"Willy Wonka!" Kurt announced, neatly printing the words on the choir room whiteboard as he spoke and then feeling ridiculous as he realized how much he must resemble Mr. Schuester by doing so. "This movie, a personal favorite of my own which was shared by the late Miss Sylvester, is now going to be our theme for the funeral."

"Theme? Since when do funerals have a theme?" Tina asked, her boyfriend nodding along in his whipped agreement as usual.

"Since I said so," Kurt said confidently. "Coach Sylvester seems to be under the impression that we are going to destroy the memory of her sister through this funeral, and it needs to be our mission to prove her wrong."

"Yeah, she even called our song... what did she call our song?" Finn asked, leaning against the piano as Kurt ran the show. Oh Finn. Stop helping.

"A 'treacly ballad,' even though she doesn't yet know what we have planned." Kurt capped the marker and turned to face his audience, prepared for the criticism of his idea.

"Kurt, I hate to rain on your parade," actually, Rachel loved to rain on his parade, "but the funeral is in two days. There is no way we can completely re-plan a ceremony in two days!"

"Who said anything about completely re-planning? All that needs to be done is an edit of the decorations, and an additional song. Finn and I took the liberty of finding pictures of Jean and Coach Sylvester together, some from Jean's stuff and some from the home itself. We plan to display this picture montage in accompaniment to a performance of Pure Imagination." Kurt's plan earned excited looks this time.

"I call lead vocals!" Rachel said immediately, that familiar spark of selfishness and determination in her eyes as she dreamed of singing her solo, practically bouncing in her chair in the front row.

"Well, uh, we actually had kinda picked people already." Kurt rolled his eyes. Finn wouldn't be that patient with anyone but Rachel, not even Quinn. Honestly, the whole world sees it... except, of course, for Finn.

"Finn and I, as the funeral's main coordinators, would be two of the lead vocalists, and we were hoping Tina and Artie would accompany us." Kurt looked hopefully towards his one-time best friend, knowing that she wasn't entirely for the idea of helping Coach Sylvester but hoping her kind spirit would shine through for Jean. Naturally, Artie would help. Artie was sometimes too kind for his own good.

"I would be happy to help." In reality, Tina had probably caved to Kurt's unbeatable puppy-dog eyes.

"Here is the sheet music for you two, your parts are highlighted." Sometimes, Kurt could vaguely see the connection some people made between his personality and Rachel's. Vaguely.

"You can't cut Finally Free, though," Quinn argued, probably just upset that Finn had abdicated his permanent seat next to her. "You and Noah sounded amazing when you rehearsed that, and the message is absolutely perfect."

"It doesn't fit with the theme." Also, Kurt could avoid singing with the boy he'd been trying to avoid. Really, it mainly didn't fit with the theme.

"I agree with Quinn," Rachel piped up, and since when had they ever been on the same side? "Finally Free may not fit perfectly with the theme, but it conveys the general tone you're trying to get across. The song portrays a happy departure into the afterlife following a fulfilled life."

"You two sounded really cool, dude."

This time Kurt did actually hiss to him, "Finn, stop helping." Honestly, he was running this show. His cast couldn't outvote him.

"However, I believe that if we are to do both, someone else should have either Kurt's solo in Pure Imagination, or Kurt's solo in Finally Free. It's simply unfair for Kurt to have the majority of solos." Someday, Rachel would learn to shut her mouth and sit the hell down when she was supposed to, instead of popping up like an overly-energized jack-in-the-box. Judging by Santana's expression, it could be that day.

"You really want to talk about fair solos, Berry? Do you really want to go there? All last year, all I hear is your screechy whining and the sound of Quinn's stretch marks rubbing together!" Way to recycle a jibe, Satan. "I would rather hear Kurt's unnatural, prepubescent squeaking than one more note out of your obnoxious, overly-large, and malformed trap, y'hear?" Rachel's eyes widened dramatically as Santana advanced on her, quickly sitting at the piano bench and nodding her head in acquiescence.

"We are doing Pure Imagination only. That's final," Kurt announced, knowing that his words would actually do no use. If there was a trait that everyone in the Glee club had in common, it was stubbornness.

"Princess, afraid that you might jump me if you have to look in my eyes and croon me a soft song?" Puck spoke up for the first time, his signature smirk twisting around the edges of his mouth. GaGa, he thought he was so hot.

"Maybe jump you with one of Santana's razor blades," Kurt snapped back, willing his pride to stay subdued behind his logic.

"Maybe you secretly think that Berry would do a better job and are withdrawing to save yourself the humiliation." Puck's smirk just widened, and Rachel looked thrilled by the suggestion. Thankfully, the diva was silenced by another look from Santana.

"I think you've caused me enough humiliation for a lifetime, thank you." That was a low blow, Kurt knew it and Puck's face showed it. Apparently, he was completely incapable of holding his tongue when his voice was insulted. Good to know.

"Dude, line," Finn whispered from behind him, clearly heard through the silence. Kurt's eyes didn't leave Puck's impossibly hazel ones for a moment, ignoring the looks Santana was now throwing at Finn, Rachel, and his fabulous self. Rachel was boring a hole in his back with her eyes, and Quinn was boring a hole in his head with hers.

"Like a shooting star across the sky, you kissed the clouds and softly sighed 'good night,'" Puck crooned softly, his voice lower than the song required, a challenge that Kurt would leave unanswered.

"If you are all so insistent that Finally Free is performed, we could always add it in before Pure Imagination. However, song issues aside, we need to do some serious redecorating." Kurt allowed a smirk of his own to cross his face, ignoring the fact that Puck was still looking at him with an inscrutable stare.


"No, no, no, no, no!" Kurt ranted, hanging his head in his hands, frustrated. He had an amazing and unique voice, but the simple chords of Pure Imagination were thwarting him due to his distraction. The idiots were upstairs blowing up zombies, and, as annoying as the sounds were, Kurt didn't dare go chastise them. Puck was up there, and somehow, whenever they spoke they ended up arguing... or something of the like. Honestly, Kurt wasn't quite sure what it was.

"Kurt, you okay?" he heard Finn call out. How could they possibly hear him over their game? Actually, considering the volume at which they are playing and their proximity, how could they possibly hear at all? Kurt was certain he would have been deafened by now. No wonder Finn doesn't seem to mind how loud Rachel sings.

"Fine!" he called back down, not wanting to worry Finn but not wanting to engage in any conversation.

"Princess, need a big, strong man to come protect you?" Puck called up the stairs, clearly mocking him, and sending him into a fit of anger. Honestly, the least Puck could do is respect him. It's his house.

Storming down the stairs despite the protests from the rational part of his brain, Kurt started on his rant, knowing that they could hear him. "Despite what you seem to think, I have absolutely no need for your protection or your near-constant presence and sarcastic comments in my life. As a matter of fact, I think it would... be best..."

Holy hell. Damn him for being so freakin' muscular. Who played video games without a shirt on? Puck apparently, and Kurt completely lost his train of thought at the sight of Puck's abs. He was sure Puck was smirking, but the countertenor honestly didn't have enough brainpower to continue his sentence. If he didn't look away soon, the next thing out of his mouth would be 'can I lick your abs?' and he wasn't sure which response would be worse.

"See something you like, Princess?" Kurt could hear the smirk in his voice, finally managing to tear his eyes away from Puck's unfairly chiseled abdomen and direct the rebel things to the jock's eyes.

"You wish," Kurt responded smoothly, but he knew he must be the color of a tomato. Damn his uncontrollable blushes. Failing to remember what he had come down the stairs, Kurt quickly breezed past the boys on the couch to the kitchen. Pulling in some deep breaths to control... an inappropriate autonomic response, he pulled a water out of the fridge and downed it, careful not to chug.

"What's up your ass, anyway?" Kurt coughed water all over the floor as Puck snuck up on him, still not wearing a shirt. Honestly, that much muscle should not be able to move that quietly.

"Absolutely nothing, thanks for asking." Kurt tried to act nonchalant, but it was rather hard to do while recovering from a mild session of choking.

"Clearly something is... or you want something to be," Puck said with a sly wink. "Even Satan was mad at you for being a bitch today." Kurt glared at the jock, careful to keep his eyes above the clavicles.

"Santana just didn't like that I had control of the room. She thinks she's head bitch, when we all know she's really just an average bitch determined to ruin everyone else's life as a reflection of how miserable hers is." Kurt placed his water bottle beside the sink for recycling, mentally tensing as he waited for Puck's answer.

"What did Rachel do?" Kurt almost laughed aloud at Puck's guess. Of course, everyone would assume that Rachel had offended him.

"Opened my eyes and made me realize some things about myself that I wouldn't have without her help. Other than that, absolutely nothing, besides rehash bad memories." Rachel's idea of tact was... remarkably tactless.

"Blaine?" Puck asked in that same silky, flirty tone he always used, but Kurt could detect a hint of anger in his voice and had to suppress a smile. In some ways, it was sweet how Puck was so protective of him. In others, it reminded him too much of his nonsensical and clearly delusional dream.

"Thank you for bringing him up." For heaven's sake, people! They had broken up three weeks ago, didn't anyone have enough class to shut up about him for at least another week? Instead, Kurt had constantly been reminded of Blaine during the standard bad-break-up-healing month by both his friends and his own mutinous conscience.

"You need to get over that asshole. He was a creep, and he didn't deserve you anyway." Puck's tone quieted a little at the end, and Kurt turned to look at the jock where he was perched on the counter (despite Kurt's various warning to all male inhabitants of the house that this practice would not be tolerated, it was quite common), surprised by his reply.

"Blaine... he deserves the world. Trust me, he's a good guy, I knew him better than you do. You've only heard the bad side. He deserves everything. We just weren't right for each other," Kurt replied simply, wishing for all the world that he had seen that before they had broken up. He and Blaine had seemed the perfect, blissful couple until the very end. That alone should have been a warning bell.

"You told me why you loved him a while ago." Kurt thought back to that conversation, the first time he had truly realized that Puck was actually a person with honest, complex feelings. Even when he had sang Beth, Kurt had thought it was a hoax to get into Quinn's pants, and he felt incredibly bad about that assumption now. You know what they say about assuming. "Sounded to me like you needed someone to actually give a shit about you for one. Like you needed to be someone's number one, and Blaine was the perfect fit for that role."

"He was. Once again, thanks for bringing it up."

"What I'm saying is I don't think you loved him." Kurt stared up at the taller boy in shock, resisting the urge to slap him. "Don't get me wrong, some major feelings were obviously there, but you said like three actual traits about him. The rest was either best friendish or how he made you feel about yourself. Looks like you really do want to be somebody's princess, Princess."

"Do you have any idea how tempting it is to slap you right now?" Kurt asked, closing his eyes and mentally counting. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...10. Nope, he still wanted to slap him.

"Know yourself out. Hit me, baby!" Puck's smirk was the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes and the desire to hit him increased.

"Don't call me 'baby,' Neanderthal. I don't care whether you believe me or not. I loved Blaine, and I'm not going to argue with you about it." Puck's smirk just widened.

"'Loved.' Past tense. As in, get the fuck over it." Smack! The sound reverberated through the air, wiping the smirk clean off of Puck's face.

"You asked for it," Kurt huffed, storming out of the kitchen.


"Do you really have to do that?" Finn asked after about the tenth time Puck had gone up to bother an obviously mad Kurt. All the other guys had left by now, and Puck knew he was more than welcome to stay the night, even if Finn would never come right out and say it.

"Relax, your little bro loves me," Puck proclaimed, tossing himself over the back of the couch, throwing it off balance and almost sending both of them to the floor.

"He'd probably like you a little more if you stopped tormenting him. He actually has feelings and shit you know, and Blaine really upset him. Bringing it up is not going to help his mood." Puck rolled his eyes at his best friend. Like Finn knew half as much about Blaine and Kurt as Puck did. Who did Kurt talk to about this stuff? Him. Why? Because Finn would vomit if Kurt told him half the things he'd told Puck.

"He just needs to get over him. Everyone deals with heartbreak, except the Puckasauras." Puck kissed his guns for emphasis. No, he still wasn't wearing a shirt. Why? Because it seemed to bother and distract Kurt, which was exactly the goal of his life.

"What about Quinn?" Finn asked quietly, and the room turned heavy.

"Quinn's the exception, but she's my sister now, and she always will be." Q was the sweetest, most gorgeous girl he had ever met, but Puck could never think of her in that way after watching her push something the size of a watermelon out a tiny hole.

"So, who do you like now? Or want to bang?" They usually meant the same thing to Puck, but this time was different. Not, of course, that he would tell Finn this.

"Shiera Conners. Biggest real tits in the school. Total prude, but definitely worth the time. Virgins are fuckin' spectacular." Well, to be fair, Shiera was totally bang-able. Too bad his fucking head apparently couldn't tell the difference between pussy and ass.

"Uh, good to know?" Finn asked, and Puck just elbowed him and proceeded to kill the other boys character. God, he loved Halo.


Okay, so Puck wasn't eavesdropping. He swore. He just happened to have dropped a nickel between two rows in the back of the auditorium. The facts that he had come to look for this nickel during a conversation between Kurt and Rachel and that neither of the divas could see him, well, that was just a coincidence. He was totally in plain sight, just looking for his change.

"I don't know what you want from me, Rachel! I have decorations to plan." Kurt sounded annoyed, but most people did when they were talking to Rachel.

"If you actually are considering going through with this crazy plan-" Once Puck heard Rachel draw in a big breath, he knew there would be trouble. Too bad he really needed that nickel.

"What crazy plan?" Kurt cut her off, but she ignored him.

"-then you need to take the appropriate steps. Step one, wait until after the funeral-" Puck rolled his eyes. Oh, Rachel.

"What am I, some sort of sick pervert? I still don't know what you're talking about." Rachel seemed determined to ignore the countertenor.

"-step two, get over Blaine-"

"Easier said than done, psycho." Kurt's voice was now vaguely entertained. Rachel could have that effect on very patient people.

"-step three, become comfortable with... the reason you broke up with Blaine-"

"Okay, crazy, I'm going to stop you right here. From your insanity, which I find more and more obnoxious each day, I'm pretty sure I have determined what 'crazy plan' you're talking about, and have no notion to pursue it." Puck heard Rachel huff, but he couldn't tell if it was a disappointed huff or a satisfied huff. Where could that damn nickel possibly be?

"I still think you should follow step two." Puck would have piped up his agreement, but at this point the two divas would castrate him if they knew he was here. Anyway, what is this 'crazy plan' of which they spoke?

"You act like I haven't been trying to," Kurt said, and Puck could tell he was frustrated by his tone.

"That's why I brought you here!" Once again, Rachel acted as though Kurt hadn't spoken. "Singing is the best way to get out all of your emotions. I would suggest I Will Survive, but that's just me. At any rate, I will leave you alone, because I'm starting to get a faint vibe that you are annoyed with me." Puck couldn't help but let out a small snort, and the auditorium was silent for a few, tense moments.

"Out, Rachel," was all Kurt said, and Puck had a feeling that if he moved one (very impressive) muscle, Kurt would find him.

"Goodbye love," Rachel said dramatically, sing-songing the words over and over again as she skipped (yes, Puck could tell that she was skipping by the sounds. He had a little sister!) out of the auditorium.

Since Puck was still unable to locate his nickel, he waited as Kurt took some deep breaths up on the stage and sat down... somewhere (wow, was he a quiet mover). Puck had his answer as to where (the piano) when an unfamiliar melody rang out, not loudly, but not quietly either, and rather up-tempo, considering what he was supposed to be singing about.

I hear that song and I could still picture us
Not sure where we went wrong
Maybe love isn't always enough

I'm missing you, that's all I know
Are we better off this way?
I'm listening to the radio and I see your face

What's a lonely love song?
Something sad, but true
Words and melodies that keep reminding me of you
What's a lonely love song?
It's just a long goodbye
Voices on the radio make me wonder where you are... tonight

The love was gone
I tried to convince myself
But I hear that song
Oh, and I'm not doing too well

If I could start all over again
I'd never let you go
Every time I try to forget
It comes on the radio

What's a lonely love song?
Something sad, but true
Words and melodies that keep reminding me of you
What's a lonely love song?
It's just a long goodbye
Voices on the radio make me wonder where you are... tonight

I try to move one, but I don't know how to
I try to act strong, it's no use
Something's always there to remind me
A photograph that takes me back
Overcome by all the memories that I still have
If we just had a second chance

What's a lonely love song?
Something sad, but true
Words and melodies that keep reminding me of you
What's a lonely love song?
It's just a long goodbye
Voices on the radio make me wonder where you are... tonight

"Well, I finally got to sing a song from Spectacular!" Kurt commented to himself, and Puck heard a trace of sniffles in his voice. "Too bad St. James would probably consider that inappropriate as I'm 'obviously directing it to a boy', even though the song is gender-neutral." Puck could tell by the lower tone that Kurt tried (and failed) to imitate that he was mocking Jesse. "Of course, Rachel probably wouldn't approve of my song choice. It sounds too much like I want him back as my boyfriend, but I miss my best friend." A beat of silence. "Good thing Mercedes isn't here. She'd kill me for calling him that, even if it's true. Is it true?" Another beat. "GaGa, I'm talking to myself!"

Hearing Kurt storm offstage (and possibly start kicking things. He couldn't identify the angry banging noises. The high-pitched growls were obviously Kurt's though), Puck quickly ducked out of the wings. Oh well, he didn't really need that nickel.


"Quinn, I have a confession to make," Puck whispered into his phone. Why the whispering? Because saying it too loud made it seem too real.

"You're jerking off right now?" To be fair, his comment had kind of been random. That being said, out of line!

"No. This person that I'm trying to woo... may or may not have a dick."

"So, Kurt? I certainly hope so. Seriously, if one more person is head over heels for my boyfriend I'll go on a murderous rampage." Puck snorted at the picture his mind conjured of Quinn shooting Rachel's head off.

"Yeah, Kurt." He refused to make his voice louder than a whisper.

"Why do I get the feeling that 'woo' is a little too strong a word for what you want to do to Kurt?" Quinn asked, her sigh coming across the line as a rush of static. Puck thanked several gods, the First Commandment be damned, that Quinn wasn't allowed over at guy's houses (except for Finn's, because it was masquerading as 'Kurt's') so that he didn't have to have this conversation face-to-face.

"Do you think I'm a dumbass or something? There's no way I'm getting into that boy's pants for one night only. One, he's not that kind of guy, unfortunately. B, why would I give up such a great piece of ass?"

"Noah Puckerman!" Quinn sounded honestly ashamed. "I cannot believe you just said it was unfortunate that Kurt wasn't a slut and called him a piece of ass... and, no, I don't care that you added a 'great' onto that last one." Puck groaned, knowing this would be the beginning of a lecture. "Kurt is a person, a delicate one at that, and not a piece of meat. I love you, Noah, but if you were to hurt him, I wouldn't hesitate to hurt you. Also, you just followed the number 'one' by the letter 'B'."

"Quinnilla, relax. The Puckerone has got this under control." Puck totally had a plan to get into Kurt's pants.

"That's what I'm worried about." Quinn hung up before she could even hear his incredibly detailed and well-thought-out plan.

One, let the girls (mostly Rachel) help Kurt get over Blaine. Two, be so irresistibly sexy that Kurt falls head over heels even though he might not want to. Three, wine-and-dine once or twice. Four, rip all those complicated layers right off the sexy boy and pound that sweet virgin ass all night. It was perfect.


When Kurt checked his phone at the end of the long and tiring day, the tune of Lonely Love Song remaining firmly in his head, he had two messages.

The first, from Rachel: "Dear fellow Glee clubber, I am most excited to propose that after the funeral we go to a Chinese place only two blocks from the venue. My proposition is the perfect way to bond and commiserate, and hardy calories do growing boys good. There are also salads for those of us who are more delicate. My fathers are more than happy to give a ride to three or four people if need be, and the whole event will be paid for as a generous donation from the Berrys.

The next few were linked messages, which is phone forced him to listen to. His phone read 'from Quinn' for the first message, but the voice over the line is Puck. "I think I speak for all the guys, except Princess, when I say 'free food? I'm in.'"

The next from Brittany was: "Your daddies are letting people ride them? I would totally do that. When is that part happening? Oh, and I can't eat Chinese. I'm allergic to chopsticks." Following were a disgusted message from Rachel and an explanatory message from Santana, coupled with a threat towards Rachel.

The second message was from Blaine of all people, the scourge of his thoughts for the entire day. "Uh, hi Kurt. I guess I really shouldn't have called, but, well.. I miss you, Kurt. I know we can never be like that again, but it near broke my heart when you said we couldn't be friends. You have to understand how much I regret what I said that night. I know I was completely unfair to you and, well, quite an asshole. My father had been on my case earlier and I just snapped from pressure. I had been, uh, to tell the truth, rather, well, um, hard-up before, and I kind of just needed a stress release. I know I never should have done that to you and I'm so sorry. You deserve much better than me, whoever you choose, I mean, and I get that now. But I'm really sorry for what happened between us. I miss you, the best friend I ever had, Kurt Elizabeth Hummel." Kurt could hear the smile in the last three words of Blaine's message.

Great. Just what he needed.


A/N: A short chapter, but the next one is the lengthy funeral and Chinese restaurant trip. That was supposed to be this chapter, but I kind of left out a bit of setting up that I had to do, and I decided to make it a little more interesting.

Song used: 'Lonely Love Song' from Spectacular!
Songs mentioned
:
Finally Free
from Make It or Break It
Pure Imagination
from Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory
The little sing-song thing Rachel was doing in one scene was from Goodbye Love from RENT.

Reviews are Love.