Recovering the Satellites
Chapter Twelve
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Sorry for the little bit of a delay. Thanks for the reviews on the last chapter, keep it up :)
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Chandler rolled over in bed, reaching out his arm but finding an empty bed in return. He'd crawled into bed with Rachel around three in the morning after staying up and writing, finding it strangely comforting to fall asleep with her in his arms after all of the events of the weekend. He had half hoped she would still be there when he woke up, but knew she had mentioned going into work that day for a few hours before going back to the hospital to relieve Amy of her post for a few hours, as well. Craning his neck to see the time, Chandler smiled at the post-it note stuck to the alarm clock.
Sorry to just leave, but you're too grumpy in the morning to wake up. :)
Dinner later? Call me when you get up.
Rach
Chandler stretched out again, burying his face in Rachel's pillow, thinking he could probably go back to sleep for a few hours, afraid of who else from his past he would run into if he left the sanctuary of Rachel's apartment. However, he really wanted to go see Joey while he was on this kick of making peace with his past. Not wanted, needed. He needed to see Joey.
Or, maybe he needed to go run first. And eat. And call Rachel. And call work.
Yep, stall Chandler, he thought to himself as he finally crawled out of bed, looking out the window at the grey day outside. That'll make seeing Joey that much easier….
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After doing everything he had earlier proposed to stall and then some, Chandler was finally walking the few blocks to Joey's building. Formerly his building. The air in New York still had the bitter chill of that last bit of winter that was holding on in early March, and Chandler shivered as he stuffed his hands inside his jacket pockets, suddenly missing the weather back home. At that thought, Chandler almost stopped walking. New York was no longer 'home.' It didn't even feel like he was coming back home, like it felt when he'd visited either of his parents when he was in college, but more like he was invading a place he had left and was no longer welcomed. When he ran through Central Park earlier, he realized it had lost its familiar feeling, and even just walking down his old street now felt eerie, not nostalgic.
Maybe whoever said that you can never go back home was right. 'Home' inevitably changes. You can't come back to the home you left; it simply no longer exists.
Long before he was ready, Chandler found himself in front of the familiar apartment building. His and Joey's former building. His and Monica's former building. A place that for nearly ten years had been his home. Heart in his throat, he suddenly found that standing there, staring up at their balcony hurt almost as badly as seeing Monica again had hurt the day before. Hell, it hurt as badly as seeing Mary earlier that weekend, and those wounds were still fresh, not three years old.
Taking a random shot in the dark, he entered the old code on the key pad to the intercom system, laughing when the door buzzed open. At least some things don't change. Taking a deep breath, but then regretting it as the cold air stung his lungs, he opened the door, slowly walking in and heading towards the staircase. He walked up one flight of stairs, and then another, and before he was ready to be, he found himself in-between apartments nineteen and twenty.
Chandler swallowed the lump in his throat, blinking hard to keep the tears away that threatened. Why was this so hard? Why was this as hard as it was seeing Monica the day before? Why-
Chandler jumped as he heard the chain and lock being undone on the door to apartment nineteen. Joey was coming. There was no backing out now, no time to even figure out his feelings before talking to Joey.
"Chandler?" Joey said, surprised, as he opened the door.
"He-hey, Joe," Chandler smiled. "Surprise?" he offered, realizing that he probably should have called, seeing the backpack Joey was carrying and realizing he was on his way out. "Is this not a good time? I can go. I'll-"
"No-no, it's fine," Joey moved out of the doorway, letting Chandler in as he dropped his bag. "I have a few minutes before I need to leave."
"Thanks," Chandler muttered, moving past Joey, who closed the door as the two men stood in awkward silence. Chandler scuffed his foot nervously, and Joey smiled at the familiar action, heading over to the fridge.
"Beer?" he asked, grabbing one for Chandler before he could answer.
"Thanks," Chandler took the bottle, watching as Joey headed to the living room and sat in one of the two barca loungers still in there. It was weird, in a way, the room looked nearly identical to how it had years ago, before he had moved in with Monica. Before he had left Monica.
"Phoebe said you were in town," Joey finally broke the silence, and Chandler nodded, sitting on one of the bar stools.
"Yea, Rachel's dad had a heart attack, and she was staying with me while she was in California on business. She was pretty freaked out, so I came back with her."
Joey nodded, slowly taking a drink of his beer. "Phoebe also, ah, kinda alluded to something else, but…."
"Alluded?" Chandler looked at Joey in shock.
Joe grinned. "Phoebe got me word of the day toilet paper. It's in alphabetical order and everything!" Chandler laughed; maybe not everything about home had changed. "So…?" Joey raised his eyebrows inquisitively at Chandler, who shrugged, and Joey laughed, still able to read him. "Out of the two of us, you would be the one to get both Rachel and Monica," Joey laughed. "Who'da thought?" Chandler laughed, shaking his head as he stood up, moving to the other chair. "I miss this sometimes," Joey said quieter, and Chandler looked down, unable to take the eye contact.
"Me, too," he finally whispered in reply, fidgeting with the bottle in his hand for a moment before looking up. "Look, Joe, I just wanted to say…that I'm sorry. And I know that I've said it before, but…I really mean it," he took a deep breath. "I'm sorry I didn't talk to you before I left. I'm sorry I just…took off. I guess I didn't realize how badly I was hurting you…."
"You should be sorry," Joey scoffed. "I mean, you were my best friend, Chandler. You were like my brother. And you just…left. You left me like you left your girlfriend. Which is also not cool, by the way, but she's happy now, so that's all in the past," Joey shook his head, getting off topic. "But you're not supposed to do that to your best friend, your brother," Joey again paused. "You could have talked to me. Why didn't you talk to me? I mean, you even talked to Rachel before you left…."
Chandler ran a hand through his hair, sighing heavily. "I know," he sighed again, exasperated. "And I don't know why I didn't talk to you. I was just so busy running away from my current life, and I was just in such a hurry to get out of here before I lost my nerve, and I just," Chandler paused, looking down. "Those are all excuses. I'm sorry, Joe. I don't know what to say to make it better. I don't know what to say to make up for the past few years. I don't think there even is anything I can say. But I do know that I miss you, and I want things to be better between us. I know we won't just magically go back to being best friends, and we may never be as good of friends as we were before, but…I'm sorry," he shrugged. "And that's all I have."
Joey stared back for a moment, watching Chandler nervously fidget. "Okay," Joey nodded.
"What?"
"Okay," Joey repeated. "I mean, I think you're right with all of that stuff you just said, and it might never go back to how it was, but I don't want to hate you or be mad at you forever, Chandler…."
"Okay, so….friends?" Chandler hesitated, holding his hand out to Joey.
"Friends," Joey nodded enthusiastically as he stood up, grabbing Chandler's hand and pulling him into a hug. "So," Joey grinned as they pulled back, "Rachel, huh?"
Chandler shook his head, laughing at Joey, admiring his ability to forgive him, or, at the least, to move past the fact that he had hurt him in the past enough to want to attempt to be friends again. "Weren't you about to leave?"
"Oh, crap, right," Joey rushed to the door. "Gotta go do that whole 'work' thing."
"I'm only going to be in town for another couple of days, but do you want to grab a beer or coffee or something before I leave?" Chandler followed Joey out the door, staring at the door to apartment twenty as Joey locked up.
"Sure," Joey agreed, turning to face Chandler. "She doesn't live there anymore," Joey nodded towards the door.
"What?"
"Monica. She doesn't live there anymore, if that's what you were wondering."
"Oh."
"Anyway, I need to get going. I'll call you later?" Joey continued as he walked towards the stairs.
"Yea, later, man," Chandler answered, and Joey literally ran down the remaining flight of stairs and out the door, pausing momentarily to give the girl entering the building a quick glance up and down and a 'how you doin'?' before continuing down the street. Chandler laughed to himself as he shook his head at the things that hadn't changed that much after all.
And who was it that said you can't go home?
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This chapter was going to go on further, but I felt that the Joey/Chandler relationship deserved a chapter of its own :)
Also, someone said something in a review about not believing that Joey and Phoebe would forgive Chandler so easily…but this is three years later. This isn't immediately after he left. They are all adults. And it's three years later. And everyone has ended up happy. It's my experience, with falling-outs with groups of friends, that, at least when it comes to your formerly really good friends, you eventually just want to be grown ups about it and be on good terms, even if people have been hurt in the past. Just my two cents.
Oh, and did you hear, Matthew Perry's new show got picked up by ABC! Anyone else excited??
