Disclaimer: Yup, Lost is ALL mine. But hey, I'm a compulsive liar…

A/N: I've got NO clue how to write this chapter, which is why updates have taken so god damn long. And I think I'm going to re-write the next chapter. Heh… Anyways…here goes nothing.


People have revelations and epiphanies all the time. Anyone, any time, any place. Kate had hers two weeks after leaving Jack. Kate had two the same day, one in the morning, and like a wave crashing down over her, suffocating her, she had another the same afternoon.

Kate's two revelations had led her to be standing right outside Jack's apartment building in the pouring rain, having just parked her car. If it hadn't been for her revelations she wouldn't have been standing in the rain, freezing her ass off. She wouldn't of had silent tears streaming down her face, she perhaps wouldn't have been craving Jack's comfort so damn much. Except, there was a 99 chance, that actually she would have been craving him. Because Kate had been missing Jack for three weeks now. She knew she'd made a mistake, she just hoped he didn't hate her for it. She couldn't handle that. She knew how much she hurt him, she remembered the look on his face, and every time she saw it in her mind she broke just a little bit more. Cried just a little bit harder. Missed him that bit more, needed to apologize so much more, and needed him ten times as much.

Kate's first revelation had come one morning two weeks after storming out of Jack's place. After two weeks of driving as far and as fast as she thought possible. After two weeks of pain, of heartache, of telling herself that she didn't need him, didn't miss him, didn't love him, didn't want him.

It was bright morning, and the Sun hit the water in the same way it had done back on the island, so many months ago now. If Kate closed her eyes she could briefly fool herself into believing that she really was back there, on the island. She could almost believe that the crashing of the waves against the shore was the same sound as she had grown so accustomed to after months spent on the island, she could almost believe that if she turned around, she'd see a lush green jungle riddled with deadly traps, wild bores, and misplaced polar bears. She could almost fool herself into believing that if she was standing, sinking then Jack would appear and wrap his arms around her from behind and tell her she was beautiful and that he loved her, and kiss her teasingly on the neck. She could almost let herself believe that everything was okay, and that it would stay that way.

And then she opened her eyes and looked around. Not tents or hideouts on the beach, there were a few crumpled sandcastles a few feet away from her, but no shelter, and no campfires. There was no tropical jungle behind her; there were no polar bears in California, at least, not in the wild. Behind her, there was only a small sand dune and a near empty car park. Kate sighed and wiggled her toes in the dry sand, she watched as the golden particles sieved through the gaps between her toes, and thought about just how much had changed in the past year, well past few months really.

It didn't seem like long ago that they'd been stranded on an almost deserted island, practically devoid of human life. It seemed like she and Jack had been together forever there, it was hard to remember a time on the island without Kate and Jack, they'd always had a special bond, and a good deal of chemistry – even before they were officially a couple, they could always be found together, just sitting and talking. Yeah, they were the hot couple of the island, they were a constant. They were happy; they'd been so in love back then.

Then the rescue came, Kate's happiness had been shattered, and she dreaded the thought of being inside, being apart from Jack. Throughout absolutely everything, from the island to landing back in the USA he'd been the perfect boyfriend, maybe more. He'd been kind, loving, and gentle. He'd comforted her and told her that everything would be okay and that someday they would meet again.

She remembered the final day of her trial, and him watching her with love in his eyes as she slid down to the floor, years of running and self punishment suddenly lifting from her soul. She remembered how he'd embraced her and comforted her, given her a place to stay. She remembered the ironic awkwardness of the situation the first few days after being freed. If they weren't apart now, she'd probably laugh at the odd situation. They both still knew they belonged together, and they wanted it, they just couldn't find the verification or express their concerns.

Kate remembered the slow building up of trust they developed as they dived into love as a normal, happy couple. She smiled thinking of how easily they settled into a daily routine, and worked with and around each other. She remembered how they re-developed the trust they'd had on the island and how they finally consummated their relationship. After finally doing so, for the short while after they couldn't keep their hands off of each other, not believing they'd gone so long without each other. They'd been so happy, so in love, so right for each other. They fit perfectly.

Kate had fucked that up royally.

She wasn't sure if anybody else would be as loving and as caring as Jack Shepard was towards her and her eyes clouded over as she realised she never, ever wanted to find that out. No, she'd rather miss him everyday for the rest of her life, than try and move on with someone else who wasn't half as…perfect…as he was.

It struck her, much like an imaginary bolt of lightning, that she simply didn't want to be without her, and wasn't sure if she could ever actually learn to not be with him. It had been so long, she'd depended on him for so long, even when she was waiting for her trial the hope of one day being with him was enough to keep her strong, keep her alive.

She burned for him; she really did, with a raw passion she had never felt before. And not being with him, knowing that she hurt him, and consequently herself, scorched her. It wasn't so much her pain, she could maybe handle that, she'd been constantly pushing and punishing herself almost for as long as she could remember. It was a bad habit, but one that lead her to him. And she be damned if it didn't at least help lead her back to him.

It was in that moment that she knew she had to fight; she hadn't fought herself hard enough at the time. She had to do everything she could to try and get him back, or at least talk to him again. If she couldn't have him back, then she at least needed some closure.

Kate drew in a rather shaky breath and stretched her slightly achy limbs. She closed her eyes briefly and opened them again to find that nothing had changed; she really was quite without Jack, feeling quite wretched and alone.

After two weeks of running from him, Kate Austen decided that enough was enough. She'd done enough running to last her a life time, she needed to face her problems. Face Jack. She needed to admit that he changed her, in so many ways…he made her want to be a better person, he made her want to change her habits, he made her want to stop running, he made her want to settle down. Something she'd never thought of herself ever doing.

Kate took in a sharp intake of breath and stood up, almost too quickly. She turned and walked towards her car, determined that tomorrow, she really would turn her car around, drive back down the Pacific Coast Highway, and make her way back to him. Yes, she, Kate Austen, would run right into his arms, and would just have to pray to God that he accepted her. Kate leant against the car door as a wave of nausea briefly passed over her, before allowing herself to slide into the car, and drive back to her shabby motel room.

Kate's second revelation hit her later that afternoon, after having returned to her dully lit motel room. The first revelation had scared her slightly, but in a way had calmed her and she'd finally felt at peace with herself. But the second….oh god, the second revelation pretty much scared her shitless. Kate sat bolt upright as she realised that finding her way back to Jack was not the only thing she was late for. The possibility became even more real as she'd leant over the toilet in the dark bathroom, clutching the sides of the bowl and silent tears slid down her cheeks.

She tried to deny it, it couldn't happen, it wasn't part of the plan. How could…this happen? Kate sobbed as the fear shook her body, and she crumpled to the floor. Sitting with her knees drawn to her chest in a protective stance, in the furthest corner of her room she stared of into the distance hoping to whoever was listening that this wasn't happening.

The second revelation scared Kate so much that as soon as she felt she could stand and walk again she immediately pulled on her jacket and took her bags out to the car. She wasted no time in checking out, and with the windows open drove as fast as she could back towards LA. It struck her that right now, she needed Jack more than anything.

So now, Kate was standing outside his apartment block in the freezing rain, too scared and nervous to go any further. She was nervous to see him again, and scared of his reactions to both her revelations.

Feeling a surge of energy overcome her she pushed open the door to the apartment block and raced up the stairs. She stood outside his apartment door…what was their door…for a few moments – just long enough to steady her breathing before ringing the doorbell.

Kate could hear Jack shuffling towards the door and let out a small shy smile at the thought of being here again. The smile disappeared instantly and was replaced by silent tears as the door creaked open.

She felt her stomach flip and her whole body tense up as she took in his weary appearance. She shook her head slightly as she realised that she had been the one to do this to him.

She noticed him avoiding her gaze, and when he finally looked up she couldn't help but gasp slightly. His eyes, they looked so…dull and empty. He looked hurt and she hated that. She had to look away; she couldn't stand the look in his eyes. She looked back up at him again, with a pleading, apologetic look on her face as she bit her lip to try and stop the tears.

"K…Kate?" She felt her heart splinter at his weak, desperate tone.

She forced a weak smile, and wiped the tears from her cheeks. "Hey Jack."


A/N: Finally another chapter written. I wasn't sure at first, but I think I'm actually quite pleased with this chapter. Oh, I'm thinking of throwing in a bit of a curveball soon…don't worry everything should be fine Jate wise, it just might be a might unexpected…the idea just sorta came to me. Right, I'm off to re-write the next chapter. I really don't like it at the moment, so yeah…