit quietly, relax and just feel happy and content. Usually I kept myself so busy but today I figured I deserved a good old fashioned lazy day. No cleaning, no getting dressed, no worrying about chores and things that needed to be done. I still had Sunday to do all that. But this Saturday was mine.

I watched cartoons for a while before my stomach rumbled and told me I had yet to feed it. So I got up and sauntered into the kitchen to get breakfast, or I suppose it would be lunch, ready. Something quick and simple in keeping with the theme of lazy day. Bagels.

Bagels were always the solution.

I made one for myself and one for Sai before heading into the bedroom to wake him up. He was so adorable. He was sprawled out and still completely naked but he looked comfortable and content. I almost didn't want to wake him but it was past noon and I wanted to cuddle.

Crawling onto the bed behind him, I curled my body around his and slowly and gently kissed the exposed skin of his neck, shoulders and back. He eventually responded to me, making happy noises while wiggling a little with a tiny smile on his face. "Time to get up, sleepy," I murmured in his ear, kissing along his neck, behind his ear and back down to his shoulder.

He let out a soft chuckle and tiredly rolled over to face me. "Good morning, sunshine," he grinned. His black eyes were still hazy with sleep but I locked eyes with him as I kept kissing his shoulder.

"I've made lunch. Want to come out to the living room with me?" I offered.

"I'd love to," he said before leaning up and planting a swift, chaste kiss on my lips before rolling off the bed and searching for clean clothes. As he was searching I grabbed my phone from my jean pockets and take a look at it.

Surprisingly, I had a few messages and a missed call. I look through the messages and see that Sakura had texted me letting me know she was safe and spending the day out with a friend. Good to know. I also had a text from Suigetsu last night saying he wasn't going to make it but hoped I had fun. I flush slightly. I did end up having fun. A lot of fun.

I had two other texts so I looked through. One was from Yesung asking if I was still going to come over today. Shit, I totally forgot. I texted him back quickly saying I wouldn't today but I'll visit tomorrow for sure.

The last message was from an unknown number.

'I'll get you for what you did. You will regret challenging me!'

I frowned. Who in the world did I challenge? What did I do to anyone? The only person I could think of was Sasuke. But even then, my last altercation with the Uchiha was almost a month ago. Sasuke would have gotten to me a while ago if that was his plan. He wasn't the person to just let it sit and brew. The second he knew he could do something was when he did it.

So who else had a grudge against me? Well, there was Ino and I did practically molest her last night but she had challenged me and I called her bluff. I didn't think she would be that vindictive or petty. I guess I would wait and see.

My missed call was from another unknown number. By the time I got here, Sai had found new clothes and sat behind me, planting gentle, warm kisses all over my bare shoulders and the back of my neck like I did to him. I grin and press the call back button.

The phone rang a few times before someone on the other end picked up. It was a male voice and it sounded vaguely familiar for some strange reason. It sounded like I had heard that voice before.

"Hello?"

I paused. What did I say?

"Uhm, hi. I received a call from this number earlier?"

"Who is this?"

Again, I swear I had heard this voice before somewhere. I just couldn't put my finger on it. "Uh, this is Naruto. Who is this?"

A pause on the other end. Did they know me too?

"Uzumaki Naruto?" he finally asked.

"Yes. Who are you?" I questioned again.

"I'm surprised you answered, Naruto…It's been a long time since we've spoken. Do you remember me at all?"

I frowned and tried to rack my brain. The voice sounded familiar, they knew me, claimed to know me from a long time ago.

"Uh… I'm afraid not. What's your name?" By now Sai was extremely curious and came around to my front. I noticed he was shirtless and wearing sweatpants like me. He stared into my face with his head tilted slightly as if asking what was going on. I shrugged at him. I didn't know really any more than he did at this point.

"I suppose you haven't been here for 15 years. It would be hard to remember from a past you probably blocked out."

My blood chilled. I'm sure I must have paled considerably because Sai suddenly looked worried. My heart started pounding. Terror pulsed through me pretty quickly. I swear I stopped breathing for a full minute. I let his sentence hang in the air till I realized I stopped breathing and my lungs were burning with pain.

"H-how did you get my number?" I whispered into the phone.

Sai was now genuinely concerned and moved closer, rubbing my arm for comfort. I felt no comfort however. I felt no calm. Inside I was a whirlwind of extreme emotions but the main one that gripped and squeezed my heart painfully was fear. Plain, simple fear.

The man chuckled on the other end. "Oh, Naruto. You know better than that. You know I always check up on my kids…how are you doing? I hear you're a big shot now. A young journalist at a popular studio and dating a famous actor? Way to go! I knew you'd turn out perfectly!"

My stomach clenched and I felt sick. I wanted to throw up. How did he get my number? Why would he seek me out now? What was his motive?

"What do you want? Why are you contacting me?" My voice still barely above a whisper. I could feel my body shaking.

Another light chuckle. "Always so quick to cut to the chase, aren't you? I just wanted to check on you, dear boy. I've missed you these past years. I miss your company. You should visit sometime. But until then, I should let you go. I know you're probably busy with Sai… I'm glad you finally came out of the closet! I'll check on you later!"

The line went dead.

I couldn't breathe. I hung up and stared at the phone in my hand, willing it to give me the answers I sought. Why? Why would he contact me? Why would he want to talk to me after all these years? Why would he taunt me like this? What did he want? Why? Why, even now, did he want to ruin me all these years later?

"Naruto? Are you ok? Who was that?" Sai asked, trying to get my attention. His voice called me back. I looked at him with sad eyes.

I didn't know what to say. I've never explained my past to anyone. Not even my dearest friend, Sakura. Not even Yesung. Not one person knew about my past and what happened to me back in Suna. Not one. Except the man on the phone. I didn't even know if I could say any of it out loud. I had shut out that memory; I had blocked most of my childhood and refused to acknowledge it for the longest time. I couldn't handle it. My therapist had told me that it was normal and natural for me to block it out. To pretend it never happened.

I've never been able to openly admit to it. Admitting it was like confessing that it was real. That it happened. I wasn't sure I could deal with that. Whenever the subject came up, I shut down. Even when Sakura had opened up to me years ago and told me about her abusive childhood, I could not return the trust. I couldn't breach that subject.

"I…" Could I tell Sai? I felt like I still barely knew him. Could I trust him? I'd only known him for almost 3 months and only truly been dating him for about 2 weeks… I wasn't sure I could divulge this information.

"You don't have to tell me, Naruto… If it's too hard for you, it's ok. But just know that I'm here and I'm willing to listen. You can trust me." He spoke so softly, gently, like he was afraid to talk too loud as if I would run scared. I almost felt like that… I was glad he was trying. He knew what to say.

"I…" I stammered again. This was terrifying. But my therapist had told me something long ago that started to ring true to me. She said I would have to open up and tell someone else one day. It would come up at some point and it would need to be discussed. I had to gain closure. I would have to confide in someone and trust them with this intimate information.

My body was still trembling; my heart felt like it was the size of a pea it was constricting so badly. I still felt sick to my stomach. But I felt like I could trust Sai. Maybe I could finally open myself up to him and tell him about me. My past. I knew he was just going to worry about me anyways since he watched that whole phone conversation.

"Uhm… let's eat first," I suggested, getting up and leading Sai into the living room where the T.V. was still on and our bagels sat waiting.

We sat in a tense silence, pretending to watch T.V. and eat. It only took a few bites for me to realize that if I ate any more I'd throw up. So I pushed my bagel away and waited for Sai to finish his. I was nervous. How would I even start this messed up story? Where to begin?

When he finished, he turned the T.V. off and sat facing me, inky eyes intent and waiting. I fidgeted under his gaze. This was extremely uncomfortable.

"Uhm… well, I guess I'll start at the earliest thing I remember…" I began, my voice shaky and unsure. Sai waited. So I began, recounting my childhood in a way I never had before. "To start, I'm an orphan. I don't even know who my parents were…And that's information I never cared to search for. So at an early age, I was placed in an orphanage. From what my nurses told me, I was always quite the trouble maker. I didn't like being fed or bathed or scolded. I played pranks, teased the other kids, and when adults would interview me I always managed to scare them off one way or another."

Kind of a silly memory, really, but it mattered all the same.

"I was in the orphanage for a long time, till I was about 5 or 6. But because of my unruly behavior, they sent me to an all boys academy. The first while was ok. They were strict and beat the outward behavior down to a manageable level. I just switched to sneak pranks and went after the Professors as well as the kids… they knew it was me though. So they sent me to 'Detention Hall'. A living Hell in the basement of the Academy. It was run by a disgusting man named Orochimaru."

I had to pause here. The name alone even sent a shiver of dread up my spine. This is where the story got bad.

"He… was a scientist. Or… that's what he passed himself off as. Liked to say he was a Psychologist. He took in the 'rough cases' and tried to figure out the 'science behind the behavior'. He…he got away with a lot…" I choked. This was really hard… Despite trying to dull my emotions, the horrible images and feelings flooded into me, just like they used to back then.

"He ran experiments on the kids. Tried to produce results but no one knew for what. Whatever secret mission he had. He did anything to get the results he wanted; including drug experimentation. Because the 'tough cases' were isolated from the rest of the Academy, we had to stay down there as long as he wanted and the school didn't complain. The troublemakers were out of the way. They didn't have to deal with us and he had free reign to do what he wanted as long as we were 'whipped into shape'.

I remember… one boy in particular…was special to him. He took special interest in him and kept him around a lot more than the others. But one day that boy disappeared, never to be heard from again. Then he turned to me. I was incredibly resilient and resisted all symptoms of the drugs he had given me… he especially enjoyed my determination, my fire, my hatred for him. I was his new toy…"

I felt tears spring to my eyes. I hated my childhood… I hated everything I had been put through. The pain. The fear. The sickness. The degradation. The feelings. The experiments. There was nothing I remembered about my childhood that I liked or would classify as a happy memory.

Sai reached out and touched my hand for support. I had almost forgotten he was there listening. I had retreated within my mind to recall these memories. I smiled weakly at him, trying hard to hold back my tears. I felt ok continuing.

"I…the things that happened there, Sai… I've never, never told anyone before…not even my therapist when I was younger…It's… hard to even think about…" I took in a deep breath to try and steady myself. It really was a horrible past… terrible things happened to me that I was afraid to admit to. But I had to do it. I had to trust in someone. Sai had trusted me with his dark secret about his foster parents. I could do this.

"I was secluded from the rest of the kids down there. I had my own private room that was adjoined to his own chambers that locked on his side of the door. So he could come and go whenever he pleased… I was a little older then; around 8 or 9. I was…" I had to clear my throat to continue my humiliating story, "I was chained… to the bed. I was starved. Sleep deprived. Not allowed to move or have any energy so I could fight him when he…" I felt a tear escape my hold. "He would come at two or three hour intervals to… play with me…"

"He'd put a clip on my tongue so I couldn't close my mouth all the way and made it hard to scream…he would tase me, beat me, whip me, cut me… anything he felt like doing…He would never let me up to go to the bathroom either… There were many times I just had to go where I laid…It was disgusting. I was so degraded and broken…he'd inject me with drugs. I'd hallucinate or I'd be so stoned most days, or so limp and shaky I couldn't fight. He got pleasure out of it… the sick freak enjoyed torturing me… when I turned 10 he…"

I was trembling so badly I was sure I was vibrating the couch. I could remember the pain… I touched my cheeks where my whisker mark scars were. He had done that to me too along with many other scars on my body.

"He…uhm…sexually assaulted me… made me into a submissive slave…molded me into the perfect little toy. I was defeated. I had no idea what the other kids went through either… They were all treated differently than me but who knows… there were a lot of casualties then… a lot of poor little boys who were just as broken as me…The day the Academy found out was a good day… They immediately arrested him and sentenced him to life in prison. The boys were set free, the Academy was closed and I was sent to an orphanage here and went to extensive therapy to deal with everything..."

With a sigh I wiped the flow of tears that had escaped during my story. "I was never adopted. No one wanted a damaged boy. So at 12 I started writing journals and stories and got really good at it so by the time I graduated High School, I was working for the college newspaper. They took me as a student there with grants and scholarships to pay for my schooling. I got a degree in writing. Got a job at KAS studios at 20 and I've been there since…" I finished, trying to end on a happy note.

I got the courage to finally look at Sai. His black eyes were wide with shock and he looked like he was trembling with anger. His mouth was open slightly. "That was who called me today… Orochimaru some how got my number and called me…to 'check in' on his kids…He said he missed me and that I should visit. Said he was glad I 'came out of the closet' and that I turned out perfectly…" I was shaking again.

The reality of the situation was settling in. I felt heavy. Bringing this entire thing up was really having an effect on me. I was digging up old memories that I would have preferred to have left forgotten and deteriorating in the dust of my mind.

"Eventually I bought this house for myself and started a new life. I told myself I'd never go back to Suna. I promised myself I'd never let my past get in the way of my future. So I just forgot about my past. I blocked it and never talked about it so to me it never happened… it never existed… and it worked well for 15 years… but it seems as if Orochimaru has other ideas."

And that was that. I've finally told someone. Strangely, I felt a little better. I felt better knowing that I wasn't the only one who knew about my past. Knowing I wasn't alone. It felt good to share the burden.

I squeezed Sai's hand and smiled weakly at him. Suddenly I felt tired. Feeling all these emotions and reliving my past drained me and I felt like it was Friday after work. I felt exhausted and like I needed a nap.

But I wanted to know what Sai was thinking. The poor man had been silent and probably raging mad. I could see the anger and hatred blazing behind his inky eyes. He looked ready to kill and I couldn't blame him. I had felt the same way for the longest time before I just shut it all out.

"Sai?" I murmured, trying to bring him back to me.

He blinked, took a deep breath, waited a moment then finally looked at me tiredly. "I'm so sorry, Naruto, that you had to go through that. No one should ever have to live through what you did. But I'm glad you did survive and I'm so glad that you didn't let it dictate and shape the person you are today…" he finally said. I had to smile. I could tell he was trying to keep his composure in front of me.

"Thanks, Sai…" I leaned forward and kissed his cheek.

"You're changing your number," he said suddenly. I pulled back to look at him with curiousity.

"What's that?"

"You're changing your number," he repeated. "On Monday."

I pause for a moment before nodding. It was a good idea. I wasn't sure how that snake got my number before but if I changed it I'm sure he wouldn't be able to contact me again. Not from prison. So I nodded my agreement.

Then Sai reached out for me, pulling me into his arms and laid back so I was laying on his front. He grabbed the T.V. remote, turned it on, and held me while we watched cartoons. Wonderful. Despite the emotional turmoil this morning, this was still going to turn out to be a great lazy Saturday. The world could wait. Orochimaru would be forgotten. This was my weekend and I would not let silly things ruin that for me.

With a shaky smile, a deep breath and a hum of appreciation, I wrapped my tanned arms around my boyfriend, cuddled into him and settled in for the rest of the day.

Oh my… the darkness of poor Naru's past! For 15 years the man surpressed it, afraid to relive it. Afraid to admit that it happened! The poor dear. And who is this mysterious unknown number texting him, telling him that he will regret challenging them? Curious! Stayed tuned!

Thank you to those few of you who reviewed my last chapter! I'm glad you are all enjoying the story and I hope you all continue to love it!

Also, I WILL BE CHANGING MY ACCOUNT NAME! IT WILL NO LONGER BE monzieslilneji! So please keep your eye out for that!

Read & Review please!

Love you all,

TLC