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chapter 11pt 2 - Bella of the past -no quiere recordarme (I don't want to remember)
Bella POV
After a short dinner with Charlie I went up into my room and opened the window hoping and fearing that Edward would be back soon and come talk to me. To pass my time until then I quickly read the required chapters for biology and even took my time to make some notes. After that I started my computer and worked a bit with a special program to learn my spanish vocabulary. I decided to end it the moment the loudspeaker jelled a happy "good job" at me. I looked at my watch and saw that it was still way to early to go to bed. But what could I do? I came up with an idea to find out whether Edward would come soon or not without letting myself beg Alice for info on his mood or plans. I felt a bit weird when I stood in the middle of my room speaking out loud, but I did it nonetheless "Alice, I just decided to ask you, so you should be able to see this but since I' m uncertain about how to let you know I'll, speak this out loud. I would like you to come over in case you know that Edward won't show up tonight. If it is uncertain or he comes very late, could you please come here as well? Pretty please, cause I'm bored. I'll take a shower and if your not here after that I guess he will be. bye" I felt really childish after having done that but I just couldn't go downstairs and ask her to come over with a phone call while Charlie was here. Sure, she was Alice, but it was still a school night and almost 9p.m.
Jasper POV
I was just telling Alice how much I had missed her and that I was planning on spending the weekend with her alone in Seattle when I realized that she wasn't really listening to me. I looked at her and saw that she was having a vision. After a few seconds it was over and she started laughing while running out of the room.
"Alice, where are you going?"
"To Bell ."
"But what about our evening and what about Seattle?" I felt really disappointed to be left alone so quickly after I told her how lonely I had felt all day.
"Well, talk later honey, I'll probably be back around eleven." She called out of the garage ,already starting her car.
Bella POV
When I came back into my room I immediately saw Alice lying on my bed looking perfect in a short red dress and a thin black scarf that had exactly the color of her hair. I felt really unworthy of her beautiful presence even though I was wearing my newest nightie, it was darkblue satin and barely reached my knees and even though I knew that she would have accepted me also in one of my old oversized and holey white shirts.
"Hey Bell, come take a seat" she said , thumping on a place next to her.
"Hey, nice dress." I said , lowering myself onto the bed . " You like it? " I nodded "I have something for you that you'll like even more" With that she pulled out a little black box from behind her back and handed it to me. I was about to protest but she pressed a finger onto my mouth. "You're going to like it, no protests. I kinda bought it for myself mostly, so please?" She made puppy-eyes and I just couldn't refuse her wish. But I knotted my eyebrows in wonder of what she meant exactly, still I mumbled an "okay" against her fingers ,she withdrew it and smiled. "now open up" when I opened the box I saw a small black cell phone that looked really expensive. " So you can just call me, or whatever and don't have to talk to yourself " She grinned and I felt my blood stream directly into my face. I wanted to protest about the money she spend, when a much simpler cell would also have done but she took my hand in hers and I immediately lost my train of thoughts.
"So, you tell me about it now, or very soon and ..I just want you to know that you can stop, whenever you want to. " she stared at my hand in hers and I did the same. She was right I had considered telling her about the 'bad stuff' that happened more than a year ago, but did I really want to tell her now? A quote from one of the Spanish short stories I read in Phoenix came to my mind "No quiere recordarme porque estas memorias me lastiman" I don't want to remember because these memories hurt me. How true. "it's okay, I just need a minute , okay?" I looked at her.
" There's not too much to tell really, it's just like …well 3 ..ehm..'episodes' or 'events' that really belong to this bad things category. " I started to explain how my Spanish teacher , a very catholic latinamerica woman in her fourties had thrown me out of her class 6 week before the finals after hearing that I was having a girlfriend. "But she couldn't do that, I mean you haven't like manipulated her lessons or something. " Alice throw in angrily.
"I thought so too, but when I went to the headmaster he told me that Mrs Sombras was only the mother of a student and helped out on a voluntary basis until my former teacher returned from his sabbatical. And since she found it impossible to teach someone who was 'living against the laws of god and the laws of morality' as she put it , there was nothing I or my headmaster could do."
"Well, you must have done something, or did you fail that class?"
"No, I was one of the best students and since it was certain that Mr Lagores would be back in time for the finals -devil know why he choose to do all those corrections- I just had to learn for myself and make a written homework once a week that was corrected by a teacher from a high school we sometimes cooperated with. In the end I got my A on the report so that was not the problem… but all this trouble I had and how I had to justify my relationship in front of a teacher, only to be treated like I had an incurable and contagious disease… it made me so angry and sad at the same time. " I shook my head, feeling the anger boil in me once again.
"But that was bearable. The students were worse.There were like two groups of students who really bullied us, or especially me when I was even more so a freak because of the way I started to dress. The first group was religious people who constantly told us that we'd go to hell and didn't deseve to live and stuff. The second group, it was mostly popular girls , I think , they kind of ..it wasn't enough for them to just make up ugly rumors like Laureen does, ..they wanted to ..I don't really know, I guess they wanted to see me really down or something. So they made this flyer, it looked like one of those "wanted" flyer you see sometime…" I explained with anger and the memory of humiliation probably audible in my voice. "well on it was a photomontage of two porn actresses kissing and touching each other, they had our heads and the text below that … it was kind of a warning ..that the two of us were like insatiable sex monster who try to grope or rape every girl that we consider beautiful..and things like that…. it was just unbelievable. ...Then one of those popular girls told everyone that I groped her during calisthencis in P.E….." I trailed unable to continue . I wiped the angry tears away and drew in a deep breath. When I was relatively sure that my voice would at least enable me to speak a few sentences I continued. "As you can imagine nobody talked to me anymore after that. I was a freak and people despised me without having ever made an effort to get to know me. What hurt me the most was that even the few people I used to talk, that knew , or could have known that I would never do anything like that, started to avoided me…" I took a few deep breaths "I never had many friends but then.. I never felt so alone like I did then, when Simone wasn't beside me. I guess it was easier for her…"
"Why do you think so?" Alice asked , moving an arm around my waist, pulling me to lean my head and shoulders onto her.
"Simone just knows people. She had a nice circle of friends, real friends. And from those eleven guys and girls 7 never even considered believing this shit and 2 restarted talking to her after a couple of days ,after they'd thought everything through. ..And she was never attacked." I started crying again as a very haunting memory crept into my thoughts, unable to speak I just clung to Alice, sobbing, thankful for the comfort her arms provided. After a few minutes I had calmed down a bit. and started explaining something less depressing.
"I listend to really depressive music and wore more and more black clothing . I somehow started to like it, it just emphasized how unlike the others , this happy, tanned, perfect, rich and popular girls I was. There were 2 Goths at our school and one day, the girl talked to me about what music I liked and stuff, it was weird cuz no one had talked to me in the 2 weeks before. We got along okay and sometimes had fun frightening the others, like by telling these Barbies in our biology class weird rumors about us which they promptly enlarged and made everyone hate us even more...although that wasn't really possible. It was strenuous but sometimes it felt real good . Plus simone thought I looked hot in corsages." I smiled briefly.
Alice chose then to ask me what I had meant by 'attacked' before and for a moment I got terribly scared and felt that I really didn't want to answer her. Then I felt her lips close to my ear as she whispered "it's okay, you don't have to tell me. If you want to…I'm with you…whatever happened ..those people can't hurt you …I protect you, I promise" Her whisper had calmed me a bit and sooner than I thought myself able to I began to tell her the horror story. I felt completely detached from myself and my voice sounded foreign and emotionless ."It was on a Friday, after school. I had to stay longer to discuss a biology project with my teacher. When we were done I walked down the halls to get to the bus station, I somehow felt like I was followed, but I thought my mind played tricks on me. When I turned a corner in the old building I realized I was right, someone had been following me, they were two guys, both older than me and tall and they had me surrounded. ( an: so tempted to leave it here but I couldn't)
I tried to put some distance between us but I realized soon that I was only inches away from a wall." I stared out of the window when I continued unable to watch Alice's horrid expression. "They stared at me and said "isn't that this freaky lesbo? I think she is'- the other replied ', well are you ?' the first one said leaning closer. I was unable to think,…I .. I think I just nodded and he came closer and just ..well sneered at me 'you know what's the problem with you? You've never been taken by a real man. if you just try it often enough it will feel right, I promise.' He winked at me and I tried to move away and touched the wall. I felt sharp things sticking out of the wall and tried not to move, but then he grabbed me around my hip and my shoulder and pushed me against the wall.. two of these nails I had tried to avoid pierced into my skin and I screamed, he took me and pushed me against another wall, groped my butt and told his friend how much he's going to enjoy my great ass. He , he grounded his hips against mine as I continued screaming but he just laughed, 'honey that part comes later " he winked again. when I wouldn't stop screaming he hit me."I paused, exhausted from going through this horrible afternoon once again.
" Then some janitor guy called from a different hall and came over, they let me go- I dropped on the floor and the one that had watched ran away but the other ..he leaned down to me 'Well maybe some other time, oh and if I were you I wouldn't talk ' he winked one more time and ran away . The janitor called an ambulance -- I think - because I was bleeding where the nails had pierced me and my cheek was turning purple… the marks are still there, somehow they just don't fully heal"
After a few moments Alice had found her voice back and was able to keep most of the horror out of her voice -I guess she didn't want me to feel bad for telling her. "That's really harsh, I'm sorry that happened to you.." she drew calming patterns on my back . After a few minutes she turned her body a bit towards me and tried to look me in the eyes "Would it be okay if….could you..sorry. Can I see them?" she appeared to be nervous for my answer, probably afraid that I would restart crying and deny her. I couldn't so I turned onto my belly and took my nightie over my head. "One is just under my left shoulder , the other on my lower back pretty far away from my spine. ..I guess I was lucky"
"They almost look like birthmarks." She said touching the first and then moving her hand slowly down my spine , caressing the soft skin on the lower of my back and finally the little round scar. Her touch send shivers trough my body and made my hairs stand . "You're cold" Alice misinterpreted it and I wasn't sure whether to be sad about it , or not. After a few moments I decided to put my nightgown on again. Alice put her arms around me and hold me for a few minutes after I had turned around again . When I started yawning she laid me under the blankets "Its almost midnight, I think you need some sleep now, Bell."
"Mhm" was all I replied as I drifted of into sleep.
Alice POV
Bell was asleep within seconds. She looked so peaceful when she slept , her face especially peaceful in contrast to the fear, anger and sadness that had had dominated her expression during the last few hours. She really had been through a lot. 'and she thinks you're cute!' a part of my mind screamed at me for probably the 30th time today. I had gotten used to blanking it out.
Without any command from me, my body moved closer and closer to Bella's neck and her cervical artery. I could smell her blood it was flowery and would definitely taste wonderful. I leaned closer and it might have looked like I was about to devour her but I am no monster . So I tried to please the beast inside me as well as the soul I still believed to be there and placed a soft kiss on her pulse. "sleep well" was all I whispered as I left the room, by jumping out of the window. I ran into the woods trying to get in control of my thoughts in case Edward would be near.
third person pov
Alice was so caught up in the moment that she hadn't realized that from just outside Bella's roon two surprised eyes where watching her attentively as she placed the soft kiss, so full of longing on the other girl's neck. Then, without a sound the person jumped of the tree and sped home.
Please leave a review and tell me what you think about it. Oh, who might that person be? come on, guys speculate.
