Disclaimer: Everything related to the Twilight saga is the property of Stephanie Meyer. Summit Entertainment owns all the rights to the Twi saga films. I only own writing this story, plot lines and all. No copyright infringement intended.
A/N: Well, here's Chapter 8! Yeah, I'll spare you my crap excuses, you all must've heard them all before. Yes, I apologize profusely.
If you must know, I changed something major in this chapter (3500 words written then cut) and that's why it didn't get out promptly.
Again, the mistakes are all mine-please excuse them. Hopefully, there aren't any or too many heinous errors.
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Chapter 8: The Boy Who Wins Bella's Heart
"I thought I'd never get to be with you like this," Riley whispered softly into Bella's ear, as he gently skimmed his nose down the side of her neck, causing shivers to travel down her spine. "I don't think you'll ever know how grateful I am to have you be with me."
Riley and Bella were down at their favorite spot to be alone, atop an isolated cliffside that overlooked the ocean where the waves crashed violently into jutting rocks below. It was a peaceful place for them to be, despite the violence of the waves. It was majestic, an area amongst the cliffs where they could stare out upon the ocean as far as they can see and watch the magical sunsets on the horizon, one of their favorite things to do together.
Bella was introduced to this area of La Push by her Quileute friends. Those same friends were daredevils and would jump off the lower ledges of an adjacent cliff, one which faced out to pure ocean instead of the hazardous rocks. While Bella was with them one day, she had gone off and done some exploring on her own and found this part of the cliffside, just a short hike through some dense trees. She instantly fell in love with this area because of its different perspective and had to show Riley. He liked the area too, and they claimed it as their own special place.
They came up here whenever they had free time to kill and wanted to have some quality time together. This was truly their own special spot. Bella didn't think that many folks knew about the spot. Although, she'd spot some Quileute tribe members hanging around the cliff diving area and near the trail leading to this spot of the cliff side, for the most part, her and Riley's spot was quite isolated; just the way the couple liked it and why they enjoyed it so much. Riley and Bella also kept their spot pretty much a secret; they had never taken any of their friends up here, knowing full well that their friends would probably fall in love with the area too and then they'd never have it all to themselves anymore. This spot was just for the two of them.
Although, there was the typical winter chill in the air, albeit a bit milder than had been in the previous days, both Riley and Bella hardly felt the cold as they warmed each other with their body heat; the small campfire that Riley started and the soft afghan blanket Riley brought helped as well.
Bella sat between Riley's sprawled legs, her back pressed closely to his front, with his arms tightly wound around her middle. She rested her own arms atop his and lazily laid her head upon his shoulder. The blanket was snug around the both of them. At the moment, there was no place she'd rather be than right there wrapped up in Riley's arms. Everything was peaceful and she had never felt more loved. In actuality, Bella could be anywhere, and as long as she was being held by Riley, she knew she'd be feeling the same way.
Riley's softly spoken words entered Bella's consciousness and she wrinkled her nose at Riley's confession, then craned her neck to look at him. "Why would you even say something like that?" She responded back.
Riley chuckled softly, before giving her an answer, "Well, I didn't think I'd have a chance in hell with you. When I started crushing on you, after we worked together for the Sing-Off, you were clearly unavailable. You seemed very happy with Demetri. I'm also not the type of guy to go after another guy's girl. I thought it would be fruitless to like you and it was better if I just got over my crush on you. I had such a hard time, cause I liked you more than I really even cared to admit to myself. As much as I tried to get you off my mind, I couldn't. You were pretty much all I could think about."
Bella interjected, "Really?"
"Yeah, really. I was kind of pathetic. I was pining after a girl I had no business pining after. I didn't know what to do. On the one hand, I thought I should avoid you, thinking that it would help me get over my crush on you...and the sooner, the better. However, on the other hand, I wanted to be your friend and spend time with you, cause if that's all I could get, then I'd take it. It was better than nothing. Honestly, having a less than friendly relationship with you and avoiding you was kind of miserable. Anyway, I kept warring with myself."
Bella interjected again, "Sheesh. I had no idea I was causing you such conflict."
Riley chuckled softly once more. "Oh, baby, I think you cause a lot of guys like me to be conflicted."
"Huh? How do you figure?"
"In case you haven't noticed, there are all these other guys that has made it no secret around school that they like you and are vying for your affections, boyfriend or not. I can even reason that there are some guys at school that have girls and probably still have crushes on you too. After they'd heard you sing and seen what you can do on stage, there's a lot of guys that started seeing you in a whole new light. The competition for your affections, my dear, is very steep."
"I think you're exaggerating," Bella said dismissively.
"No, I'm not. What? You don't think us guys talk about you girls, too? You don't know half the things I've had to endure hearing about you in the locker room. I'll admit to banging up a locker or two, instead of punching out the damn idiot that dared to talk about you in an inappropriate way."
"Really?"
"Yeah," Riley confirmed. "You know what else? It's been harder for me to hold back ever since you've become my girlfriend. The same guys haven't stopped talking even though you're clearly with me now. You might just find me in detention one day."
"Oh, please, don't pick a fight over me. But, I can't believe that I'm such a popular topic of conversation in the locker room. I'm not all that special."
"You're wrong. You're very special," Riley said endearingly and with conviction.
"Fine...if you say so. I still think you're overestimating the number of guys that like me. It's not like I had been rolling in offers for dates or anything before you came along."
"I think that has more to do with who your father is. I think guys would be asking you out constantly if they weren't intimidated by your police chief dad."
"You weren't intimidated by who my father is."
"Well, I was, but I had to just suck it up and seize my opportunity when I got it. I didn't want to waste any more time."
"Hmm...we did have a great time together that night," Bella said with a smile, fondly remembering that night a couple of months back when they had literally run into one another at a party, then Riley walked her home and they'd hung out before he had to leave. Riley had asked her out then and kissed her for the first time. " You know, before then, I was beginning to think that we'd be nothing more than friends," she added.
"Like I said before, I felt the same."
"But, Riley...if you liked me so much, why didn't you just ask me out sooner? At some point before the start of school, you must've known that Demetri had left and we were through. I was free to go out with you. We were always friendly in school, but nothing more, and it was kind of frustrating. I had been hoping that you liked me as more than a friend."
"I know. I know. I was an idiot. I have to admit that the day I found out that you and Demetri broke up, I was stoked. It was rather inconsiderate of me to feel so overjoyed that you and your boyfriend had broken up, but I really didn't feel sorry for the end of your relationship. To me, it was a good thing. No offense. I didn't want to just be friends, especially after I kept seeing you around school. The more I got to know you, the more my feelings grew. I waited because I didn't know if you liked me in the way that I liked you and if you were ready for another relationship so soon after the end of what you had with Demetri."
"You didn't feel the instant connection between us?" Bella questioned.
"Of course, I did. I just didn't know if you felt it too. Considering you had a boyfriend at the time, I wasn't sure if the feelings were one-sided."
"Well, of course I did. Couldn't you tell? Why didn't you trust in that?" Bella questioned some more. "Admittedly, having feelings grow for you and still caring for Demetri made me all confused."
Riley chuckled again. "Could you blame me? You were really into your ex-boyfriend. I wasn't sure if you were heartbroken or not. And, then even if he was out of the picture, there was some other stiff competition out there. You're one of the most popular girls in school and winning the Sing-Off only helped your social life. I pretty much figured I'd need to stand in line. Not to mention, there's also Edward. You two are very close."
Bella swatted Riley on the arm playfully. "You know that Edward and I are just best friends, nothing more. As for Demetri, I'm not gonna say anything bad about him, because he was a good boyfriend when we were together. I thought I was quite content with him until you came along and I developed feelings for you, which confused the hell out of me. In the end, Demetri and I discovered we weren't meant to be together and we're fine with that; otherwise, I'd still be with him, I think."
"Oooh, ouch," Riley interjected.
Bella smirked. "But, we're not, are we? And, there's a reason. Fate stepped in and led me to you. Besides, I don't think I could ever really love him the way I should. I cared about him and had great affection for him, but that was as far my feelings went. I'm sure, he'll make some girl very happy one day. As for those other silly boys, they have nothing on you. There was never any competition." She then leaned in for a kiss, which Riley gladly obliged.
Riley and Bella kissed until they were both breathless. They pulled apart with a smile both on their lips.
"Mmm...you gotta stop doing that," Riley said.
"Doing what?" Bella asked with a smirk.
"Kissing me like that. Your kisses are like...well, I think they're simply amazing."
Bella couldn't help the blush that formed on her cheeks. "Oh, stop."
"It's true. Your kisses to me are like breaths of life. They jump start my heart and make me feel so alive. I swear, kissing you...well, I liken it to being struck by lightning. Not that I would know. There's just like this surge of electricity that travels through me from you and it ignites this fire from within me, spreading warmth all over, making my insides all mushy and eliciting feelings from me that I've never felt before. It's the best way I can describe what your kisses do to me. I've never felt like that about any other girl I've kissed before."
"Really?" Bella said, incredulous. Riley nodded. "Not even Lily?" She questioned some more.
"Although Lily was my first real serious relationship, things felt quite different. Your lips are truly more special and our relationship means everything to me. I couldn't say that about mine and Lily's relationship. And I have to say that I feel that way about your touch as well and the high I get is rather addicting."
"Is that why you're so handsy?"
"You betcha," Riley confirmed, emphasizing his point by stroking his hands down the length of Bella's arms, causing goosebumps to form on her skin in the wake of his touch. "I love touching you. Somehow, I always feel the need to be in constant contact."
"So, you really want me to stop kissing you?" Bella asked, a twinkle in her eye and her tone teasing.
"Nooo...that would be devastating. I just want you to stop being such an amazing kisser."
Bella giggled. "Baby, I don't know how to kiss any other way."
"Of course not. You're good at everything you do, so why wouldn't you be a great kisser, too?"
"Aww...thank you for all your kind words, but I think you're biased and exaggerating again."
"I may be biased because I'm your boyfriend," Riley started.
Bella just had to interrupt, "Mmm...boyfriend. I really like the sound of that. Is that weird of me?"
Riley gave Bella a soft peck on the top of her nose, before continuing, "I like the sound of it, too. I don't think I'll ever find you weird. But, where was I? Oh, yeah. I may be biased, but I'm not exaggerating. I almost don't want to think about how you got to be such a great kisser. I also don't want to think about the consequences of me falling for you so hard." He watched Bella get her tell-tale embarrassed blush at his words, finding it adorable. He planted another soft peck, this time on her cheek.
Riley then continued on some more, "It's getting harder and harder to control myself. I feel like I should give you fair warning now. I'm afraid that we might get going and I won't be able to stop." Riley then let out a groan of frustration.
"Then don't," Bella simply remarked back.
Riley raised an eyebrow at Bella, suddenly feeling uncomfortable, then cleared his throat. He managed a response, "I think we'll both know if and when the time is right. There's no need to rush things."
Bella leaned her head back again on Riley's shoulder and her eyes gazed back out onto the ocean before them once more. She audibly sighed.
"Was that the way it happened with your ex-girlfriend?" She asked. "You guys waited until the timing felt right?"
Riley groaned again. "You don't really want to hear about that, do you?"
Bella's gaze averted from the ocean view and she craned her neck up, so that she could look at Riley and let him know that she was serious. "I do. I want to know. Tell me how things happened between the two of you."
"Why? I happen to think it's a highly inappropriate conversation for us to be having."
"It is not," Bella whined. "I think we'll have to talk about sex eventually. Besides, you kind of brought it up. So, please indulge me."
"I don't know if I should be talking with you about this," Riley groused.
"I'm not asking for the gory details, Riley. That's not what I'm asking and I don't want to hear all about you fucking Lily, exactly." Both Riley and Bella cringed at her words.
Bella continued on, "I've already had the talk. I know all about the mechanics, but it's the other things I really know nothing about. It's something I don't have any experience with and you do, and that's why I'm asking. I want to know how it happens for people like us. How do two people get to that point in their relationship? How did you and Lily get to that point? How did you guys approach the matter? I mean, you admitted to me that you guys weren't exactly in love, so how did you two become ready for such a serious step? Did you guys just start fooling around first and then it escalated from there? Did you guys set aside a time for it to happen? Or did it just happen spontaneously? Were you nervous? Scared? Excited? Do you know how she felt? What was it like?"
"Whoa! That's a hell of a lot of questions," Riley interrupted, stating the obvious. Bella paused and let out a small huff.
She then unwrapped herself from Riley's arms, threw the blanket off of her, then turned herself fully around, so that she could be face to face with Riley. She tucked her legs underneath her and sat back on her heels. She began to look nervous and started wringing her hands before her. She didn't exactly know how to express what else she wanted to say. Riley looked at her with concern.
He then said, "It looks to me like there's something more behind all your questions. You seem to be fishing for more than just answers. What is it? What's really on your mind? Why are we bringing this whole subject up anyway?"
Bella took a deep breath and exhaled before she continued on, her voice almost at a whisper, "Maybe I just want to know why it seems to be happening to everyone else around me, but not to me. Demetri and I never got passed the kissing stage. We never talked about moving further than that, or even experimented, let alone talked about going all the way. I know that he wasn't a virgin either, so I kind of figured that he would've wanted to do more. I mean, isn't that how it works? What I can't figure out is if he ever wanted more with me. Doing any other stuff besides kissing him kind of never occurred to me. Call me naive. Maybe I missed all the signs and he was just a gentleman, y'know, not wanting to take advantage of me. Now, I kind of feel like I didn't satisfy him in the relationship and that's possibly why we drifted apart. Or it could be that he just didn't want me in that way, and that was more the explanation I'm leaning towards. Now I question why. Like if there's anything wrong with me. Thinking about all that and finding out how we were so chaste compared to most other couples we knew is kind of messing with my head. I know we're pretty tame as well. I feel like I'm missing out. I can't help but feel like I'm undesirable or something."
Riley snorted. "Believe me, you're definitely not undesirable. Why would you talk that way? Aren't any of the hordes of admirers you have, plus having one smitten boyfriend, given you any indication as to how truly desirable you are?"
Inside, Riley was teetering between wanting to pound Demetri's face in for inadvertently hurting Bella's feelings, and wanting to thank Demetri for saving Bella all for him. Riley inwardly smiled at all the possibilities ahead for his relationship with Bella.
"Baby, if you don't already know, you're gorgeous," Riley continued to say. Bella scoffed at him, thinking that Riley was once again exaggerating. He ignored her response and carried on, "Not only that, you've got a great personality and that's not all. You're immensely talented and smart. You're kind and caring. You're an all around wonderful person. Any guy knows that they'd be lucky to have you as their girlfriend. I certainly knew you were something special from the moment I met you. If you must know, I thank my lucky stars each day that I'm with you. Sometimes I can hardly believe that you chose me to be your guy."
"There you go being biased again," Bella said doubtingly. "I'm the one that can hardly believe that you're with plain ole me."
Riley chuckled at that. "Bella, you are far from being plain. Trust me. That's another thing that I love about you. You're so humble and self-deprecating. While other girls actually fish for compliments on a constant basis, you, on the other hand, tend to dismiss them. And, if there's one thing you're not, it's plain, baby."
"I can accept a compliment," Bella protested. "I just think that coming from you, it's biased and and an exaggeration. You say those things to me because you kind of have to since you're my boyfriend."
"Hasn't anyone ever said the same things I've said to you?" Riley questioned.
"Well, yes...," Bella started to say.
"So, you believe their words and not mine? Why? Because I'm your boyfriend?"
"Nah. I don't believe them either," Bella confessed. Riley just shook his head.
"Oh, baby, you don't see yourself clearly. I assure you that I'm only telling you the truth and I'm not doing it out of some sense of obligation because we're together. But, I'm glad that even with your popularity and success, you haven't gotten a big head. Although, I'd probably still love ya anyway." Riley then gave her another quick peck on her nose.
Bella blushed at Riley's words. It was very different receiving compliments from him. Maybe because this relationship with Riley felt different. Her feelings ran much deeper than she had ever felt for Demetri, or any of the other boys she had short-lived relationships with. She didn't know exactly why Riley had become the boy that captured her heart; it was just how she felt.
Her relationship with Demetri was easy, comfortable, and he had been a good boyfriend. Even after they broke up the way they did, Bella still couldn't utter a bad word about him. Circumstances out of their control caused them to drift apart. However, in looking back now, she realized that while they both cared for one another, they hadn't fallen in love with one another. They had never uttered the words and Bella's feelings never felt as intense as the feelings she has for Riley. She imagined it was about the same for Demetri. If he hadn't left, Bella figured that they would've stayed together until they just fizzled out eventually, or someone better came along. Maybe her relationship with Demetri might've even ended horribly had things turned out differently and Bella wouldn't have wanted that. She thinks that things ended between them exactly right.
Maybe there was a bigger plan for her after all. She couldn't have been more grateful for the twist of fate which now allowed her to be with Riley.
For the first time, Bella knew what it felt like to be in love. After dating Riley only a couple of weeks, she knew she had fallen hard and fast for the adorable boy with the oceanic blue eyes and he had her heart. Riley had found a permanent place there; a place that no other boy before him had, with maybe the exception of Edward. Of course, Bella's love for Edward was quite different from her love for Riley.
Riley was just absolutely amazing to her and a whole new world was opened up to her. It wasn't a perfect relationship by any means, but they've overcome every hurdle, and that's why Bella feels that her and Riley's relationship is much stronger than anything she ever had Demetri. Her relationship with Demetri may have been too perfect.
At first, while Bella knew that she already liked Riley a whole lot, she couldn't explain why her heart would always beat differently whenever she was around Riley. He always caused butterflies in her stomach, but in the good way. He seemed to always sweep her off her feet and take her breath away. There were definitely intense feelings swirling inside of her. That was her clue as to why being with Riley was different from being with all the rest of her past boyfriends.
After she explained to her mom by phone, the fluttering she'd get in her heart and stomach whenever she even just thought of Riley, which was often, her mom confirmed that she was indeed experiencing her first love. Her mother had told her that she had felt the exact same way when she had first started dating her father. After hearing that from her mom, everything clicked inside Bella's head and heart.
Bella was in love and she couldn't be happier. Bella couldn't have wished for a better boy to have fallen in love with than Riley.
Initially, she had kept the revelation to herself, afraid of how Riley would react to her profession of love. It seemed too soon, but then again, she had never been in love before, so how would she know when the timing was right to utter the words. She also didn't want Riley to think she was just a foolish, love struck girl. Well, it turned out, that she had nothing to be afraid of.
A short time after that talk Bella had with her mom, Riley confirmed to her that he had fallen in love with her, too. They exchanged the words during a romantic, moonlit picnic on their cliff side. Riley said he could no longer hold it in and that he already sort of knew from the moment they shared their first kiss. Bella took it upon herself to confirm her feelings for him and ever since then Bella has felt like she is on Cloud 9 and would never come down from those heights again. Her relationship with Riley meant everything to her; it wasn't just comfortable like she had with Demetri. She knew that it would literally be too hard now to live life without him.
Riley and Bella have been practically inseparable. Bella finally felt the joy of having a boyfriend in school with her. Riley took her to school every day, not that Demetri didn't do that on occasion as well, but this time Riley picked her up consistently each morning and they got to walk into school together. She loved the fact that Riley would meet her at her locker every break period and walk hand-in-hand with her to all her classes, even if it made him have to run to get to his own classes on time. Riley got along with all her friends and she got along with all of his, and it became just one big integrated group.
Bella also loved being able to share her lunch period with Riley. Sometimes they'd have lunch with all their friends, while at other times, they'd choose to go off by themselves and have a quiet lunch either in the school courtyard when the weather permitted, or inside the AV room, which was deserted during the lunch hour, but fortunately for them, Riley had a key since he was the AV club president.
It was just very nice to have Riley around. Admittedly, for Bella, it was also very nice to have a boyfriend to parade around the school. It kept her many admirers at bay and the girls that had crushes on Riley backed off as well. Bella wondered why she had never thought to have a boyfriend at school with her before, because it has been the best thing.
Riley would pick her up after her last class and they'd head home together, sometimes hanging out at either his house or hers for a short time before parents came home. They'd work on homework together or just relax after a long day at school. Bella found it very beneficial to have an upper classman as a boyfriend, since Riley's able to help her with particularly difficult assignments and can give her pointers on how to handle certain testy teachers, nerve-wracking tests, or tasking projects because he'd been through it before already.
Riley was also Bella's calming force when she'd get herself worked up over school-he'd never allow her to become too stressed over anything school-related. Unlike her past boyfriends, Riley could relate to why Bella the things she'd freak-out about regarding school, because he went to school with her and could understand. Sometimes, he and Edward would already be on the ready to calm poor Bella down even before she'd expressed her ire; they just knew her all too well.
Of course, Riley and Bella used their alone time to be intimate with one another; just like other young couples. But, unlike some others, they only kissed and went as far as making out. Riley hadn't even touched her yet the way Bella wanted him to.
It was because Bella loved Riley that she wanted to do more with him than just kiss and have the occasional make-out session. She felt that she was ready for more. More importantly, she wanted more with him.
Every time they'd make out, Bella's body would get heated, craving more than what Riley was willing to give at the time. He'd always leave her in a frustrated mess. She was left to explore
on her own and take care of things herself. She wanted to change all that. She wanted Riley as a willing participant.
Riley had droned on, not realizing that Bella had only been half paying attention. Bella was brought back from her own thoughts. "Why do you think there's like a line of guys out there that pant after you like puppy dogs? You seem to be aware of your many admirers, so you got to know that I'm not exaggerating. Just telling you the truth. I know I can certainly do without so many other dudes having their eyes on my girlfriend. Those same guys are just waiting for me to mess up, so they can possibly have their chance with you. I'm sure that many weren't thrilled that soon after ending things with Demetri, you started going out with me. I'm sure they've been trying and trying to woo you in their own little way. In fact, I've seen some of them, like that Eric guy trying to get you away from me. Speaking of, I should really put that Eric dude in his place."
Bella smirked. She found a jealous Riley completely adorable and endearing. Not to mention she kind of liked being considered Riley's possession. "I told you. I'm not interested in those other guys. They can pursue me all they want, but they're not going to have any luck. Besides the fact that they turn me off because they're too obvious with their crushes on me, I plan to stick with you for as long as you'll have me."
"Whew! That's a relief," Riley interjected. "I plan to stick with you too, babe. I love you madly, y'know."
"I love you, too," Bella proclaimed. Because they couldn't help themselves, she and Riley went in for another kiss.
"Riley, you still haven't really answered my questions from before." Bella retorted back, petulantly, after they broke apart from their latest bout of kissing.
"Okay. What is it do you really want to know again?"
"I think you know already," Bella whined.
Riley took a deep breath and exhaled it out slowly before he began. He looked deeply into Bella's brown eyes, clearly looking for something within her depths. "Bella, you know that I love you, so how can I not want you. I think that much is obvious. I already told you that your kisses make it hard for me to control myself. You mean everything to me."
"So, why do you hold back? Isn't it obvious that I want you, too?" Bella questioned.
Riley nodded. "Yeah, I've just become painfully aware now that you want more."
Bella added, "I want us to be together. I've thought about this for a while already and I know that I want my first time to be with you."
With Bella's confession, Riley was stunned and speechless. He really had no idea what he should say to what she had just said or how he was supposed to react. He just looked at her intently, although he had a feeling that he must've looked as uncomfortable as he felt. Sex wasn't exactly a topic he was ready to broach with Bella.
Bella chose to ignore Riley's look of discomfort, took a deep breath, and quickly fired off what had been on her mind, "Look, I'm not suggesting that we go all the way right away. I don't quite know if I'm ready for that. Maybe we can work up to it. I just know that it's become really hard for me to control myself as well. When we're together, I crave more than just your touch and your equally amazing kisses. I want you, but it's like I can't have you. I feel frustrated when I'm left wanting. I just feel like we could be so much more than we are now. Like I said, I'm willing to work up to the big thing. I want to try to do other stuff with you first; see how things are between us and if we can be good together in that way. I'm not expecting anything epic by any means. I know we're not part of a fairytale and I'm realistic enough to know that it always going to be a piece of cake or something like you read about in those romance books. I know I'm inexperienced, but I'm eager to learn. You know I'm a fast learner. Riley, I want to try to do other stuff with you. I want to learn to make you happy. I want to be able to keep you interested and satisfied being with me."
"Bella, I'm already happy. I'm happy just to be with you. Believe me, I don't feel I'm lacking something just because we're not more intimate. I assure you that I'm perfectly satisfied with the way things are between us and I'll always be interested in you. You're not exactly the kind of person one can lose interest in quickly. Like I keep telling you, you're very special."
Bella looked confused. "So, was that your way of telling me that you don't want me? That you don't want to do more?"
"Nooo...not at all," Riley said adamantly. "Of course, I want you. I want to do more. I thought we already established that. It's just...well, how do I say this without sounding like a jerk to you? Look, Bella, baby, you don't need to feel pressure to do more with me just because you feel that every other couple out there is doing more. We're not in any hurry here. I'm perfectly happy with the way things are between us. Please don't ever think you need to push to do more just because you feel it's what's expected or that I'll be unhappy or unsatisfied. We don't have to follow in the footsteps of others. Just because we're a couple that isn't doing it, it doesn't mean that we're less committed to one another than those that are. Believe me, having sex isn't a sign of how committed or how happy a couple is together."
"I don't quite understand," Bella uttered.
"You tell me that you want more and that you want it with me. That's great and wonderful. I just want to make sure that you feel that way for all the right reasons."
Bella looked perplexed. This wasn't exactly how she pictured this conversation was going to go with Riley. Wouldn't most boys have said, "hell yeah", and we're good to go? However, it made Bella appreciate what a truly special guy she had in Riley. He seemed to want to make sure that more was what she really wanted and that she wasn't just playing on her insecurities or wanting to give into peer pressure.
"I know what I want," she simply replied.
"Are you sure you do? Because it's a very big step. It isn't something that should be taken lightly. You know that you have me either way."
"You think I'm too young, don't you?" Bella huffed. She narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms in irritation. "Wasn't Lily my age when you deflowered her?"
"I don't. Really, I don't. You already said that it seems that everyone else around you is doing it. Obviously, you're not too young. It has nothing to do with age, baby. It's more readiness, willingness, timing...the right place and the right moment. And, you have a point about Lily. But that was a completely different situation. We lost our virginity together. Things are hardly the same."
"Then you're kind of fussing because you don't think I'm ready," Bella bemoaned.
"It's not that. If you're talking to me about it, then you're obviously ready. Well, up until a little while ago, I wasn't sure if you were even willing."
"Oh, I'm willing," Bella interjected.
"Okay, fine. Just know that I'm not rejecting you. I'm just looking out for you. It's not that I don't also want to do certain things with you, because I do. Believe me, I do." Riley paused and took a deep breath. Having this kind of talk with Bella was already affecting him in ways he didn't feel was appropriate at the moment. Riley continued, "I love you and of course I want to show you how much I do. However, I'm not the kind of guy that's going to force you into something you may not be ready for, just for my own selfish benefit. If it happens, I want it to happen when naturally. I don't think we need to overthink it or initiate anything. I think we'll just know that the time is right."
"We will?" Bella questioned.
"I can't really explain it. In my heart, I know that if we just let our feelings guide us, then there'll be a right time to do all the things we want to do. There's no need to force it. I don't feel at all that there's any hurry or that we need to push ourselves."
"Do you think that's how other couples like us become...um, intimate? Was it that way for you and Lily?" Bella asked, feeling naive.
"No, that's not how it happened between Lily and me. That's why I want to...am doing things different with you. Everything about mine and Lily's relationship was a whirlwind. We threw caution out the window and quickly hurled ourselves to that point just because we figured it was the next natural step, and yeah, because everyone else around us seemed to have gone further. We didn't want to be left behind. After a while, we were just together because of it. It became mindless and meaningless. It was no longer about getting to know one another, connecting, or even going on dates anymore; it was all about getting together to fuck, to be quite frank. We lost the whole point of why we even got together in the first place. We lost ourselves. Then the sex wasn't enough to keep us together anymore, since there was nothing else left between us. We never really built on our relationship and so we spiralled out of control, then it was over. It didn't feel good to be together anymore and we couldn't fix it, probably because we never established a good foundation for our relationship in the first place. I don't want us to end up like that. There's no way I want us to end up using one another like Lily and I did. I realize now that getting to that stage in a relationship should mean more and I want it to be more. That's what I want for us, especially because you mean so much more to me."
"I am ready,y'know" Bella murmured, confirming to him once more what she wanted, and to prove her point, she kissed Riley with all the passion she could muster.
Riley broke away, breathless once more. The ferocity of Bella's attack surprised him and admittedly, aroused him; however, it was neither the time or place to have them do more. Admittedly, though, moving further with his relationship with Bella, even if it was just baby steps, frightened him. Something he would never openly admit to her, fearing her reaction. However,
that was what he had been thinking about of late.
He had never loved or felt as strongly for any girl as he feels for Bella. Being able to make love to her the way he wanted to would be the ultimate highlight of their relationship. But, he knew, it would also leave him quite vulnerable. After they shared something that special, Riley felt that his heart would probably never belong to another again.
That's what scared him the most-thoughts of being ruined for other women, in case things didn't work out with Bella. At least, if he never knew how good it felt to be with her, he wouldn't feel like he was missing out something. Not that he planned on leaving Bella anytime soon. What if Bella left him? What if they really weren't meant to be or grew apart? Losing Bella would be something that would take a long while for him to recover from, if he could recover at all. He already knew that he couldn't bear to be apart from her.
It wasn't as if those possibilities never entered his mind. Separation was looming over the horizon. He was a senior and Bella was only a sophomore. He was getting ready for college and would have to leave Bella behind to finish her studies in high school. At this point, he didn't know yet how much distance will be between them after he graduated, as he had yet to start receiving acceptances. What he did know was that some of the schools he'd applied to were a long way from Forks.
Before he'd started dating Bella, his colleges of choice were all practically a world away from Washington. He only applied to the schools that were top ranked the field of computers that he wanted to study. While he had checked out schools in Washington, none of the schools could really offer him what he wanted as far as classes went and help with his future plans. He really wanted to attend a school that would fast-track him into a career in computers. He chose to forgo applying to any school in Washington.
His priorities definitely changed once he was together with Bella. He scrambled to get his applications to the colleges in Washington that he could stoop to attending in the mail by the deadlines. Riley knew, though, that once the acceptance letters start to arrive, he'd find himself at a crossroads. While he'd definitely like to attend the computer field-centric universities that ranked high on his list and would be ecstatic to be accepted to those universities, the thought of being so far away from Bella pained him. Even resorting to attending the University of Washington in Seattle still seemed too far away from the girl he loved. He could just attend Port Angeles College, which would definitely allow him to stay near Bella, but he knew he would never be happy there, plus he felt he would just be wasting time, waiting for the two years until Bella was able to graduate.
Then, in looking even further ahead, if he and Bella were even still together, he knew that he and Bella were headed for very different college paths with Bella most likely going to attend a school for music. It would be a shame for Bella to have a voice like hers and not do anything with it. The top-ranked schools in the field of computers didn't necessarily have the best music programs, if they had music studies at all. Maybe Bella wouldn't even need to attend school. She'd be discovered and launch straight into a music career and possibly stardom.
Again, that all led to Riley thinking about losing Bella. If she became a big star, he wasn't so sure that he wouldn't be left behind in favor of the fame. He'd heard of countless stories where that's happened in the celebrity world.
Riley would like nothing more than to be able to take Bella with him wherever his future college plans would take him. Actually, if he was to be perfectly honest, he'd like nothing more than to be able to have Bella for always. He can't imagine becoming attracted to anyone else, not even the college girls, let alone loving anyone else. While he did think about proposing to Bella, or at least the two of them making some promise of commitment for the future, he was hugely aware that Bella was still too young yet. While she was certainly more mature than most other girls, even girls that were of his age, he thought it would be quite unfair to have her tied to him with her being so young-she still had her whole life before her with numerous, endless possibilities. He didn't want to limit her. Furthermore, all his ideas of avoiding separation for them once he graduated were all impractical. He and Bella loved one another, so they owed it to each other to not hold each other back. He knew that Bella would never allow him to attend a school less than stellar just so they could remain close to each other, just like he wouldn't allow for Bella to throw a real chance at a music career away because he was afraid she'd leave him behind.
Some sort of separation was going to be inevitable. It was going to be up to them both to not let it destroy their relationship.
The thoughts of his impending separation from Bella after graduation weighed heavily on Riley's mind. This was partly why he hadn't been able to act upon the urges that screamed for him to become more intimate with Bella. He knew that once they fell over that edge together, there was no turning back. It would make their separation all the more difficult.
Bella was indeed something special. Every day with her, the qualities that drew Riley to Bella in the first place would get reaffirmed. He'd fallen more and more in love. Now, he was just hopeless. Riley really didn't know how he was going to handle graduating and the possibility of going away to school and being apart from her.
However, at the moment, with the way Bella was spreading delicious kisses around his jaw and neck, he couldn't think of what laid ahead for them. He could revisit the topic another day when his girlfriend didn't feel so lascivious. All Riley's mind could focus on was the feel of Bella's lips on his skin and how fantastic it felt, sending shivers up and down his spine, which had nothing to do with the cold. Bella was further demonstrating that she was ready for more.
Bella was definitely seducing him now and doing a good job at it. The growing bulge in Riley's pants was starting to become uncomfortable. Bella's fingers tickled as she grappled with his clothes trying to expose more skin for her lips to touch. As much as he was enjoying this, Riley knew, however, that now was neither the time nor the place for he and Bella to start moving into new territory with their relationship.
For one, now that it was later, the air had grown much colder; cold enough for Riley to feel Bella start to shiver in his arms, even though her breath felt white hot against the skin on his neck. The fire and the blanket was no longer providing adequate heat. It would be extremely uncomfortable for the both of them to even make out at their special spot now.
Secondly, it was time to take Bella home. Riley would never betray Chief Swan's trust by not getting Bella home at the time he designated, even though he wasn't even going to be home himself. Charlie had wanted to make sure that Bella was safe at home before the night got too cold and Riley was going to obliged. He didn't want Bella out in the cold either.
Lastly, he still wanted to take things slow with Bella. He wanted to continue to nurture their relationship before they took that huge step, especially since she was still a virgin. As much as Bella felt she was ready, Riley knew that she still wasn't. There was still a lot for her to learn and a lot for him to do and teach her before they continued to round the bases, so to speak. But, Riley certainly wasn't opposed to continuing their make-out session on Bella's couch before her father returned from the station.
As hard as it was to tear herself away from the task of getting her boyfriend all hot and bothered, Bella allowed him to take her home. At first, she had been very annoyed when Riley stopped her mid-unbuttoning his jacket. She was determined to continue exposing more of Riley's skin, so that she could press her lips to those spots hiding underneath his layers of clothes. He had a point, though, about being outside in the cold. Despite the heat she was feeling by being close to Riley, there was no mistaking the chill in the air. Once she felt a shiver that wasn't due to Riley's proximity, she was ready for the warmth of Riley's car.
Making out on her living room couch was much more comfortable. They hadn't done anymore than that, or gone any further, except that this time, Bella was finally able to get Riley shirtless and feel the smooth plains of his chest and the rippling muscles of his abs. If Bella knew that Riley was hiding that body underneath his clothing, she would've tried to get him naked sooner.
Although, they didn't get naked like she wanted, Bella was satisfied with what she had gotten and what she and Riley accomplished. They had talked and they had made progress in their relationship. She looked forward to exploring some more with Riley, now that they both knew where they stood on the matter.
As for all of Riley's concerns, he could never think clearly when he was making out with Bella, so in the meantime, those concerns were forgotten. In fact, those concerns always left his mind whenever his lips were pressed against Bella's. He and Bella would have to just cross the bridge when they got there.
End A/N: Here's the teaser for Chapter 9:
"He slept here last night," Riley repeated.
"Yeah, well, he broke up with Heidi and it was hard for him. He was upset, having a difficult night, and needed a friend," Bella explained.
"More like he needed you," Riley clarified.
Chapter 9 is done and also will get posted. Consider it my penance for not having posted in a while. Posting, and finding the time to write for that matter, never works out the way I want to. UGHHH! If I can only just lock myself in a room or get away and completely concentrate on writing-that would be my dream come true. I guess I just keep on dreaming and keep trying to do my best.
Thanks for your continued patience and understanding with me, readers. It is greatly appreciated! Believe me! Maybe there's just one of you left-tee hee. Regardless, thanks for reading as always.
~xOxOxO~
Allow me a moment to ask for your thoughts and prayers for my friend, Jill. Jill needs all the love and light she can get at this time. Jill has been through so much in the past few days, and has experienced what I consider more stress, devastation, and sadness to last her entire lifetime. No one deserves to have gone through what Jill has recently gone through.
Jill was one of those folks directly affected by the Waldo Canyon Fire in Colorado Springs, CO. She watched as the fire moved closer and closer into town, spiralling out of control, feeling helpless and getting prepared for an eventual evacuation. She finally received the orders, and with little notice, she evacuated her home because the fire was already too close to her. Have you seen the pictures that have come out of wildfire? For several days she waited anxiously to see if the fire would ravage her street and her home would be one of those lost (there were 357 homes lost in this lone wildfire in Jill's neighborhood). Can you just imagine?
She was one of the lucky ones and was able to return to her home. Thankfully, there was minimal damage and the most she'd need to worry about was the smoke from the fire that was still burning, but at least no longer out-of-control and driven away from the heart of the city. It was a triumph. All of us friends were so happy for her, because that was certainly a scary thing to have gone through.
The joy of her house being spared by the wildfire was short lived as only a mere 24 hours later, she was given devastating news-her 18 year old son had suddenly passed. The reason doesn't really matter. I don't know if Jill would feel comfortable with me sharing the reason. You may, however, be able to guess how.
Upon hearing this news, I and the rest of Jill's friends were in complete and utter shock. I don't think anyone could've ever imagined for this to happen on top of
As a mother, and any mother can tell you, one of the hardest losses to experience is the loss of a child. Any loss of a child, through any circumstance, is simply a tragedy and heartbreaking. Jill must be beside herself with grief, although I'm sure she's soldiering on, trying to stay strong for her remaining son.
It's a senseless loss and after all she's been through already with the wildfire...I will never understand why things like this have to happen and I also don't understand why bad things have to happen to such good people. And Jill is definitely one of those good people in the world.
This is the kind of stuff that changes a person. I can only hope that all the love and support helps Jill to overcome this tragedy.
So, please take a moment to keep Jill in your thoughts and send her up some love and light.
Lastly, because you never know what tomorrow will bring, love everyone you love hard, give them a hug, and tell them that you love 'em. Cherish every precious second and live life to the fullest.
~xOxOxO~
Er, sorry for the long note. I just had to do that for Jill.
