This document beta'd by the scrupulous Averant

Chapter 12: It's Just a Prank, Bro

"So the first thing you need to learn about Egypt is that basically everything is cursed. You see that bit of pottery? Cursed. Those empty tombs? Cursed. That camel? Definitely cursed. Also, the locals are all barmy, and will literally try to sell you sand. Don't buy it, it's probably cursed."

The Weasley family was following Bill through the ancient city of Luxor. It was not, however, the Luxor that most tourists visited, but the magical side. Goblins and animal headed creatures called godlings could be seen hawking wares from stalls and carts, and in the case of the Horus' War Mage Supplies, that was quite literal.

"Ah, my friends, you are looking like you will be needing many fantastic supplies for fighting horrific monsters, yes?" the hawk-headed vendor said as the Weasley's went by.

Harry paused, glancing at Ron and Hermione. "Actually, we might be in the market. What do you have to fend of Defense Against the Dark Arts Professors?"

"Give it a rest Harry, Lockhart wasn't actually evil," Ron said.

"He wasn't, but what about the next one?" Harry demanded. "Plus, even if Lockhart wasn't evil, Luna did get possessed by the younger version of You-Know-Who. Plus, Sleepy the Wonder Turban is still out there. I'm sure he's got something evil planned for this year."

Hermione bit her lip, glancing between the two boys. "Ooo, I don't know Harry. Maybe Ron's right and this will be a perfectly normal school year."

"Ah, you are English yes, going to Hogwarts? You be trusting me, there is no such thing as normal at the school for you Englishes. Here, I am having amulet that will keep off evil spirits." The vendor held up an amulet, shaped like a black dog's head.

Harry reached out to take it, until his hand was smacked away. "What did Bill just tell you?" Charlie said, shaking his head in disappointment. "That looks like a bloody grim it does. Keep off evil spirits my arse. Why, I bet that thing would attract a grim and get you all killed."

"Lies, horrible lies! I would never be selling such an artifact! This is anubis amulet, guardian the afterlife and of lost souls. Very powerful magic, only ten sickles!"

"Look, you want a protective amulet, ask Bill. He's probably capable of making a halfway decent one. Don't go buying things off street vendors. They'll sell you your own shoes and make you think you got a good deal. Come on."

Reluctantly, Harry allowed himself to be lead away from the vendor and his cries. Somehow, that anubis amulet had seemed like just the thing he needed to keep away trouble.

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"Now, this is one of the famous Magician's Pyramids. This one in particular is the Pyramid of Jannes and Jambres, the magicians who contested Moses in the bible. Now, as you know, Moses was famous for his ability to transfigure everyday objects into living beings, something that baffled the Ancient Egyptian magicians as he was the one to invent it. However, these two-"

Harry and Luna followed behind Percy deeper into the musty pyramid as Percy continued his lecture on ancient Egypt.

"You really think we'll find a crumple horned snorkack in here?" Harry asked, pointing his wands light into the dark corners of the ancient tomb. Skittering sounds from various creatures could be heard in the echoing halls, along with Percy's droning lecture.

Luna shrugged, her own wand light wandering over the ancient tombs faded paintings. "I'm not sure, but it seems as good a place as any to look."

Behind them, Harry and Luna heard a grinding noise and giggling. They spun about as the daylight faded and the door of the pyramid clicked shut.

"Percy?" Harry called, his voice quavering slightly. "I think the door just closed."

Beside Harry, Luna silently slipped her hand into his and gave it a squeeze. "It's OK, it's probably just an Egyptian ghost, playing pranks. Oh! Or maybe it's a glowering rogon. I've always wanted to see one!"

Percy's lecture trailed off and he hurried back to where the two younger redheads were standing. "What? The door closed?"

"Yes, we were looking for crumple horned snorkacks, and the door closed behind us," Luna said. "I think I heard laughing, it was probably a glowering rogon, they like to trick people into traps and seal them there. Later, they come back to feast on their remains."

Percy frowned. "Laughing? Ugh. Luna, it wasn't a glowering rogon or a blibbering humbinger, it was Fred and George playing one of their asinine pranks. They're just jealous because I got my letter letting me know I'm head boy this year."

"It's a blibbering humdinger, and they're not native to Egypt. I'm pretty sure it was a glowering rogon," Luna corrected.

"Whatever. I'll get us out of here, never you fear." Percy walked up to the door and waved his wand, chanting a few spells. The door, however, refused to budge.

Harry started to sweat, looking around at the suddenly sinister pyramid, his wand light seeming too feeble to banish the darkness. "Luna, do you think that the glowering rogan will be back to eat us?" Harry whispered.

"Oh no, it won't be back for days until we've died of thirst," Luna said brightly. "Until then we should really worry about the il-dal, the spirits of the dead that haunt tombs and wish to drag off intruders to an eternal rest."

"Come on you two, we've got to find another way out," Percy said, stalking back towards them. "I refuse to let those two hooligans ruin our vacation."

Harry held tight to Luna's hand, both of their palms sweaty and their grips tight as they followed Percy through the tomb. "Are you scared?" Harry asked quietly.

"Of course not. You're here with me," Luna said, giving Harry another big smile. "And Percy too. As long as I have my friends, why should I be scared?"

Swallowing his fear, Harry managed to smile. "Yeah. I guess it's not so bad with you here."

After a few minutes of wandering, they came to a wall of hieroglyphs and paintings. Percy studied them, his wand light passing over the images. "Hmm. This is actually quite interesting. I looks as though this depicts Jannes and Jambre's battle with Moses. See here, he's turning his staff into a snake, and the other magicians are working out how to do it."

"Is that like the spell Draco used to summon a snake when he dueled Ginny?" Harry asked.

"Not quite, as that's a summons and not a transfiguration. However, that is a spell devised by Egyptians as well. I believe it was the magician Imhotep who first developed the snake summoning charm."

About an hour later, Harry, Luna, and Percy had thoroughly explored the tomb, discovering several excellently preserved artifacts and wall paintings and even a friendly ghost who showed them around for a bit, despite the fact that he only spoke ancient Egyptian. It had actually been quite interesting, and Luna had even discovered a scarab beetle that blinked in and out of existence.

"I knew the vanishing beetle borg was real!" Luna said, examining the jar that was currently empty with her free hand. Her other hand was still clutching Harry's.

"Yes, but how can we prove it's real if it keeps vanishing like that?" Harry asked.

"As long as you and I know, does it really matter if anyone else does?"

Harry was still pondering the answer to that question when he heard echoing calls through the tomb.

"Hmph! Guess mum and dad finally noticed we were missing," Percy said. "Come on, let's get back to the entrance."

It took a few minutes of wandering, but they were finally located by Bill. "There you three are! I caught the twin terrors sniggering to themselves and realized they'd locked you in here. We've already gotten Ron and Hermione out of the one they stuck them in. Honestly, I understand the pranks but this is dangerous! Who knows what you could run into in these old tombs."

"We found a vanishing beetle borg," Harry said, reluctantly letting go of Luna's hand.

Bill frowned, looking at the empty jar Luna held up. "Huh. Well, anyway, come on, it's time for tea."

They all sat down in the shade of one of the cliffs, Mrs. Weasley setting out biscuits and hot cups of tea for everyone.

"You two got locked in a tomb as well?" Percy asked, sitting down next to Hermione and Ron. "I hope you weren't too put out."

Both of them flushed and looked away from each other.

"It was fine," Ron mumbled.

Hermione nodded, not meeting anyone's eyes. "We weren't scared at all."

"I was a bit scared at first, but then Harry held my hand and everything was OK. What about you?" Luna asked brightly.

Ron developed a coughing fit, and Hermione mumbled under her breath. Seeing how uncomfortable his brother and honorary sister were, Harry held up the jar. "Look, we found a vanishing beetle borg. Oh, look, it's vanished again."

Behind them, Ginny quietly passed Fred and George a sickle apiece. "Not bad, but next time, don't lock them in with Percy."

The twins nodded gravely, pocketing the cash. "Now, who should we lock you in with little sis?"

Ginny rolled her eyes. "If I knew that, I wouldn't go telling you, would I?"

"Hmm. What about that Harry Potter bloke?"

"Still fancy him?"

"Bit of a git from what I've heard."

"Still, he is famous."

"Too right brother mine. Nothing but the best for Gin-Gin."

"Stop it you two, or I'm telling Percy about your crushes on Angelina and Alicia."

The twins laughed and shook their heads. "What's he going to do about it?"

Ginny grinned wickedly. "Oh, I don't know, maybe set Colin Creevy to follow you around and snap pictures whenever you have a quiet moment."

Horror struck, the twins gaped at Ginny before shutting their mouths and shaking their heads. "Looks like we've got step up our game. Don't want to be out done by our own sister do we?"

Ginny sniffed. "As long as I'm still your favorite sister."

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After two weeks in Egypt, it was once more time to depart. Harry hugged his two older brothers tightly when it was time to go.

"I'll miss you both. Write often!" Harry said.

Bill and Charlie laughed and promised they would. "I'll try and make it to a quidditch game some day, I'd like to see you and Ron trading off, brilliant prank that."

Once more they rode the Weatherlight through the sky, the sea and land passing by beneath them for two days of flying. Though he kept a lookout for any strange phantasms or monsters in the sky, Harry didn't see much of anything interesting. Still, it was fun to play on deck with the others or watch as the world passed below them.

When they arrived back in England, everyone piled back into the car for the drive back to the Burrow, and immediately began arguing over who got the window seats, even Luna and Hermione. Along the way they dropped Hermione off with her parents, then headed back to the Burrow. Once there Luna flooed back home, and everyone had chores to do around the house and farm. The complex charms around the animals to keep them fed were wearing off, and Harry had to do something about the spilled milk around the cows from the overflowing self milking buckets that had been set up.

Just as he was finishing mucking out the barn with Ron and Ginny, Mr. Weasley came running outside, his face red. "Get inside, all of you, now!"

No one argued; it was rare enough to see Mr. Weasley panicked and distraught, and rarer still to see him with his wand drawn, looking around for trouble.

"Dad, what is it?" Ron asked once they got back inside the house. Percy had his own wand out, and Fred and George were actually sitting quietly at the table, their faces pale. Mrs. Weasley was locking the back door and muttering some spells over it.

Mr. Weasley pointed to the paper from two days before, laying on the table. On the front, a deranged looking wizard howled and ranted as he was hauled away by aurors. The headline read:

SIRIUS BLACK ESCAPES FROM AZKABAN.

Once mum and dad returned from activating the Burrows more aggressive defensive measures, everyone sat down at the table.

"Harry, I don't suppose you know the story of Sirius Black. It's an old, painful tale, but it's one you need to hear," Mr. Weasley said. "You know that Voldemort murdered the Potters, right?"

"Yes, Ron told me about it during my first year."

"Well, there was a bit more to it than that. You see, your parents house was protected by a powerful, ancient spell. The fidelius charm. This charm prevents anyone from finding out a secret unless they are informed of it. It can be a person, a place, or a thing that is protected. Unless you know the secret, you cannot find the place. However, there is a trick to the fidelius charm. Whatever is being protected by the charm cannot itself be protected the secret. For example, if we were to place the Burrow under the fidelius charm, none of us could be the secret keeper if we lived here. After only a short time, our presence would unravel the protective magic. So you see, your parents had to have another person keep their secret so they would remain safe."

"Was it you and mum?" Harry asked, his eyes growing wide.

Arthur and Molly took each others hands. Mum was crying silently, dabbing at her cheeks. Dad shook his head, smiling sadly. "No, Harry. It wasn't us. We knew your parents, but we were not close. We are actually quite a bit older than your parents were, and never knew them outside of- well, that's not important right now. No, one of their own friends was secret keeper. Sirius Black."

Harry glanced around the table. Percy looked grim and determined. Fred and George were actually serious for once, making no effort to add levity to the situation. Ginny was as much of a mess as mum, her eyes red and filled with tears. Ron sat beside Harry, his hand on Harry's shoulder, trying to look brave.

"Is that why he's in prison? Because he betrayed the secret?" Harry asked.

Dad shook his head slowly. "Not entirely. That's part of it, to be sure, but it's not all of it. You see, once he did betray your parents, he set about on a mad killing spree. Another friend of your parents, Peter Pettigrew, tried to stop him, to keep him from killing a street full of muggles. He only managed to stun Black though, and he died along with 13 muggles. All they found of Peter was a finger. After that, Black was locked up in Azkaban."

"I know what that is: wizard prison," Harry said. "Mum threatened to send me there when I stole some treacle tart once."

Molly looked mortified at this, and reached out to put her hand on Harry's. "Harry, dear, you have to know I was just angry with you. We would never...Azkaban is a terrible place. The dementors there are so awful…."

"But why now?" Percy asked. "After all these years, how did Black get out?''

Fred grimaced. "It's obvious, isn't it?"

"Yeah. Sleepy the Wonder Turban."

"He's got You-Know-Who on the back of his head, right?"

"Black was one of old Voldy's best minions, right?'

"So, Sleepy realizes that his plan to kill Harry with the basilisk didn't work."

"Now he's gone and gotten Black out so he can kill Harry for him."

Dad was silent for a long moment, then nodded. "That is a surprisingly well thought out chain of logic. I have to say, that seems very likely. Which means that if Black learns where Harry lives, he'll come straight here."

"And failing that, he'll try something at Hogwarts," Percy added. "We have to protect ourselves."

"Could we use the fidelius charm?" Ginny asked. "That would keep the Burrow safe, and no one would know Harry lived here."

"Your father and I have talked about just such a thing before," mum said. "I think it would be wise, but who could be our secret keeper?"

"Why not Luna's dad?" Ron asked. "No one would ever suspect him."

"I'm not sure if Xenophilius has the right...temperament," Mr. Weasley hedged.

"Well, what about Professor Dumbledore?" Percy asked.

Mr. and Mrs. Weasley flushed bright red. "Well, you see, there is the small matter of the fact that no one actually knows Harry lives here now."

"Well, Luna, Hermione and their parents know," Harry pointed out. "So you could either use Hermione or Xenophilius."

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"Let me get this straight. You have a life threatening secret that you need kept, and I am your first choice?"

The Weasley's all looked slightly guilty, but finally it was Ron who spoke up. "You're family. We trust you more than anyone."

Hermione flushed with pleasure at that, and nodded. "Alright, if you think I'm really the best one, I'm willing to learn how to use the spell."

"It's a complicated bit of magic," Mr. Weasley said, taking out his wand. "It make take you the rest of the summer to learn it."

Two hours later, Hermione had mastered the Fidelius charm.

Everyone went to the edge of the Burrow's property, and Hermione performed the spell, chanting and pacing around as she waved her wand. The incantation complete, everyone blinked and looked around.

"Where'd the house go?" Ron asked, blinking as he looked towards where the Burrow had stood not a moment before. "I can't remember, but I think it should be right there."

"That's because of the Fidelius, Ron," Hermione lectured. "I haven't told you the secret yet, so you don't know where it is."

"Oh. Right." Ron flushed, but listened as Hermione spoke again.

"The Burrow is in Ottery St Catchpole in Devon, England."

Harry gasped as the Burrow seemed to spring back to it's proper place right before his eyes. "I'd completely forgotten," he murmured. "That's amazing."

"Hermione, you really are the brightest witch of our generation," Ron said seriously. "I don't think anyone else who's only 13 years old could ever have managed that."

"Yes, well, I suppose you could have with practice, Ron," Hermione muttered, looking very pleased at the praise.

"Can she still come back to the house?" Ginny asked. "Or will the magic break down right away?"

"No more than a few hours," Mr. Weasley explained. "For now though I'll go get the car and take her back home. Thank you, Hermione. We're in your debt."

"Nonsense, we're all Weasleys, right?" Hermione fingered her own red hair, smiling at Mr. Weasley as she did so.

Laughing, Mr. Weasley nodded. "I suppose so, even if you are only an honorary Weasley. For now, anyway. Well, I'll just go get the car then."

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A black dog crept up the hill, it's hackles risen as it growled and sniffed the air. It's prey should be near, it knew it. It stepped forward, out of the woods, and stopped. It was gone. The whole house, the barn, the fields, the orchard. All gone. It growled angrily. Fidelius. Those meddling Weasleys had placed their property under the Fidelius charm! The dog changed into a man, who snuck around the property, trying to find a way in, but unable to locate one. Damn them! Who would be the secret keeper? He had no idea, he'd been gone for too long, for too long had he allowed his prey to remain free.

"Harry," the man growled. "I'm coming for you." The man turned back into the dog, and ran off into the night.

A week later, the night before the students would leave for Hogwarts, the dog arrived at Hogsmeade. It snuck through the town, looking through trash bins and discarded rubbish for food. It was boney and skeletal, but it's eyes burned with a feverish intensity. It made it's way past the town to a dilapidated shack, but paused. It sniffed the air and crept forward. Flinching, the dog recoiled. It recognized that smell: Werewolf. One werewolf in particular: Moony. Moony! He could ruin everything, he'd always been suspicious, he'd never let the dog kill its prey. Growling, the dog stalked away into the Forbidden Forest. There were some caves it could seek shelter in.

As it wandered through the forest, the dog shifted back to a man for a bit, trying to think. It was easier to think when it walked on two legs, but also more vulnerable. As he wandered, Black became lost in his dark thoughts of death and murder, of his hunger for revenge, to complete his mission.

He stumbled into a clearing and froze. A dead unicorn lay before him, and a dark shape was feeding upon it. Suddenly, the shape flew forward, wand extended.

"Fool! You interrupt my feeding! I will slay you for your impudence and-"

"Silence you gibbering moron, do you not know who this is?"

Black had been about to flee, but paused as he witnessed the most bizarre conversation he'd ever seen as the figure paced back and forth, jerking and talking to the back of its own head.

"No master, I do not, who is it?"

"This is Sirius Black! Remember, we read about him in the Prophet only yesterday!"

"Oh, I only read the Quibbler, it has better funnies than the Prophet."

"Fool! Simpleton! Do you not recall he was listed as the greatest of my servants!"

"Oh." The mad man paused, coming up to Black who eyed with a large measure of distrust. "Sorry, don't think we've met." Pulling back the hood, the man smiled. "Hello there, I'm Quirrell. I'm the most loyal and faithful servant of the Dark Lord! How do you do?"

Black hesitantly shook the offered hand, not really sure what to make of this. "Do you always introduce yourself as a Death Eater, or just to strange men you meet in the forest who witness you doing unspeakable and profane acts?"

"Oh, you know, mostly just during business. Usually after I say that master or I kill all the witnesses! I wonder, does that mean I should kill you?"

Before Black could flee, the man jerked and spun around. Black flinched away at the hideous thing on the back of the man's skull: A snake like face with glowing red eyes.

"Hello, Sirius Black. The Prophet said you were my most faithful and powerful servant. Tell me, are you still loyal to your master?"

"Er, what happens if I say no?"

"Well, then I guess we'll have to go with Plan A, where I kill you and drain the life from your body."

"Oh, well then yes. Definitely. Yep, that's me, Sirius Black, world renowned Death Eater."

"Excellent!" Voldequirrell threw an arm around Sirius and started walking jerkily with him. "You see, I'm in a bit of a pickle. I want that retched brat slain! She's ruined my plans twice, and I cannot-"

"I'm sorry, but did you just say 'she?' Because unless something really odd has happened, I'm pretty sure Harry Potter is still a boy."

"What? Oh, him. Well, yes, if you get the chance, I suppose slaying another Weasley wouldn't be too bad."

Black blinked. Another Weasley? Well, Harry did have his mother's hair, but really, he wasn't a Weasley. What was this nonsense?

"No, the one I really desire to see slain is that impudent brat, the female Weasley! Not only did she steal the Philosopher's stone from me, but then she dueled Lockhart, bound him to her will, and destroyed my precious diary and prevented my glorious rebirth!"

"Wait, a girl did this? Who?"

Voldequirrell grimaced. "That notorious heroine, Hermione, the Honorary Weasley! She defeated my troll, you know. I thought it was safe, sending it after a scared little girl, but no, she exploded that beast's head. Then she sussed out last year that an evil plot was brewing and used her minions, that horrendous brood of Weasleys, and tracked down the Chamber of Secrets! She is a cunning, and fierce foe. Once, I thought it was Harry who was my nemesis, but no longer. Now I know it to be her! I checked you know. According to the Chinese calendar, it was SHE who was born at the end of the 7th month! I should have known, lunar calendars are very auspicious in prophecies you know."

Black had not the slightest clue what the Dark Lord was babbling about, but as he was unarmed and Voldemort was the single most powerful wizard in existence, excepting possibly the old fool at the school, he wasn't going to interrupt or argue.

Quirrell spoke up from the other side of the head. "And you know, her parents are both dentists, which according to the Quibbler are a part of the Rotfang conspiracy and are working to bring down the ministry. They've been at it for years! Bet they raised their filthy mudblood daughter just to be the Dark Lord's bane."

"Oh, of course, makes perfect sense," Black agreed, wondering just how crazy the Dark Lord had become in the intervening years.

"That is why I charge you, my minion, to break into the school and slay my greatest foe: THE SHE WEASLEY, THE GIRL-WHO-FOUGHT-MONSTERS!"

"Yeah, um, OK. And if say, other members of the Weasley family were to die along the way?"

"Perfect! You would be richly rewarded!"

Sirius Black pondered this, and made the only logical decision. "Well, sign me up for that I guess."

Authors note:

Many thanks and welcome to my new beta, Averant, for helping me edit this chapter.