Damon's POV
I was carefully observing Stefan, who was slowly approaching our house..or whatever was left of it. The way he stepped over the ashes and made everything around us even more dusty than it already was, broke my heart. The expression on his face was somehow too serious for a five, almost six- year- old kid, he seemed too concentrated, as if he was trying to figure something out. For a moment, I moved my stare away from him, only to take a better look at the ruined pile of wood and bricks in front of us. I couldn't believe that in life it's so easy to just destroy something-our family home was gone and only the black burned up woods of what used to be our beds, the stairs or our kitchen table, were so sadly sticking out and pointing at the sky above us as if they were somehow trying to warn us not to come here, as if they were desperately wanting us to leave. But this was our house, no matter that it didn't exist anymore-it was where I spent the better part of my childhood, it was where Stefan slowly fell asleep in our mother's embrace. Now it was nothing but a pile of dust in the middle of a too big yard, which was lacking grass and flowers. The only thing that was still remaining was the half-broken fence that somehow outlined the borders of this property, still owned by my damn father, who was the reason for its destroying.
I kneeled, only so I would take some of the ashes in my hand, which had its own scars from this unfortunate day. I slowly let it go through my fingers and then buried them in the dust again and again as if I wanted to make it up for all the pain Stefan and I've been through.
"Damy" he called my name and I looked up, trying to hide the tears in my eyes, because I didn't want him to notice how upset I was. He was standing a few meters before me, dressed in a sweet orange t-shirt and jean shorts, which aunt Sarah made from his old pair by simply cutting them off to the knee. He still wore that hat the captain gave him all those months ago in Charleston, he never put it down-it was simply the greatest and the most valuable thing he owned right now, especially after all his toys were destroyed in the fire. His right foot was still a little crooked, even though he wasn't limping anymore. After the accident I kept trying to make him walk normally again, but no matter what I did, I couldn't change that. I was glad that he wasn't in pain anymore, because even the memory of seeing him after that night, brought tears to my eyes. I was sure that when he grows up nobody will stare at his feet, but it was important that I knew, just like he knew about all the scars on my arm and my right side. I cleared myself from the dust in my hands and tried to give him a light reassuring smile, so he could continue with whatever was bugging him right now "When we grow up, we'll fix it right?" he has been asking me this, ever since it all happened, as if he was afraid that I would forget my promise.
"Absolutely, Stef." I nodded and came closer to him, while running my fingers through my hair. His eyes remained fixed on mine for a while and then he looked back down to the ruins of our house and then back up to me, as if he was trying to figure how even we, as grown man, would be able to build this with our bare hands. He insisted on us coming here today, I don't know why, it was as if he wanted to assure himself that there was really nothing else left. It hurt me to see him like this, but after all, I knew that if we don't come, he wouldn't leave me until I agree and eventually he might do something stupid like decide to visit this goddamn place on his own, which would only complicate things. We've been through a lot after the accident, he's been through a lot and I didn't want him to get hurt anymore, yet I seem to be failing that task, every time I convince myself that I won't let him feel any more pain.
I put my hand on his small shoulder and give him a knowing look-it's time to go. He lets one of those childish sights that, however, seem to be filling the air around me with so much weight, that I find it hard to breath, and slowly follows me. After we get back on the street, however, I can see that he's getting more and more unwilling to walk, so I stop and take him up on my arms. He doesn't protest, I think he's a little tired and plus he always begs me to carry him, so now now that I'm doing it without him even asking, he's surely not going to start protesting about it. His little blond hair, however, is still turned towards our house, from this height he can see it all even better and I feel him tensing up a bit.
"Mom must be so disappointed in us" he simply says after we've just made a turn and headed downtown. I wonder what he means by that, but I don't hurry to ask him. As I am gently gripping his feet, so that he wouldn't fall down, I am reminded of the scar he has, covered by his almost torn apart sneaker and I suddenly feel as if I'm back at that night, the night they brought us out of this same house, both barely alive.
FIVE MONTHS AGO:
I open my eyes slowly and immediately feel a sharp pain on my right side and in my arm, but it takes me a while to focus good and make sense of what's going on around me. The only thing I'm able to hear is the beeping of something next to me and by the time I finally manage to realize where I must be, I look on the right side where the noise comes from and see a monitor that obviously shows the beating of my heart. I look around the small room and make the conclusion that I'm in the hospital. I'm so used to being here after both mom and Stefan have been sick for a while that I'm pretty sure I would recognize this place even if I get amnesia. Stefan-my first thought-where is he? As I try to make an attempt and move up, I notice the big bandages just above my chest let a slight sigh out-I'm starting to remember it all-the fire in the house, the way I woke up so abruptly in the middle of the night, because there was so much smoke I couldn't breathe. Stefan was already suffocating in my embrace-he has come to sleep on my bad after he had another nightmare. Before I could make sense of what was going on, I've stood up abruptly and caught him in my embrace. I remember being sleepy, but still registering that there is something completely wrong. I've caught Stefan in my arms, his eyes were already messed up, because of the smoke, there were tears coming down his face and I couldn't figure out if they were out of fear or because it was hard for him to see anything, just like it was hard for me as well. I've gone to the door and opened it frantically only to see the hallway burning right in front of me. Then, I've turned around abruptly as I heard a noise behind my back-one of the windows has burst out because of the heat. I couldn't figure a way out there was fire before me and the side of the house was also burning as I could see the flames from the window that has just burst out. I couldn't jump and for a moment the worst thing passed through my mind. I put Stefan down back on the bed, as far from the fire as possible and wrapped a blanket around me, thinking that I would be able to pass through the door and get us outside, but that proved to be a mistake as soon as I stepped anywhere near it and yelled in pain. I felt Stefan tugging me back inside as he saw what I was doing and then when I heard the awful noise of something cracking up, I realized why he was pulling me back-his head was turned up towards the ceiling, which was about to collapse above us. I pulled back just in time before a big part of it fell in front of us-this house was burning down and burying us inside. I looked up at Stefan-we were both coughing hard, because of the smoke, trying to catch some air, his eyes were desperate, sad and scared. As soon as I heard another crack above us, I pushed him as gently as I could on the floor and tried to cover him with my body, but I tripped in something and ended up a few steps away from him. When I made an attempt to take his hand it slipped away from mine, just as I was trying to pull him closer to myself and even when he tried to reach out to me he barely managed to touch me. As I finally tightened my grip on his small palm it was too late. When the burning wooden post fell on us the only thing I could think of was how much I hurt.
I was thinking about all of this, as I was trying to raise myself up and get over the pain. I needed to find him, I needed to make sure he was fine. Before I could make any attempt and get on my feet the door opened and a relatively young doctor, probably in his thirties entered the room. As soon as he saw me he furrowed his eyebrows angrily.
"What on earth do you think you're doing?" he approached me fast and pushed me gently, but persistently down on the bed. I was breathing heavily, it was hard to do so, I felt as if something was suffocating me. The doctor took the stethoscope away from his neck and checked my breathing while still in the same manner, as if he was unpleasant with my condition. "You shouldn't be getting up, okay?" he said after he took a glance at the beeping machine next to me "Are you in pain?"
I tried to speak up, but I realized it was hard and the only word I managed to comprehend was barely audible and with a very hoarse voice.
"No" I lied and immediately started coughing. He brought a glass of water to my lips and I drank eagerly. It tasted so different in my mouth that I almost wanted to spit, but I got myself together and swallowed it all. When I was done he checked up my bandages and told me his name-it turned out he was Gilbert, which is why I realized where he seemed familiar from-Fletcher and me once fixed the fence in their enormous mansion. It took me a while to comprehend my next sentence.
"What happened?" I asked and he sighed tiredly, only to sit next to me on the bed and give me a compassionate look. He seemed to bea good man. I remember Fletcher and me fooling around in their yard, spitefully commenting the rich people inside the house, who were making cocktails and organizing parties while we were fixing their fences. I should really stop judging people based on their wealth.
"Your house went on fire, Damon. The fireman say that it was probably caused by a cigarette or something like this" the first thing that came to my mind was father. He was the only one, who smoked in the house, he must have gone to the kitchen after he came home. I remember hearing the door close a little too harsh, which meant that he was drunk. I suddenly felt the anger inside me build up and I clenched my hands in fists "It was a miracle they managed to save you after the house practically collapsed over you and your brother.
"Stefan.." I started and he hurried to interrupt me
"He's upstairs in the Pediatric department. I'm guessing- probably asleep."
"Is he okay?" I asked worriedly and tried to raise up again, but didn't have any strength to continue and do anything at all. The look he gave me was even more apologizing. It seemed as if this man wanted to tell me how sorry he is for the fact that my drunken father almost caused us to die, but was finding it hard to express it good with words so he just gave me sad sympathetic smiles and heavy sighs, which showed his inability to change anything just as I was unable to do something right now.
"His right foot has severe burns so he won't be able to walk normally soon and he'll need to be taken care of." he said in with the same sad voice "And he's coughing a lot but that's probably not only because of the smoke, but also because he was sick soon. He'll need someone beside him in the next month or so. Just like you will" he added seriously "Your burns will cause you a lot of pain and you'll need someone to change your bandages once you get out of here. You have to be very careful until the wounds heal" he sounded serious, trying to make me really understand his words and how serious the situation was and I closed my eyes, trying to comprehend everything that he said "Which reminds me that your aunt is waiting outside to see you."
"I want to see my brother." I responded instead and he looked at me surprised by my reaction. I tried to stand up again while leaning on my left healthy arm, but he put his hand on my shoulder, trying to stop me. I wasn't about to give up though "I won't stop trying to get out of here until I see Stefan." I said completely seriously, now trying to make him understand "I don't care how much it hurts" I continued absolutely aware of what I was going to feel as I was already barely keeping myself together from the pain and was breathing with many difficulties. "I need to make sure he's fine."
"Damon" he tired to reason with me once again
"You don't understand, doc." I interrupted him once again "He's my brother and I'm not leaving him for the world."
He let another desperate sigh out and gave me an angry look, but stood up nevertheless and went outside without saying a word. I've just thought that he has given up on me and let me torture myself here with the thoughts of how my brother really is, when he came back, pushing a wheelchair towards the door. He helped me slowly raise up and it took me way more time to actually get up, than I supposed. He was careful not to touch my burns, but it was inevitable to do so as they were all over my right side. He kept reminding me how we shouldn't be doing this, that I need to rest as my burns are nothing to treat with the careless attitude I had, but nevertheless he gave me a t-shirt and got me outside where aunt Sarah was waiting on the chairs beside my room with a worried expression. As soon as she saw me, she almost cried out from relief.
"Jesus Christ, Damon." she said and kneeled next to me only to place a gentle kiss on my cheek, a gesture my mother used to do all the time when I was little and even sometimes when I grew up. "You two scared the hell out of me." she said as she hugged me carefully, trying not to cause me anymore pain that I was already feeling. I'm guessing the doctor told her that I want to get up, because she threw him a worried glance as I was finding it a bit hard to breath at the moment and then she angrily furrowed her eyebrows "You shouldn't be up, you're hurt."
"I'm fine aunt Sarah. Let's just go see him" I said with the same awful voice that made her hand tremble for a bit before she gently tightened her grip for a moment and stood up nodding. The doctor left us and she pushed the wheelchair towards the elevator. We obviously had to go to another floor. At first there was nothing, but silence between us and I felt that something tortured her, but tried to bring her back to reality, back to me. Her facial expression was screaming with exhaustion-she probably hasn't slept in a while, trying to make sure that me and Stefan are once again, fine. After our trip to Charleston we haven't seen her much, she was trying to pay attention to her own children as she has neglected them lately and she had her own troubles with them. We rarely saw her in the past two weeks before the accident. Stefan even asked me if she still loved us, because she didn't come often and I had to explain him that she just had too much work to do, but she hasn't forgotten about us..or at least I hoped so. Now, we were yet going through another problem, through another obstacle. I wondered if there would ever be a time when we wouldn't have to go through hell, every once in a while. I wanted things for us to simply get better is that too much to ask for? I wasn't even allowing the thought of what we were going to do after we got out of the hospital, sink in, because I was too afraid of the outcome. "Did you went to see him" I asked instead, trying to clear my own mind.
"Yes" she nodded and she suddenly became even more serious "I was here a few hours ago, but they don't let me stay much with him. He was barely conscious, I'm not sure he realized what was happening around him." for a moment as we were just getting out of the elevator, I felt that sharp pain on my right side again and couldn't prevent from clenching my jaw and letting a gasp out. She suddenly stopped and leaned next to me with an angry expression as she saw my healthy hand on the place where I was hurting. "You shouldn't have moved, Damon. You're seriously injured."
"I need to see my brother." I said with the same determination I had when I spoke to the doctor. "He saved my life." I added going back to the moment when we were in our room. She gave me a questioning look, doubting how a five year old could do something like this
"What are you talking about?" she asked still extremely confused.
"He pulled me away when the ceiling started falling down."
"And then you covered him with your own body." she tried to argue with me "The firefighter found you like this on the floor in your room." she added, trying to remind me of my own actions
"No" I opposed "I tried to cover him, but his hand slipped away. I couldn't bring him closer to me on time. Only when I felt it all collapsing on us, did I manage to pull him to myself" I said honestly and she continued to shake her head "If he hasn't pulled me back, you would've been to the graveyard right now and not here."
"Damon, don't you dare blame yourself for what happened." she cut me off with her typical stern voice that she used only when she was trying to make a point. "This is your father's fault an no one else's." she let another deep worried sigh and headed to the row of chairs in the middle of the hallway, which made me a bit suspicious and worried. She placed the wheelchair in front of an empty seat and sat down after she made sure that I was strong enough to hear what she had to say.
"What's going on?" I ask confused. Something wasn't right. She sighed and ran her hands through her hair, just like I used to do, then she looked up with teary eyes
"After you father realized what he has done he tried to run, but the policemen eventually found him and called me as I was waiting to get some news for you here, in the hospital."
"Is he dead?" I asked a still feeling confused.
"Damon!" she was about to scold me, but changed her mind "No" she shook her head and gave me a disapproving look for thinking like this, but managed to get over herself and not scold me as she probably felt too bad for me right now "He was just drunk. They held him for 24 hours and I guess that by this time he must have already be out." I was just about to let out my complete disappointment, but she didn't gave me the chance as she was obviously hurrying to let it all out "But he won't be coming home anytime soon."
"You went to talk to him" I was smart enough to figure it all out only by looking right into her eyes
"Yes" she nodded seriously "Me and your uncle Kevin actually. He will leave and we've made sure he doesn't come back anytime soon."
"But what about me and Stefan? He is our legal guardian." I didn't want her to misunderstand me. I was beyond glad that father will simply disappear from our lives, not that he was much present, ever since mother died, and even before that, but I was concerned about me and Stefan being separated or shipped off somewhere.
"Yes, but the social services came to visit both him in jail and me here in the hospital. They've said they have to take you to a foster care, but I talked to them….and to my lawyer." she stopped abruptly for a moment, obviously remembering something. I noticed the tears in her eyes yet again and stretched my healthy hand, only so I could grip hers and try to give her some strength. I knew what she was about to say-they were going to place us into some group home, we were officially orphans. And she was blaming herself for not being able to do anything about it. I was trying to overcome the fear that suddenly made me forget how to breath and I suddenly tensed.
"It's okay, aunt Sarah." I whispered, being unable to make my words sound any more clearly "I understand."
She arched her eyebrow and shook her head with a light smile
"No, Damon, you don't understand." she opposed me once again as one of the tears finally fell down on her cheek. I noticed how big the circles under her eyes were just now and felt even more guilt inside me. She didn't deserve this.
"Yes, I do. I don't expect you to do this-" I was too eager to interrupt her
"Just listen to me" she was the one to grab my hand and grip it now "I talked to my lawyer and he's preparing the documents. I will be your legal guardian from now on." the last sentence echoed around us as the hallway was almost completely empty. I couldn't really make sense of her words, so I only gave her a confusing look, but she smiled and continued, before I've comprehended a decent answer "When you two get out of here, you're coming home to live with us all."
"What?" I let it out more like a statement than a question. Now I was feeling my eyes starting to sting and I hurried to clear my throat, which only caused me to cough and for her to come by my side worriedly and start scolding me for getting up so much that I'm pretty sure she was about to just turn the wheelchair and get me back down. Once I finally calmed down, I looked up at her, still unable to figure out what to say. "Aunt Sarah…I-"
"Shh, there's no need to say anything" she consoled me and pushed the wheelchair down the hallway. I could see she wanted to get it over with the by her worried look. She thought I wouldn't be able to stay like this for much longer and honestly-she wasn't wrong. I was feeling weaker with every passing minute, but I wasn't going to give up, not now when we were obviously so close to his room.
"Thank you." I finally managed to say a little before we got to the end of the corridor.
''Don't think about it now." she tried to make me feel more comfortable, which wasn't possible. It was hard for me to comprehend how she decided to put this extra weight on her shoulders. We were more or less kids, who needed care, especially my brother- we needed to eat, get warm clothes and recieve the attention we needed. Let alone all the money that were needed to raise a child- she didn't have to support two more kids. She was barely making ends meet as it was now and I couldn't figure out how uncle Kevin and her reached the agreement to start taking care of us. Not that he was a bad man-on the contrary, he was very honest and extremely hard-working and me and Stefan we admired him a lot, he was always so kind to us and often, when we were in their house played around with Stefan. The kid adored him and loved spending time with him every chance he got. But uncle also had two daughters, one of whom was a little less than an year old, he had his family to think of, he wasn't supposed to take care of us.
"Aunt Sarah" I started again, trying to figure a better way and express my gratitude, but she just put my hand on my shoulder and shook her head. It wasn't time for this now was what she was trying to say, just before she opened the door.
As soon as we finally entered, we saw my little brother lying in one of those childish beds staring at the TV in front of him. He seemed tired, barely keeping his eyes opened and his little feet, wrapped up with too much bandages, was lifted up on a big pillow, which from the spot where I was right now, made it hard to see his face better. Aunt Sarah pushed the wheelchair and he moved his little blond head up a bit to see what was going on. As soon as he saw me a smile appeared on his face.
"Damooon!" he tried to yell happily, but his voice sounded even worse than mine and he immediately started coughing, just like it has happened with me and aunt Sarah scolded him while also rushing by his side.
I tried to push the wheelchair with my healthy hand and thankfully I managed to do so, even though it caused me enormous amount of pain, which didn't remain unnoticed by my aunt and she furrowed her eyebrows.
"Hey, buddy" I hurried to start a conversation with my brother before she could've scolded me this time, his eyes immediately light up, as if someone has just given him a present. He smiled as I caught his hand. "How are you doing?"
"I'm fine." he mumbled happily and aunt Sarah smiled while she was fixing his blanket "Are you okay?" his eyes fell on my bandages and his eyes suddenly became worried "I thought something happened to you, because they didn't want to tell me where you were. I got scared, Damy." he couldn't stop talking now. He was letting the words out from relief that he was seeing me, because he doubted the grow-ups words and he needed a real confirmation that I was indeed alive and well.
"It's all fine, Stefan. It's going to be okay." I assured him and he gave me yet another smile. I wondered what how was it that he always believed the same words I was using. Wasn't he tired of seeing things always go wrong for the two of us. "Does your foot hurt?"
"Nooope" he always prolonged the words when he was lying.
"You and your brother are the worst liars ever to be born" said aunt Sarah helplessly and pushed Stefan back to the pillow when he was trying to raise up and sit straight so we could be closer "Don't even think about it." she scolded him and I supported her decision by giving him a serious look as well. He sighed and lied back down. I was finding it harder and harder to continue staying in this position. Suddenly, the only thing I wanted to desperately do, is lay down and aunt Sarah noticed it. It was hard to hide something from her. However, I found the strength in me to stay until Stefan fell asleep. He was just so tired, pale and lacking any kind of strength that he didn't need much. I stayed by his side as he wanted me to tell him a story and before I even got to the middle of it, he was out, breathing heavily. Aunt Sarah fixed his blanket yet again and I placed a kiss on his little hand, the same one that has pulled my away from the falling ceiling, because I couldn't stand up and reach to his forehead.
He looked so peaceful when he was asleep it made my heart even more heavy than it already was.
NOWADAYS:
"Mom must be so disappointed in us."
"Why so?" I said after a while
"We let her house burn" he said simply "And we can't fix it any time soon." the sadness in his voice didn't fail to hit me in the stomach once again.
"One day we will." I said knowingly and decided to change the subject as I saw how serious he still was "Want me to buy you one of those lollipops that color your tongue?" he immediately clapped his hands in excitement and it made me laugh out loud
"Yes, yes! Please, Damy! I promise I will behave. I will even eat my dinner tonight" he loved to make promises when he wanted something. I nodded my head in reassurance and his eyes lit up, then he asked me to put him down and hurried to the candy shop which was just around the corner while I scolded him not to run so fast. "Can I have a green one? Please, Damy!"
"Okay, a green one it is." I promised as we entered the place. In fifteen minutes we were out with a big green lollipop and some candies he promised not to eat before dinner. He was laughing so sincerely around me that it only made me smile even wider. I ruffled his sandy hair and urged him to keep going towards the park so he could swing some. I wanted to get him out of the sad reality we've been living in for months now. I wanted him to be happy. Even for a short while.
A/N: How stubborn is Damon exactly, huh? Anyway, I'm sorry for taking so long to update. I had certain ideas in my head when it comes to this story, but it was hard to put them in the right order and figure out how to exactly write everything that's on my mind. I hope you enjoy this update and I would definitely appreciate your opinions on it!
