I actually wrote this chapter before the previous chapter. Can you believe it? Anywayz, this is the end.
Disclaimer: Shadow is not mine, Celes is not mine, EVERYBODY, EVERYTHING, and EVERYWHERE is not mine. It's all Squaresoft's. Sucks to be me. (I know, I know)
Shadows of the Past
Chapter 11: Seriously, Shadow
"Seriously, Shadow," Celes asked. They were lying on the grass quite a ways from town, doing nothing. There wasn't much to do, here. "When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? I can't think of any seven-year-old who would think, 'I wanna be an assassin when I grow up.' Really."
Shadow almost chuckled. "I never really thought about it. I was one of those people who lived in the now. I guess I still am." He raised an eyebrow. "Why? What did you want to be when you grew up?
Celes blushed. "I wanted to be a seamstress. Don't tell anyone, or you'll die a slow and painful death."
"Oh, I won't tell."
"But seriously, now, Shadow. You can't live the way you do now forever."
"I like living on the edge. I always enjoyed having my life ride on anything I did… it's like a challenge. The ultimate gamble. If you win, you get a reputation, plus cash. If you lose, you're dead. Nice stakes."
"You're like Setzer." Celes accused.
"Whatever."
Celes turned over to look at him, resting her chin on her hand. "But that's not what I meant. Do you really want to wear that mask forever? You can change, you know. What have you got to lose?"
Shadow sighed. "Nothing but my piece of mind, as always. I never had anything more to lose."
"That was your choice."
"And I like it that way. It always costs more when you have more to lose. When you have nothing to lose, you can do anything. Nothing really matters anymore, if you haven't got anything to lose."
"But is that what you really want?" Celes asked. "Apathy?"
He was silent for a moment. "No."
"Then what do you want, Shadow?"
"I…" He trailed off. "I don't know anymore. I used to want money. That was an easy goal – nothing abstract or intangible. Then I wanted fame. I wanted everyone to know the name of Shadow the assassin. Then I stopped wanting anything. I just didn't care anymore. Eventually… all I really wanted was to end it all. I wanted death."
Celes looked down. "Is that what you still want?"
"No."
Celes said nothing.
"What do you want, Celes?" Shadow said suddenly.
"Me?" she was surprised.
"Yeah, you."
Celes wiggled her eyebrows. "I want you, honey."
"Seriously!"
"I'm serious."
Shadow sat up, his jaw dropping open underneath his mask. "Are you serious? If you're messing with me, I'm so going to –"
Celes' expression sobered. "I'm perfectly serious."
Shadow's jaw snapped shut. "What about Locke?"
Celes shook her head. "I feel sorry for him, I really do. And he'll always be my first love. But… it would never last. He doesn't understand me, he thinks I've completely changed. But underneath it all, I'm still the same person, you know? I'm still a cold-hearted bitch, no matter how much I thaw. He was never able to take the bitch."
Shadow stifled a laugh. "Do you think you could take a killer?"
"Well, we do have one thing in common, at least."
He couldn't hold it back any longer. Shadow laughed, about as happy a sound as Celes had ever heard him make. "Do you think you could take a killer who has got more scars than is possible to count?
Celes snorted. "Well, I've never seen most of them, have I, so how could I count them?"
Shadow grinned wickedly. "Well, would you like to see them?"
"Yes, actually."
"Don't say I didn't warn you."
Shadow pulled at the fingers of his gloves, one by one, and pulled them off. There were quite a few small scars on his hands. He drew back his hood and untied his mask, showing Celes his face again. He dropped the gloves and mask on the grass and pulled off his shirt. He was right; there were too many scars to count. There was the purple monster than ran from his ear, then halfway down his chest, of course. Puncture marks that looked to be from thorns dotted the right side of his abdomen, and three claw marks went across his chest. Those were only the biggest scars – his entire upper body was webbed with scars, small and medium, of every age and every weapon type.
"Jesus."
"Fifty gil says I've got more scars than you do."
Celes grinned. "I'd be stupid to take that one." She slowly unbuttoned her shirt, and, taking it off, revealed a perfectly smooth and lightly tanned upper body.
"How the hell do you get it like that?" Shadow gaped at her – for more than one reason.
Celes grinned. "What, the lack of scars, or the rest?"
"Both."
"The Empire had the technology to kill off half the Espers and destroy the world. Don't you think they could get rid of scarring?"
"You're so vain." Shadow said.
"I'm not denying it."
"Well at least you've got some thing to be vain about." Shadow shuffled forward on his knees, putting himself as close to Celes as he could without touching her.
Celes smiled and drew her mouth to his, tasting him, exploring him. Shadow's hands lay still at his sides, but they itched to move up to touch her. "You're not so bad yourself." She whispered.
Finally Shadow stopped resisting the urge, and pulled his hands slowly up her sides to cup her breasts, massaging lightly.
"Shadow." She withdrew. "If we're going to do anything, don't you think we should go inside?"
He rolled his eyes. "For fuck's sake, no one is going to see us, this is the middle of nowhere. Unless you're worried about your delicate ass touching the harsh grass."
"It's the principle of the thing. Having sex with a guy on the grass does not turn me on."
"You are so…"
"Just get up, lazyass."
~*~
"You're not bad," Celes lay on her back, arms folded behind her head. "Not amazing, but not bad."
"What, are you going to rate me on a scale from one to ten?"
"Well, let's see… One being that soldier who didn't know which end to put his cock in and ten being Kefka… he may be crazy but he's great in bed, you know –"
"WHAT?!"
Celes chuckled. "Just kidding, just kidding. Have a sense of humor. But anyway, I'd say you were a seven and a half."
"Oh, thanks. I'm so flattered."
"Well, really, I couldn't give you an eight, you're not quite as good as Gestahl…" Shadow glared. "Just kidding, just kidding, you can be so serious sometimes, Shadow…"
~*~
"So…" They were in a room at the inn, just after breakfast.
"What?" Shadow asked.
"Do you want me to call you Clyde? I mean, that is your name."
He shook his head. "No, that stopped being my name the first time I killed a man. When I killed him, Clyde died as well. Shadow will always be who I am."
Celes nodded. "That makes sense… I'd feel weird calling you anything else."
"Yeah." He was staring off into space, his mind elsewhere. "I don't want to wear this anymore." He untied his mask and scrunched it up, putting it into his pocket. On second thought, he gave it to Celes. "I don't want to be tempted."
Celes took it and stuffed it in her own pocket. "Are you going to go through a full wardrobe change as well? How about a new color? Nice, electric pink."
"Nice try. I like black. It hides stains nicely."
"Which you need, because you never wash your clothes." Celes held her nose and waved her hand dramatically.
He rolled his eyes. "It's not that bad."
They were both quite for a while. "So. Are you going to tell her?"
Shadow knew who Celes was talking about. "Yeah. I don't believe that ignorance is bliss. Ignorance just gets you killed."
"You're so cynical."
"So are you."
"I guess." Celes shrugged.
"I like being cynical, though." Shadow said. "I like being a jerk sometimes. I like being mysterious. And, yeah, maybe and some level I like being a killer. Fuck, nobody's perfect."
Celes just raised an eyebrow. "Speak for yourself, Shadow."
THE END
