Hey everyone! I'm so happy to be back! I hope that there are still people who are interested in this story after all this time. And to those of you that are, thank you so much! This next chapter was very difficult for me to start because like I said in my note a few days ago, when I reread the previous chapters, I came up with so many great ideas. So this next chapter is completely different from what I had originally planned, but I have to say that I'm extremely happy & excited for whats to come. I also want to thank everyone who read my author's note, all your kind words and all your suggestions and ideas! I loved every one of them, you are all the absolute best. I definitely think that this next chapter is the turning chapter for the rest of the story, and everything will start to make sense from here on out. It does have a jump since the last chapter. But I think that now is when it gets even better! As you will see when you read this chapter, I borrowed something from The Notebook, I just am in love with what I used. Hope you like it! Anyway, enough of my talking. Thank you so much for your continued support, you have no idea how much it means to me. As always, I hope that you enjoy the next chapter, and also leave a review of what you think! Thanks!! :)
Disclaimer- Unfortunately, I own nothing and am no way affiliated with the CW or One Tree Hill.
Chapter 11
February 20, 2005
Walking into her bedroom, she threw her purse on her bed before sitting down in her computer chair. She placed her head in her hands, taking a few deep breaths. She was exhausted.
She knew that just coming from a lunch date with Lucas, she should of been in a better mood, but she couldn't help it. No matter how much Lucas did for her, she couldn't help thinking about him. And that bothered her. She'd been fairly successful in not letting her mind wander to him in the past 2 months but for some reason today, it was all she could think of. Where he was, who he was with, what he was doing. Each question plagued her mind and she was desperate for answers. Answers she knew she wouldn't get.
Looking around her room, she couldn't help but to think about the times that her and Julian had shared. She missed having him there, being able to talk to him whenever she wanted, being able to see him smile and hear his voice. Her eyes stopped at her dresser, and after staring at it for a minute, she walked over to it.
She opened the top drawer, moving a few items around until she found what she was looking for. It had been sitting there for 2 months, waiting for her to acknowledge it. Julian's letter.
It wasn't like she had forgotten about it. No it had been on her mind since she found it on her doorstep the morning he left, but it wasn't until now that she felt like she was ready. When she'd opened her door that day she knew that she couldn't bring herself to read it. The pain was too fresh. Just looking at his handwriting on the outside of the envelope now, had her heart aching. So instead of opening it and reading his words, she'd gone up to her room, placed it in her top drawer and hadn't looked back once. Until now.
She took it in her hands carefully, walking over to her bed. After several minutes she turned it over, ripping the top open slowly.
She could feel her heart pounding wildly in her chest as she took in the length of his letter. She knew this had the potential to crush her but it was too late. She didn't have the strength to put it back in her drawer and forget about it. Staring at it now, she couldn't believe she'd gone this long.
But it had to wait. If she had read it that morning, she was afraid that things might have been different. So instead of reading it right away, she placed it in her drawer and willed herself to forget about it. And it had worked. For two long months, she stayed away from that letter, half because she had forgotten, but mostly because she was afraid. She was terrified of what his words would do to her and how they would make her feel. But it was time to stop running. She would have to face it one day. And she knew today would be that day.
Taking a deep breath, she began reading. Her eyes watering after just reading the first few lines, but she kept going, unable to stop.
Brooke,
First, I want you to know that I'm not writing this to you to make you feel guilty or to confuse you in anyway. I hope that it doesn't cause you any pain, but instead offer a sense of closure, as it has for me. Please know that I'm not mad at you. I never was and I never will be. I understand why it has to be like this, and while I wish there was another way, I'm not mad. In a perfect world, I wouldn't be in New York right now, or at the very least, you would be here with me. But this isn't a perfect world, as you already know. One of the most important things I wanted to tell you is that you saved me, Brooke. If it wasn't for you, I don't know where I'd be right now. Thank you for not giving up on me. I don't know if you know this, but it was because of you that my mother is alive today. You were the one who gave me the strength and support I really needed. And for that, I owe you so much. I hope that by me leaving you are finally able to find the happiness that you deserve. And just know that I'm sorry for any unhappiness that I may have caused you.
She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes and spilling miserably down her cheeks but she didn't wipe them away. She blinked a few times until she could see his words again and continued reading.
That was never my intention. I don't want you to be sad about this, because in truth I'm not sure that I will ever really leave you. If you let me, I will always be in your memories and if I'm lucky, in your heart as well. Because that is where you will always be with me. In my heart. I know that I never got the chance to actually tell you this but, I love you. I'm pretty sure you already knew that, but just in case you didn't, I couldn't end this without telling you. You turned my whole entire world upside down Brooke, and to be honest I wouldn't want it any other way. So please, be happy. If not for me, please do it for you. Because you deserve so much, and it's time that you saw that also. You're an amazing girl, Brooke. I hope Lucas sees that. He's a lucky man. Please don't take this as a goodbye, because I can never say goodbye to you, Brooke Davis. You will be a part of me forever. I love you. I'll be seeing you.
Julian
She took a deep shaky breath, trying to calm herself down, but there was no use. She could feel the sobs building in her chest, and for once, she let them have her. She laid down on her bed, closing her eyes tightly. She saw him as soon as her eyes were shut and the thought of him alone sent her even further into hysterics. She missed him so much that it hurt, but she didn't know what to do. She was the one who had told him to go. She was the one who had made her decision. She felt like a fool crying, now.
She didn't know how long she was laying there before she reached for her cell phone next to her. She wanted to hear his voice so badly, but she was afraid. Could she really call him? After everything? Would he be angry that she was calling him? Would he pick up? Or even worse, would he hang up on her?
She shook her head. She knew he'd never hang up on her, but she still didn't know. She had to do something. She couldn't just sit here and feel sorry for herself. Even though, she knew that was what she deserved. She deserved to be miserable, to feel all the pain that she undoubtedly caused him. She deserved more than that.
She sat up, staring at her phone. She wasn't sure if she would actually go through with it. What would she say if he picked up? Telling him she missed him wasn't fair to him, and she refused to cause him any more pain. She wanted to tell him that she read his letter, that she was sorry for everything. She wanted to tell him how much she wished that they did live in that perfect world, and that they could be together. But she knew it wasn't that easy. It would do nothing but cause them both pain and she wasn't sure she could go through any more. She felt selfish, worrying about herself at all.
Deciding to follow her heart, she quickly dialed the familiar numbers before placing the phone to her ear. It felt like her heart was in her throat as she waited for the ringing to begin. It was a second later that she realized it wasn't coming, and instead in its place was a loud blaring in her ear. Jumping back, she realized that she was receiving a call and cursed out loud.
She stared at Nathan's name for a second before quickly answering her phone. She cleared her throat, hoping to sound as happy as possible.
"Hey Nate! What's up?" She grimaced at how peppy she sounded, she hoped he didn't catch on. She placed her hand over her heart, willing herself to calm down. She didn't need Nathan asking her questions. She was so confused right now, she was afraid she might actually tell him what was wrong had he asked.
"Hey Brooke, I was just wondering what time you and Lucas will be over tonight? I tried calling his cell but I think it's off. I want to make sure everyone is here before Haley gets home."
"Tonight?" She mumbled, confused. It was a second later that it dawned on her. Her and Lucas were supposed to be over at Nathan and Haley's tonight for Haley's surprise party. "Oh, tonight! Right! Oh, I think we'll be there before 7, she gets off at 8 right?"
"Yeah, 8 o'clock." He paused, talking to someone in the back round before talking to Brooke again. "Alright, Brooke. Can you do me a favor and make sure Jake and Peyton are here around the same time?"
She smiled lightly, thinking of her two friends and how far they had come. She was happy that Peyton had finally gotten past all the Julian drama, or at least that's how it seemed. She'd made a point not to bring anything up about Julian, half because she didn't want to for Peyton's sake, but mostly for her own. She couldn't bring herself to say his name.
"Sure. We'll see you later." She told him before saying goodbye and hanging up. She looked around her room wondering what she should wear for Haley's party before getting an idea. She made her way over to her closet, scanning the contents inside. It was a few moments later that she found what she was looking for. Pulling it out of her closet, she stepped back and draped the red dress across her bed. She stopped then, running her hands over the fabric, remembering that Julian loved when she wore red.
She sat down on her bed, frowning. She placed her head in her hands and let out a long sigh. She couldn't believe she was just about to call him. What was she thinking? She couldn't think of anything good coming from it. Besides hearing his voice. She let out an aggravated sigh, moving to stand up but her ringing cell phone stopped her.
She looked down on her bed and froze.
Julian.
~*~
"Brooke, that dress is amazing."
It was now 7:30 and her and Lucas had just arrived at Nathan and Haley's apartment 20 minutes before. Karen had called a few minutes before, now it was a matter of waiting for Haley to get home.
She smiled at Peyton halfheartedly. "Thanks, Pey. You looks gorgeous as always." She watched as Peyton stared at her for a second, an uneasy feeling washing over her. "What?"
Peyton shrugged after a few seconds. "Are you okay, Brooke? You've been distracted since you got here."
She fought the frown that was threatening to form on her face, instead forcing herself to smile. "Ya, I'm great. Just anxious for Haley to get here." She hoped that the bright smile on her face was believable.
Peyton stared at her for a long moment before shrugging. She could tell something was off about her, but she wasn't going to push it. It was obvious that Brooke didn't want to talk about it, so she was going to leave it alone.
"Guys! I think she's coming."
"Get the lights!" Nathan whispered loudly, hiding behind the couch.
~*~
It was silent as he made his way up to the door. He could see the door was slightly cracked open and looked around to see any sign of Haley or Nathan. Seeing nothing he took a hesitant step toward the door. He wasn't sure why the apartment was pitch black or why the door was open, but he was going to find out.
Knocking loudly, he slowly pushed the door open. "Nate?" He called, squinting into the darkness. He took a step back, tensing when he heard shuffling around before the light suddenly flicked on. He blinked twice trying to refocus his eyes as he looked around. He spotted her easily, standing in the kitchen, her back to him. He knew it was her and she didn't have to turn around. He felt his heart hammering in his chest at the sight of her, he could tell she looked beautiful. His thoughts were interrupted as Nathan moved to stand in front of him.
"Julian?!" Nathan questioned, surprised. He walked toward his friend, taking in his appearance. "Julian! What are you doing here?"
Her insides were in knots as she listened to Nathan talk. It couldn't be. But she knew it was true. As far as she knew, he was the only Julian everyone knew. But still, she was terrified to turn around and look. She could feel her hands start to shake as she imagined what he looked like, and why he was here but it was another second later that she forgot about it.
"Nathan?" Haley's confused voice called as she made her way into the house, she looked around for a second, confused to see a bunch of people standing around. She scanned the room for a second before her eyes landed on her husband, standing in front of.. Julian?
"Surprise!" Everyone suddenly shouted, causing both Haley and Julian to jump slightly.
Julian looked around, suddenly feeling like an idiot for coming over. He couldn't believe that he'd ruined Haley's surprise.
"Wow. Guys... this.. this is too much." Haley exclaimed, still a little shocked. She looked around and laughed when she saw Lucas, Peyton and Jake standing by the kitchen with hats on their heads. She took a second to search for Brooke, but she was no where in sight.
"Happy birthday, Hales!" Lucas smiled, walking over to his best friend, engulfing her in a big hug. He glanced toward Julian and Nathan who hadn't moved since Julian's entrance and he could feel the anger inside of him boiling. Just the sight of him made he want to go crazy on the guy, but he pushed it away, not willing to let this ruin Haley's night.
"Thanks!" She smiled brightly, hugging him tightly, looking toward her husband. He and Julian were standing a few feet away, Nathan's hand on his friends shoulder while Julian spoke. The look on Nathan's face had her confused. He looked almost sad. It was then that she was pulled into a hug by Jake and she made a mental note to find out what was going on, and soon.
~*~
"I figured you would be out here."
She closed her eyes tightly when she heard his voice. She'd escaped from the party about 20 minutes before and was thankful to find that the balcony outside of Nathan and Haley's bedroom was empty. She figured she would have a while before someone would find her. She was afraid that it would be him to find her, but now that she thought of it, she should have known he would.
She expected that seeing him for the first time would hurt but she was surprised by just how much her heart ached when she turned to face him. She didn't speak, instead she took in his appearance. He was wearing a black long sleeved shirt and light blue jeans. His hair was a little longer than she remembered, but it didn't matter. He still looked gorgeous.
"I like your dress." He told her, softly. He smiled slightly, watching as she finally looked into his eyes. He missed those eyes.
She smiled, and it was then that she finally allowed herself to look into his eyes. She was taken aback, however, at what she saw in them. He looked miserable. She took a step toward him automatically, extending her hand as if to grasp his own but instead let it fall back to her side. "What is it?" She asked nervously, staring into his eyes. She could see the dark circles under his eyes, no doubt from lack of sleep.
"I tried calling you. I wanted to tell you I was coming. I didn't want to catch you off guard." He explained softly, looking down. He knew that he had missed her while he was gone, but now, standing before her, he wanted nothing more than to take her into his arms and never let go. He felt like his heart was going to explode from his chest at any moment.
She frowned, suddenly angry at herself. When she'd seen him calling earlier, she'd chickened out. She couldn't force herself to answer the call, afraid of what would happen if she had. Now she wished that she answered the call. The look in his eyes told her there was something wrong. The sadness in his voice had her heart racing.
"Julian." She walked until she was standing right in front of him. Reaching up, lifting his chin gently, she waited until his eyes met hers. Her heart slammed into her chest when she saw his eyes shinning with unshed tears and she found herself becoming slightly choked up. Just the sight alone of him in so much pain made her want to cry along with him. "Julian, what happened?" She asked, desperately. She placed one of her hands on his cheek and the other on the side of his neck, her eyes pleading with him to tell her what was wrong.
He closed his eyes, leaning into her touch. It had been so long since he felt her skin and he'd almost forgotten how she could made him feel. He opened his eyes then, staring into her own once again. He could see the panic and concern shinning through and the sadness filled his body once more.
"My grandmother died." He whispered, softly.
She felt a wave of sadness sweep through her when she saw a few tears slide across his cheeks. "Oh, Julian. I'm so sorry." She breathed, wrapping her arms around him tightly.
He took a deep shaky breath, burying his face in the crook of her neck. He could feel every muscle in his body relaxing as he hugged her tighter. He breathed in her scent, his stomach tightening as he remembered how good it felt to be this close to her.
They stood like that for several minutes, each of them lost in their own thoughts, each of them not wanting to let go. It had been two long months since she'd felt his arms around her, and while she felt guilty for being this close to him, she couldn't help but be selfish and stay where she was.
It was her, however, who pulled away first. She took a step back, keeping her arms around him, to look into his face once more. She saw a few tears had fallen from his eyes and she reached up, wiping them away. "What happened?" She asked, softly.
He sighed, opening his eyes. "Do you remember the lady that lives next door? Sylvia?" He paused, waiting for her to answer. Once she nodded, he continued. "She called. She said that she hadn't heard from my grandma that morning, you remember how they used to have coffee every morning, right?" She nodded again. "Well, she went over, and the door was unlocked and she went in. She found her in her bed, but it was too late. The doctors said she had a heart attack in her sleep, that she didn't suffer.. But I feel so bad." He admitted, quietly. He looked down again, closing his eyes tightly, trying to fight back the tears that were threatening to fall.
She frowned, reaching up to lift his chin once more. "Julian, this is not your fault-"
"I should have been here, Brooke." His voice sounded so sad, so broken. It was killing her.
She pulled him toward her, hugging him tightly. "You couldn't have known." When he didn't say anything, she leaned back, putting her hands on both of his cheeks, forcing him to look at her. When his eyes didn't open, she signed. "Look at me," she demanded softly. When he did, she stroked his cheek gently with her thumb. "This is not your fault. It was her time. She's in a better place, and she's resting." She smiled softly, wiping away the tears on his cheeks.
He nodded, sighing loudly. He still felt so bad. He felt bad for leaving her, he felt like he should have been with her when she passed. He knew that he would have had no way to help her, he just felt like she shouldn't have been alone. He wished he could have been there.
"Hey, guys..."
They both froze for a second, Brooke taking a slow step backward. She watched as Julian wiped away the remaining tears on his face before turning toward the voice. "Hey Nate."
Brooke stood there, frozen in her spot, unable to move. She didn't know what was going through Nathan's mind, but she was thankful that he didn't look suspicious. She didn't know how she would be able to handle it if he questioned her about anything Julian. She wouldn't know what to say.
Nathan glanced between the two of them and almost wanted to laugh at how tense they both seemed. There was no doubt in his mind that he'd walked in on something personal between the two, but a large part of him wasn't surprised. Before Julian had left he was starting to notice a change between the two of them. He started seeing the looks between the two when no one was paying attention, or how their faces seemed to light up when the other walked into a room. He didn't think anything was going on, but he could tell that things were changing, and he was worried about them. He was worried about what it was putting them through. And when Julian showed up earlier in the night, his suspicions seemed to be confirmed when he'd seen Brooke pretty much dart from the room. When he'd realized that he was indeed right about the two, he knew that he had to talk to one of them. Not to find out everything going on, but to be there for them.
"Well, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go use the bathroom." Julian mumbled, looking over to Brooke for a second before walking into the house, leaving Nathan and Brooke standing in silence.
"Look, Nathan.." Brooke began after several minutes, but Nathan shook his head, stopping her. She watched as he walked up next to her, looking beyond the balcony at a few people walking by on the sidewalk below them.
"You don't have to explain anything to me, Brooke." He told her, turning toward her. "I know that something is going on, I noticed it before he left." He revealed, watching as she tensed up.
"Nothing happened, I swear, you have to know that I wouldn't do that to Lucas-"
Nathan shook his head, causing Brooke to clamp her mouth shut. "I know, don't worry. I know.." He watched as she sighed deeply in relief. "Wanna tell me what's going on?" He questioned, softly. He imagined that keeping this inside was not easy for the usually animated brunette. Keeping something like this inside, he could only imagine, was probably eating her up.
Brooke stared at him for a minute, not knowing what to do. A part of her wanted to deny it and tell him that there was nothing to tell, but the more dominant side of her wanted to finally be able to confide in someone who might understand her. Taking a deep breath, trying desperately to calm her erratic heartbeat, she chose the latter.
"I don't know where to even start." She admitted, sheepishly. He laughd softly, waiting.
When she didn't speak for a few minutes he smiled at her, encouraging her. "The beginning is always helpful." He teased, gently nudging her with his shoulder. He was relieved to hear her laugh beside him.
She hesitated, unsure if she should confide in him. It wasn't that she couldn't trust him, she was pretty sure it was on the contrary. She was just afraid that if anyone knew that somehow everyone would know. And that terrified her. She sighed. She was so tired of being afraid. So instead of being afraid, she took a deep breath and decided to be brave. She knew that she could trust him, and there was no reason to doubt that.
"Well, it started when they broke up.. Julian and Peyton." She began, watching Nathan nod. She then went on to tell him everything. From how angry she was at him for hurting Peyton, to how broken up Julian had been over his mom. She told him about all the times he stayed with her, all the times that she didn't go out with everyone because she was with Julian. She told him about how guilty she felt because she knew Peyton would hate her if she knew how close she'd gotten to Julian, when he'd hurt her so badly. She told him about when Lucas had found Julian at her house and how terrified she was that him and Julian were going to fight, and also about how that had been why she chose to calm things down with Julian. She told him about how she encouraged Julian to move with his mother, and that things with them would have to change. She told him about how badly she missed him while he was gone, and how scared she was of him being back. She told him everything.
"Wow." Nathan muttered after a few seconds of silence, taking it all in. He was right to think that something was going on, but he was surprised by just how much he and everyone else hadn't known. He felt bad for not being there for Julian during his tough times, but he found that he was glad that Brooke was. He now realized just how much the two meant to each other.
"Yeah." She breathed, sighing. She looked up at him, suddenly, causing him to look at her confused. She felt the sudden need to explain herself. "You have to believe me when I say that nothing happened, Nathan. I mean, I know that with everything, I'm in the wrong here, and I feel so bad about it. But I didn't cheat on your brother. Not physically at least." She admitted, sadly. While she knew that she hadn't done anything physical with Julian, her heart had betrayed her. Her heart had betrayed Lucas, in the worst way.
Nathan nodded, frowning. He could see how torn up she was over everything, and he felt badly for her, and for Julian. He couldn't imagine what they were both going through, and he wished that there was a way for him to help them. "I believe you, Brooke." He smiled, reaching over to squeeze her hand gently. "I guess I only have one question, then. And you don't have to answer it if you don't want to."
She stared at him, waiting. She could just imagine how many questions were going through his head at the moment. If she were in his place, she knew that she'd be asking a lot more than one question after everything she had just revealed.
"Are you in love with him?"
~*~
It was a few hours later that the party was just about over. Almost all of the guests had left, the only ones remaining at the apartment being the 6 friends. Julian had taken off over two hours ago, not really in a partying mood, much to Lucas' delight.
Brooke had been especially quiet after her talk with Nathan, lost in her own thoughts. The only time she'd made the effort to be happy or talkative was when she was around Lucas, Peyton and Haley. When Julian left a while before, all she wanted to do was go with him, but she knew it couldn't happen. There would be no way to explain that to her friends, and while she was glad that someone finally knew and understood what she was going through, she didn't want Nathan to think anything about it either.
Once the cleaning was done, everyone sat down around the living room, each one exhausted from the long day and night. Brooke had been careful not to pay much attention to Peyton most of the night, knowing how confused the blonde must have been due to Julian's unexpected return. She knew that her own head was still spinning. She was glad that no one had mentioned him all night, but it was short-lived when Haley finally voiced the question on everyone's mind.
"Well, I think I've waited long enough. And I'm pretty sure that I speak for everyone when I ask this, but what was Julian doing here?" She asked, looking toward Nathan. She knew that he knew why, and she couldn't wait any longer. Besides, she knew that her friends were just as curious.
Nathan looked around, his gaze meeting Brooke's for a moment before he turned toward his wife. "His grandma died." He told her, frowning.
Everyone gasped, apart from Brooke. She just sat there, trying to control the sea of emotions swimming through her.
"That's terrible. He was really close to her." Brooke wasn't surprised that it was Peyton who spoke first. But she still didn't look at her. She felt guilty as it was.
Jake nodded. "Poor guy. Do you know anything about the funeral and everything?"
Nathan shook his head. "I'm pretty sure he just got here, honestly. I don't think he even knows anything."
Brooke glanced over at Lucas, who had been surprisingly quiet through the conversation. She knew how much he disliked Julian, and she was sure he was a little annoyed that Julian was even brought up up. She saw small trace of sadness on his face and was slightly relieved. She was glad that he was able to put his distaste for Julian aside and realize that it was a tough time for him. She hoped that would also encourage him to either be civil with Julian or just to steer clear of him altogether. If she knew Lucas as well as she thought, she knew that he would choose the latter.
Everyone was quiet for a few minutes before Peyton stood up, causing everyone to look up at her. "Well, it's getting late, we should probably be heading out." She spoke to Jake only, but everyone knew the reason that she wanted to leave. It wasn't a secret that this was hard for her, and Brooke felt bad for her. She knew that she was just finally able to get past everything and be happy with Jake. And she prayed that didn't change. For Peyton's sake, but also for her own.
Lucas nodded, reaching over and taking Brooke's hand in his own, causing the brunette to jump slightly in surprise. "We should get going, too."
She nodded, reaching down to grab her purse before standing up, turning toward her friends. "Happy birthday, Hales." She smiled, walking over to her friend, engulfing her in a tight hug. "Love you."
"Love you too, B. Davis. I'll give you a call tomorrow." Haley promised, turning toward Lucas. "Night buddy." She smiled, giving him a tight hug.
Brooke turned toward Nathan, smiling slightly. "Good party." She teased, reaching up to hug him. "Thank you." She whispered, to which he just squeezed her tightly before releasing her from the hug. He nodded, smiling.
After saying the rest of her goodbyes, Brooke followed Lucas down to the truck before climbing in next to him.
"I'm so tired, tonight." Brooke yawned, leaning her head back against the headrest, closing her eyes.
Lucas smiled over at his girlfriend, reaching over to take her hand in his. "Do you wanna stay with me tonight?"
She inwardly cringed at how hopeful his voice sounded. Yawning again, she turned toward him with a lazy smile on her face. "I'm exhausted. And I have an early morning tomorrow. Remember my doctor's appointment?" He nodded, slightly disappointed. She squeezed his hand gently. "Rain check? I'll make it up to you."
He smiled, nodding. "I'm going to hold you to that." He warned, chuckling softly.
She nodded, looking out at the window at all the houses they passed. It was a few minutes later that he was pulling into her driveway.
She turned toward him then, leaning in to give him a tight hug. "I'll call you tomorrow." She told him, turning to get out of the truck.
He grabbed her hand gently, causing her to turn toward him. He leaned in, placing a soft kiss to her lips, before leaning back to smile at her. "Goodnight, Pretty Girl. I love you."
Her heart dropped, watching as he smiled at her, before putting the truck in reverse and driving away from her house. She stood there, watching the tail lights until she couldn't see him anymore before turning to walk to her house. She felt like such a terrible person.
She stopped then, turning toward her car. She walked over, quickly unlocking the drivers door before climbing into it and turning the car on. She had to see him.
~*~
He wasn't sure how long he was sitting on the steps of his grandmother's porch when he heard a car door slam in the distance. He didn't even bother looking up, he knew that there was a party a few houses down, but he ignored them.
He had come out here almost an hour ago, unable to be inside the house any longer. Everything he looked at, had a memory of her and it was killing him. He felt so guilty not being with her for her last moments. He felt like he had abandoned her. The thought alone had his stomach in knots.
"Hey."
He looked up quickly, surprised to see Brooke standing before him. He didn't hear her walk up.
"Hi." He responded, standing up. He watched as she walked up to him, watching him carefully.
"I hope it's okay that I'm here." She spoke softly, and he could tell she was nervous. He could feel his heart thudding in his chest at the sight of her. She always took his breath away.
He shook his head. "Of course it is." He assured her, smiling softly. He was glad that she was here. He didn't know if he would have been able to go back into the house had she not shown up. He was sure that if he were alone for much longer, the guilt would swallow him whole.
She smiled, but stayed quiet. She didn't know what to say. She felt like her heart was going to leap from her chest at any moment, she was so nervous. She didn't know what she was going to say to him the entire way over, she just knew that she had to come.
When she had first walked up and saw him sitting outside, she felt her heart break for him. She could tell he was beating himself up again, and she knew then that she had made the right decision by coming. She didn't want him to be alone right now. She hadn't thought that maybe he might want to be alone though. She shook her head at the thought. He wouldn't have told her it was okay if he didn't want her there.
"Let's go inside." She urged softly, reaching out for him to take her hand.
He stared at her hand for a second, unsure. He wasn't sure that he could go back in and face the pain.
As if sensing his uncertainty, she took a step closer to him, taking his hand into her own. "I'm not going anywhere." She vowed, squeezing his hand tightly.
He nodded, smiling down at her. He could feel a lump forming in his throat at her declaration, but he swallowed it back. He didn't want to cry anymore. So instead of getting upset again, he led her into the house, walking up the stairs until he reached his room.
She walked over to his bed, removing her shoes before climbing in his bed, waiting for him to follow.
He stood in the doorway, watching her carefully. After a few seconds, he walked over, kicking his own shoes off before climbing in next to her.
After a few minutes of silence, she felt him lay his head on her stomach and she brought her hand up to run her fingers through his hair, soothingly. She could hear the sound of his quiet sobs and she bit down on her lip, trying to control her own emotions. She could feel her own tears sliding down her cheeks as she continued to run his fingers through his hair.
She didn't know what was going to happen next, or what this meant for them. But she did know one thing.
She was right where she belonged.
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