Disclaimer: I was going to be all interesting and write it in French, using whatever knowledge I can remember from three years ago, with a little help from Google translate. (Okay, you got me, using only Google translate and, like, one word I know myself). But then I realised that that would be too much work and I didn't really care, so you only get it in boring old English.

Charmed isn't mine. There.


"Aw, now look what you've done," (G) Wyatt moans tiredly, taking Chris by the arm and soothing him gently, "It's okay, buddy. He didn't mean to shout at you. Leo's just a little stressed at the minute so he was mean and he took it out on you. He'll stop raising his voice now." He directs a forceful look at his father as he adds meaningfully, "Won't you, Leo?"

Leo, for his part, is staggered. "I-I… of course," he stammers out.

"How about we go downstairs and I'll make you some lunch, alright, sweetheart?" Piper suggests lightly, hoping to get Chris away before he says something he regrets. "You've had a pretty big day. I bet you're starving."

Eyes on the ground, Chris says sullenly, "I'm not hungry."

"You sure?" she asks doubtfully. "Because I've got some homemade, chocolate chip cookies, if you're interested…"

"Hmm…" Peeking at her from the corner of his eye, he pretends to think about it. "Maybe just one…"

Piper smiles. "Whatever you want, darling. Come on." She wraps her arm around his shoulders, guiding him towards the door, and Chris reflexively leans into her touch. "I think there might even be a few leftover blueberry muffins, too."

Once they're gone, Leo says to (G) Wyatt, "I think you should probably explain what that was all about."

He frowns. "I forgot about that, if you'd believe it. It hasn't happened for a while so I just wasn't thinking…" (G) Wyatt sighs, shaking his head. "Point is, after the other Chris was targeted by the Anno demon, it affected my Chris, too. Only, while the other Chris turned into a child, mine only occasionally acts like one. Kind of like the flipside, I suppose. He looks normal, but mentally has his moments of childishness, whilst the other Chris looks like a three-year-old and only behaves like it because of a cuddly toy."

"That's… unusual," Leo comments, seeming to come to terms with it. "Though, after all those years as the Charmed One's whitelighter, I have to say, I've seen a lot worse."

"My theory is that any juvenile characteristics Chris may have received are only set off in the times when he is most stressed, and he can't cope. Sort of like he just retreats into himself completely unwillingly."

"Mm… you might be onto something there," Phoebe says thoughtfully and Paige nods in agreement.

Barging into the attic then, with (E) Wyatt hot on his tail, little Chris says in annoyance, "I towd you I was sowy! I don't know why you'we comwaining! 'Dis is aw youw fauwt!"

"How is it my fault that you somehow convinced yourself an inanimate object could swim?!"

Looking like he wants to kill something, little Chris says hotly, "I'w admit, it was a momentawy wack of judgement on my pawt. And to answew youw question, you'we da one who did 'dis to me! Of couwse, it's youw fauwt my tiny bwain occasionawy gets easiwy confused!"

"You know what?" (E) Wyatt asks spitefully, standing his ground. "You just can't handle the fact that you obviously enjoyed activities that were purposely invented for kids! I hate to break it to you, Chris, but... You. Are. In. Denial!"

"You know what?" little Chris mocks, narrowing his eyes. "I hate to bweak it to you, Wy Wy, but you'we a jewk!"

"Ouch," (E) Wyatt says sarcastically. "Harsh words, little man. You know, as the leader of the world, I've heard much, much worse."

"Oh, don't I know it," little Chris agrees. Then he rolls his eyes. "But Pipew kind of vetoed any fowm of sweawing so my options awe sowt of limited. I'm wucky if she wets me say damn."

(E) Wyatt laughs loudly, muttering to himself, "That's funny…"

Sniggering, he asks, "And do you know why that is?"

"Because she knows wifout my abiwity to owb and in 'dis pafetic excuse fow a body, she can fowce me into a cownew fow timeout," little Chris grumbles resentfully.

"No…" he responds slowly as if he is, in fact, talking to a very young child. "But, man, I wish I'd seen that," he adds regretfully, before continuing patronisingly, "No, it's because a little pipsqueak like you isn't old enough to use big, grown-up words like those."

Pressing his lips together into a thin, angry line, little Chris says evenly, "I weawy hate you, you know dat?"

(E) Wyatt smirks. "No, you don't. You love me, and there's nothing you can do about it."

"Maybe so. But I heaw dere's a fine wine between wove and hate."

"Hey, I got that toy back for you, didn't I? And I gave you clothes that were neither black nor childish. Just as you wished."

"You did…" little Chris says impartially. "Then again, you awso wouwdn't stop yammewing on about it aftewawds and, you know, thewe was dat whowe fing where you tuwned me into a thwee yeaw owd."

Shrugging, (E) Wyatt says playfully, "Yes, but just look how cute you are." Giving his cheeks a little pinch.

"And we'we back to the hating you fing."

"I think I liked it better when you were blabbering on about that Rainbow Brian every two seconds," (E) Wyatt admits, "It was a hell of a lot easier to listen to."

"Good," he answers snidely. "I wike making you'we wife unnecessawiwy difficuwt. Saying as you'we so keen to 'wook out for me,' and wuin mine!"

Rolling his eyes, he says dismissively, "Oh, Chrissie. Don't be so melodramatic."

(G) Wyatt takes advantage of the fleeting silence between the two to ask, "Do you two ever stop fighting?"

"Probably," (E) Wyatt replies offhandedly. "I just can't remember the last time we were in a room together for longer than five minutes without some type of verbal bashing taking place."

"So that's a no, then?"

"Whatever." (E) Wyatt shrugs. "Also, can someone please tell me why Leo, of all people, is here?"

"Wait, what?" little Chris says, promptly searching the room until his eyes meet Leo's, who is presently studying the toddler in confusion.

"I thought you guys said he had the mentality of a-" Thankfully, he's silenced by Paige quickly elbowing him in the ribs.

"We'll explain later," she whispers quickly for his ears alone. "Just go with it."

"Uh, hello, Chris," he addresses him awkwardly.

He's so little… Even for a three-year-old. Not the same old whitelighter he's used to seeing at all…

"Weo…" little Chris responds with plain reservation.

"It's… good to see you, I guess."

"Cut the cwap, Weo," little Chris says frostily, quirking a tiny brow. "Just 'cause I'm a wittle diffewent dan da wast time you saw me, doesn't mean you have to act so… nice. I don't wike fawsities. Just give it to me stwaight."

"Alright…" Leo nods. "You're a toddler. It's weird."

"Maybe not dat fwank. Just ignowe da age fing."

"Easier said than done," Leo maintains. "I mean, I can't exactly ask you how you're getting on with the search for whoever turns Wyatt, which I at least know of now instead of just that mysterious threat you were always going on about. As for your responsibilities as the Charmed One's whitelighter… Well, it's not like you would've been able to help lately, so…"

"Why not?" little Chris demands. "If they'd just wemove dat bwasted anti-owbing spew, I'd be good to go."

"Really?" Leo asks in disbelief as though he's really naïve enough to think little Chris is going to turn around and say, hardly, I'm just messing with you! "God, you are in denial. You do know you can't hunt demons anymore, don't you?"

"That's what I've been trying to tell him…" (E) Wyatt mutters, and the other (G) Wyatt glares at him to shut-up.

"I stiw have my powews," he persists stubbornly.

"That's not really the point."

"Yes, it is," little Chris claims. Then he glances towards (E) Wyatt and takes real pleasure in being able to say, "Powew is evewything, wight?"

(E) Wyatt growls, tensing.

Leo, as calm as ever, steps in before his eldest can blow a fuse. "Chris, not to undermine you or your abilities, but as it stands, you simply cannot take on a group of demons. Of any kind. It's too dangerous."

"Pfft." Little Chris rolls his eyes, undisturbed. "As if I cawe about the dangew. If it gets the job done, I don't mind a handfuw of bwuises."

"Now do you see why you are a toddler right now?" (E) Wyatt spits, fingers curling in extreme, scarcely controlled frustration. "You are beyond irresponsible! You just do not know how to think the hazards to yourself! You are your own worst enemy!"

"Wy wy, out of aw da miwions of peopwe whose wives you've destwoyed, I'm hawdwy of any weaw significance."

(G) Wyatt recoils, knowing…

Knowing that was an absolutely disastrous thing to say.

The hairs on his skin rise, waiting….

Just another second now.

And, just as he predicted, looking like the vein on his forehead might burst, (E) Wyatt snaps.

"That's it!" he declares. "I don't care what any of you say, I am taking Chris - as he is - and that Rainbow Brian thing back to the future where I can keep this imbecile safe!" If possible, his jaw tightens even further. "Another few days with that cursed toy and he won't know the difference."


Thanks for reading.